crazysoccermom

2012-01-23T22:40:00.000-06:00

So today is one of those days where I really wish I was single somewhere drinking Mai tais on a beach with a cute cabana boy refilling my drinks.

Erin called me this weekend sad about her upcoming surgery. She called me Saturday morning and said, "Mom, I cried last night about my surgery....I was really drunk though." I said, " oh that's nice honey." just kidding, I actually said, "umm Erin, last I checked you were 20 not 21." ah college life, what happens in Alabama stays in Alabama. Why can't you at east act like you are a rule abiding kid like Sam and Lauren used to do?

Shannon made the honor roll for the first time in her high school career. I'm not sure what happened there but I was very excited. Shannon hung up the honor roll list on the fridge as soon as it came. Seniors are listed on one side of the paper and sophomores on the other. Kelsey and Shannon battle every day on what side is showing on the fridge.
Shannon got accepted into Mo State she is happy. She is working on finding a room mate. Good luck with that. Psychotic red head searching for a room mate. I will have an empty bedroom for the first time in years.

I checked Maggie's grades today online. I'm not sure what she is doing at school once I drop,her off? From the looks of her grades it appears as if she walks in the school building and immediately walks out. This is not the first time we have had issues with her grades. The first thing to go was her Itouch and next was basketball and soccer. When I talked to her she was really upset. She is always my happy go lucky kid who rarely needs correcting. It broke my heart to have to come down so hard on her. When I was done with my lecture, she asked between sobs if she could take the gate down so the dog could come with her in her room so they could hug? I think I need a hug. I have a large case of working mothers guilt.

Kelsey turns 16 tomorrow. Dave and I went to a parking lot to give a quick lesson on parallel parking. Dave brought home cones from work. While he set up the cones I figured I would show Kelsey the proper way to parallel park. When I backed over the cone I told her to pretend that didn't happen. She actually did really well and mastered parallel parking with ease......it's the actual driving part that scares me. Murphy girls tend to flunk the driving test on the first go round so I wish her luck tomorrow. I have a mint chip ice cream cake ordered to celebrate her passing or to cheer her up for flunking.

I was looking for Kelsey's birth certificate to bring along to the DMV tomorrow. I came across the first letter Dave had ever written me. We had been dating for just two weeks. I remember it like it was yesterday. It was so sweet, In the letter he told me that after 2 weeks he already felt like I was his best friend and that it was so strange that it seemed impossible. He also said that he had a great feeling that if I stuck with him that great things would happen. The paper was old and tattered....not sure why because we are so young. It's funny looking back we had hopes and dreams and a vision of what we thought our future might look like. We never Invisioned seven kids. Thank God someone up above had great plans for us. I am so happy I met and fell in love with the Hanley Hills village idiot. All those crazy little quirks wouldn't be near as cute on someone else.

I think I really needed to find that letter tonight to realize just how lucky I am. Even though I have one kid with a pretty serious medical issue (and a drinking problem) and another kid giving absolutely no effort to fifth grade and my car insurance rates are on the verge of tripling....I am incredibly lucky. I love my husband so much more now than i did back then, I amido blessed to have him in my life, I can say that because I know he will never see this. He claims that he reads my blog on a regular basis but i know that he doesn't.

Erin flies home late Wednesday night and has surgery at 9:40 am on Thursday, the nurse asked me this morning if I had any questions.....unfortunately I do not. This is Erin's 10th reconstructive surgery. I think I am an expert. We are hoping and praying that this will be it. If you read this before Thursday the 26th...please say a little prayer for my little Kooks. Oh and stay off the roads for a while....another Murphy driver will soon be on the loose.

2012-01-16T15:50:00.003-06:00

I haven't felt much like being funny lately. Erin has to have more surgery for a problem that stemmed from surgeries that she had when she was little. She has had 10 reconstuctive surgeries on her scalp to correct a birth defect and her body has generatd extra bone growth on her skull as a result of the trauma.

She had surgery to correct this in 2008 and almost immediately the bone started to grow back. The surgeon thought it would be best to just keep an eye on it. Unfortunately for Erin the bone came through her scalp on the last day of her Christmas break.

She came in my room late Friday night crying and woke me up. I was thinking OK, my 20 year old daughter is waking me up in the middle of the night to tell me something tragic....Oh God, I'm going to be a grandma. To my delight...horror...fear....terror....depression that was not the case. I tossed and turned the rest of the night with mothers guilt. I sure wish I could trade places with her. She went back to school as planned and I told her I would contact her surgeon first thing Monday morning.

She is a tough kid and I admire her so so much. Her doctor was on vacation this week so we took pictures of the hole in her scalp and emailed them to her doctor. He seems to think it will be a simple procedure just like last time. I checked out flights and the cheapest flight round trip was 1,000. After a few calls to the right people,Southwest airlines donated her flight. Thank You Southwest!!!

I am trying to keep a sense of normalcy in the house even though my mind is on my little Kooks AKA Erin. I spent last Saturday in the fetal position, I gave myself one day to have a pity party and then I had to pull it together, there are a lot more Murphy's that need a mom who isn't in bed with the covers over her head.

Although I have warned Shannon before she goes out on the weekends, "God help you if I get a call from the police tonight and find you in a leopard print dress. I am not my normal cheery self....don't do anything stupid until AFTER your sister has surgery." Then go ahead and be an idiot teenager all you want.

Dave and I are taking Shannon to go look at Mo State for a campus tour in the morning. It is good timing actually because the jeep is having engine trouble so we can have the car worked on tomorrow while we are in Springfield. I'm so excited that we can use the money we saved on the plane ticket to fix the car. See how my glass is half full!!!

We still haven't repaired the damage from Shannon's little fender bender she had in December. Kelsey turns 16 in 9 days....maybe we should wait on repairing the front bumper for at least 6 months?

When I called my insurance company to report Shannon's accident I asked my agent to send me the Steer Clear packet for Kelsey to fill out so we can get the discount on our auto insurance. Kelsey went over the booklet and said "Mom, I need to find 12 different licensed drivers to ride along with me." I thought, "That can't be right. I feel like I need a blindfold and a stiff drink every time I ride with her how will I find 12 people dumb enough to get in a car with her?"
I read the section that she was referring to and it clearly stated; If you already have your license, log at least 12 trips with a licensed driver in the car with you. Not 12 different licensed drivers. Details!!

Lauren is doing great in New York, she seems to be having the time of her life. Now that she is a New Yorker she walks everywhere. She called me yesterday and told me that she tried on new clothes and the size 2's were falling off of her. Yeah well good for her....I never really liked her much anyway!!

2012-01-05T15:04:00.002-06:00

My morning started a little crazy. Dave has decided to get up and go to mass every morning as his New Years Resolution. I am pretty sure it won't last past Jan. 11th but who am I to judge? This morning my alarm went off at 6:40 as usual. I hit dismiss on my phone instead of snooze. I woke up at 7:20 frantic, the whole house was still asleep....except for the little choir boy, he was at church praying for our lost souls.

Shannon and Kelsey already have detention this week due to the many tardies last quarter. Needless to say this was not a happy household this morning. Maggie has Dare graduation tonight and needed her Dare shirt to wear to school today. She left it on the couch. Shannon and Kelsey cleaned up the living room on Tuesday night, so no telling where that T shirt could be. If Kelsey put it away it could be in some crazy off the wall location like the freezer or microwave. She tends to just stick things anywhere and deal with finding them later. We never did find the shirt and their ride came. So much for being prepared. Shannon and Kelsey headed out and I was left with a quiet house. The bright spot was that I had absolutely no time to scream at anyone this morning.

I decided to log on to Maggie and Ryan's school website and check their grades. Not sure what made me do this but I wish I could rewind my day back to the time where I would think of my little darlings and my heart would melt.....After checking in our their second quarter grades I am thinking about tieing them up when I get home and leaving them that way until bed time. Maggie got an F in religion....yes I said an F. How in the hell do you flunk religion? I mean come on...your father attends mass every morning...OK he has went 4 times but still?? Ryan's last couple grades in science were less than stellar, he did manage to pull off a C-. Maybe I will tie Maggie up with rosaries...yeah that's a good idea.

Dave has a work meeting and can't make it to Maggie's Dare graduation. Always the supportive spouse I laid into him and explained that when our baby girl is living in a cardboard box under a bridge smoking crack that he may want to remember this day. Oh well I guess the family is big enough we can bring enough people to make up for dad missing.

They had to write essays at the completion of the program. She of course in Maggie fashion waited until the last minute to tell me it was due. I told her to write a rough draft and I would go over it for her. I looked at her paper and decided if I was going to get any sleep I should just take over. I wrote a beautiful essay. Imagine my surprise when Evan won in her class?? Come on Evan, we all know that my essay was fabulous!

I always try and find the bright side in my day. I guess the best part of the day is that Maggie will be easy to spot at graduation. She will be the one without a shirt....perfect training to support her crack habit for later in life. Maybe she should go ahead and stand next to a pole!

2012-01-03T17:18:00.003-06:00

One of my New Years Resolutions was to update my blog more often. Already the 3rd of Jan, so much for resolutions. I guess it will be ok if I eat a row of Ryan's birthday cake later as well. If we are breaking resolutions here I may as well be an overachiever.

2011 like every other year had it's ups and downs. I received a promotion.....very good. I spent 4 days in the hospital...very bad. My van cost me $900 in repair bills....very bad. After spending $900 they couldn't fix it....even worse. I got a new car......very awesome. Shannon wrecked the jeep......very bad. Shannon was ok.....very good. My car insurance is going up....very bad. Some crazed pot smoking lunatics followed Lauren home and she had to call the police and out run them.....very bad. The police caught them and they went to jail...ha ha very good. I ran a half marathon....very good....it took me almost 3 hours...not good. I didn't pee or poop in my pants during the race....awesome. Erin went back to school in Alabama...very bad....very good...not really sure on that one? Sam's job is still going well...very good. Lauren moved to New York...very bad for me...fun for her. She has a blog 4000 times more exciting than mine.....fantabulous

Check out the adventure at www.Lifeofthelucys.blogspot.com

Here's to 2012. Bring it on!

Big Families

2011-12-27T15:42:00.002-06:00

My sister sent me this in an email a while back. I just came across it and thought it was worthy to post. I wish I knew who the author was so I could give them props.....Big families are often criticized and raked through the coals by the media. Funny though how children of big families are normally the best behaved and most well rounded in the room, this article helps explain why. It's kind of long but very well written....Enjoy!

A woman said to me recently that my five children were very well behaved.It’s one of the best things I can hear so I thanked her. Then she asked me“how do you do it with so many?” I told her that I don’t think I’d be a very good parent of one child or two. She didn’t believe my answer but honest to goodness, I sometimes think that having many children is easier than just one. Why big families are easier: Patience. I never have toteach patience. My children know that I can’t drop everything for them ifI have a baby in my arms. Work Ethic. My children have learned to workbecause there are always chores to do in a small house packed with littlemessy lunatics. And they all learn quickly that sometimes they have to cleanup a mess even though they didn’t make it. Humility. My children havelearned it’s not always their turn. They’ve accepted they can’t alwaysget their way because other people have to get their way sometimes.They’ve learned that some children are better at certain things than theyare. Foreign language skills. You can learn a lot of Spanish by watching tenyears of Dora the Explorer that you just can’t pick up in two. And nowwith the Diego spin off I’m practically fluent. Laughter. The childrenhave learned to laugh at the insane non sequiturs of younger siblings.They’ve learned that laughing just feels better when seven people aredoing it along with you. Competition. Do I really need to go into this?Everything is a competition in big families. The children compete over whoreads faster, who drinks their milk faster, who gets to the bathroomfirst…etc. Everything is a competition and they’re all keeping score.Balance. The floor of the front room of my home is a minefield of toys andchildhood paraphernalia. Just walking through the room requires great skilland balance. I’m absolutely convinced my two year old will be a favoritefor Gold on the balance beam in the 2016 Olympics. (She might have to layoff the cookies a little but I’ll deal with that later.) Life isn’tfair. Sometimes you just give it to the baby because you want a littlequiet. Not all the time. But sometimes. Just say “No.” Being able to say“no” may be the most undervalued skill in this world. The need to beliked is pervasive. The need to be cool even more so. Having brothers andsisters teaches children to say “no” about 143 times a day. It’s agood skill. Praying. They learn that nothing beats praying together as afamily. Nature/Nurture. Having many children has taught me that nature has alot more to do with who my kids are than nurture. This is helpful,especially when your children misbehave you don’t have to feel bad aboutit. Just say “Stupid nature!!!” and blame your spouse’s genes.Namecalling. You can occasionally call your child by the wrong name andstill not be considered a terrible parent. They know who you mean just fromyour tone. Sometimes if you need something done you can call the wrong nameand someone will still show up. That helps. Spying. My children have learnedthat they can’t get away with anything. I have spies who look a lot likethem who are willing to drop the dime on them for anything. Even at schoolI’ve got a child in just about every grade. If they do something I’llhear. That keeps them nervous. And I like keeping my kids a little nervous.Friendship. The children have many friends. They’ve got girly friends,crying friends, fun loving friends, consoling friends, and crazy friends.And they all have the same last name. And they’ll be there forever foreach other. No matter what. Love. I think my children have learned to lovebecause there are others around them to love and who love them. I honestlycan think of no better way to teach children to love than siblings.

2011-12-14T13:58:00.003-06:00

I woke up yesterday to the sound of Shannon's pleasant voice screaming. "Pick up my lunch." From what I gathered in the few seconds that I had to process the situation....Shannon must have dropped her lunch and she was demanding that Kelsey pick it up for her. I accessed the situation and decided that it would be best for me to stay in bed, pretend that I was still asleep and just say a quick prayer for Kelsey.

I took Erin and Lauren to lunch to celebrate Erin's birthday. They both heard the "Pick up my lunch" outburst this morning as well. I love how the whole family jumped to Kelsey's rescue. Lauren told me that Shannon had tried to wake her up to move her car and she wasn't budging. That may have been the first thing to light my little red heads fuse. We have all learned it is best to let crazy Shannon vent and just stay out of her way.

When she got home from school I asked her why she was such a raging lunatic this morning. Her story went kind of like this; "We were running late and I asked Kelsey to see who's car was parked behind me and she said, "Lauren's." I asked Lauren to move it and it and she wouldn't. Turns out, Kelsey is so stupid it wasn't even Lauren's car it was yours." Then she was wasting time looking in the mirror instead of helping me find my keys. I dropped my lunch and asked her to pick it up because she was wasting time looking in the mirror obviously because she is so stupid. It's not my fault that she is so stupid"

Kelsey's version, "I heard Dad leave this morning and when I heard his car start I thought that maybe he went outside to start our car so it would be warm. Shanon asked me to help find her keys....I started to walk towards the front door to see if her car was running. She accused me of wasting time and looking in the mirror when I was just headed to look outside to see if her keys were in the ignition. Then she made me pick up her lunch. She is psycho, I hate her."

It looks like everyone in the Murphy house has the Christmas spirit. Fa, La, La La La La La LA La.

Speaking of lunch, Maggie forgot her lunch that morning. I got a note from the cafeteria manager that stated that my child showed up without a lunch or money. She was given a cheese sandwich and white milk. I owe them $1.75 for the stale bread with cheese. The letter also stated that if my family was having financial hardships that I should please contact the church and they will refer me to the proper agencies to help. It also stated that they post lunch card balances every Thursday. Oh I'm sorry...I didn't check my lunch card balance first thing this morning? What was I thinking, that IS the most important thing that a working mother of seven has to do less than two weeks before Christmas.

I responded with, "Thank you for the compassion, shove your cheese sandwich up your ass, she didn't eat it anyway." (Or I quietly sent in a check) Are you kidding me, one forgotten lunch and they are ready to refer me to outside agencies?? Did they not realize that the whole house spent their morning on lock down with a crazy red headed lunatic on the rampage? No wonder Maggie forgot her lunch....she was afraid to get out of bed. If you want to refer me to an outside agency....How about Homeland Security? I am living with a terrorist.

Girls Weekend 2011

2011-12-04T20:36:00.013-06:00

Some of my favorite people!

This weekend was a highly anticipated girls weekend with three of my oldest friends. We were headed to Kansas City to see Rick Springfield. We checked in to our hotel around 4:00 pm and started getting ready. My three friends all shared an apartment together in 1990. I spent a ton of time over there on the weekends. It was so much fun getting ready together, just like the old days. We used to wear tight Jordache jeans and stilettos. Sebastion spritz hairspray was used to cement our big hair into place.

We have replaced the hairspray with smoothing serum and flat irons. Gone are the Jordache jeans and stilettos. Now we wear mom jeans with spanks underneath and slippers that look like shoes...well not all of us, just one of us wore slippers (sorry Rhonda). I do have to admit that I did offer her $100 for her slippers at one point during the evening. I wore spiky heels to try to make myself look thinner. Once I saw the pictures I decided that they didn't make me look any thinner, but they did make me feel ancient when 5 minutes into the evening I was super jealous of Rhonda's slipper boots.

We had great seats at the concert, 3rd row center. The warm up band was called Drew6, the lead singer's name was Drew and they had 5 people in the band. They were pretty good but not too good at math. Rick was amazing as usual, he did not seek me out and ask me to run away with him. He is so shy, I know he was thinking it. I guess he will just have to wait to ask me until the next time he sees me.

We headed over to the KC Light District to have a few more cocktails. The evening became a little fuzzy from then on. I do know that a mechanical bull was involved and Rhonda aka slipper lady landed on me and snapped my neck a bit. The video clearly shows me holding her waist so tight that I actually pulled her off the bull right on top of me. We did sign a waiver first on an IPad. We typed our own names, we were a little unsteady at this point and I believe our waivers may have been under volkern and Rghoma instead of Colleen and Rhonda. I think I found a loophole for my neck injury lawsuit.

I learned who my real friends were this weekend. I got a little sick this morning. I never was a very good drinker and very rarely drink. My friends were all sleeping when I began dry heaving in the bathroom. Carrie jumped out of bed, found a clip to pull my hair back and got me a bottled water. Rhonda and Katie jumped out of bed as quick as they could to find the camera and the video setting on their phones.

We shared a ton of laughs and some of us, not mentioning who, but some of us got our money's worth out of our poise pads this weekend. I am so lucky to have such great friends. They don't have the same obsession with Rick Springfield as I do. They set time aside just for me. I am truly blessed. We have added a million more inside jokes to our high school vault of inside jokes. I can't remember a time that I have laughed so hard in a long time. Between the four of us we have 20 kids and 1 grandchild. Getting away for a weekend isn't easy. Without our wonderful husbands at home taking care of all our kids schedules and sporting events it would not have been possible.

I did get a lecture from Lauren the professional drinker on how it is not necessary to drink to have a good time and that there is absolutely no excuse to get myself in that kind of shape. I think she has my mom lecture quoted verbatim. At least she has heard me all these years, even if she hasn't always listened.

2011-11-30T14:24:00.002-06:00

Lauren has moved back home, she is moving to New Your at the end of December and didn't want to waste her money on rent and food when she could eat all of my food and stay at my house for free. I honestly don't know how I ever survived without all of her parenting advice. She knows so much about raising kids, she should think about being a child psychologist. She is a natural. I can't wait until she has kids, I just know in my heart that they will be "perfect."

She worked on her paper for her last MBA class all day yesterday. She called me every hour to let me know what page she was on. When I got home from work she was sitting in my bed under the covers all snugly warm with her laptop on her lap. I think she thinks it is her room, I know she thinks it is her bathroom. Is it January yet???

Shannon read my last post and was a little upset that I didn't mention that she brought me coffee at work that day. She had called me after school and I had asked her if she wanted to swing by my office on her way home and bring me a large coffee. She said, "I will, if you buy me dinner." I decided I didn't need coffee that bad. An hour later her and Kelsey showed up on my office doorstep with a large coffee. They even called Dave to find out how much cream to put in the coffee. It really was a nice gesture but Shannon felt that I should have shared it with my blog readers. She said, "That has to be the nicest thing that anyone did for you all day, that cost me $2.00" Please forgive me, Shannon is without a doubt, the best daughter in the world!!

I leave for Kansas City on Saturday morning for a Rick Springfield concert with three of my high school friends. We have third row center, (one of the fan club perks) I am such a dork! I have been trying to figure out the best way to drop 20lbs before Saturday. I have been waiting my whole life for Rick to spot me in a crowd and ask me to run away with him. That happens in real life, doesn't it??? I wonder if he likes kids? I'm thinking that I may have to amputate a couple of limbs real quick if I want to lose 20 pounds. I plan on being the best looking torso in the audience.

2011-11-28T19:32:00.009-06:00

Everyone was home for Thanksgiving, we actually had less fights than I anticipated. Primarily because Erin slept the whole time she was here. I am so glad she came to town for the holiday, I really enjoyed watching her sleep. When I asked her why she sleeps for 22 hours a day, she responded with, "I can't help it, this house just sucks the life out of me. I actually have a hard time breathing when I am home." Always quick on my feet I let her know that I always have a hard time breathing too,when I click the transfer button on her bank account.

I stayed up talking to my sisters until 4:30 AM the night before Thanksgiving. They didn't get to my house until after midnight. I got up early to get the turkey in the oven. I am used to doing most of the cooking but you would think that one of the perks of having 6 daughters would be having a little help in the kitchen. I made twice baked potatoes and asked Lauren if she could spoon the potatoe mixture in the shells for me? She looked at me like I was crazy and said, "Why can't you do it? You already have the spoon in your hand." Its a good thing it wasn't a knife in my hand.

They did do the dishes for me so at least the day wasn't a total wash.

I received an email from Kenzie from Nordstrom letting me know that Lauren was in the store and was eyeballing some animal print boot liners that go with her new boots. She even attached a link to the boot liners so I could check them out and purchase them. I replied; Dear Kenzie, Lauren was born with a plastic spoon in her mouth......not silver. We have plenty of boot liners here at home. They are called socks. Thanks for the email!

Happy Birthday Shannon

2011-11-22T21:20:00.007-06:00

Shannon turned 18 on Saturday. She had the choice of a gift around the $50 range or a shopping trip. She chose to go shopping and pick her own clothes. She went out on Friday and spent the night at her friends house. She got home around 10ish Saturday morning ready for her birthday shopping spree. She made sure to point out that now that she was 18 she could buy cigarettes, porn and lottery tickets....in no particular order. I let her know that she could also go to jail and if she did....I would leave her there.

Lauren showed up at the house to help Shannon celebrate her birthday......or she knew that she could tag along for a free lunch. We went to O Charley's so I could completely blow my diet, but hey ....it was for Shannon, I am the type of mother that will do anything for my child. If that entails eating a large bowl of potato cheese soup with four or five rolls then that is just a sacrifice that I am willing to make. Of course princess Lauren had a plate of leaves with some balsamic dressing on the side. (she always was a strange child)

After lunch Shannon and I headed to the mall and Lauren headed home. Shannon found a few cute things and in typical Murphy fashion went way above the allotted $50. I think she figured I wouldn't notice. She wasn't feeling well so we headed home.

In the car on the way home Shannon asked me to quit talking, she felt like she was going to throw up. Umm excuse me, how does the sound of my voice make someone ill ? (Dave if you are reading this, don't answer) We stopped to pick up her cake and she threw up in a trash can as soon as she got out of the car.

It suddenly came to me in a déjà vu type vision. Hey isn't this familiar, I remembered when Erin had to have grandma pick her up at church on her birthday weekend because she had bad "cramps." Come to find out those bad cramps turned out to actually be a bad hangover. I think she finally owned up to having just one birthday shot. "one birthday shot?" Now that is hilarious, did she think that sounded like something a mother would number 1, believe and number 2, find acceptable?

I decided to deal with Shannon and her "flu" tomorrow. I woke her up Sunday morning for church. She was burning up and had been throwing up all night. Apparently her flu was not the brown bag flu but an actual body aches, sore throat, high fever kind. Whoops, sorry Shannon!

Emergency Credit Card

2011-11-10T19:51:00.007-06:00

Does anyone really understand the true meaning of the term "emergency" credit card? Apparently my little Erin does. When we dropped her off in Alabama I left her with my credit card to use in case of an emergency. It really wasn't a grand gesture, it actually was to help keep me from using it too often myself. My definition of emergency was; my precious baby stuck on the side of the highway with a flat tire, at a party and her designated driver is drunk and She needs cab fare, a text book needed for a class etc.

Erin's definition of emergency; "Mom, Sam sent me these visa coupon things in the mail an I tried to buy these really cute boots with them. The lady at the store said they didn't accept them so I bought the adorable $100 boots with the emergency credit card." Of course you did, "Did you consider putting them back? "oh heavens no, that would have been embarrassing."

Emergency number 2, Mom, Emily invited me to a formal dance an I have NOTHING to wear. Do you think I can use the emergency credit card? "how about the 40 dresses in your closet? No, how about we mail you one of the 400 dresses we have here at home." I explained that the emergency credit card would be used for emergency Christmas presents under the tree and she would have to pass on the new dress. Besides she would be more of a show stopper if she showed up in nothing but her new emergency credit card go go boots!

My Memories Suite Give Away

2011-11-06T19:37:00.009-06:00

I was asked if I would like to be part of My Memories Suite give away. My first reaction was to say no. I don't normally use my blog for giveaways and advertising products. Maybe because I only have two or three people who actually read my blog. One of which is my mother. : )
I have got to tell you that once I checked out their product on their website. I was hooked, I love taking pictures and making videos to preserve family memories.
Maybe because I am a tad bit scarred from only having a handful of childhood pictures. I don't really understand my mother's logic....clearly I was the most beautiful baby that she had. Judging from the few pictures that I do I do have, there is really no comparison to the countless pictures of my two older less attractive siblings.
My Memories Suite is awesome software that you can download to your Mac or PC to begin creating family memories with your photo's. For example the page that I made of my family looks as if all the kids get along splendidly.
Twenty years from now the scrapbook page that I made with my new photo software (that was given to me so graciously from the people at My Memories software) will be a reminder to my children of a happy smiling family. Gone will be the memories of the hot sweaty photo shoot that just wouldn't end. My scrapbook page of the "happy" family will live on forever.

The best part of this software is that I get to share it with one lucky reader. I have spent a few hours playing with all the different features and let me tell you, It has it all. You can even create a photo book, or a family calendar.
It would be the perfect software to make a special Christmas gift for grandma. I know what my mom is getting this year. Anyhoo....here are the details to enter this exciting contest. Drum roll please.............

Visit the site http://www.mymemories.com/digital_scrapbooking_software in order to enter the giveaway you need to go to their site and choose your favorite digital paper pack or layout, then comment on my blog telling me which ones you chose.
It's that simple.....I guess that means I may get a few comments. Mom, are you out there???
The winner will be announced by Nov 18th. That gives you plenty of time to create a scrapbook or photo gift for Grandma.
Here is the link again http://www.mymemories.com/digital_scrapbooking_software

My Memories Suite 2.0 is currently the #1 rated digital scrapbooking software on the market (according to Top Ten Reviews). Disclosure: I received the My Memories Digital Scrapbooking software in order to evaluate the product and conduct this review. No monetary compensation was received and a positive review was not required.

2011-11-04T20:14:00.006-05:00

I am still trudging along on my diet. The house is walking on pins and needles. Any wrong move and I could snap. The other night Shannon and Kelsey almost lost their heads for coming in my room with a bottle of Propel each. It is no secret that no one and I mean no one is allowed to touch my Propel. My diet consists of 5 Medifast meals aka meals fit for a small premature baby bird and one regular meal with lean meat and a vegetable. Flavored water has become my guilty pleasure. It is the closest thing to food I can have. They both laughed and then apologized and promised they would never drink my Propel again. I bought 16 jumbo size bottles on Sunday. I have drank 2. They are all gone, it is obvious that these kids really fear me.

Maggie needed help with her math homework last night. I reminded her that Dad was the smart parent, I am just a trophy wife. She reminded me that last time dad helped her with math, she cried......good point. Ryan is still in therapy for his lesson from his father on telling time in second grade. He will never be the same again. We somehow muddled through and I am awesome at dividing with decimals. Next homework project we have to make some type of spirit doll using a toilet paper roll. Can't wait.

The most exciting part of my weekend is attending driver improvement school in the morning. I got a ticket in Illinois on my way to Kelsey's soccer game in September. To avoid points on my license and higher insurance rates I opted for driving school. The class is from 8:30 to 4:30, should be a fun day. Kelsey is in a tournament and Shannon has to work. I could have someone drop me at school but I am afraid that my new friends at school will think I am there for a DUI. I am not sure what to expect from the class. My family all feel as if I could have used a driver improvement class years ago. Some of my children even claim that they get a queasy feeling after a car ride with mommy. I may ask my teacher for some tips to try and curb that.

2011-11-02T12:46:00.002-05:00

I am now on day 3 of my diet. Halloween was tough, I handed out $60 dollars worth of candy and did not eat one piece. Normally it is one for you, two for me, 2 for you 3 for me...anyway that is the kind of attitude that got me in this mess. Instead, I ate a Medifast Brownie with a teaspoon of peanut butter on top. Not exactly a Reese's but it got me through the night.

I have lost .4, yes that is point 4 not 4 lbs. Hmm. is it worth it?? Baby steps, baby steps.

Today as I was coming off the elevator at work I encountered a hospital volunteer with a cart full of scrumptious fresh baked cookies. She smiled at me and offered me a cookie. They smelled soooo good, I recognized this sweet old lady as SATAN, I knocked her to the ground, stepped on her face, doused her with holy water and dumped over her cookie cart.....or I politely said, "No Thank You." I can't remember which way it actually happened???

We got Shannon's senior portraits back yesterday. They are beautiful. The photographer is a friend of ours and did a fabulous job. She made crabby Shannon look pleasant. I am going to have a hard time choosing my favorite. Shannon's first few years of first day of school pictures are of the back of her head. She has never liked to have her picture taken....not a good trait when your mother always has a camera in her hand.

Erin's checking account was negative today. Her automatic 27 monthly tanning payment was drafted from her account yesterday. I texted her to see if she really felt that tanning was a necessity in college? I'm afraid to hear the answer.

Hey doesn't fat look better tan?? Maybe I should have went ahead and ate the Reese's and went tanning. My daughter is a genius!!!!

2011-10-29T19:24:00.006-05:00

I was having my own little pity party today. Not sure why but aggravated with myself for not still being a size 4. The Steak n Shake I had for lunch didn't help. We had a party to go to tonight but I didn't feel like going. Instead I went to the mall. Note to self, when you feel fat.......Don't under any circumstances go try on clothes. I bought a few new tops and a couple new pairs of pants. I am back in a size 8. I'm hanging on to single digits by a thread. I thought about coming home and running on the treadmill......then I thought about having some ice cream.......then I thought"why would I try and sabotage myself?" it would be so much more sensible to drink a box of wine!!!

As I was leaving the mall, I passed a mom in the parking lot telling her young son, "I had to tell you at least 10 times not to touch anything." I smiled to myself and thought back to the days when I would shop with my little ones. Then I thought, "Great, now I am not only fat but that just reminded me that I am old too."

Kelsey had sectionals for Cross Country today. The top 30 runners move on to state. In addition the top 4 teams also qualify. Kelsey ran her little heart out, she came in 37th and her team came in 5th. She was pretty disappointed. She had a great run and finished with a really good time . Now that Cross Country is over she can focus on the 47 other activities that she has going on.

Shannon even came out to cheer Kelsey on.......or she came so she could get a free lunch, I'm not sure which reason she came. Or it could be because I wouldn't let her stay over at her friends house last night until she promised to show up bright and early at the Cross Country meet.

2011-10-28T14:29:00.004-05:00

We survived another parent teacher conference. Ryan's teacher told us that one time last year, several teachers were discussing my son in the teachers lounge and one of them commented. "Ryan Murphy is driving me crazy today." He told us that he responded with, "He was perfectly fine in my class, I haven't had any problems with him." I wonder what would make his teacher think that was a story that I would enjoy hearing. Translation;.........Most of the teachers here think your baby boy is a real pain in the ass but I tolerate him just fine!! I knew early on that I would have a hard time convincing all these teachers that my son is as perfect as his mother thinks he is.

Maggie was another story, her grades were good but her standardized test scores look as if she may have been playing a dot to dot game instead of reading the questions. Good thing she is pretty.

Is it too late to decide to have just 2 children? If so, can I pick which two and do they have to be ones that I have given birth to or can I pick someone elses kids???

Shannon went to get her spray tan last night, she was really torn with making the decision to go during the Cardinal game. She went ahead and went, Skanky Little Mermaid will look so much better with a little golden glow. Who will notice anything other than her half naked body anyway?

Erin called me to see how much money she had in her account, she was headed out for some hair spray paint for her Halloween costume. I didn't even ask what she is going to be, I really don't think I want to know.

We have trunk or treat tonight at school. Game 7 of the World Series is also on. I was perfectly fine with skipping Trunk Or Treat to stay home and watch the game. Game 6 was one for the record books. Apparently school will have the game projected outside for everyone to watch and they will dismiss an hour early. I guess there is no getting out of going now. I will be stopping on my way home from work to unload my paycheck on candy.

Kelsey has sectionals for Cross Country tomorrow morning, I hope the Cardinals win early so I am not a zombie tomorrow at her Cross Country meet. I have had fast food almost every day this week in celebration for completing the half marathon. If I keep this up by the next half marathon in April I can just roll down the whole course instead of running.

2011-10-25T13:52:00.003-05:00

We survived another half marathon. I wasn't sure that I would actually run because I hadn't had much time to train. I had started training early this summer but had to take over a month off in September when I had problems with my intestine. The weather was nice so I decided to go for it. My time was less than stellar but I completed the race and ran the majority of it...at a slow pace but I was at least able to run. The picture above is of the family. Maggie was in Memphis for a soccer tournament and Erin was in Alabama borrowing other peoples parents for parent weekend at her college but they were with us in spirit.

Lauren completed her first full Marathon, she looked pretty strong at the finish. When I completed the half I threw up in a trashcan...not one of my better moments. Grandma brought Kelsey and Ryan to watch Lauren finish her race.

When we got home I had 5lbs of dog poop to pick up. When Kelsey and Ryan got home I asked if they even bothered to let the dog out this morning before they left. (Dave and I stayed at a hotel close to the start of the race) They both said, "No we weren't home." Oh, so you woke up in the front lawn?? They said, "No , but grandma rushed us when we woke up.

We got home that day at 4:00 after stopping for something to eat. Grandma never lets the dog out, she has the "It's not my dog attitude." She claims that he won't go outside for her. I'm thinking little effort by all three of them was given to let the dog out...like NONE. I told Kelsey and Ryan that their punishment on Monday was that they are not allowed to use the restroom until 4:00 pm so they can see how the dog felt. (I think they really fear me)

I got an email on our school website from Ryan's religion teacher. It said "Andrew did not use his time wisely in Religion class, he spent his time talking and got nothing done on his project." I responded back, "That's great but who in the hell is Andrew?"

I called Ryan and asked if he got in trouble last week in Religion class, he fessed up. I guess Andrew's mother got the email that Ryan did not use his time wisely. Parent teacher conferences are Friday, I can't wait.

Erin called me upset yesterday because she is having a hard time in school. She is used to getting all A's. Her nursing classes are really tough. She is trying to juggle, sorority life, college soccer and some pretty tough classes. I tried talking her down from the ledge. She kept crying and saying "I don't think I can do this? It is just too hard." The whole time I was talking to her my other line was beeping and my office phone kept ringing. She has a C in anatomy, I told her that she was not flunking and she would be fine. She had just taken a test in Nutrition and felt as if she flunked it and she was completely distraught. I felt really bad for her but needed to end the call because I could tell from the caller ID that it was Shannon who had been calling me frantically. I was ready to put another fire out.

I called her back and Shannon said, "Mom, do you think I should get a spray tan before Halloween?" Seriously....that is why you called 12 times to get my opinion on whether or not your skanky Little Mermaid costume would look better if you had a spray tan?" If you want my opinion, go as a ghost, no need for a spray tan and cover up all your exposed skin with a white sheet!!!

A few hours later Dave called me and said, Erin is trying to get a hold of you. She told me she had a melt down earlier and just got her Nutrition test score back. She thought she flunked it but was actually 1 point away from a B.

WHATEVER!!!

2011-10-19T16:42:00.003-05:00

My husband completed a 340 mile race in a kayak down the Missouri river from Kansas City to St. Charles. He started on Tuesday morning the 11th and finished on Thursday the 13th. There was a storm that came through on Wednesday so he had to wait it out and it pushed him behind schedule. he was hoping to finish during daylight hours on Thursday. He finished at 3:30 Am Friday morning.

I woke up the kids and brought them down to the riverfront so they could see him finish. It is a pretty impressive accomplishment. There is no way you would catch me out on that river in a kayak...much less in the black of night with a little battery operated light.

With that said...ok he is is impressive yada, yada, yada. What I can't for the life of me understand is how he can complete a near impossible kayak race and he still can't master ordering his own food???

We went to White Castle Saturday night after our last soccer game. It was just Dave and I, Ryan and Maggie. Of course we went inside...the drive thru stresses Dave out. I had to use the restroom really bad after sitting in the cold at a soccer game.

I ordered our food and the lady was still figuring it out on the register when I said to Dave, "I am going to run to the bathroom before I pee in my pants, order drinks for Ryan and Maggie." He looked at me with sheer panic in his eyes and said, "Please don't leave, I can't do that." I said, "Are you flipping kidding me? You can kayak down a river but ordering two drinks is too difficult?" I left him standing at the counter with a deer in headlights look and went to the bathroom. He did just fine, just like I predicted.

Baby steps....baby steps. I will fix him someday if it's the last thing I do.

Kelsey called me today after school to let me know how mean Shannon is....(I think I already know) Anyway, Kelsey has cross country practice after school and she forgot to bring a sweatshirt. It is really cold out today. She asked Shannon if she could borrow her sweatshirt? Of course Shannon told her no, she has a volleyball game to cheer at tonight. It sometimes gets chilly in the foyer with people coming in and out. She didn't want to get cold. Never mind her little sister running seven or eight miles with the wind in her face.

They make me so proud!!!!

2011-10-13T13:08:00.005-05:00

Lauren's 24th birthday was last week. A few days before, I stopped at the mall on my way home from work to pick up a few little extras for her gift. It is unusual for me not to rush home with a million places to be so I naturally enjoyed my leisure time and shopped for a while. I stopped off at the grocery store on my way home to pick up something for dinner.

When I got home, Ryan was asleep in the chair. I woke him up and asked him to help me carry in the groceries. He groggily walked towards me and said, "I can't, I'm stuck in handcuffs." He was in his boxers and nothing else.....other than the handcuffs. I asked him how long he had been like that? He never did give me an answer so I am assuming it had been a while.

Ryan received those handcuffs a while back and was always able to get himself out of them using a bobby pin. When he first got them he entertained himself for weeks, handcuffing himself to poles, treadmills, rungs of chairs etc, anything difficult so he could come away looking like Houdini. Apparently, he lost his touch. Eventually Maggie found the missing key and life was good again. I was thankful that I didn't have to go to my local police station with my naked boy in handcuffs.

Ryan let me know Wednesday morning that he had dress rehearsal for the school play (that I knew nothing about) I asked him what part he was playing and his response is, "I am a "cameo."

I am hoping he meant that he had a small non speaking part and that I didn't need to whip up a costume that resembled a woman's broach?? Why are my perfect children never the star of the play? I have seen more plays where Murphy kids are; towns people, chorus, sheep, trees, wood cutters, umpa loompas, shepherds, dancers and tech support. Cameo is a new one!!

Sam and Lauren are the same age until the 24th. It took Sam years to wrap her brain around the concept of being older...yet having a later birthday. The first 7 or so years of her life, she though I was scamming her. "How could Lauren's birthday possible be before mine, when I am older?" Now that she is a Wash U grad and a Certified Public Accountant...I think she's got it. I think????

The birthday seasons are beginning, Shannon will be 18 in November, Erin will be 20 in Dec, Ryan will be 13 in Jan and Kelsey will be 16 in Jan. Three big birthday's 13, 16 and 18...well according to Erin's ID....I think she may have already celebrated her 21st??????

Dave is currently on the Mo River completing a 340 mile race in a kayak...why do you ask??? Well, I'm not real sure. I talked to him this morning, he didn't sound too good. He should finish around 4 AM . I guess it would be rude if I asked him to take a cab home so I could sleep in??

Kelsey has a Cross Country Meet after school, Shannon is cheering at a volleyball game, Maggie has practice and Ryan is starring in the school play. I need to start a rent a parent program. I wonder if Dave could possibly pick up the pace a bit and paddle a tad bit faster...I could really use his help tonight.

I was greeted again this morning by a special surprise from Seamus in my bathroom. He loves to leave me little piles of love. Since I had my intestinal illness I insist that he is taunting me. He is purposely rubbing it in that his GI tract is A..OK. I was just not cut out to be the mother of a puppy mill animal. Children handcuffed to furniture...I can deal with that...Children wearing tight leopard print dresses...well OK that wasn't fun....but stepping in dog poop every morning?? that could make a girl crazy.

2011-10-03T13:30:00.003-05:00

September came and went pretty quickly. Soccer season is always the busiest time for us. Throw in a little bout of diverticulitis along with a few homecomings along with a few soccer road trips and I am ready for a vacation. Oh wait...I had that in July. I actually get more rest when I go to work anyway.

Kelsey and Shannon still do not get along. Lauren gave Kelsey her old laptop and it is password protected. I know the password so I can use it, but she won't share it with her siblings especially Shannon.

They have figured it out a few times so she has had to change it. Her new password is ihateshannon. For those of you who aren't so quick, that is "I hate Shannon." I really enjoy the luxury of not having to go downstairs to use our home computer but....I feel like the worst mother in the world every time I type ihateshannon. What kind of mother does that?? The sad part is sometimes I am not too happy with Shannon when I type in the password. I'm thinking of talking to Kelsey to see if we can modify the password a bit. Shannonisoftentimescrabby, "Shannon is often times crabby" that would make me feel so much better as a parent.

Speaking of bad parenting, I kind of hit my breaking point last Thursday night. I have been burning the candle at both ends lately trying to catch up with work and fit in everything else in my schedule. I have been getting to work early every day to try and make up for all the follow up doctor visits that I have had since my illness. When I get home, I normally have about 7 minutes before I jump back in the car to drive the kids to whatever practice or game they have that evening. Thursday I had a little time to run 30 minutes on the treadmill before I had to pick Maggie up from soccer and then sit outside and freeze at her softball game. Dave took Ryan to practice then dropped him at home and went back to his office to catch up on some work. I was almost home around 9:30 when Kelsey called to let me know that I had to meet her at a gas station close to our house. She had a ride home from the "volunteer" activity that would take her to a gas station a few miles from our house. I already had my bathwater ran in my mind before the phone rang. I was so close to my evening ending.....

That is about the time that I lost it and poor little Maggie got the brunt of it. I went into my rant on how no one bothers to let the dog out and he just pees all over the house. The house was a wreck and I was exhausted. Everyone claims that the dog will not go outside for them. The dog is weird, I will give them that, but if they can't outsmart a puppy mill dog....we have bigger problems.

The dog is a little quirky like my husband. He can only go outside via the path between the recliner and the couch. God forbid we ever rearrange the furniture. If he is in the kitchen and you open the door...forget about it...you need to start in the living room. I have told them a million times, if he won't go out, put him on a leash. (the dog that is...not Dave)

Anyway...In the short car ride home to drop Maggie off, I let her know how I was fed up with their mess and the dog was going to the pound....or did I say I was going to "stab" the dog?? Tomato . Tomoto....

I also let Kelsey know by phone while I was waiting for her that she needed to pick some favorite activities because, come next week half of them would be going away. I think she was a little frightened to get in the car!!

When I got home the house was sparkling...little Maggie worked her little butt of during Operation Saving Seamus...I think she may have hid all the knives. Very rarely do I yell at Maggie, she has always been my easiest kid....boy was I missing the boat. I should probably write a parenting book!!!!!

2011-09-20T14:37:00.002-05:00

Yesterday was my birthday. I decided to go back to my blog last year to see what I wrote;

Dave went to the grocery store in the morning and picked up a dozen roses for my birthday. After 20 years of marriage, he still doesn't get it. CAKE!!! I LOVE CAKE!!!! I don't even like roses??? Next year I will hit him in the head with a brick that says CAKE!!!! It is so hard loving the village idiot but someone has to do it.

Oh yeah that's right......I forgot to buy the brick. How silly of me, next year I will get a cake!!!

2011-09-01T15:27:00.003-05:00

I have been off work all week due to an intestinal illness. Not exactly the best way to spend a few days but I am happy to be back amongst the living and feeling much better. While I was in the hospital Dave proved that he is not as incompetent that he has pretended to be all these years and took Ryan to the eye doctor...well maybe he is still just a LITTLE incompetent but my boy can see again.

When I got home from the hospital our sewer backed up in the basement. Dave called a plumber friend of his. He told me the plumber would be out the next day in the afternoon, I asked if if we should have the toilet in the powder room looked at as well? The water will click on out of the blue, several times an hour. When I was up all night sick, every time that toilet would fill up with water I could feel my hard earned money going down the drain along with the water. Dave said, "No, I can fix that, I already fixed it once." I said, "Great, can you maybe fix it correctly then?" Needless to say, my toilet still runs. I guess I will just pick my battles....there are just so many to choose from, I could fill up a history book.

Kelsey has started a new thing, she comes home from school every day and asks for at least 100 dollars. She needed money for her athletic fee, money for her student council fee and money for the gazillion people that she owes for all the rides home. One of her teachers sent home a note at the beginning of the year asking each parent to write a paragraph about their child to help get to know them a little better. I, being the good mom decided to just sign the paper and forgo the paragraph. If I wrote one, it may go something like this;

Dear Mrs. Whatserface,

You would like me to write a paragraph about Kelsey? Well for starters I am spending 10,000 to send her to this school, for that price get to know her yourself. However, I would have time to write a paragraph if it wasn't for the fact that she has signed up for the maximum amount of clubs, programs, sport teams and extra curricular activities. You see I spend most of my free time driving Kelsey all over the state of Missouri. Therefore I don't have time to write a paragraph. Please forgive me.

Sincerely,

Colleen Murphy

PS, If you need a volunteer for anything, pick Kelsey, she would love to do it!!

Now if Shannon's teacher needed a paragraph....that is another story.

Dear Mrs. Whatserface,

I would like to tell you about Shannon.....hold on a minute, I need to tell her to roll over on the couch, I don't want her to get bed sores.

Colleen Murphy

I am sure we will have a great school year!!!

2011-08-18T14:32:00.002-05:00

Oh how I love the sounds of back to school. Not the pitter patter of little feet or the hustle and bustle of a house full of energy. No, in my house it is waking up to the sound of Shannon's shrill voice screaming at Kelsey. Kelsey is president of her class this year and has to be at school early several days. Shannon is less than thrilled about getting to school at 6:30 on her first day of Senior year.

When Kelsey told her about all the days that required getting to school early this year for student council, Shannon's head almost exploded. I think the conversation kind of went like; "Are you kidding me, I have to be at school at 6:00 AM for St. Nicks day? I don't even like freaking candy canes. I am not driving you." We are in for a long school year.

Our refrigerator broke a few weeks ago. It has been broken for a while actually. For the past few months everything in the fridge would freeze no matter how low we had the temperature control. Our milk and lemonade would be a block of ice. Making a fried egg was tough when the egg was an ice cube. Then suddenly our ice maker motor decided to go out as well. We decided it wasn't worth the investment to fix both problems. We have already paid $300 to repair this fridge once. I would get home from work to a house full of dehydrated kids. They would look at me as if I left them on a deserted island. They would have to thaw out the pitcher of lemonade for a half hour in order to get two drops of liquid. Their survival skills are less than stellar.

Dave and I bought a new fridge this week. It was being delivered yesterday. I left work a little earlier than usual so I could rush home to see my new fridge. I thought to myself, "What does that say about my parenting, when I rush home to see my new fridge but not my children?" Then I remembered my children are all crazy and I deserve a little excitement in life, even if it is just a new refrigerator. I will soon clutter it up with all the wonderful school papers that my perfect kids will bring home. We put the old fridge in the garage. We have lots of room for frozen foods, the refrigerator side as well as the freezer. Heck I may even put Shannon in there to help cool her off in the morning. (is that against the law?)

2011-08-11T09:10:00.002-05:00

We survived our Staycation. I think it cost me more than an actual Vacation would have but it was still fun...I think???

We went to the zoo on our first day and then to the Boat House at Forest Park to rent two paddle boats and a Kayak. Dave and I started in the Kayak and then traded with the kids after awhile. It was worth all the money in the world to watch Kelsey and Shannon working together paddeling a Kayak. I was waiting for Shannon to lose it and throw Kelsey overboard but it never happened. I'm guessing because she is on good behavior due to her little leopard dress incident.

The next day we went to the horse races. Day two was not quite as easy to get the kids out of bed, they are used to sleeping until noon. We had some crabby attitudes. Erin sat with a scowl on her face for most of the day, her excuse was that she couldn't breathe. It was really hot and the air quality was really bad....but, Kelsey who HAS asthma could breathe just fine. The only time Erin was happy was when I was feeding her. I bet on one horse named "Soup Man" it reminded me of Dave, with the exception of oatmeal, soup is the only meal that Dave can cook. Soup Man started in last place and then pulled ahead to win the race. I was so excited, I was looking to win about $12 for my $5 bet. Unfortunately Soup Man was disqualified for nudging two other horses and sent two jockeys flying and one to the hospital. Shannon was the big winner of the day, she won $27. She can buy herself another leopard dress or maybe some furry stilettos to match.

We went by Jilly's cupcakes on the way home...what an awesome place. Ryan could not get over how amazing his cupcake was. He got a pink velvet with caramel filling. The boy acted as if he never had quality baked goods before? The owner stopped and started a conversation with him and ended up giving us a gift card for a future visit. She was awesome, Ryan is already asking to go back. The horse races was a bust but Jilly's cupcakes was a high point and Erin was able to breathe and eat!!

Wednesday we went to The Chase to see Captain America. Lauren gave us free movie passes. The movie was dumb and Ryan was freezing, so he hung on me through the whole movie. We went to Crown Candy for lunch after the movie. The place is small and always has a line to get in the building. I had never been there before. We had to cram the six of us in a booth and we were elbow to elbow. This may have worked better on the first day of our Staycation. We had a little problem in the car after the movie. Shannon was singing a Miley Cyrus song and her siblings all told her to shut up. She pouted like a 2 year old, Shannon loves to sing, and does not recognize the fact that she is tone deaf. We did have fun at lunch even though we were crammed in like sardines and we had a line of people giving us the stink eye to hurry up so they could be seated.

Thursday we went back to school shoe shopping and then a trip to the pool. Ryan picked some shoes that look like clown shoes, it's a shame that Dave ran over his unicycle because they would match perfectly. Maggie was trying to decide which shoes she liked better. She had 2 pair that she liked. She ended up going with the darker ones and I quote, "They made my ankles look thinner." I called Lauren and thanked her for ruining my 10 year old. Her response of course was, "Oh I love her, she is perfect."

All in all we had a successful week, a few tense moments with Erin being hungry, Erin not being able to breathe, Ryan being cold in the movies, Shannon not being allowed to sing, Ryan picking clown shoes, Erin still being hungry and not having room to sneeze at lunch.

We left early Friday morning to drop Erin back off in Alabama. It was much easier this time. She has a great group of friends and is looking forward to the coming year. Her campus is beautiful and makes me wish that I was 19 all over again.

I filled up my new car for the first time this week. If anyone saw a crazy lady doing the happy dance at QT that would have been me. It was less than $50 to fill up....Life is good!!

2011-07-31T21:59:00.003-05:00

I think this is the longest that I have ever gone without updating my blog. I would like to say it is because my life has been so boring that their is nothing to write about. No such luck!! I took on more responsibilities at work and have struggled a bit with trying to juggle it all.

The good news in my life is I am a proud new owner of a Honda Accord. This is the first time I have owned a car verses a big van since Dave and I first got married. Old Blue had 167000 miles and was on her last leg, it was time to move on. Kelsey is learning to drive and almost gave me a heart attack pulling out of the driveway so it is safe to say that she will not be driving my new car anytime soon.

This summer has flown by, Erin goes back to Alabama on Friday to start her second year of college. I am on vacation all week and we have a fun week planned. We are going to the Zoo tomorrow. It is supposed to be 98 degrees, should be a great time...I am sure that everyone will be happy and get along splendidly.

We had our family pictures taken for the church directory on Saturday. We decided to do our Christmas card photo when we were finished with pictures at church. We did a combination of Navy Blue, Powder Blue and White. Shannon had a hard time finding a powder blue dress. She finally found one and showed it to me. It kind of looked like a nun dress with a belt...not that I am complaining but I was a little surprised. She tried it on and it looked really cute on her. We went to dinner and out for ice cream after our photo shoot. It was a whole day of family fun....No tears this year for the Christmas card. I think that is a first!!!

After we had ice cream Shannon had Sam drop her off at her friends house, she was spending the night. Erin stayed home because her friends were all at the lake. My phone woke me up around 2 in the morning. I answered the phone to Shannon's voice, "Mom, I'm in trouble." My first thought was that she was hurt or in a car accident. A few seconds later which seemed like an eternity a gruff police woman was on the line, "Mrs. Murphy...I am with your daughter she was at a party and has been drinking. The parents are out of town and this house looks like a frat party was here." I let her know that I would be there in 15 minutes and woke up Dave.

I was less than pleased, relieved that she was OK, but still pissed, (excuse my language.) When I got to the house I saw three kids sitting in the foyer with their hands handcuffed behind their backs. Luckily my daughter was not sitting in handcuffs, not that she was not in trouble but at least she wasn't taking a trip to the slammer.

Imagine my surprise when Shannon came around the corner glassy eyed in a tight leopard print dress. "Hey wait a minute, Didn't I drop her off in a nun dress." That made me happy. The police woman thanked me for coming to get her and let me know that Shannon tried to call her sister to try and pass her off as me but her sister didn't answer the phone. That made me even happier.

The ride home was a little tense. I brought a plastic bag along just in case she felt the need to throw up in my new car. Lucky for her, she was not drunk. As if it really matters if she just drank a little or a lot.

I was up early this morning, I had a hard time sleeping. For the life of me I can't figure out why I had all these kids????

I made a big breakfast and when Shannon came down to eat I said, "So Shannon how was your night?" Big sister Erin immediately came to her defense and let me know that during her senior year she had a similar situation. She was at a party that got busted and the kids were in a line waiting for their turn to call their parents with the police officer. Erin was smart enough to call Lauren and give her the heads up on the phone call and change Lauren's name to Mom in her contact list. Apparently Lauren laid it on pretty thick to the policeman on how she WILL be speaking to Erin in the morning and she was in a whole heap of trouble. Could it be, am I really as naive as my mother was???

Dave and I have decided to tie the kids to their beds and only let them out for church and an occasional soccer game if they are good. Even though I am a little disappointed in my little Shannon, I guess her mistakes are just growing pains that teenagers are going to have to muddle through. Hopefully she stays out of trouble and this scared her enough to behave herself. Her leash has gotten a little tighter...OK a LOT tighter. I would much prefer she stayed at home on weekends and read the Bible like I used to do.

2011-04-27T12:41:00.004-05:00

We had a nice Easter, we missed our little beach bum Erin but we had a nice day. Kelsey had an epiphany in the car on the way to church. She said "Did you ever notice that our grades in school all reflect our bra cup size?" We all busted out laughing, Sam A, Lauren B or C, Erin A, Shannon D, Kelsey A and Maggie doesn't count but looks like she may be a C cup if Kelsey's theory holds true.

We got to church 40 minutes early and Sam and Lauren both rolled in 5 minutes before mass began and had a seat thanks to us for getting there so early to save them seats. After communion I gave Sam and Shannon the "look" they were chatting away as if they were anywhere. Sam said "Sorry mom, we were talking about Jesus." Yeah right!!

Erin called to say hi and we told her about Kelsey's bra cup theory. She let us know that she intends to let all of her grades slip away next year. She would prefer bigger boobs!!

Monday the kids were off school. Kelsey got pulled up to practice with Varsity. Shannon had to pick her up after practice. I was at work when I got a text from Kelsey that said. "I hate Shannon, she won't bring me home, she is making me shop with her and I feel like I am going to throw up." I texted her back to go sit in the car. She responded with, "She won't let me she said she needs my opinion when she tries on swim suits." I thought Erin was my only bully...looks like she has a little prodigy. Kelsey asked her if they could go to McDonalds she was hungry and she had a dollar. Shannon of course said "NO"

Shannon later changed her mind because she was now hungry and they went to McDonalds. Let me preface this story with the fact that Dave had just filled up Shannon's gas tank and we transfer money in to her checking account all the time. Kelsey ordered 2 double cheeseburgers off the dollar menu, Shannon said "2, do you have any money?? I can't believe you have the nerve to order 2 Double Cheeseburgers? Did you expect me to pay for your food? You can have one and give me your dollar." I can't help but be reminded of the comment on the back of Shannon's report card from her first grade teacher. I still remember it word for word. "Shannon is the happiest, most well rounded student that I have ever taught." Dave and I have been laughing about that comment for 11 years. What planet was that teacher from??? Was she part of the Taliban???

I posted some of our Easter pictures on Facebook. Lauren called me and said, I was just looking at our family pictures and "We are gorgeous." Well now, someone I know does not have self esteem issues. Maybe she can bring back the Don't hate me because I am beautiful shampoo ad campaign???

My husband has finally learned how to cook. He asked me to show him how to make oatmeal (not instant) now that he is on a health kick. All week he has been making his own breakfast. Every day he tells me how he cuts strawberries, sprinkles some craisins and walnuts and how he may try a little brown sugar next time. We went out to dinner on Saturday and I had to finally tell him, "Dave can we please quit discussing oatmeal?" "I am so tired of discussing oatmeal it isn't funny." He gets quirkier and quirkier every day. On Easter while I was making brunch,his sister grabbed the strawberries out of the fridge and he nearly had a heart attack worrying that he wouldn't have enough for his oatmeal in the morning. Sometimes I really think I may be in purgatory!!

2011-04-15T15:43:00.002-05:00

I survived the half marathon!!!! Yeah hooray, 2 miles into the race I thought to myself, "What in the hell am I doing?" I hate running, I barely trained and I have 11 more miles to go. I had problems with my shoes early on and got huge blisters on the balls of my feet. I normally run the first 7 or 8 miles and run/walk the rest. This time I had to walk most of it. It took my 3 hours but I finished. I was just happy to be done. I was really looking forward to taking off my shoes and pampering my feet for the rest of the day. I went to go meet the rest of the family after the race. Sam, Kelsey, and Lauren looked happy to finally see me. My one and only was sitting on a curb looking a little.....ok a lot pale!! He just sat there with his head down, I asked him if he was OK and he said no. I asked if he had chest pain and he said NO. Thank God it was just light headedness and heat exhaustion.... that I can deal with. We took a few pictures and then Dave said, I got to go, I'm really sick. We got to the metro link station and Dave was sitting down on the ground. I asked Kelsey to please sprint to a seat once the train arrived so her father could sit down. We were just one stop from our train stop when Dave emptied the contents of his stomach into his half marathon goody bag which doubles as a barf bag. The train was really quiet when he puked so it was a little embarrassing, Dave said the worst part was having to carry his bag of puke out of the train. He looked so sad!!! When we got home he got on the scale, he had lost 7 lbs during the race, I of course lost .05 and I think the .05 I lost was all skin from the bottom of my feet. The next day I could barely walk my legs were so tired. All i wanted to do was soak in my big garden tub. Shannon decided to shave a years worth of hair off her legs with conditioner in my bathtub. It was so slippery I almost drowned three times. I could not hold myself up with my blistered feet so I decided to give up and crawl out so I no longer had to tread water with my sore muscles. Kelsey had a great week, she won class president and finished her race in under 2 hours again. To top it all off on Monday the Varsity coach asked her to come practice with the Varsity squad and play with them this weekend in a tournament. She is on cloud nine. Shannon decided to try out for cheerleading after all for her Senior year. I am on cloud nine...that is until I need to write out the check for next year. I talked to Erin yesterday, she was having trouble registering for her summer classes. She said, "I'll figure it out later mom, I'm on my way to the beach." I have a feeling she may not "figure it out" but her tan will be amazing.

2011-04-05T13:00:00.002-05:00

Kelsey is running for Sophomore class president. She was searching for campaign slogans last night on the Internet. some of the cuter ones she found were; Free Drinks On Me, Vote for Kelsey (hung up above all the water fountains) Vote for me and win a free trip to Disney. (Free trip to Disney not included.) etc etc, Shannon isn't exactly positive Polly, every time Kelsey asks if she likes a slogan, she looks at her as if she just killed someone. If Kelsey can still be positive after running her ideas by her negative sister with her self esteem in tact she should do great!!! The girls had to sell raffle tickets as a fund raiser for their school auction. Normally I will buy whatever they have left, provided that they make an effort. Apparently they felt that laying on the couch watching TV, willing the tickets to be sold constituted real effort. If they don't sell their quota of tickets, they have to go to school and do a packet of work while the rest of the kids that sold their tickets get a day off. Shannon is a little upset that I will not call school that morning and tell them that she and Kelsey are sick. She can not understand what the problem is, she will still do the packet of work that is required but she doesn't feel the need to show up on that day. I believe her direct quote was "All the good mom's would call school and say their kid was sick." Yeah well, I never was a "good" mom. Erin called me today and asked if I would check her bank account and see if she is negative. She picked up her dry cleaning and it cost a little more than she expected. She borrowed a dress from a friend to wear to a fraternity dance a t a yacht club on Saturday. She wasn't quite sure what to wear to a Yacht club. She called me for advice, I just laughed. VFW dance, I can help you out with but Yacht club is a bit out of reach. Anywhoo, she spilled a drink on the dress and had to have it dry cleaned. I'm sure it was soda or punch, knowing my sweet little Erin. I checked her account and told her she was negative .36. She said, Ohhh can I please borrow 36 cents??? I transferred $20 in her account. She said, "I am starting to freak out, how will I survive the rest of the month??" She has an unlimited meal plan and no car so she really doesn't need any money. She said, "Mom I don't even have any eyeliner, that is a necessity." I told her that she now has $19.64 in her account to go ahead and buy 2 eyeliners and she will still have a little change in her pocket.

2011-04-04T08:09:00.002-05:00

Maggie has been talking about going to Kansas City Kansas since August....the weekend finally arrived. Normally out of town tournaments are Dave's job but he had to work auction set up at the girls high school so I got the short stick this weekend. We have been travelling for soccer for 14 years it is not quite as exciting as it used to be. For Maggie however, it seemed to be the highlight of the last 9 years of her life. I was barely out of the driveway when Lauren showed up on our doorstep conning Dave into taking her to dinner. Lauren has survival skills like no other. I took Shannon's car which she wasn't exactly thrilled about but she will get over it. I am getting tired of spending 100 to fill the tank on my big van and getting 2 miles per gallon, ok 12 but that still stinks!!! I spent my weekend watching TLC in my hotel room. Poor Maggie had to sleep in her underwear because she was so hot. If Dave was with us he would have had the air on in our room full blast. I was in heaven, I didn't touch the air conditioner all weekend, unfortunately Maggie melted a bit but I was comfy. The girls played well all weekend and more importantly had a blast. Dave, Sam, Lauren, Kelsey and I are running the half marathon next weekend. My training has been well.....pretty much nonexistent. I ran, or I should say attempted to run 3 miles yesterday. In my defense it was like running in a wind tunnel. I am the type of runner that if given any type of excuse I will take it and run with it....actually I take it and crawl with it. I have considered not showing up but decided that instead I will just crawl across the finish line. I am almost 42 years old and I have nothing to prove. Shannon's best friend is also running and she is planning on making a t shirt to support her and go downtown to cheer her on.....Hello, I was in labor for three days with her, not even a GO MOM sign???? Whatever, my kids love me. Dave started on my diet, he lost 11 pounds the first week. He lost 3 more the second week. I guess a good wife would be happy for him and supportive. Maybe he should have married someone else???

2011-02-25T12:51:00.002-06:00

Lauren has settled in to her new job and her new place. Our house is still just crazy which leads me to believe she may be normal....nah I don't think any of the Murphy's are normal.

Tuesday when I got to work I realized that the lovely smell I smelled all the way to work was dog pee. Seamus had peed on my coat and I didn't realize it until I got to work. Unfortunately for me Tuesday is the day I go to the big hospital downtown. My van is too tall to fit in the parking garage so I park in a lot and take a shuttle over to the hospital. It was cold Tuesday so my choices were freeze to death waiting for the shuttle or smell like dog pee. I decided to smell. By the end of the day I was so stressed out I thought about serving Seamus on a platter for dinner. I thought it might scar Maggie emotionally so I didn't do it but the idea is still in the back of my mind.

Erin was trying to get a Resident Assistant position at school next year so her room and board were paid for. She was chosen as an alternate so unless someone drops out of the program she needs to come up with around 9,000. "piece of cake" She was pretty upset when I talked to her, I tried to tell her everything would be fine, she just needs to save all the money that she makes this summer and we may need to borrow more money next year. When I talked to Dave I told him that Erin was crying on the phone. He said "Hmm that's funny she was in a great mood when I talked to her." Hence the name "Sybil." It seems that Erin's alter egos have followed her all the way to Mobile Alabama.

Today I talked to her and mentioned that I saw in her account that she spent $35 at Victoria's Secret. I asked if she really though new bras and underwear were a necessity when she needed to save 9,000. She told me it was actually a new swimming suit and it was on sale so she just had to get it. I just transferred money in her account so I told her that we would have to share the swim suit considering I basically paid for it. I said "What color is my new swim suit? " She said, "Pink and sparkly and it's an extra small, the official name is Watermelon Sparkle." Won't she be surprised if I actually put on the extra small "Watermelon Sparkle" itty bitty bikini. I will be the talk of the water park!!

This morning as Maggie was getting ready for school I noticed some writing on her ankle. I asked what it was. She tried to hide her legs and said, "Umm they are hearts, I drew them yesterday." Great, my nine year old is giving herself tattoos. What next???

Shannon's grades are again on the slippery slope of the low C high D range. I feel like I have had this conversation before?? I have not seen her back pack all quarter. She just leaves it in the back of the car. It is much too heavy to carry in the house everyday. Besides, if she set it down on the couch, she would have no room to lay down and watch TV.

Yesterday I received a text from Kelsey that said; "Have I mentioned how much I HATE Shannon?" Umm yeah I think she may have mentioned that before, like as soon as she could form a sentence!! Apparently they had a little too much bonding time. Shannon was cheering at a basketball game and then she was going to the school play afterwards for extra credit in her Drama Class. I transferred some money in her account to pick up dinner and pay for her ticket as well as Kelsey's to the play. They went to Bread Co and Shannon bought herself a big cookie. She refused to give Kelsey one piece of it. Kelsey got frustrated and got up and sat at a table by herself. When they got back to school Shannon told her that she only had enough money for one ticket and Kelsey would have to figure something out on her own. Luckily Kelsey had some money with her. I am really glad that Shannon is taking this Catholic school thing so seriously. Do unto others as you would want others to do unto you. I think tonight the family may all go out to dinner and make her watch us eat, then maybe will will swing by the movies and make her sit in the lobby. It's a shame my new bikini is in Alabama, I would wear it to dinner.

2011-02-04T19:57:00.002-06:00

Lauren moved out last weekend, I am officially down to 4 kids. How cool is that?? We now have enough seats at the dinner table.....of course I am never home to cook, but if I was, there are enough seats.

Dave and I had a busy weekend, Friday we had a dinner party in Jeff City and Sat we had another one closer to home. Lauren should have spent her Saturday packing for her move on Sunday but instead she decided to sleep most of the day due to her drinking binge the night before. When we left Saturday for our dinner, Dave asked Lauren to carry her stuff out to the van so it was all loaded up and ready to go in the morning. That didn't sit well with the little princess, she thought her father should do all the lifting. Maggie told me in the morning that she had her and Ryan help her carry everything. I should have known that my little con artist would find someone to do her work for her.

Sunday morning I have to admit I was a tad bit on the crabby side.....just a tad. Dave left with my brother-in-law to go pick up some of Lauren's furniture and I was going to take the rest of the kids to 10:00 mass then head to Kelsey's game. At around 9:30 I told Ryan to go up and brush his teeth. Of course my only son is incapable of walking up the stairs like a normal person. He was swinging his leg back and forth while he was going up the stairs. Maggie was behind him and he didn't know it. He kicked his leg behind him and Maggie got kicked right in the eye. She started screaming right away, I could tell by the scream it was bad. I of course remained perfectly calm, cool and collected....just kidding, I started screaming at Ryan, "What in the hell were you thinking? Can't you walk up the stairs like a normal person?? You have to understand that there are consequences for your stupid actions?? Look how bad you hurt your sister." I am sure I said more Mother of the year statements but I can't remember all of them. Shannon who is always the crusader for fairness started yelling, "Leave him alone, it was an accident." I of course said, "I know it was an accident but does he always have to be jumping around?" Everyone was yelling at everyone and Ryan was crying so I made the executive decision that we would not be making it to mass that morning. There was just too much dysfunction in the house.

Ryan, Maggie, Kelsey and I headed out to go to Kelsey's game. Shannon wasn't speaking to me so she didn't go with us. When I got on the highway my service engine soon light came on. I didn't have time to go home or we would be late to Kelsey's game that was 45 minutes away. I was afraid we would break down and look like a homeless family. I had all of Lauren's boxes in the van and the kids had to move everything just to find a place to sit. We made it to the game OK and Maggie and Ryan played on the bleachers and with the exception of a little light sensitivity Maggie's eye seemed fine. After the game we headed over to Lauren's apartment. Lauren told me that earlier Kelsey had sent out a mass text that said "Mom is Sico." Well if you are going to send a mass text to all of your siblings you should at least hit spell check. I am "Psycho" not "Sico"

We left Lauren's apartment late afternoon and decided to grab some dinner at Taco Bell for dinner. Maggie had a 7:00 championship basketball game and I didn't feel like cooking. We called Shannon to see if she wanted to meet us for dinner. We got to Taco Bell around 4:00, Maggie had been sleeping in the car. When we walked inside we were getting ready to order when Maggie said "Mommy I can't see out of my left eye." I said, "Sure you can." Then I looked at her eye and her whole Iris was dark brown instead of the pretty green it is supposed to be. Dave said, "You can see, how many fingers do I have up? She couldn't see his fingers at all. I started to panic and Ryan starting crying. I told Dave that we needed to go to the ER. Dave said, "We should eat first." What???? Our kid is blind and bleeding in her Iris and we should have tacos???

We had two cars there so I took Maggie and Dave and the kids met us after they ate. We were still in the waiting room when they got there. Ryan was so upset, I was trying to reassure him that it wasn't his fault and that it was an accident. I am sure I was real convincing considering I berated him for 15 minutes 7 hours earlier how there were consequences for his actions. Whoops, Can I have a Do Over????

We were finally able to see the Doctor and her vision was slowing coming back while we were waiting. When she fell asleep in the car earlier, her head fell forward, that is what caused her Iris to fill up with blood. She had a small tear that we didn't know about.While we were waiting, Kelsey was texting us from the waiting room asking for updates. Dave texted back that they had just brough in the eyeball stretcher and they were going to take her eyeball out so they could take a better look at it. She texted back, "are you serious??" She isn't the sharpest tool in the shed!! The kids got tired of waiting and came to wait in the tiny exam room with us, I think just to stress out a bit more. Sam called to let us know that she had parked in the overflow parking on the grass at her soccer game and her car was stuck in the mud. She ended up having to call a tow truck. Sorry we can't help you on this one, your little sister is blind and your little brother now needs years of therapy due to the emotional scars his mother gave him this morning.

The doctor came in and told me that she would have to wear an eye patch and we should put drops in every four hours. The village idiot aka Dave piped in with; "How do we put the drops in if she is wearing an eye patch?" Shannon said, "Oh my God Dad, is everyone in this house stupid?? Do you think that they are going to sew the eye patch to her face??

We followed up with a specialist on Monday and the bleeding has stopped and her vision is back to normal. Sam's car is no longer stuck, Lauren is all settled in to her new home, Erin spent Sunday at the beach and Kelsey still thinks I'm SICO. Things are back to normal....well Murphy normal, however normal that can be!!

2011-01-25T13:39:00.004-06:00

Dave and I had to go to the funeral home last night and Maggie informed us that she has a big project due on Wednesday on Chameleons. She needs to write a report, site two websites and use three books on chameleons and then make a chameleon habitat. Oh is that all??? I was waiting for her to tell me she needed 7 dozen cupcakes and a chameleon costume as well. Unfortunately for Maggie, we weren't going to be able to take her to the library so she was stuck with Shannon. Now sweet little Shannon was not too keen on going to the library, her direct quote was "I am not taking her, I HATE the library." Hate is such a strong word.

We of course said, "too bad, you are our only option. She made Kelsey go with her so she could do all the talking and ask the librarian where one might find books on Chameleons. After all if Shannon had to ask her, it could be mortifying. We got home a little after 8, Maggie was proudly displaying all of her Chameleon books....she is now an expert and wants to get a Chameleon for a pet. Do I need to remind her that we just murdered 12 innocent little goldfish in less than 10 days??? I will swing by Michael's on my way home from work to grab some stuff to make an awesome Chameleon habitat. It's a good thing I work well under pressure.

Dave and I decided to go to lunch today. We are both trying to eat healthier and I am getting tired of Subway. I suggested Bread Company because I like their whole grain bread. Now my dear sweet husband has a hard time going outside his comfort zone. I knew Bread Co would be tough on him but thought we could try and give it a go. When he picked me up he went the wrong way and was less than patient trying to figure out the best route he should now go. I explained to him that if we were on a first date that I would go home and call all my girlfriends to tell them what a jerk he was and how there was no way that I would ever go out with him again!! He said "Oh yeah if this was our first date I would probably kick you out of the car on this off ramp and push you down the snowy hill and leave you for dead." It's a good thing it wasn't our first date or I wouldn't get the chance to make such an awesome Chameleon habitat on a moments notice.

We got to Bread Co and I ordered my food without any problems, Smoked Turkey on Whole Grain Bread, light mayo with salt and pepper....pretty simple. Then came Dave's turn, I said "Do you need help with your order?" Now I know from experience that choices turn crazy quirky Dave Murphy in to a total tail spin. He said, "No, I'll take the Asiago Roast Beef sandwich that he saw on the menu board. We both got water, he about had a heart attack when he saw the size of the cup. He compared it to the spit cup at the dentist. Our food was ready and he was not too happy when he saw his sandwich. He said, "My bread is hard as a rock and this sandwich is too small." I asked him why he didn't order what he liked, a ham sandwich on Whole grain? His response was somewhat of a 30 minute rant on how the people at Bread Co are all part of a secret society that are privy to menu items that aren't listed on the menu boards. The rest of the people are forced to eat hard bread and drink out of dentist office spit cups. I thought Shannon was weird because the library stressed her out but now I'm thinking that the little red head is a chip off the old block of Asiago Cheese!! Is it too late for an annulment????

2011-01-07T12:36:00.006-06:00

Erin and Shannon are speaking again....not so sure about Erin and Lauren, I am sure they will make up before Sunday so Erin can borrow all her clothes to take back to Alabama.

Ryan's 12th birthday was Monday. Maggie won $93 at our family Christmas party playing the game Right, Left, Center. She used her own money to buy Ryan a little fish tank with 12 goldfish. She bought the fish Sunday night, by Monday after school 2 were dead, Tuesday we lost 3 more. Wednesday was a good day and Thursday night 3 more went to their final resting place. So now we have four fish. I have a feeling that soon Ryan will be looking at a big tank of water.....t is the thought that counts. The good news is she has enough money to restock the fish all year.

I got an email today from my I Tunes account that was a receipt for my order "Top Shelf Drinks" age 17 +. I called Lauren to see if she ever heard of the song "Top Shelf Drinks", I figured Shannon downloaded some dumb rap song with offensive language. Lauren said, "Oh no, that is a new App I got for my I Phone, it tells you what the ingredients are, and calorie content for mixed drinks. I figured it would come in handy at the bar. Again.......they have wine at church. Where did I go wrong????

I am back on my diet again for the new year, so far so good. I am down 6 pounds, I am however ready to eat my own arm. I may even eat one of Erin's special saliva pinini's. Dave called me yesterday at work and wanted to take me to dinner, he said, "Punkin, I have a few restaurant gift cards, do you want to go to dinner?" Does he not remember the Dorito incident?? Last time I was dieting he brought a bowl of Doritos to bed to snack on while watching TV. I think he is trying to sabotage me. I do not want to go to dinner, nor do I want to be around delicious snack foods. Last night he came to bed chewing. I explained that all scrumptious food needed to be consumed, chewed AND swallowed before coming to bed.

We were talking to Shannon about colleges last night. She wants to go away and doesn't like any of the schools that we suggest. What do we know?? One school we suggested (the neighborhood isn't the greatest) she said, "Like I want to get shot every day for four years." Dave said, "Shannon, if you got shot every day for four years, you would be famous. That is like over 1200 gunshot wounds. You would be on the news all bandaged up." Erin said, "yeah, hopefully they use suntan colored band aids, that would look great on you." Shannon is my fair skinned baby, suntan band aids are quite the color contrast. It is tough growing up in the Murphy house. We are trying to find some type of service opportunity for Shannon so she could serve the community........or to fluff up her sparse college resume, WHATEVER. She is not real keen on serving the community. She is looking for something where she can lay on the couch ant text. Hopefully an opportunity lands in her lap soon.

2011-01-05T16:14:00.002-06:00

Yesterday started off as a good family night. Incarnate had an alumni night for the basketball game. Maggie had basketball practice so she couldn't go so I had Grandma bring her to practice and Ry decided to stay home as well. Sam met us at Incarnate after work and the rest of the girls were all in attendance. I brought my camera so I could finally catch Shannon doing her Scorpion in the air when they announced the players. (she is a cheerleader) First problem, my memory card was missing....Shannon downloaded some pictures and never returned it, surprise surprise. I deleted the photos that I had on my camera,I believe it holds like 8 photos on it's internal memory. By the time I finished deleting the old photos the battery died. Apparently Shannon left my camera on after she downloaded my photos. By this time I was so mad I considered knocking her "base" over when she was holding "smiley" Shannon in the air doing her perfect Scorpion. Now that would have been a Kodak moment.

The game was great, it was packed and we won by a ton, just like they always do. When we got home, Lauren conned Erin into making her a grilled Pinini sandwich. She made one for herself and one for Lauren. Everything was fine and everyone was talking and laughing and all of a sudden Satan showed up in the kitchen. We were talking about Erin having her hairy birthmark removed on her back and she was showingMaggie her scar when Lauren discovered that she was wearing her leggings from Nordstrom. She screamed "Those are mine!" Erin screamed back, no they aren't, I bought them." Apparently one of them was talking about black leggins and another one was talking about lacy dental floss from Victoria Secret. Lauren slapped Erin on her hip and called her a liar then and I quote, she "Just put my foot up to defend myself." Erin's side, "She kicked me in the stomach." Not sure what happened next, it was all so fast, all I know is that the "F" word and the "B" word were flying freely and Erin opened the lid to the George Foreman and spit on one of the Pinini's twice. I decided it was my cue to go take a bath and pretend that I was an old spinster sitting at home with no children bored with my life. When I got out of the tub I told Dave, "I bet Kelsey will eat the Pinini when she gets home." (Her and Shannon were at Target) He said, "Too late, Erin already ate it, she was still hungry after she ate her sandwich and decided it was her spit, so it was fine. Once Shannon and Kelsey arrived home, Shannon and Erin got in a screaming match about the car, somehow I ended up the loser and I had to take Erin to work in the morning and Shannon, "hates Erin", Well that seems to be the consensus today girls!!

I took Erin to work and we had to stop at QT for a donut, remember this is the kid who gave up QT food for lent last year. When she got back in the car she said that the QT guy asked her where she had been? She explained to him that she lives in Alabama now. I wonder if the QT guy could let her sleep on a cot in the storage room until she heads back to Alabama on Sunday??

2011-01-03T12:51:00.002-06:00

Christmas was good, the usual chaotic holiday. Everyone gets along well playing with their new stuff. Sam brought over the game Catch Phrase to play on Christmas Eve. I learned several things about my family. Number 1, you can't teach an old dog new tricks. Grandma couldn't get it through her thick skull that the game was not password and you could use more than one word clues. For example, the word she had was "shrimp." Kelsey and Maggie were on her team, she could have said, "It's a food that is orange, it lives in the ocean, we sometimes have it at parties, you peel it, you can dip it in cocktail sauce, another word for short, etc etc. Instead the clue she gave was simply "Crustation." Now I have no idea why my 9 ear old couldn't get shrimp from that??? By about the 20th round we were finally get her to give better clues.
number 2 lesson was that I wasted all my money on private education for my kids. Erin was on my team and the word I had was Killer Whale, the fabulous clue that I gave was, a large murderous fish that lives in the ocean, Erin was so proud when she just knew she had it figured out and yelled at the top of her lungs with all the confidence in the world, "lobster." Yeah Erin a lobster is a huge murderous fish. It wasn't much better when Lauren had the word "Beauty Pageant." Her clue was.... Something that I should be in!I can't imagine why her partner couldn't get that based on her clue.

All joking aside, it was nice having everyone home, even if our dysfunction comes out full force. We have a lot to be thankful for this year. The week before Christmas, Sam went to the Taco Bell by her apartment to grab some food on her way home. It was about 10:00 at night, she was in the drive Thru and had just ordered her meal when some idiot held a gun to her head from outside her car and demanded that she get out of her $%&#*@B car, she immediately started screaming, the louder she screamed, the louder he demanded she get out of the car, the whole time holding the gun against her temple and violently trying to open her car door with his other hand. She continued to scream and hit the gas, luckily there was enough space in the drive thru for her to go forward. He kind of fell backwards and ran away. I can't tell you how thankful I am that I can write this blog entry and joke how she is still waiting for her Crunch Wrap Supreme. She had a guardian Angel that night. A few days later a policeman on a stake out had the same thing happen to him with an attempted carjacking, only he was shot in the face, Sam was much luckier.

My kids draw names at Thanksgiving and buy each other gifts. Ryan had Sam's name and he bought her a $10 Taco Bell gift card, a rape whistle, mace and finally her real gift, new headphones for her I-pod. I told her to make sure she brought the mace home, God knows if she left it laying around our house, someone would be going down.

2010-12-15T15:29:00.003-06:00

I can't believe Christmas will be here in 10 days. Where did the time go?? Erin has been back since Friday and the house is hopping again. She has a way of making everyone laugh.

She has grown up a lot since she left for college. The reason I know this is what happened on Sunday night. She was sitting on the hearth holding my large hand mirror plucking her eyebrows when Ryan decided it would be fun to run at her full speed ahead with a pillow and knock the mirror into her face as she plucked her eyebrows. She screamed at him and asked him why he would be such a jerk but the old Erin would have immediately dropped the mirror and pinned the small boy to the ground and pummeled him to death.

Maggie has her school play tomorrow, she is playing the part of Mary. She is a little upset because she saw her costume yesterday at school. She said that the costume isn't even pretty and the veil doesn't match the robe. I don't know what she was expecting, but I doubt the Holy Family stopped by Nordstroms on the way to the manger??

I am almost finished shopping, I have a few more things to buy for my oldest two then I am finished. Yeah hooray. Dave bought himself an early Christmas present AKA midlife crisis present. He bought an electric guitar for himself Tuesday night. He found it on Craigs List and went and picked it up around 9:30 pm. He got home around 10:30 acting like a kid on Christmas morning. He plugged it in and soon realized that he has no idea how to play the guitar. He couldn't wait to get home from work yesterday to play with his new toy. Last night he was a sight for sore eyes sitting in bed in his underwear with a lap top on his lap with guitar playing instructions while he desperately tried to learn a "D" cord. I decided to go upstairs and hang with Erin, Lauren Shannon ,Kelsey and Erin's friend Allie. I sat with them for a while and learned that I could no longer bear the silly girls giddy conversations and that I had no other choice to return to my bedroom and deal with "guitar hero." Finally at around midnight I stated that I think this little mid life crisis was getting the best of me, I would prefer sharing my bed with another woman, she might be a little quieter than the fricken guitar. I think he responded with some idiot comment like "OK, you really don't mind, you are awesome" Funny honey!!

2010-12-10T15:02:00.002-06:00

In case anyone was wondering ...I am still alive, life has been very busy. I am back at Macy's working part time for Christmas. Dave drops me off and picks me up every day. He asked me "Is this my part time job or yours?" I said mine, would you rather buy me a new car that isn't the size of a small country that warms up a little faster? He hasn't complained since. I guess Santa won't be leaving me a shiny Lexus with a bow in the driveway this year.

Lauren and Mike broke up a while ago, she spent a few weeks in the fetal position and I ate her pain away while she got even skinnier. We went to lunch for her birthday in October, she cried through the whole meal while I ate my meal as well as hers. The sacrifices I do for my children. Sam broke up with her boyfriend too. It looks like I will never get grandchildren.

Sam and Lauren have been having the time of their lives, they even have run into each other a few times at a few popular bars. Funny how they don't seem to run into each other at church. (They have wine there)

Lauren sent me her Christmas list by email, it stated, "Mom, remember this is my first Christmas without a boyfriend, sad I know : ( here is my list;" underwear (no granny panties) a ridiculously expensive watch and a ridiculously expensive pair of shoes. Kelsey's list was even more ridiculous, she wanted her own room an ipod touch and a bunch of other stuff. She has a better chance of getting her own room than she does an ipod touch and I don't see Maggie planning on moving out anytime soon. I have news for all of them, this year they are getting bibles and turtlenecks!!!

Erin is on her way home for Christmas break. When she came home for Thanksgiving break Dave told her, "Lauren has already stated that her closet is off limits Erin." Erin laughed and said, "I already outsmarted her dad, I have been having Shannon mail me her clothes all semester." I never said my kids were stupid.

When I Christmas shop it is sometimes hard deciding who gets what, four of them are close to the same size. If something is really cute I decide to give it to anyone but Erin. She will most likely end up with it anyway.

Her job for Christmas break has fallen through, so she told me she would do anything that was legal for money. She asked if I knew of any place where she could sell her blood?? She fills out online surveys every week at college so she can get a free pizza. Pizza Hut knows her by name. She scares me!!

Sunday night my Lauren, Shannon, Kelsey and Maggie all crawled in bed with me to watch Desperate Housewives and Brothers and Sisters. I haven't been home much with working an extra job and they all wanted to be close to me. They drove me nuts because I couldn't hear a thing and they can't sit still but it was nice to feel loved. It was just like the old days when they were all little and would crawl in bed with me in the morning to snuggle. Usually Maggie is the only one who wants to cuddle with Mommy. They do love me : )

2010-11-01T12:43:00.002-05:00

I haven't posted in a while. I am back at work after 2 weeks of medical leave. I didn't have time to write on my blog during those two weeks. I was way too busy buying things on ebay to even think about my blog. I think Dave is very happy I am back at work.

Kelsey had a Cross Country meet to qualify for the state finals meet. She was disappointed that she didn't qualify. Only the top 30 girls qualified, I think she came in somewhere in the mid forties. She shaved a minute 5 seconds off her personal best. Pretty awesome I would say but what do I know?? I took her to McDonald's after her meet. She mentioned to me that if her Spanish teacher should ask, that I was to tell her that my name is Linda. I asked, "Why did you tell her my name was Linda?" She had a perfectly logical explanation. Their seating chart is done alphabetically by their mothers name, her friend Nichole's mother is Lisa so Kelsey was quick on her feet so she could sit by Nichole. Somehow the honesty lesson must have fallen on deaf ears.

Ryan had 9 or 10 boys over for a Halloween party and trick or treating. He was playing in the woods in the afternoon with two of his friends. They found a tree that had fallen over and was stuck on another tree. They decided it would be a good idea to try and knock the tree over so it didn't fall on anyone. What they didn't anticipate was that the tree would fall in the opposite direction and whack my precious baby in the back of the head. He had a huge goose egg on the back of his head. I had to call the exchange and explain that my son was hit by a tree. Leave it to a Murphy. He was able to go on with his party as planned and felt OK considering the huge bump on the back of his head. We had to wake him up last night to make sure his pupils were still the same size and he remembered his name.

I normally post pictures of my kids on Halloween. This year I am going to refrain from posting all the skanky costumes. Lauren was a Show Girl, she left the house in a blue bra and a Kleenex for a skirt, Erin was somewhere in Alabama half naked dressed as an army girl. She had a quarter yard of camouflage fabric covering very little, Shannon wore a sailor outfit. Hers was actually pretty modest aside from the red stilettos. Sam wore her Bumble Bee outfit again and I've been told she received an offer for dinner and a movie based on her get up. Yeah for bumble bees. (maybe I should borrow the costume)Kelsey was a football player and had no skin showing, aside from her forearms. Yeahh for Kelsey!!(she always was my favorite) Ryan was the "Situation" from Jersey Shore and Maggie was Thing 2. I was a stressed out mom due to the fact that I had a house full of boys and my boy had just been whacked in the head with a tree!! I really need to drink more.

2010-10-11T12:29:00.003-05:00

We just got back from a road trip to Nashville. We surprised Erin and drove down for her game. I invited her best friend Allie and knew that she would be thrilled to see her. Erin and Allie have been best friends since 1st grade so she is like family, she understands all the Murphy dysfunction. Erin's team was having lunch at her coach's family church in Nashville. We walked in the room where the team was seated and looked around searching for Erin. One of her friends nudged her and had her turn around. (they knew we were coming) I can't remember who she ran to first, I think it may have been Maggie. Just as she was ready to give me a big hug she spotted Allie behind me. I told her, "Go ahead, go hug her." I think what she though I said was, "Erin , please physically push me out of the way to get to your best friend, I don't mind really." Lucky for her, I still love her despite being cast aside. My best friend Katie and I are like that, we complete each other. It's kind of weird and our husbands have learned to understand that we are part of the same person. Erin and Allie are like that and I am glad that she has such a great lifelong friend. (even if she did push her mother)

The car ride was fun, our DVD player is broken so we only had each other for entertainment. That is scary!! We were forced to play Would you rather for hours. That is when you see how twisted your kids are. Ryan asked me, "Mom, would you rather lick peanut butter off a hobo's beard or kill Rick Springfield." "Umm, I'm gonna have to go with killing Rick Springfield. Sorry Rick."

Tomorrow is my surgery, we have to be at the hospital at 5:30, when I told Dave, he said, "You do mean PM right???" I am a little sad that it's the end of an era. I asked Dave, "Aren't you even a little bit sad that we can't have any more kids?" He said, "God No."

Erin called on Friday whining like a little baby because none of her sisters would let her borrow a pair of their ugg boots to keep in Alabama. Her feet are cold in the morning when she walks to class and all she has are her flip flops. No one felt sorry for her and gave up their Uggs, she finally called Lauren and asked her to lend her some money so she could buy her own. Today she called me to tell me she was headed to the beach. I guess her feet warmed up????

2010-09-22T13:13:00.002-05:00

Raising teenage girls is oh so much fun. Kelsey and I are kind of like oil and water. We went on a 5 hour road trip a couple of weekends ago for her soccer team. I used that time to try and calmly explain a few issues since I had her strapped in the car and she was unable to roll her eyes and walk away. Ok so she COULD roll her eyes but she could not walk away.

Kelsey has a bad habit of involving herself in as many activities as she can. Don't get me wrong I am glad that she is a kid that likes to be involved but she still needs to be a functioning member of the family. By this I mean; It is not acceptable to use the front room of the house as a dumping ground for all of her stuff. She packs bags for Cross Country, bags for soccer practice, bags for sleep overs, bags for snacks and bags for the sake of bags. She is kind of like a bag lady.

Problem being, she loses her bags week after week. I bought her new expensive Cross Country shoes and she lost them three days later. They were eventually found in a "Bag" in someones trunk. She lost her bag with her deodorant and just grabbed mine off my dresser, stuck it in a bag and lost that too. When she packs her lunch, she is in such a hurry that she drops half the pretzels on the floor and leaves the lid off the huge 5lb jar of pretzels that I buy at Costco. The dog loves it when Kelsey packs her lunch!!

Her asthma has been bad all week, she can't find her inhaler. (I think it may be in a bag somewhere)

Yesterday morning I was trying to get ready for work, Kelsey was in a hurry and had packed her lunch real quick and was waiting for Shannon so she could leave for school. I walked in the pantry and stepped on three pretzels. I noticed the lid was laying on the floor next to the huge jar of pretzels. It looks as if our five hour chat on the way to Rockford IL fell on deaf ears. I asked her, OK yelled at her to get her butt off the couch and pick up the pretzel crumbs and put the lid back on the pretzels.

Dave cornered me and gave me a few suggestions on a better way to deal with teenagers. He said, "You shouldn't yell at her." No one wants to start their day with their mom mad at them." Oh I see, I should have said, "Good morning Kelsey, how was your slumber?? I just stepped on some pretzels, I will think of you fondly all day when I feel the tiny little crumbs between my toes, and when I smell myself while sitting at my desk because I had to use Old Spice again because you keep taking my deodorant." "You may consider joining a few more clubs at school, I would love to rearrange my day to pick you up when you have after school activities and please, please make sure you order at least one T-shirt for each activity and club that you belong to. After all we do have a golden check book."

Kelsey is my 5th teenage daughter, I am still practicing. I figure by the time Maggie is a teenager I may just hide in my room in the fetal position and let Dave handle things. After all he is an expert!!!

2010-09-20T14:40:00.002-05:00

Yesterday was my birthday it was pretty uneventful. Ryan's tournament was rained out and Maggie had 2 games. Saturday was teepee night and once again we got hit just before the rain. We have 10 thousand little balls of toilet paper entwined in between Dave's beloved grass. It is best if he just looks the other direction when he gets out of his car. The girls were off school for selling their quota of tickets for the homecoming raffle. What is wrong with this picture?? Kelsey went door to door selling tickets, I bought whatever was left and Shannon watched. I am at work and they are at home enjoying a day off. Dave went to the grocery store in the morning and picked up a dozen roses for my birthday. After 20 years of marriage, he still doesn't get it. CAKE!!! I LOVE CAKE!!!! I don't even like roses??? Next year I will hit him in the head with a brick that says CAKE!!!! It is so hard loving the village idiot but someone has to do it.

We are heading to Chicago this weekend to watch the Cardinals vs Cubs. Grandma is in charge. We only have umpteen games so it should be a piece of cake.....I sure wish I had some cake!!!

Erin has been going to the beach every week. I am not to sure how her grades are but her tan is amazing. She is my facebook friend now but I am teetering on the line of being defriended. I am not allowed to comment on her pictures or status changes anymore. I have to stick to her facebook friend rules or I will be defriended!!

2010-09-14T14:06:00.007-05:00

I really hate to brag when my kids do things to showcase their unbelievable intelligence but some days I am just bursting with pride. For instance last night, it was an unusual evening because Ryan is the only one who had soccer practice. The rest of us were home. Intelligent comment number one came from my brilliant daughter Shannon, "Was World War II like the Germans?" Like yeah!!!!

I was asking Maggie about a little boy who was crying in religion class when the priest told the class that animals don't have souls and dogs don't go to heaven. This is when intelligent comment # 2 came into play. Lauren said, "What, dogs don't go to heaven?? What about that movie?? I said "What movie." She sounded really confident that she was right and said, "All Dogs Go To Heaven." Wow Lauren did you think they lived in cars in the sewer system and talked as well??

Erin called and told me that she was studying with a boy at college and she was helping him proofread his English paper. Oh that frightens me, Erin can not spell to save her life. Intelligent comment # 3, "I am really good at English and proofreading." Need I remind anyone of the wonderfully proofread email that she sent me. iam filling out thi sthing for a worrk stud job ... local mailing adress would that be liek my dorm and then permanent woul dbe like river city ... ?? It kind of scares me if this boy thinks that she is better at English than him. I sure hope they don't have children together.

Intelligent act #1
The piece de Resistance was when my only son came home from soccer practice and super glued four of his fingers together.

2010-09-10T14:18:00.004-05:00

I took on more hours at work and I am officially full time. My mental status is officially the equivalent of a chicken with it's head cut off. I start my day off every morning by banging the coffee filter basket on the side of the trash can, this serves two purposes, number 1 it gets rid of the bulk of the old coffee grounds so I no longer stop up the garbage disposal at my husbands request and number 2, it wakes princess Lauren up when she is trying to sleep in. I then go in my room to try and find something that will fit my fat body now that I gained 20 lbs of my 40lb weight loss back. Apparently when I do this, I bang the dresser handles so hard that they wiggle back and forth making a horrible noise that wakes my "I never get "good" sleep husband." You would think that considering Lauren and Dave are now awake due to my stomping, coffee filter banging and dresser handle jiggling that they may just get up and help with a kid or two. No such luck, they normally just go back to sleep. How they sleep through the always hostile environment of Shannon and Kelsey is beyond me. It is best if Kelsey avoids all eye contact with Shannon much less any words. I sometimes work as the hostage negotiater if Kelsey has a question.

Kelsey went with me to Ryan's game earlier in the week. After the game she told Ryan that he played really good. She hasn't seen him play in a few years. He said "Kelsey that just made you move up about four notches in the favorite sister scale." It won't last, she will be right back down to number 5 or 6 in no time.

Kelsey is going to her first homecoming dance soon. She was trying on dresses last night. My friend Kelly came over with her daughter who is the same age and she wanted my opinion on a couple dresses that she had bought. Kelsey looked really cute in one of Shannon's old ones but of course she wants a new one. She tried on one of the dresses that Kelly brought over and when she came in the room with it on Maggie blurted out, "Oh my God you look like a skinny freak!" I'm glad that Maggie is finally coming around to the dark side like the rest of the Murphy's. I knew her sweetness would be short lived. Nothing like making your big sister feel bad about herself when she already feels like a gawky awkward teenager.

One day this week when I was at work. I was up on the psych ward and I got stuck between a set of locked double doors. There was a Dr. coming in as I was leaving and I guess he thought I looked normal because he didn't stop me. The next set of doors wouldn't open and my badge wouldn't work. I was stuck,I thought about just asking for a pillow and a blanket and staying for a while. The psych ward is much more sane than the Murphy house!!!

Dave has an eye infection and thinks that he may be dying. I am surprised that he didn't call 911 when he woke up with blood shot eyes. He went to the Dr and is already better, I think it was a Miracle!!! Erin is loving college, she has been to the beach twice. I have no idea what her grades are like but she is maintaining her tan. I reminded her to wear a hat at the beach, she is supposed to keep her scars on her scalp covered from the sun at all times. She told me she didn't wear one because she wanted her hair to get blonder. Yeah that's a smart move. Speaking of smart moves, grandma cleaned out her closet after she left and found beer stuffed inside of soccer socks. Of course grandma didn't say a word, she would never throw the golden child with the awesome tan under the bus. One of her sisters was more than happy to throw her under the bus. I love being a mom, I wish I would have had a few more!!!!

2010-08-20T14:24:00.002-05:00

So Dave took Kelsey to Wal Mart last night for school supplies that she needed and got her a new pack of mechanical pencils. Life should be perfect right??? I woke up this morning to a lot of snippy remarks. They overslept a bit and Shannon didn't have time to make her lunch so of course she had to clean out her father's wallet. Kelsey made the mistake of telling Shannon that it was time to leave. Shannon then felt the need to explain in very elicit details that the non driving freshman had absolutely no business dictating what time she left the house. I think this point was driven home (by the always pleasant and happy go lucky red head) crystal clear!! I am almost certain she will never make that mistake again.

Kelsey has Cross Country practice after school. I am not sure if Shannon is staying after school to give her a ride home or not. I was kind of afraid to ask. Sometimes she frightens me.

Kelsey has decided to run for class president. She told me this morning that she made up a rap song to sing before student elections. I asked her if she was singing this song in front of the whole school or just the freshman class. Luckily it is just the freshman class. Had it been the whole school, I don't think that Shannon could have handled that.

2010-08-19T12:17:00.003-05:00

So who knew that one little packet of mechanical pencils could turn into an all out war. I went school supply shopping last week with Ryan, Maggie and Shannon. (Kelsey wasn't home) Shannon wanted some mechanical pencils, she grabbed one and put it in the cart, I told her to grab one for Kelsey too. She noticed that it was cheaper to get the three pack so she put the other one back and grabbed the three pack. Who knew that that would be such a terrible fateful mistake. Fast forward to Sunday, I was sitting in my lawn chair minding my own business watching Maggie's soccer game. Dave handed me his phone and said, "Here I think this is for you." On the other end was an irate Kelsey, "Please tell Shannon that she doesn't get two pencils and I only get one." I said, "How many pencils can you use at one time?" She never answered the question. Finally I just told her I would buy another pack of pencils just to shut her up. A few minutes later Lauren showed up to the game with Mike. She was wearing one of Erin's shirts. I asked her if Erin knows that she forgot to bring that to college with her. Lauren smiled and said, "I doubt it, I am going to have Mike take a picture of we wearing it and send it to her on his phone." I am so glad she has matured so well. I then made the mistake of telling her about my phone call from Kelsey, I assumed she would see how ridiculous those two are, instead she said, "I am starting graduate school soon, how come you didn't buy me any mechanical pencils?"

At about this point I was thinking, "why am I a little sad about having a hysterectomy??" I may just have Dave drop me off at the hospital this afternoon and patiently wait there for my surgery in case they have any cancellations and can squeeze me in a little early. October is a long way away!! I'm not sure I can wait that long.

Monday we went from mechanical pencils to pencil cases. Kelsey has two pencil cases and won't give one to Shannon unless she coughs up the extra mechanical pencil. I am beginning to have horrible flashbacks of when those two used to share a room. Thanks to little Maggie coming along and Sam leaving for college we were able to separate them. It has been a peaceful few years. Now they get to spend time together every day riding to and from school. Shannon has already requested that I find another way for Kelsey to get to school because it "isn't really working out." Yeah well I guess you may need to find a new home as well, "It really isn't working out."

I took the yearly first day of school picture. This is Kelsey's first year at Incarnate, she said "I look like a nun." I said, "Good now remember to act like one."

2010-08-14T21:36:00.003-05:00

So I dropped off little Sybil at college last weekend : ( She was supposed to get all of her thank you notes finished from her graduation party during the twelve hour car ride. She decided to sleep for twelve hours instead. I held her hostage in an Alabama hotel room and told her she couldn't move into her dorm in the morning until she finished all of her cards. By the time we rolled in to Mobile, Dave and I were no longer speaking. He wouldn't listen to me when I told him to turn right, he insisted that the college was left. To make a long story short we, OK "I" screamed at him for the last 10 minutes of our trip. Had he listened to me, we would have arrived a little sooner and there would have been no need to drive through a crack neighborhood!!

Erin and I decided to eat at Denney's before we checked into the hotel. Dave decided to sit in the van and pout. Ten minutes later the big baby decided he was hungry and came in and sat in silence. The only thing we heard out of him was when he ordered his food. The next day he told me that I forced him to hit the button that turns him inside out and into quiet mode. I need to find a quicker route to that button!!

We moved Erin in without incident, her room mate is adorable and they have so much in common that it is scary. I am excited for her, I know that she will have a great college experience. Maggie tells me that she has a new fake ID. Oh that makes me happy!!! Sam and Lauren are planning a trip to New Orleans for Mardis Gras now that Erin lives so close to New Orleans and has a fake ID. I think that is every parents dream to have three of her drunk daughters at Mardis Gras with 5 lbs of beads around their necks. They make me oh so proud!

The kids all start school this week. I can't believe Kelsey is starting high school. She is running cross country and is doing really well. I told Erin that she was doing well at Cross Country and she said, "I know Lauren told me she is really ripped." Kelsey was in the kitchen in a sports bra and shorts the other day and Lauren was having a cow because her ab muscles are so good. I guess she had to run and call her sister to crab that Kelsey has a better waistline than she does. They won't be taking her to Mardis Gras with them!

Before we left to take Erin to college I told Shannon that if she kept a B average that I would fly her to Alabama to visit her sister. She didn't even think about it and said, "Um how about a C ?" It looks like Shannon is going to really buckle down this year and take school seriously.

2010-08-02T19:10:00.003-05:00

iam filling out thi sthing for a worrk stud job ... local mailing adress would that be liek my dorm and then permanent woul dbe like river city ... ??

This is the email that I received this morning from my college bound daughter. I am thinking of sending this to her teachers at Incarnate and demanding at least a partial refund from her 30 thousand plus education. I was talking about the email at dinner and I said, "How hard would it be for her to hit spell check?" Lauren said, "that is even worse, she usually just hits the first suggested word from spell check and you have no idea what she is talking about." Maybe I should have spent more time reading when I was pregnant with her.

I have a new passion. I joined Costco the week before the girls graduation party. I have been a half dozen times since. I don't know why I didn't do that years ago. I took Maggie with me on Friday. When I was buying milk Maggie said, "Is that milk?" (It is shaped a little weird at Costco.) I said, "Yeah why. " She said, I saw that in our fridge and I didn't know what it was so I haven't had cereal all week." I asked if she thought about maybe reading the label??? She said, "I don't really like to read in the summer." Yeah MILK that is really a tough word. She has been hanging out with Erin a little too much.

I took Erin dorm room shopping this weekend. The first part of our morning was a wild goose chase. We weren't having any luck. I found a penny on heads in a parking lot and then Jessie's girl came on the radio. I told Erin that had to be an omen that we would find the sheets that she wanted and have a great day. My gas light was on so I headed to QT to fill up. I swiped my card and it said, Mag strip not read, see attendant. I went inside and they swiped my card told me to fill up and come back and sign when I was done. What a pain, I went back inside after filling my 30 gallon tank and was ready to head out and get her dorm room stuff bought. I turned the key and nothing..... Aghhhhhh I am getting really tired of car trouble. I called Dave asked him to come get us. I had just added towing coverage to my car insurance so I called a tow truck. Erin was throwing a fit because I was putting a damper in her day. I called grandma and asked her to come get us while Dave waited for the tow truck so the princess wasn't inconvenienced. So much for lucky pennies and teen idols!!

Lauren moved back home today, she called me at work three times. Once to ask me if she bought meat for her and Mike would I cook it, and once to ask me to tell Shannon to clean the bathroom and once to tell me she found three shirts of hers in Erin's suitcase for college. I asked why she couldn't ask Shannon to clean the bathroom herself? She said, she is so lazy she is watching One Tree Hill and as soon as that was over she got on Facebook. Why do they think I pick up extra hours in the summer?? She had Ryan and Maggie help her move out of her apartment and load and unload all of her stuff. She bought them Burger King and a candy bar. She got off pretty cheap and Maggie feels like she won the lottery.

2010-07-30T10:16:00.003-05:00

So I just had my dreaded yearly GYN exam. I left work early to go home and shave my legs, because I am sure my Doctor cares if my legs are shaved. When I arrived at his office I decided to leave my phone in the car. Whenever I put it to silent I always forget to change it back and I miss a zillion calls. (all of which I'm sure are important) The girls at the front desk told me he was really behind. I sat there for over an hour looking at all the super young really pregnant girls, I could be their mother. Some of them had their toddlers and babies with them. Sitting there I realized #1 I am old and #2 I am thankful that I am not dealing with a toddler other than the one with slobbery hands that doesn't belong to me that keeps touching my freshly shaved legs. There was no clock in the waiting room so I was afraid it was getting late, Ryan had a 6:00 baseball game and I needed to coordinate who was getting him and who would watch Maggie, everyone was scattered tonight.

They finally called my name and brought me to a room where I got to wear the lovely paper skirt for the next half hour waiting for my Doctor. I didn't have an annoying toddler to annoy me anymore so I was forced to read all the posters hanging on the walls. I learned about, HPV, Herpes, Pregnancy and child birth, what to expect at an Ob/Gyn exam and several forms of birth control. I realized the only reading material that actually applied to me while sitting in that cold office was the bone density model across from me that showed the effect of osteoporosis.

My Doctor finally arrived and apologized for being late. We talked for a while and I asked him for a referral for a bladder surgeon so I can run without feeling like I belong in a geriatric ward. He told me that the Urologist will most likely want to remove my Uterus. My first thought was, "good riddance uterus, don't let the door hit you on the way out!" I mean come on, I think it has served it's purpose. Now that my brain has had time to process this, I am thinking, should I really go through two procedures so I can run without peeing on myself. Do I really like running anyway?? Then I thought, who would take care of me post op?? Dave would be great for the first 15 minutes, "Can I get you anything punkin?" Then he would go back to taking over the remote and napping. I go see the urologist the second week of August so I will decide then. I am kind of surprised that I am a little more attached to my uterus than I thought I would be. My best friend who has 6 kids and three of them are under three told me, "Oh God, don't even hesitate. If that was me, I would take a knife and rip out my uterus myself." I guess that is the difference between a mother with three kids in diapers vs a mother who is getting ready to drop her baby off in Mobile Alabama for college. : )

Speaking of which, little Miss Erin leaves next weekend, she has decided to spend every waking moment with her friends. She doesn't know how she will ever survive without her friends. (Never mind the women who's bladder you helped destroy.) Lauren is going to the lake with Mike's family for the weekend. It has become a yearly tradition that she goes every year with several dozen of my fabulous chocolate chip cookies. I believe it is time that she learns to make them herself. Every time she tries she forgets an ingredient and screws something up. I realized it is easier to stay up until midnight making them myself, vs watching her incompetence in the kitchen. She got home around 9:30,the same time I finally made it home after Ryan's baseball game and Kelsey's soccer party. Making cookies at 9:30 was the last thing I wanted to do.

Lauren surprised me with a new Coach wallet. Wow, she does love me. I was talking to her about my possible surgery, her response was, "Oh God get rid of your uterus, why would you even think about it." I said "who will take care of me after surgery?" She said, "Good point, goods luck with that, I guess grandma." I feel so loved!!

2010-07-16T10:23:00.004-05:00

So I finally made it to bed at 4:15. I woke up this morning to the dog throwing up under my bed. I was too tired to get up so I will just crawl under there later to clean it up. Soon after he jumped up on my bed and had a lovely string of vomit hanging from his chin. Yesterday at WalMart I saw a lost dog sign. It said answers to Mindy wearing a pink collar. I sure hope Seamus can pass as Mindy. Now I have to run to PetsMart and find a pink collar before the party starts. I sure hope Mindy was black otherwise I need to buy a collar AND spray paint!!

I got up, finished my pulled pork and went to do my floors in the foyer. My dessert table was covered in ants. Why do I suddenly have an ant problem?? Luckily I haven't picked up the cake yet, or I would hae had to just embrace it and drizzle the ants in chocolate.

Soon after killing all the ants, I started grilling the burgers. I have about 70 burgers and fifty pieces of chicken to make. I opened the bag of chicken and saw that I bought individually shrinked wraped chicken. It is a good thing I have so much extra time today. I got the first 12 burgers done and started on the next batch. My propane ran out!!! My sister is in town for the party so I asked her if she would mind running to the store real quick to exchange my propane tank. I have twelve burgers on the grill, melting. I went to unhook it, and family of wasps flew out. My always loud sister started screaming like she was being attacked by a bear. I fought off all the wasps and released the propane tank. I told my sister, holy crap, I have already fought off dog vomit, ants, wasps AND my mother and it isn't even 10:00, please pick up a super hero cape for me when you get the propane.

I sure hope Dave is enjoying his golf game. He works so hard, he really deserves to have a little fun while I do all the work!!!!

2010-07-16T03:27:00.002-05:00

It is 3:30 AM and I am still up waiting on my pulled pork. The girls graduation party is tomorrow and I do my best work without 8 extra people on top of me. I peeled 5 dozen eggs for deviled eggs and waxed my floors. Unfortunately my house now smells like a big fart thanks to the eggs.

Wednesday night we got to go to a preview showing of the new movie Ramona and Beezus. We saw Toy Story 3 a couple of weeks ago and I thought I may have to sell a kid or two just to buy popcorn. This time the movie was free!! How cool is that. I got an invite by email for moms with blogs, my niece and nephew are staying with me so we had quite the crew. The movie was actually really good, the little girl that played Ramona was the cutest little thing. I am sure this movie will launch her to stardom. We had no business going to the movies this week, we have so much work to do getting ready for the party. Oh well, it is good to take a break from the norm and do something fun. When I asked my 5 year old niece what her favorite part in the movie was she said, "Umm when the cat died." Wow, my sisters kids are even more warped then my children.

Speaking of fun, I just spent the day shopping with my mother. I learned many new things today. For example, when you pull into a parking spot, you should always pull forward so you don't have to back out. If you back out it ruins your axle, and it isn't good for your car. WHAT???? Another thing I learned is that if my mom asks my opinion on something, for example; How many ears of corn should we buy for the party? She really doesn't want to know how many I think we should get unless it is the same number she already has in mind.

We have a big hole in the wall in my powder room where the toilet paper holder USED to be. It has been broken almost 3 years now. I am just going to put a Post It above the hole that says, "Please ask Dave to fix this, Thanks, The management." It may work!!! The party starts at 6 and Dave is playing golf in the morning. I am thrilled about that. Lauren sent me a text this morning that said, "I won't be much help today cooking and cleaning, I am really hung over." Oh yeah because normally I am lost without you, who else will Windex one table and criticize the menu??

2010-07-13T12:45:00.002-05:00

My sister just moved back to Missouri from Atlanta. Her husband is in the Army and is the new commander at Fort Leonard Wood. We are excited because my nieces and nephews will be 2 hours away instead of 10. They spent the night Saturday night after driving from Atlanta on the way to their new home. Her little ones Conor (8) and Keira (5) decided to stay with us until Friday when they come back for Erin's graduation party. I am glad they feel comfortable enough to stay, they love playing with their cousins and it is nice to have little ones in the house again. Maggie is 9 but she is 9 going on 20 (remember the string bikini underwear)

My mother is the constant worry wart, she was concerned when my sister left that she was driving in the rain. She is under the assumption that every time a raindrop falls a tornado is certain to follow. Once they made it home safely she went on to worry that my sisters kids were not getting three square meals a day and their cousins were not providing enough attention. She must ask my kids a dozen times a day if they are including Conor and Keira in everything. I have explained countless times that the kids want to stay because they love their cousins and have a blast with them, no need to hover.

She ran to the grocery store first thing Monday morning to make sure they had enough snacks. (my kids have been starving all summer!) She made dinner last night, (she never cooks) My kids were standing around the counter holding their plates drooling. When dinner was ready she looked at them and said, I am going to feed the little ones first. What??? I guess they must be hungrier than the little faces standing in front of you holding their plates.

Keira fell asleep on the couch last night cuddling with Kelsey, grandma came upstairs and said "aww look how she just falls asleep every night." Kelsey said, "I fall asleep every night too grandma."

I am excited that they are here until Friday, that means grandma will keep the snacks coming as well as dinner!! I have a feeling by Friday my kids may just be getting the scraps that the golden grandchildren leave on their plates!!! Luckily my kids aren't shy and they know grandma really does love them she just sees them every day.

My house will never be ready in time for the party, Dave has to pick up tables and chairs as well as a ping pong table that we are borrowing. We are going to the movies Wednesday night. We got invited to a preview showing of Ramona and Beezus for moms with blogs. I was excited I almost feel like a celebrity. We saw Toy Story 3 and I spent almost my whole paycheck. We get to see this movie for free. Yippee!! Conor and Keira are going too. Maybe grandma will give them some money for snacks!!! ( just kidding Grams)

2010-07-10T13:22:00.002-05:00

Erin's graduation party is Friday so we are trying to get the house ready this weekend and get our Spring cleaning in so everything is in tip top shape by Friday. Oh that makes me laugh, the pigs I live with will have everything a collasel mess by Tuesday. Dave came in from cutting the grass with a funny look on his face. He said "Look what I almost ran over with the lawn mower." Our house backs up to woods so it is not unusual for him to run over a frog or a snake or even a small toy but today was different. Dave was holding two silicone flesh colored breasts. Erin said, "Oh God, my boobs, I must have dropped them when I got out of the car.

I bought them for her to wear with her prom dress. She couldn't wear a bra with her dress and these were at Target and seemed to do the trick. They are sticky on one ,they sometimes fall out when she sweats. Erin isn't exactly blessed in the chest region and often wears two padded bras to look a little more well endowed. She calls her stick on boobs her "pasties" This isn't the first mishap she has had with her "girls" One time they kept falling out because she was sweaty and she just took them out and put them in her wristlet. Her friend accidentally got them caught in the zipper when she was getting her phone . There is a little chunk missing on the side, luckily for Erin the "pasties" escaped harm at the hands of the lawn mower. She can continue her circuit this summer at the graduation parties looking like a B cup.

2010-07-01T21:55:00.004-05:00

Oil in Gulf Shores : (

Alabama was quite the little adventure. We had to find a restaurant to order food considering we had no car. We decided on pizza, I took a shower so I could try and scrub all the remaining oil off my old dry cracked feet from the tar balls on the beach. I assumed that by the time I was finished the food would be ordered. I of course forgot that the two family members left in charge of ordering food are not capable of doing anything for themselves. They would starve if they had to actually do something for themselves. I ordered, pizza, salad, breadsticks and a big chocolate chip cookie. I figured the best way to forget about the fact that I was stranded in Alabama was to eat like a pig.

Erin made herself a makeshift plate out of the top of the styrofoam salad container. Erin is a bit of a pig so her plate was full, she took one step and dropped the whole contents on the floor, right on top of my dirty clothes. Problem being I only packed one bra for my trip and now it was full of marinara sauce. I decided to worry about that later.

The next morning we had to check out by 11 or we had to pay for an extra night. The tow truck didn't show up until 10 so we were essentially homeless until the van was fixed. Erin needed a tampon and apparently Alabama doesn't have tampon dispensers in public bathrooms. I had packed my running shoes as well as my poise pads (hazard of running after giving birth 400 times) in case I decided to exercise on our trip (I didn't) I figured a poise pad would have to hold her over for a while. She hung out at the pool for a while while we were waiting on the van to get fixed. Finally she decided that she really needed a tampon. We asked at the front desk where the nearest convenience store was and we decided to walk. What else did we have to do? Erin used the outside shower to rinse the sand off the back of her legs. Unfortunately for her the water from the shower all absorbed into her old lady diaper.

So here we are, Dave in his swim trunks and a t shirt, me in my one piece and a pair of shorts and Erin in her itty bitty black bikini with an adult diaper that makes her look like she has a penis waking down an Alabama street in search of a tampon. We walked almost 2 miles before we finally found a Walgreens. Dave didn't want to go in because he was carrying two hotel towels and he thought he looked weird. Hello, your daughter is wearing a tiny bikini and she kind of looks like a cross dresser right now, no one will think you look weird because you are carrying towels. Erin did get several honks on the way back, we were wondering what made us think it was a good idea to head out without more clothes? Our luggage was all behind the front desk and we didn't want to bother anyone. That was smart!!

We hung out at the pool until we got the call that our van was done. Yeah hurray!! We were on our way home by 4:00, I was still in my swimsuit and a pair of shorts and changed in a gas station on the road. I didn't have a bra considering it was full of marinara sauce so I just went without. We stopped somewhere in Mississippi and got a hotel and went looking for a place to eat. Dave was ready to have a cow, we decided to eat at a place called The Huddle House and Dave was dying that I wasn't wearing a bra, I thought, "are you kidding me, I am the only one in here with all my teeth, a bra would make me overdressed." We finally made it home on Thursday around 5:00 pm, Maggie was waiting for us in the driveway and couldn't wait to show us the new string bikini underwear that her big sister bought her : (

2010-06-23T08:16:00.003-05:00

We are in Gulf Shores Alabama right now. Dave and I brought Erin to Mobile for her college orientation. We finished up yesterday early afternoon and headed out to check out the sights. Dave was in heaven when we visited the USS Alabama Navy ship. Erin and I pretended to be interested for the first hour then it just became too much to bare. After we toured the ship we got to look at fighter planes and a submarine. We finally left and grabbed a quick bite to eat at Taco Bell. Dave was still basking in the glory of all his new Navy knowledge and asked us, How many men do you think they had on that submarine? I was really trying to act like I cared and said, Oh I don't know, 20,000. Erin thought my answer sounded about right, he rolled his eyes and said, 77. Oh I was so close.

We left Taco Bell and headed for Gulf Shores beach to check out the oil spill. I will post pictures of the oil when I get back home. (If I ever get home) We walked up and down the beach for a while and decided we should head back to our hotel in Mobile then maybe hit a movie. Right before we hit the highway our car starting making a horrible sound every time we turned the wheel to the left. We called a couple mechanics and they all close at 5. We had no other choice but to find a hotel nearby and stay for the night. Dave and I were a little more stressed than little Miss Erin. We have a beach front hotel overlooking the beach. I called Priceline to see what my options were, I had prepaid my room in Mobile. The man in India said, "sorry we have a no cancellation policy." Great I love throwing money away, I can't wait to see how much it costs to fix the van. I checked out my GPS to see if it had more options. It has, fastest route, scenic route, no highways but I couldn't find, "Only right turns." We could probably make it home only making right turns but it may take 17 days.

Lauren called me to let me know that she took Maggie to the mall and bought her a new sundress and she told her it would look better if she wore a bra with it. Not only that she bought her some string bikini underwear. Right now I can't deal with the fact that my nine year old is heading for a stripper pole, I just need my van fixed. Oh yeah and Erin needs a tampon and we don't have a car and this crappy hotel doesn't have a dispenser in the bathroom. Good Times, Good Times!!

2010-05-28T16:49:00.008-05:00

2010

Murphy

Graduates

Lauren Murphy

Fontbonne University

4 year Deans List

Magna Cum Laude

Samantha Murphy

Washington University

5 years Deans List

#1 in her class, Master of Accounting

Erin Murphy

Incarnate Word Academy

National Honor Society

Honor Roll

Kelsey Murphy

Assumption School

Honor Roll

Way To Go Girls!!!!!

2010-05-28T12:15:00.003-05:00

We had the last Murphy graduation of the year last night. Kelsey looked really pretty. I will post pictures of all of my graduates on my next post. I took a half day off so I could fix Kelsey's hair. I got home and she was nowhere to be found. She was supposed to have her hair washed, blow dried and straightened ready for me to go. Lauren came home and took her to go get a pedicure and Lauren got a facial. Shannon had taken her the day before to get nail tips, I was amazed that Shannon would be so generous. She is the type of kid that would let you die of thirst in a desert if she had a whole well full of water because she might need the water for herself someday. I found out later that Shannon actually owed Kelsey 20 so she was just paying for her to get her nails done instead of coughing up the cash. The nails were 22 and I am sure she will hold Kelsey to the $2 plus tip, I knew there was a catch.

Lauren was home laying out on the deck in Erin's favorite swimming suit and Shannon was home as well. Sounds like a fun day with mom and her 4 babies, ha ha. Lauren and Erin got in a big fight and started screaming at each other. Somehow it was all my fault. Lauren is mad because me and Dave give Erin money all the time and she gets away with more than she did when she was her age. Erin explained that we only give her money for gas and Lauren insisted that is not true, we bought her new shoes for graduation. Erin said, "why does that bother you? Me getting shoes shouldn't effect you." Then Shannon said "yeah I never get shoes come to think of it, no one buys me anything." All during this little squabble I just sat on the couch quiet wondering how I got thrown under the bus today, maybe I should just go back to work. After a while I just went downstairs to check my email and let them fight it out and hash out how mom likes you best theory.

A while later Lauren came downstairs crying, Erin hit her with a skirt hanger because she wouldn't get out of her bed or take of her bikini. Somehow this was all my fault!!! I talked to Erin and explained that it is not OK to hit her sister with a skirt hanger. Why am I having this conversation with kids who are old enough to vote. Does this explain why we have complete idiots for elected officials?? The average voter just finished beating their sibling with a skirt hanger before they cast their vote to save the world??

I finished Kelsey's hair and make up and she looked beautiful. Erin and Shannon were fighting over who got to wear a green dress that was in their closet. Erin found it and tried it on the night before and thought she should get to wear it and Shannon thought she got dibs because she borrowed it from her friend last summer and never gave it back. I thought, Ok this dress is technically stolen since you never returned it so maybe we should go drop it off to it's rightful owner. Joan Crawford/AKA Erin backed off and let Shannon wear the dress.

Lauren emerged from the shower with tear stained cheeks because her face was sensitive from the facial. Hopefully that will fade and not match the welt on her leg. This is going to be a long summer!!

2010-05-25T11:48:00.002-05:00

We have had two more graduations since my last post. Two graduations and lots of drama!!! The night of Erin's graduation she told me she didn't even want me to go and she hated me. Fabulous, I think the feeling was mutual at that point. All is good, she loves me again, (I think??)

Sam's graduation was nice, a little long but nice. She won an award for being the accounting student with the most academic excellence and having the most potential in the field of accounting. I can't help but think it all started with me around the kitchen table with flashcards. Ha Ha, just kidding, I still use my fingers on my 8's times tables.

Kelsey's graduation is Thursday, Erin has her soccer banquet so she isn't coming, Lauren is taking a "personal" day so she isn't coming and Sam is trying to make it but she is taking the second part of her CPA exam this weekend and would prefer to study. Shannon is coming but rest assured it is not because she wants to support her sister, three of her old grade school friends will be there and she wants to see them. It is great to see everyone rally around Kelsey, NOT!!!

I got my air conditioning fixed in my van yesterday. Life is good, yesterday was the first really hot day and I was starting to melt. I actually had to turn the air down yesterday because I was too cold. Old Blue may get to stick around another year or two now!

Lauren and Erin had a little cat fight over Lauren's flesh colored strapless bra. Every time Lauren comes home, Erin hides it under her bed and pretends like she has no idea where it could be so she doesn't have to return it. Lauren decided enough was enough, she wanted her bra back. Erin found another flesh colored bra that was missing one of the wires and falling apart. She tried to convince her that was her $60 Victoria Secret bra. A few screams, pushes and smacks later the correct bra miraculously showed up.

Erin's team won Districts and plays tonight in sectionals. We won state the last two years and are hoping to make it all the way again this year. Last year Erin had surgery and couldn't play in the state final so I am really hoping we can keep going all the way to a state title. I guess it is kind of greedy but too bad, Go Red Knights!!

2010-05-16T17:00:00.002-05:00

I woke up early Saturday morning with a phone call from Erin. She had locked her keys in her car at soccer practice and the other set of keys was in Shannon's friends car clear on the other side of town. I thought to myself, "If you procreate with the village idiot, you are bound to get an idiot or two offspring." Laurens graduation was at 10:00 AM so there was no time to deal with the car issue. She got a ride home from a friend and we could get the keys later.

We made it to Laurens graduation on time and everyone was able to attend except Erin. She had to work at 11:00. We made sure we texted her several times when we went out to lunch to let her know how much fun we were having.

Erin graduates tomorrow night and Sam graduates on Friday. May is such a busy time I wish I could just clone myself so I could quit running around like a chicken with my head cut off. Kelsey needs her eyebrows waxed and keeps asking me to take her to get them done. I told her to grab a tweezers but she didn't like that idea. Daqve cleaned out the garage yesterday and is really proud of himself. Wow, that's impressive, he put the Christmas tree and the light up reindeer in the attic in May. Can we maybe get the broken washing machine off the patio in time for Erin's graduation party or should I just put ice in it and call it a cooler??

2010-05-11T21:39:00.005-05:00

I taped the kids in the kitchen without them knowing. My family really LOVES each other. Is it really this hard just to light birthday candles???

Maggie's birthday was yesterday. Lauren and Erin decided to surprise her and go up to school to give her 9 obnoxiously big balloons. Of course that meant I had to leave work early in order to fit carpool as well as the balloons in the car. Grandmas Toyota wouldn't cut it. When I got home Lauren told me that her and Erin were discussing what Maggie would think when she saw them at school. Lauren told me Erin suggested they tell her that Seamus died as a joke. Lauren was really proud of herself that she talked her out of it. She said, "I would have went along with it, if it wasn't her birthday." Should I be comforted by that??? What am I raising??
Maggie wanted a new bike for her birthday. Dave was less than pleased. That is the last thing we need, another bike in the garage. We have tried to sell them in garage sales, give them away and even throw them away and no takers. Even the trash men wouldn't take one of our old bikes.
Ryan was in a tournament Sunday and we didn't get home until after 8. We stopped at McDonald's on the way home to get some dinner. Erin called and wanted to know when we were coming home, she was starving. I told her it was after 7 and she should have already made herself something to eat and I was not bringing her food home, we are not made of money. A few seconds later Kelsey called and said she was hungry and Erin told her she wasn't allowed to take no for an answer. A few minutes later she sent a text that said, 3 double cheeseburgers, hold the onions and three fries. She texted her father because she knows he won't say no. Unfortunately for her, her father can never keep track of his own stuff so I had his phone. I texted her back and said "nice try."

Dave and I dropped off the kids AND the three double cheeseburgers with no onions and three fries and headed to Wal Mart on a bike quest. We finally found one at the third Wal Mart. Dave decided we should go with the more expensive bike and just not get a helmet. Brilliant Dave, now when she gets in a bike accident, she can wear a hockey helmet to school. Anything to save a buck!!

Erin called me today and told me she absolutely had to get new shoes for graduation. She was all prepared to wear her white Steve Madden sandals and she found out at school today that they aren't allowed to wear sandals. She has no other choice but to buy new shoes. The 27 pair of white shoes in the closet will never work. She said she tried on her cap and gown and her gown is so long that she just has to have new white shoes so it looks OK. I gave her my credit card but I should have just offered to hem her gown instead. I'm sure that would have went over well.

2010-05-04T11:58:00.003-05:00

May is such a crazy time of year, I don't know if I'm coming our going. Four of my kids are at a great crossroad of their life. Kelsey is finishing up eighth grade and trying to figure out who she is and where she fits. Erin is finishing up her senior year and figuring out how to spend as much time fighting with her mother as she can, Lauren is finishing up her senior year of college and trying to figure out where to enroll in graduate school and what her future will bring. Sam is finishing up graduate school and trying to buy her first car and getting ready to start her first big girl job in her chosen field. I am still muddling through trying to figure out how to be the worst mother on the planet. (just ask Erin)

Seriously though, Dave and I are incredibly proud of our kids. They are far from perfect and anyone who reads my blog can attest to that, but they are great kids. Sam and Lauren have spent the majority of their college days on the Deans List, Erin has been on the honor roll all through high school and Kelsey has been on honor roll all through elementary school. The amazing part is that they have achieved such academic success all the while having the worlds greatest under achiever academically as their mother. Thank God my old report cards aren't laying around the house!!!

Erin is starting to stress about leaving all of her friends. She told me yesterday that she is planning on getting a Skype camera to take with her everywhere so she can still socialize with her friends while she is in Alabama. Of course she made no mention of missing her mother.

I found out Friday that I have a stress fracture on my shin bone. I may have come in last place in the family at the half marathon but I feel I should get extra points for completing it with a BROKEN LEG. Ok either extra points or a dunce cap. No wonder those hills hurt so bad. I took 4 Advil before the start of the race. I am tougher than I look. I was planning on running another half marathon in October but most likely won't be able to train because my shin won't have enough time to heal. Maybe I should have drank my milk as a kid!!! Are you listening Ryan?? I guess I have a good excuse to sit on my lazy butt all summer. I feel the best way to heal a stress fracture is to spend the summer in a lounge chair with a tall ice tea and a good book!!

2010-04-23T13:40:00.002-05:00

Love is in the air at the Murphy house. Erin and Shannon are having a lovely time sharing the car. Erin's argument is "Shannon can't do anything for herself. Everyone stands up and gives her a standing ovation every time she works on homework and she always gets the car." Shannon's argument, is "Erin is so mean, she always bully's me and says I get everything I want." It all started on Tuesday. Erin stayed the night with a friend and didn't tell Shannon she had to wake up on her own and drive to school. The fact that she wasn't in the bed that she shares with her wasn't a big enough clue. Apparently when she got to school it was ugly. Shannon was unable to park in her parking spot because it was ring day and Erin didn't tell her. A friend of mine who is a teacher called to tell me what entertainment my girls provided. Shannon stood in the middle of the street and stared Erin down and refused to budge when Erin's friend came by to pick her up because she had to park so far away.

Thursday night Erin had to work at 6 and Shannon had to work at 7. We had a little problem deciding who got the car. Lauren called me in the morning to tell me how she didn't like my children because they weren't silent in the morning while they got ready for school. Oh this is going to be a long summer when Lauren comes home.

Last night Shannon came in my room and asked if she could go bowling with her friends. I told her no because she didn't have any money. Dave said "If you quit fighting with your sister you can take all the money I have." Shannon jumped up grabbed the cash and we didn't hear from her the rest of the night.

Today is the display of the rain forest in Maggie's classroom. I called Dave to see if he wanted to meet me there at 2:30. I told him they were taking donations to save the Lair. Whatever the Lair is. He said No, I had to pay our kids to get along so I am out of money. I don't think we will find that paying your children to not kill each other will be in any parenting books.

2010-04-19T12:17:00.003-05:00

No time to write. Prom was great, weekend was crazy. Squeezed in a few hours to clean on Sunday, and Erin said "I am not scrubbing a toilet, "Are you kidding me? That is disgusting." Of course not Erin, I just devoted my whole Friday, most of Saturday and a large part of Sunday to your every need. How dare I ask you to clean a bathroom. That is no way to treat a princess!!

2010-04-16T09:01:00.002-05:00

Erin has prom tonight. The problem is, she has to play a soccer game at 3:30 and that gives us around 30 minutes to turn her in to Cinderella before the prom.. We did a quick trial run last night, she wants a bun but I didn't like it. I had arranged to go to a friends house to get Erin and her friends ready because she lived close to the field. Their dates told them they were meeting in South County for pictures. She received a text later that now they are meeting in North County for pictures. WHAT!!!

Grandma informed me that Kelsey is upset because no one ever goes to her out of town tournaments, only Ryan's. (Ryan has had 3 out of town tournaments, I have missed every one) I don't really have time for her pity party this week. Come see me next weekend!!

I emailed my friend to let her know that we are no longer meeting at the house by the soccer field and that I won't need her help and I gave her the solution to all of my problems. See the email below;

As of now, you are off the hook. Erin got a text last night that they are now meeting for pictures in North County by my old house. The prom is at Norwood Hills Country Club in North County. We are heading to one of her friends houses in Florissant after the game to get ready. I put her eyelashes on this morning. I hope they don't fall off during her game.

I had the night from hell. I bought fake hair at Sally but it looks too fake. She wants a low bun but I think it looks like crap. I would gladly trade my six girls in for six boys right now. Dave was out of town last night, Kelsey had a woe is me night, (nobody comes to my out of town tournaments), Erin broke her new phone, Shannon got a job last night (no one had time to care) Ryan needed a protractor for his test today and Maggie needed a gift for her 5:30 birthday party that she has tonight. (that I won't be home to take her too, thanks to Erin.)

Solution:

Kelsey shut up and get over yourself. We all love you, I am driving up to Muscatine at 3:00 in the morning on May 1st after I get Erin ready for her other prom. I don't have time to coddle your ego, we love you snap out of it. There is no time for drama!!

Shannon I need your first pay check to pay for the car insurance since you are so lazy I won't get the good student driving discount!!

Ryan, here is another protractor to replace the first one that you lost. God help you if you don't do well on your math test when I run to Walgreens at 9:45.

Maggie, just keep being Maggie. Someone will get you to your party tonight, I'm not sure who. I will figure it out later. (God, please help me remember to pick her up in the morning)

Erin, You are not wearing your hair in a bun, it looks like crap. Please don't wipe your eyes on the soccer field. Your fake eyelashes may fall off. Trust your mother, you will look pretty when you leave for prom. Make sure your stick on bra stays in place and behave yourself tonight. No drinking, no drugs, no sex.

Colleen, go home, drink, take drugs and forget about sex!!!

Dave, do nothing as usual!!

2010-04-15T10:41:00.003-05:00

We had a busy weekend. Kelsey made her confirmation on Saturday and Dave, Sam, Lauren, Kelsey and I ran the Go STL half marathon. We had great weather for both days. We drove to Lauren's apartment and took her car to confirmation. I had yet to see Lauren's apartment. I was impressed when the only picture she had hanging up was a picture of me and her. I thought, "Oh she really does love me." Then I realized the picture was on her refrigerator. Maybe she hung it there to remind herself not to eat, so she won't look like her mother. The only thing she had in the fridge was a six pack and a jar of applesauce.

I was exhausted the night before the race, we had a long day with confirmation and race packet pick up and the health expo. I fell into bed at 9:30 and was sleeping like a baby. At 10:15 Kelsey came in my room and informed me that she couldn't find her bib. (racing number that is required to run) We looked everywhere and went through all the couch cushion. On the bright side, I found a few socks and a few bucks in change. Lauren's boyfriend Mike had to drive to Fontbonne at 11:00 to check and see if she left it in the back of Lauren's car. Sure enough, he found it and drove it back to put in our mailbox. I knew Kelsy felt bad and I decided to give her the silent treatment instead of flooding her with all the positive(not) thoughts that I had in my head about her constant irresponsibility. I figured if her father has had a lifetime to get his ducks in a row and still hasn't, berating her would not do any good.

Kelsey and Sam finished in 1:53, Lauren 2:08, Dave 2:18 and I rolled in on my hands and knees at 2:35. It really was a good feeling to cross the finish line. My calves are killing me and I'm about ready to lose a toenail but I would do it again in a heartbeat. It's OK that the man with one leg, the blind man and the man juggling for 13.1 miles all beat me. I'm OK with that REALLY!!!

Erin has been asked to prom by a CBC boy. My niece mailed her a dress that she wore last year. Heaven forbid she wear the same dress to this prom that she is wearing to hers. The dress is absolutely beautiful. The problem is that Erin can't breath after I zip it. She wants to try and lose two lbs by Friday. I sure wish all I had to lose for my clothes to fit was 2 lbs. Isn't that just a healthy bowel movement?? Erin has a soccer game on Friday and has about 45 minutes to get ready for prom after her game. She may look pretty when we are done but she may not smell so great. There is no time to wash and blow dry her hair so we will have to adjust.

I took Monday off to recover from the race and have a me day. Unfortunately my kids started coming out of the woodwork and I had three kids home. Erin went through her closet to sell her clothes to a resale shop. She is trying to scrounge up enough money for nail tips and a pedicure for prom. I said, Erin I'm surprised you haven't sold your plasma." She responded with, "Oh I can do that? How much money will they give me?" I'm afraid she may sell her kidney in college.

Ryan had his first baseball game of the season on Tuesday. He did really well, he got two hits, a walk and a strike out. I didn't see him before the game and felt really bad when I walked up to the field and saw my son in nickers. His baseball pants were so short they were practically Bermuda shorts. Come to think of it, I bought those pants three years ago. Some day I will get this parenting thing down!!

2010-04-09T10:46:00.002-05:00

This has been a pretty crazy week. Monday we had the prom fiasco, the store where Erin bought her dress sold the same dress to a Junior at her school. To make an unbelievably long story short, the store owner was mean to Erin and Lauren and made Erin cry in the store because he was so rude. In the end she got her money back for the ridiculously expensive prom dress. I called home later in the day to check on her and Lauren said, "She is sitting in her underwear crying eating a whole bag of Doritos, she may need a larger size dress, whatever she finds." I took off work early and we went on a prom dress mission. We found one she liked, it is really cute on her but she feels it doesn't have the "Wow" factor. She ended up getting a size 0 so I guess the Doritos were harmless.

My youngest three are on spring break this week. I asked Kelsey to unload and reload the dishwasher for me. When I got home it was clear that she misunderstood my instructions. I think she thought I said, "Kelsey, please play a game of "Jenga" with every dish that we own." Poor kid, I really should have made myself a little more clear.

We are running the half marathon on Sunday. I ran 10 miles three weeks ago and ever since then I have considered getting around town in a wheel chair. I am falling apart. My calf muscles are so sore, I can barely walk. I only ran once this week trying to rest my muscles but I feel horrible. Kelsey makes her confirmation on Saturday, I think I should spend the morning praying that the other 16000 participants get a bad stomach bug instead of praying that I do well. God knows that is a hopeless prayer. I just hope I finish.

2010-03-31T13:06:00.003-05:00

Spring soccer has arrived so I have been running around like a chicken with my head cut off. What has been even better is that gas prices have went up and what used to cost around 65-70 dollars to fill my gas tank and last a week is now costing me around 80 and it lasts for about 3 to 4 days. YIPEE!!!! To top that off little Miss Erin has needed a check just about every day, "Mom I need $110 for prom tickets.", "Mom, I need $100 for soccer fees at school." "Mom I need $150 transferred in my account to fix the overdrawn fees." "Mom , I need $35 for our senior lock in." "Mom , I need lunch money." "Mom, my gas light just came on and I don't have any money in my account." I finally said, "Enough Erin, do you have any idea how much money I have given you in the last two weeks?" She said, "I know me and my friends were just talking about that, the end of senior year is really expensive." I guess I should take that as a consolation prize that she actually felt bad for half a second compared with the first 18 years of her life. She borrowed money from her two older sisters for the ridiculously expensive prom dress that she picked out. I think she finally realized this bank was closed for the year.

Ryan asked me this weekend what a trophy wife was. I explained it to him and then my darling husband chimed in with, "I sure wish I had a trophy wife." Ryan said, "It's OK dad, you have one, she's just not first place." Dave said, "yeah I think I just got a participant." They are both lucky I have a good sense of humor!!

2010-03-25T11:47:00.002-05:00

Little Shannon did a Murphy first. She passed her driving test on the first try. Sam did it in three and Lauren and Erin did it in two. Of course she did it in total Shannon fashion by passing with a mere 76. Why would we bother trying to pass a test any other way than average to below average?? Dave called Sam and Lauren and told them they could call and congratulate her but mom took her phone away because she can't seem to get the fact that we expect something other than a C from our little under achiever. I got to make my dreaded call to the insurance company to add her on to our car insurance. They still haven't called me back with our new rate, I think they may be afraid to tell me. Shannon said the driving examination lady told her that she had a heavy foot on the gas. She should have said, "Oh yeah, you should see my idiot sister Erin, she has two accidents and a ticket doing 80, it's in the genes." I am really looking forward to the peace and quiet with the girls sharing a car this summer. I am so lucky that my girls resolve every conflict quietly and respectfully. Ha Ha, in my dreams maybe.

I made a pot of spaghetti last night and Ryan and Kelsey got home from practice just as dinner was almost ready. I was on the phone and glanced over to my dinner cooking and noticed my only son covered in mud wringing his hands above my dinner and I exclaimed, "sweetheart, whatever are you doing?" OK I think it went more like, "What in the hell are you doing?, Do you have a brain?" He responded with, "My hands are cold." Well by all means warm them up above our dinner, it would be dumb to wash the mud off with warm soapy water. The heat will most likely kill the germs. It is amazing that I don't take Prozac or beat my kids.

2010-03-18T12:10:00.003-05:00

Dave and I got a small glimpse of what the summer of 2010 may be like and let me tell you, we are in for a real treat. I believe there is only room for one Queen Witch with a "B' this summer and Erin and Lauren are fighting it out. You see Lauren previously held the title until she moved in to her own apartment and Erin not only has filled her shoes, she has done so well she has overflown the shoes. Just ask Ryan!!

Lauren came home last night and immediately started listing all the things she noticed in the house that needed to change. Most importantly the smell of dog pee. I am with her on that one!!Of course that may actually require someone getting up from the couch and letting the dog out. Yeah, that is an impossible feet, I will just stock up on Febreeze. She then went on to lecture us how our kids needed discipline and they get away with murder, most especially Erin. Dave and I just ignored the mini conflicts brewing and went to bed.

This morning we awoke to the two Queen B's fighting, I think they both called each other witches with a "B" several times (hey when did they decide that type of language was acceptable?) and Lauren grabbed an alli when she pretended to be concerned about the way Erin treats her precious baby brother. Ryan fell for it and chose Queen B Lauren's side, that is until she turns on him and stings him with her heiness witchiness with a "B." Erin needed me to move the car so she could get out of the driveway, Dave asked me for the check card and Queen Lauren threw a fit because she thought Dave was going to fill up Erin's gas tank. Once he assured her he had no intention of filling her gas tank, he was just going to buy some milk so Maggie and Ryan could eat she was breathing a little easier.

Ryan has a new habit of drawing on himself, that
just made my already stressful morning a tad more chaotic. He drew some sort of tattoo on his hand and he wrote the word strong across one bicep and man across the other. If anyone knows my son, you can think of several adjectives to describe him and strong man wouldn't make the list. He has a tendency to make a skeleton look overweight. During all the Lauren/Erin fight I instructed him to find some soap and scrub the graffiti off his body.

Last night Erin needed some help with her child psychology paper she was writing. She wanted to know what she was like as an infant and a toddler. I pulled out my old diary and we all had a good laugh. Unfortunately I only have a handful of entries. One of them described Erin as a baby, I think i wrote something like, "you are such a little piggy, you ate 6 donut holes and smashed a couple in your hair." Some things never change. Another entry explained how when she was a little over 2 and Shannon was a baby, every time Shannon would cry and I wasn't in the room Erin would yell, "She got hurt all by herself." She always made sure to cover all her bases. I also wrote how Erin used to love the show Rescue 911 and how she would put Shannon on the ground and preform CPR and Shannon would just lay there and let her. Oh how I miss the days of smashed donut holes and getting hurt "all by herself." Now I have smashed cars and cat fights!!

2010-03-12T11:07:00.003-06:00

We had to take the Jeep back from Sam, Dave has a company car and can only use it for work related things and Erin not having a car was becoming a real issue. I feel horrible that she is back to using public transportation but I am sure Lauren is walking with a little more spring in her step. She saved up and bought a car last year and always had a problem with us letting Sam use our good car.

Erin got to drive the jeep to Columbia to watch her high school compete in the basketball final four. I had just received a phone call from our insurance company that she may be excluded from our auto policy if the underwriters decide that she is too much of a risk with her two accidents. Thank God they don't know about her ticket that she just had to complete driving school so it would stay off her record. She wasn't as concerned about her pending cancellation as I was, she has bigger problems. She found a $400 prom dress that she is in love with and her last paycheck was $18. Good luck with that!!

I gave her the lecture about driving the speed limit before she left. She said "don't wory, I will set the cruise control at 65." Um no Erin if the speed limit is 60 we don't set cruise control at 65!!!! She then went on to tell me that she learned a lot from her online driving course and she is a much more responsible driver. Does she think I am a complete idiot????

2010-03-09T20:02:00.002-06:00

Dave and I woke up to the all too familiar sound of love in the air this morning. Ryan was screaming at Erin asking for a towel, Shannon was screaming at Erin and Erin was screaming at everyone. Erin was upset that Ryan had the audacity to take a shower without checking to see if he had any towels in his bathroom and she was upset with the fact that he has is own bathroom so hell would freeze over before she would bring him a towel. I found out later that he had to use his underwear to dry off until Maggie saved the day and brought him a towel. Erin forgets to check for clean towels all the time but according to her logic, it is different because she has long hair that makes her much colder than Ryan, and she deserves a towel more. Drying off with dirty boxers sounds perfectly logical to her.

The other little problem that we had was Shannon couldn't find any shoes. Erin was yelling at her to hurry up and was lecturing her that she should have got all of her stuff together last night. Shannon was upset because they had to wear their dress uniforms today and she couldn't find any dress shoes that fit her. I then got screamed at because I quote "we don't have any shoes for little feet." She then went on to yell, "you haven't bought me new shoes in like forever." I went and brought the crazy psychopath some "shoes for little feet." and finished getting ready for work. I can't wait until summer when they can fight all day long instead of just in the morning.

2010-03-05T21:20:00.003-06:00

Erin/Sybil has been in rare form lately. Last weekend she was in the school play. She did an awesome job. I even got a little teary eyed watching her on stage. She decided the night before play auditions that she wanted to audition. She has never shown much interest in Drama other than the drama that she causes at home. She was in several dance numbers and did awesome. She has soooo much showmanship, I was extremely proud. The play ran Thurs, Fri and Sat. I wasn't able to go on Thursday night and was fast asleep by the time she got home. She woke me up around 1:00 AM to ask me where her ticket was, she had to complete her online driving school from the ticket she got in November. Friday she informed me that she needed a sports physicl before Monday in order to try out for soccer. Why does she wait until the last minute to do everything??

Shannon has been on house arrest until she gets her grades up. Instead of actually opening a book, she has chosen to use this time laying on the couch. She left her facebook page open and her status was I expletive hate my life. I gently, OK not so gently told her nice girls don't talk like that and she had about 2 seconds to delete that off her facebook. When I told Dave about it, his response was , "I'm afraid she is going to be really depressed, why don't we take her to the movies tonight." I said, "yeah lets buy her a pony too to celebrate her sub par grades. Nice try Dave, I'll take care of the parenting."

This week has been high school soccer try outs, Erin has been crabbier than usual, if that is possible? She picked up a few healthy things at the grocery store and wrote her name on them with a black sharpie.That is fine with me, I am not interested in her Special K bars, I just polished off 10 boxes of girl scout cookies. Sam ordered some cookies from my niece and told her Aunt not to give them to us because we would eat them before she had a chance to pick them up. I am insulted that she doesn't trust us. She always has been a smart girl!!

2010-02-21T18:47:00.004-06:00

We had our typical busy weekend, games practices driving our kids all over town. We have had to cart Erin all over the place since she no longer has a car. I will be glad for this school year to end, I am already tired of driving Erin and Shannon to and from play/cheer practice. Erin may just have to learn how to drive the van, she could really do some damage with that big tank.

When I got up Saturday I got dressed to run my 8 miles that I am supposed to do for our half marathon training. Last week I did six and had no problems, but eight??? I did fine for the first five but at one point when I realized how far from home I was I considered crying. Instead I walked for a few minutes and ran for a few minutes the rest of the way home. I was bound and determined to finish, no matter what the time. I had just under a mile left and I was waking when Dave pulled up behind me and said, "punkin, do you want a ride home?" I'll punkin you!! Where in the hell were you at mile 5, I'm on the home stretch, shoo fly. I was a little sore when I got home but the good news is I had an empty house. Dave had taken Ryan and Maggie to their games, Kelsey had cheerleading and Lauren and Shannon went to watch Maggie's game. I couldn't wait to soak in a nice hot bath tub. Lucky me, everyone decided to finally show some hygiene and shower before they left and used all the hot water. A girl can dream.

Shannon had her sophomore dance and Lauren took her to get fake nails put on and paid for it. Just when I think they all hate eachother, someone goes and does something nice. My life is always so crazy I sometimes forget that even though my oldest three have already went to their sophomore dance, it is still a big deal to Shannon. Lucky for Shannon, she has a big sister who helped me remember that it is a special day for her. When they got home, I started on Shannon's hair. It took me over two hours to curl it. For having such a tiny little head, she has a ton of hair. She looked beautiful and had a great time. Dave and I spent the rest of the weekend hobbling around like a couple of 40 year olds that decided to act like teenagers and run a half marathon. We were suppossed to run four miles today. I always have been a bit of a rule breaker.

2010-02-15T08:39:00.004-06:00

Everyone wants to hear those three little words for Valentines Day, "I Love you" or maybe even "Be my Valentine." I am so lucky I got a few extra words this Valentines Day. "Mom, I think it's drivable but the hood fell off." Dave and I had just started a movie when we got the dreaded phone call from Erin/Sybil. I was just thinking to myself, what a perfect Sunday afternoon. We went to church, went grocery shopping, ate lunch and cuddled up to watch a movie. Life doesn't get any better than this.

She was at work and I figured that the roads would probably be clear by the time she got off. Her manager let her leave early because the roads were getting bad. A child with half a brain may have considered leaving her car there and calling her dad to pick her up. Lauren does that with one drop of rain. Don't get me wrong, I am incredibly thankful that no one was injured and I love Erin much more than I love the car but Is it wrong to love Erin and the car?? We only have liability coverage on her car so it looks like her replacement will be a Schwinn or a Huffy. Shannon is close to getting her license and now won't have a car to drive. When Sam starts her job in August, she will buy a car and we will get the Jeep back. Erin is upset that she set Shannon up to drive a good car and that is not fair. I thought to myself, it's OK Erin, when you come home for Christmas break from Alabama, I'm sure you will crash the jeep again and then Shannon will have a piece of junk to drive and you can sleep much better at night.

Before I went to bed I thought to myself, why didn't I factor in teenage drivers when I had all these kids?? My girls were so cute in their little dresses and Mary Janes with the little lacy ankle socks. Now I keep hearing, "Mom, I think it's drivable but the hood fell off." Thank God there is no snow in Alabama. I asked her not to come home from college with a tattoo but now I am rethinking my decision. I wouldn't mind and I may even pay for it if she decides to tattoo idiot across her forehead.

2010-02-04T09:08:00.003-06:00

This has been a crazy week. Erin finally decided on a college and signed her letter of intent. It was like pulling teeth to get her to make up her mind. Friday night I told her she had drug her feet long enough, it was time to make a decision. She of course didn't want to talk about it and finally said she would decide on Sunday. She came home Sunday morning with a fever and a sore throat. I swear she will do anything to get out of making this decision. I had some amoxicillin in the house that she had from a previous illness, I told her to start taking them so she could get better quicker. Last time I did that, I found out the red face was from wind burn playing soccer and not an infection. It's a good thing I'm not a doctor!!

She finally made a decision and picked Spring Hill in Alabama, there is a reason that I call her Sybil. Once she made the decision she started getting excited planning her beach outfits. She went tanning and couldn't understand why she now has a rash all over her body. She got on Web Md (because she is her grandma's granddaughter) and diagnosed herself with Scarlet Fever. I'm sure the tanning with strep throat while on antibiotics had nothing to do with it, it has to be Scarlet Fever.

Shannon decided to get off the couch and apply for a job. Of course she insisted I stand over her shoulder while she filled out the online application so I could help her with the questions. There were fifty questions, some were funny like, What percent of people do you think cheat on their federal tax return?? I don't think she even knows what a federal tax return is. They asked if your average grades were A's, B's, or C's, she put B's, they also asked if she was a real go getter, she put strongly agree. I told her that as soon as we finished the application. I would drive her up to church for confession. I had just run three miles and didn't want to stand behind her holding her hand while she filled out the application. She finally finished, I decided she should return to laying on the couch watching One Tree Hill, that is much easier.

Dave came home from running his four miles and said, "Wow this just gets easier and easier, I didn't look at the time but I think I did that pretty fast." I'm thinking of hiring Tonya Harding's ex body guard to take care of our little over achiever.

2010-01-28T10:36:00.002-06:00

I have boot camp after work on Wednesday. I got home at 5:00 and Kelsey was asleep on the couch. That is one of my pet peeves to see my kids laying on the couch being lazy. I let her sleep a while while I played referee to Ryan and Maggie fighting over the last 3 inches of couch that Kelsey left. If I heard seat check once, I heard it a thousand times every time one of them got up. I try to hang out in the family room with the kids as long as I can but a mom can only take so many episodes of Sponge Bob before she throws in the towel and goes off to the comfort of her own room and own TV.

I let Kelsey sleep for a while and then I woke her up and told her to either get up or go up to her room. Erin is not speaking to me because I wouldn't let her go to the scavenger hunt for Zambia. I feel bad for her but she pretty much did it to herself. I walked into the living room and saw a body asleep on my couch. I was so mad, I already woke Kelsey up and told her to go upstairs. I walked over to the couch and stood over her and repeatedly said, "Kelsey, Kelsey, didn't I tell you to go upstairs." Imagine my surprise when Erin/Sybil rolled over and looked at me with a look of surprise and why are you yelling at me? I said, "oops sorry I had the wrong lazy kid, carry on."

This morning as Shannon was walking out to the car, she slipped on a patch of ice. By the time I got to the front door, she was on her hands and knees gathering all her stuff. She had her book bag, cheerleading bag, overnight bag as well as some books. She was just looking so pitiful examining herself looking for cuts and scrapes. Everything she owned was scattered all over the sidewalk and front yard. Erin had a look of pure delight and was doubled over laughing, she said, "Some random lady just stopped in her car to see if Shannon was OK." Wow now that is funny, why in the hell didn't you stop to help your sister?? Maybe we will throw Ryan down the basement steps tonight so you can really get a good laugh.

2010-01-26T12:54:00.003-06:00

I am now in week four of my half marathon training schedule. It is crystal clear that now that I am over forty I am out of my ever living mind. I hate to run, I could think of many things I would rather do than run. My darling husband is also training, he started a couple of weeks after I did. He lost 7 lbs after running three times. I really hate him for that. Last night it was too cold to run outside so I ran on the tread mill, Dave ran outside and came back and said, "It gets easier and easier each time I run." OK , I don't remember ever asking his opinion. Nobody likes an overachiever!!

Erin/Sybil/AKA, liar, liar pants on fire, got in a tad bit of trouble this weekend. I got mad at her on Thursday night and told her she was not to spend the night anywhere on Friday, she needed to come home. I am tired of her being gone all the time. She needs to make time to finish all her college applications. I guess she thought I was kidding and decided to stay out anyway. I called her Saturday morning at work and asked her where in the blankety blank blank she was last night. She said, "I was at Allie's, I'm sorry, I completely forgot I was supposed to come home. I said, "Oh that's OK honey, you are in luck, I just fell off the turnip truck." Or I said something like, "Oh you will remember from now on because you will be spending lots of time at home, like forever."

That evening I had to volunteer at Erin and Shannon's school for the Hall Of Fame Dinner. I guess Erin forgot that I would be spending the evening with Allie's mother and would find out that she didn't spend the night at Allie's after all. We finally pieced the story together and found out all the girls spent the night at Amanda's not Allies. My guess is that Amanda's parents weren't home and the alcohol was going down pretty fast. Granted, I'm glad no one drove but I would prefer she was at home reading the bible.

To make a long story short, Erin/Sybil is spending allot of quality time at home. This week is mission week at school. Each night a different classmate has a party and charges $5 to get in, all money goes to the missions. Erin's argument was "Mom can I please go, it is for Zambia." She even offered to pull up the YouTube video so I could see what a great cause that she wanted to support. I explained that she could still donate her $5, but little liars need to spend time with their mother's instead.

I don't know if Erin/Sybil and I will survive to the end of her senior year. She still hasn't made a final decision about college. I'm thinking of dropping her off in Zambia, she could really make a difference there.

2010-01-20T14:36:00.002-06:00

The case of the missing make up is solved. My foundation has been missing for weeks. I have been using some old stuff with an orange tone and have walked around looking like an umpa lumpa. Suddenly a miracle happened, my foundation reappeared on my sink with a Q-tip sticking out of the top. It looks like someone, I won't mention any names, Erin or Lauren, used it all and returned it empty so I can buy a new bottle.Oh how I love having daughters.

I am in week three of my half marathon training. Now that the weather has warmed up a bit, I am running outside. The first day I went outside I had to run 2 miles and I walked part of it. The next time I had to run 4 miles. What?? 4, who's idea was this stupid half marathon anyway?? I finished the course but did walk about a half mile of it. Last night I had to run 4 miles again,UGHHH. I made it the whole way this time without walking, I was a tad bit disappointed that my time remained about the same as it was when I walked part of the course.

I bought new running Under Armor pants. Dave asked how I liked my new running pants. I told him I found the secret to my pants while running was to make sure I used a Poise pad. He said, "that is quite disturbing." I said, "I have had seven kids, what do you expect?" He responded with, "So have I , you don't see me peeing all over myself when I run." For better or worse darling, don't forget!!!

2010-01-15T11:19:00.002-06:00

Yesterday when I pulled in the driveway, Shannon was in the drivers seat of grandma's car parked next to me. She had just gotten back from the library looking for a book that she needed for school. Grandma let her drive there and back. The library didn't have the book and Shannon had a test in the morning covering the first 100 pages. I told her that we could go to Borders after dinner. Shannon is having a group of girls spend the nighton Friday and I told her she needed to clean up if she wanted the girls to come over. Shannon has a hard time concentrating on anything other than an episode of the Hills or text messaging. Getting her to focus on loading the dishwasher sometimes takes hours.

After dinner we headed out to Borders with Shannon in the drivers seat, YIKES!! The windshield was pretty dirty due to the melted snow so we decided not to take the highway to the mall, I didn't think my nerves could take it. She did fine up until the time she missed the mall entrance and we had to go down the road to the further entrance. She followed the car in front of her and turned down the wrong side of the concrete median into the mall. I said, "Shannon do you realize that you are driving down the wrong side of the road?" She said,"I'm following that guy, he is clearly a terrible driver." CLEARLY!! We got to Borders and I couldn't wait to get out of the car. I obviously didn't realize that I would be teaching 7 children to drive when I was popping out babies every other year. What was I thinking????

Borders had one copy of the book and we got it, and went on our way. She drove home without incident. On the way home she said, "Please don't tell grandma that I drove down the wrong side of the road in her car." Don't worry Shannon, your secret is safe with me!!! She also boasted that she stopped at every stop sign this time. We pulled in the driveway and I said, "I need a drink." She said "Why?"I said, "Oh honey, I'm just really thirsty."

2010-01-07T13:54:00.002-06:00

Oh how I love snow days!!! Snow days combined with a sinus infection and a headache are a good enough reason for this old mom to pull herself together and go to work, headache and all!! I can take off tomorrow when the house is quiet.

I got the hair brained idea to run a half marathon this coming April. What was I thinking?? Dave, Sam, Lauren and Kelsey are also running. The temperatures this week have been somewhere around 10 degrees. Thank God I have a treadmill because there is no way my butt is going outside until the temperature is at least 35 degrees and even that is questionable. The downside is that I haven't been unable to show off all my pretty new running gear, I may not be a good runner but I sure do look the part!!

I started on Monday, the schedule said to run two miles so 2 miles it is. Tuesday is an off day, thank God for Tuesday. Wednesday was 3 miles, I made the mistake of running without my IPOD on Monday because my charger was somewhere in Shannon's room. After threatening her life, she returned the charger. I plugged my earphones in on Wednesday ready to run and, Nothing!! Great, it's always something. For some reason my headphones are broken, all by themselves. Lucky for me Lauren is also training for the half marathon on my treadmill and I found her ipod with the headphones that I bought over a year ago (and mysteriously lost), connected to it right on my dresser. After untangling Ryan's yo yo string from my new/old headphones I started my run. By this time my patience level was not so good at untangling yo yo strings. I decided to refresh my deodorant before I started my run and low and behold, that has also disappeared from my bathroom. I guess I will wear Old Spice deodorant once again!! (no one steals that) I would tie up my children with a Yo Yo string if I could.

2009-12-31T12:53:00.002-06:00

I can't believe it is the end of 2009 already. It has been a great year, my biggest accomplishment was my weight loss. I worked my butt off literally. I have to say my weight is up a bit (10 awful lbs) I decided to go crazy and start fresh on Jan 1st. I have enjoyed this last week of french fries and cupcakes.

Some friends and I are starting a 12 week training program for a half marathon in April. 2010 will be the year I exercise and tone this 40 year old body. I am excited to see what the year will bring, little Erin/Sybil will graduate and go off to college. We sill haven't decided where, but we know it will be somewhere not in the state of MO. One of my friends asked, what will you do with your blog without daily Erin/Sybil material. With that her husband quickly responded, "poor Dave." Yup poor Dave is right, he always supplies me with plenty of material.

2010 will also be the year of our twentieth wedding anniversary. I know I make fun of Dave frequently but can't imagine my life with a man that could go to the grocery store without help, could go through a drive thru, could order a pizza by himself or match his own clothes. I am glad I picked the village idiot before someone else grabbed him. He is quite the catch. I hope our next twenty years are slightly less, OK extremely less "fruitful" and just as entertaining as the first twenty.

It is crazy to imagine that in 2020 we will almost be empty nesters. Maggie will be a senior in high school picking out a college just like Erin/Sybil. Sam will be a successful accountant still trying to figure out the meaning of life, Lauren and Mike will be married and Mike will be wondering why he didn't heed our warnings, Erin will be in a mental institution getting help for her personality disorder that her mother caused by calling her Sybil, Kelsey will be playing soccer somewhere pretending like she is an only child, Shannon will be laying on a couch somewhere in a trailer park watching TV, and Ryan will be incarcerated. Or maybe they will all be happy successful well rounded members of society. Yeah Right!!!

2009-12-27T21:26:00.005-06:00

Christmas Eve I worked until 2:00 while Dave was in charge at home. I had two new DVR's installed the week before and the one in my bedroom wasn't working. They sent out a technician to fix the problem on Christmas Eve. Erin decided to give the guy an early Christmas present when she came downstairs wearing nothing but leggings a bra and a Christmas smile. She ran up the stairs and asked why no one bothered telling her that the cable guy was still there. Great Erin, now I will never get my DVR fixed, I guess I will be setting an extra plate for Christmas dinner.

Lauren got home from work right before we left for Christmas mass. She was planning on going to mass in the morning and was exhausted after working eight hours. We talked her into just going with us. She said " fine but don't expect me to stay awake." She went downstairs to change and came up in a form fighting blue dress and go go boots." I think she was bringing baby Jesus the gift of cleavage. I decided to pick my battles and take a deep breath and sit all the way at the other end of the pew so no one thought the kid with her boobs hanging out belonged to me. I suggested she sit on the other side of the cable guy who was next to Erin.

The kids had a nice Christmas despite Dave AKA village idiot Santa wrapping his only son's gifts in pastel pink and green paper. Smart Santa AKA me used dark green and red paper for the gifts that I wrapped. Despite the pink paper, everyone had a nice Christmas. Kelsey got a cell phone so all is finally right with the world. She can finish her eighth grade year no longer in shame as she was the only kid in the world without a phone.

Christmas Eve and Christmas day our land line phone was out. Erin's friend the cable guy hooked something up wrong and our phone was dead. I called the cable company and they sent someone else out. He came early Sunday morning. I am sure the technicians were fighting over who got to come to the house of ill repute. This time it was grandma who came out of the bathroom half dressed, bra less and toothless. I'm sure when the technicians compare notes, no one will believe the first guy!!

Saturday we had Christmas at our house with Dave's family. I made a "special " drink with Citrus Vodka and Squirt soda. My sister in law and I drank a few too many. The problem was that after everyone left, we went to a party for Lauren's boyfriend Mike's parents. It was a surprise 25th anniversary party. I am not much of a drinker and I don't think I have EVER shown up to a party already "happy." All I know is this morning my back hurt so bad I was walking like I was 90. I think it may have been the dancing combined with a little air guitar. It really wasn't my fault, they played Jessie's girl. Lauren said, "way to go mom, way to impress my future in laws." I guess if Mike's family doesn't like us anymore, she can always give the cable guy a call.

2009-12-22T13:18:00.002-06:00

Tis the season to be ready to ram my head against a wall over and over again. No matter how hard I try, there is never enough time. A girl I work with just brought her son's Christmas Pictures in. He is about six months old and absolutely adorable. She has three pictures sitting on her desk. He is wearing a Santa Suit and in each picture and is sitting in front of a big white letter, the pictures spell out JOY. I thought of a great idea. This Christmas I will pose each one of my little blessings in front of a letter of my choosing. I have just enough kids to display on my desk ANARCHY.

Before I left for work last night Kelsey informed me that she needed a rob your neighbor gift for her Christmas party at school in the morning. I had Erin run by the grocery store for me to get ingredients so I could make cookies for the teachers when I got off work at midnight. I asked Erin if she wanted to make the cookies for me while I was at work. She said, "Umm no I don't really want to."

I had 4 cookie tins and 6 teachers to bake for. Before I left, I asked Kelsey to have her dad buy two more tins and her rob your neighbor gift. I received a message on my cell phone from little Sybil a while later that said, "Mom I am going to a hockey game so I definitely won't be able to buy the tins or make your cookies, I guess dad can do it, bye." I got home around 12:30 and Dave was in bed reading. I asked if he bought the tins and the rob your neighbor gift. He said, "no I figured I could go to QT in the morning." I said, "I'm sure every eighth grader would love a $5 gas card." I sent him to Wal Mart!!

Erin was sitting at the counter when I was mixing the cookie batter. I asked her to take two steps behind her and get the eggs out of the fridge for me. She looked at me like I was crazy and said. "I'm really tired, I don't feel like getting up." My poor baby, she was just exhausted from getting all dolled up in her new $98 dollar jeans and flirting with CBC hockey players all night. She really needs to get some rest, I was starting to worry about her. I was being so selfish to ask her to hand me the eggs. I will try to not be so hard on her in the future.

I was just about finished with my second batch of cookies when the phone rang. Who else would be calling at 1:30 in the morning other than my one and only. Of all the boys in the village, why oh why did I have to marry the village idiot. I answered the phone to hear, "Punkin, where would one find cookie tins??" I directed him through Wal Mart over the phone and wondered when a trip to the store wouldn't require a phone call. I finished the cookies at 2:00 AM and called it a day. FA LA, LA, LA, LA.

2009-12-17T10:56:00.002-06:00

I have been working at Macy's for extra money for Christmas. Why is it that I don't have any extra money???? Tuesday I had to work until midnight. When I came out of work my van was parked in front of the building and the engine was running. I thought "Why is my van here? I didn't park here." I saw Dave's car parked behind it. He can still WOW me after all these years. He told me when he picked up Kelsey from basketball practice it was 20 degrees and he knew that I hate to be cold and he didn't want me walking across the cold parking lot. Yesterday however, I was barking out orders as usual on the phone before I left for work. He said "Don't be surprised if you come out of work tonight and I am standing there with a bucket of water to throw on you." Luckily for him, he can still Wow me and make me laugh.

I am working every day between now and Christmas, it is actually a blessing in disguise, not only am I making extra money, it is keeping me from excessive shopping and spending money on stupid stuff that my kids who have everything don't need. On the downside, I have to bake cookies for the kids teachers and Dave doesn't even know how to turn the oven on much less mix ingredients and bake. I guess I will find time somehow so no one breaks a tooth on a cookie.

My kids draw names on Thanksgiving and get each other gifts that they exchange on Christmas Eve. This year my genius son forgot who he has, but does remembers that it is a sister. That really narrows it down. Hopefully we figure it out so World War III doesn't break out on Christmas Eve.

Ryan asked if he could just stay home from school next week, they only have two days of school. He said on the last day it is just their Christmas party and he is tired of playing two hours of Christmas bingo like he does every other year. I told him for $500 a month tuition he will go and play Christmas bingo with a good attitude and a great big grateful smile on his face. Maybe I am a little testy because I am working two jobs. Last night he kept walking around with his pants too low. I warned him at least three times to pull them up. Finally I just said, "take off your pants and give them to me, you have lost your pants privilege for the day." He may be playing Christmas bingo in boxers if he doesn't watch it.

2009-12-09T22:11:00.004-06:00

It has been a crazy week. Sam's college soccer team was in the final 4 NCAA soccer tournament in San Antonio. We couldn't afford to go so Sam arranged for Dave to be a chaperone so he could go on the bus with the students. The athletes flew down to the tournament and Wash U paid for any of their students that wanted to go, to ride a big bus down and they paid for their hotel rooms. Dave got to ride a 16 hour bus ride with a bunch of college kids that he has never met:(

I was starting a new job at Macy's for Christmas so I couldn't go with him. Grandma is out of town visiting her favorite grandchildren, I have a feeling that if I went, Sybil would have thrown quite the party in our absence. Dave had a good time and was thrilled for the chance to see our daughter get the chance to play in the final four. We make ourselves crazy driving to soccer practices and games for years and years, making it to the final four is a chance in a lifetime opportunity for a soccer family like ours. I am glad Dave was able to go. We won the first game in penalty kicks, but lost the championship game 1-0. Not too shabby to be 2ND in the nation for Division III women's soccer. A picture of Sam holding the trophy was in the paper the next morning. Pretty cool.

I woke up early Saturday morning and thought that I had the flu, I was dizzy and throwing up. I took it easy all day Saturday and felt a little better. I called in sick for my second day at Macy's. I'm sure I made a great impression. The next night I woke up feeling like I was violently spinning, I ended up in the ER all night. Poor Dave after getting home from a 16 hour bus ride with a bunch of kids that he didn't know, he got to sit in the ER for five hours with me. They were going to do a cat scan and the Dr. asked if there was any chance that I could be pregnant. I said, "Well I don't think so, but we don't use birth control so I guess it could be a possibility." She decided to do a pregnancy test to be on the safe side. When she left the room my loving devoted husband muttered, "God help you if you are pregnant, I will leave you here, I swear" He was kidding, I THINK!! Everything came back fine, no baby, no tumor just a bad case of vertigo. I saw a specialist on Monday and had a balance test on Tuesday, I follow up with him on Thursday. I feel a little better aside from leaning slightly to the left and running into a few walls.

Lauren called me on Monday to see if St. Nick had put anything in her shoe over the weekend. The Feast of St. Nick is one of those traditions that is a hit or miss depending on whether or not I remember or pay attention to the date. Considering St. Nick is spinning around feeling like he is on a bad acid trip, he skipped right over the Murphy house this year, come to think of it, Santa may skip us over as well.

I had about five minutes before I left for work at Macy's tonight so I cuddled up with Maggie on the couch while she was watching Tarzan. My favorite thing in the whole wide world is cuddling with my kids under a blanket watching a movie. Ryan is my best cuddlier only he never watches a movie with me without farting on my leg and fanning the blanket. Why can't he just be normal?? Before I left for work Maggie said, "Thanks for spending time with me mom!" I felt so bad, I am always so crazy busy, she was happy to have just those five minutes of cuddle time. Not only that, she was happy to be able to watch a cartoon instead of one of the 50 episodes of Criminal Minds that Erin is always making her watch on the DVR. She is now an expert on serial killers thanks to Erin. No visions of sugar plums are dancing inside little Maggie's head at night, she is learning how to kidnap, rape and kill.

2009-12-01T19:48:00.005-06:00

Nothing brings out the Murphy dysfunction more than a holiday, nothing that is other than a holiday combined with the annual Christmas card photo shoot. I put the turkey in the oven around 10:30, I asked the girls to be ready for pictures at 11:00, that gave me plety of time to get back to the house before the turkey needed to be basted. Lauren rolled in the house at 10:45 with a hang over and offered anyone that was willing $300 to do her hair and makeup . Sam showed up at 11:00 ready and a little aggrivated that she is the only one who was ready. Erin/Sybil didn't even roll out of bed until 11:15. We were finally ready at 12:30.

We went to a nearby park, the ride was actually kind of fun, Maggie started a game in the van. My name is Anna, my husband's name is Aaron, I live in Alabama and I sell Apples and so on. The kids, especially the older ones had fun playing a dumb little car game just like when they were little. For a moment I though, wow, what great kids I have, I think they really love eachother. When we got to the park everyone was complaining because it was freezing cold. I took a few shots and Lauren stepped in dog poop in her Ugg boots. She was less than pleased. I always take 50 to 100 shots trying to get one where everyone has their eyes open and looks happy. The cold temperature coupled with Lauren smelling like dog poop shortened the photo shoot. We did our last couple of shots in a tree. We have done that before on a Christmas card but the kids were smaller. Erin got mad at Ryan (surprisingly) and Shannon got mad at EVERYONE. She announced "I hate Thanksgiving" and stormed out of the tree crying, Ryan's water works followed shortly after. The picture above is the last picture from our family field trip. Normally we have at least one kid crying during the family Christmas card. This year we had two, I 'm sure we can go for three our four next year. The ride home was silent other than a few complaints about Lauren's dog poop smell. I thought about starting a new game, My name is Colleen, I wish I was in Colorado selling coconuts and my husbands name was Carl!!

Today Ryan told me he got in trouble AGAIN in gym class. I was wondering why he snitched on himself until I got the email from his gym teacher. She must have warned him that it was coming. It said, "Dear Mr and Mrs Murphy, Ryan was disruptive in class and doesn't listen to me." I thought about responding, "welcome to my world". Instead I emailed back "I would love to help you out with this matter but Carl and I are in Colorado selling coconuts!!"

2009-11-20T13:33:00.002-06:00

Ryan is excited because the school is having a spelling bee. The Murphy kids are all competitive whether it is a meatball eating contest or a spelling bee. They hear the word contest and start to foam at the mouth. Ryan has never been a good speller but insists that he will win the spelling bee. He has been walking around all week with his spelling book asking everyone in the house to quiz him. He was getting desperate so he asked Erin/Sybil, she responded with, "I would rather do ANYTHING else, other than help you study." He responded with, "OK, will you lick my belly button please?"He even got a little giggle out of her before she gave him a love pat/smack.

Shannon is officially 16, she is not going to try to get her license until she can drive a car without running a stop sign. She really struggles with that. She thinks they shouldn't be off to the side, she says it is confusing. She will be the first Murphy to pass on the first try if she can master the whole stop sign. She won't drive with Dave anymore so it is all me, I have never been one to take Prozac but I'm starting to re-consider. Her birthday was yesterday, I just took a seasonal job at Macy's for Christmas. I had training last night. I made Shannon's favorite dinner at 4:00 before I left, (fettuccine) I scarfed down around 1600 calories before I walked out the door to go to work. When I got home at 10, the dinner was still on the stove and everyone's plates were still on the table. That made me really happy:)

2009-11-17T12:30:00.003-06:00

My Shannon turns 16 on Thursday, it seems like just yesterday I brought my little 5 lb baby home from the hospital. She was the perfect baby for the first three days of her life, she just laid there all bundled up as quiet as a mouse. When I brought her home, things started to take a nasty turn. Maybe it is because Erin almost bit her pointer finger off her first day home, I don't know if that caused the start of her crabbiness but it has been down hill ever since.

Sunday Shannon decided to make pancakes for her, Maggie and Ryan. She announced to everyone that she got first pick of the stack of pancakes that she was going to eat. Apparently Ryan missed that part of the conversation. He saw a stack of delicious golden pancakes on a plate and started ripping them apart with his hands like a barbarian. It would be way to difficult to use a knife and fork. Shannon happened to notice her perfect stack of pancakes that were now shredded and touched by her brother's less than sterile hands. At about this time she borrowed a psychotic personality from Erin. She was dangerously close to beating him with the spatula, he offered to give the pancakes back but for some reason she didn't want them any more. He got up from the table and ran as fast as he could. One of the perks of having six sisters is the ability to know when to run. She even turned to me and screamed, "You never discipline him, he gets away with murder." I said, "Shannon, what type of discipline do you suggest I give him for picking up the wrong stack of pancakes?, I'm thinking I may have to discuss this serious matter with your father before I punish him." He may have to miss Christmas this year.

When I told Erin the story her face lit up like a Christmas tree. She said, "That sounds like something I would do." I think Erin can go off to college now knowing that the torch has been passed. Shannon is starting to show promise when it comes to abusing Ryan.

2009-11-10T23:15:00.003-06:00

This is my last week with the car, I can't believe how fast this month has flown by. I want to thank Chevy for helping me realize what a complete piece of crap I normally drive. If not for this promotion I never would have realized what a hunk a junk my van is. All kidding aside, this month has been a ton of fun and I know what my next car will be. Without a doubt, the Traverse will be at the top of my list!! As soon as that money drops from the sky!!

I am going to be on Great Day St Louis tomorrow morning, I should be upstairs getting my beauty rest but instead I am down here writing on my blog. I have never been on TV before, much less live TV, yikes!! I went shopping to find a new outfit for my two minutes of fame. I ended up with a purple argyle sweater and black pants. When I got home I re-read my email from the consulting firm that gave me tips on what to wear. Right there in black and white it said, "try to avoid geometric shapes." I think I must have took that to mean, run to the mall, try on 50 things that make you look like a complete cow, buy a sweater in a color that you never wear with diamonds all over it. Are diamonds geometric shapes??? I think I dropped geometry and took practical math. No wonder my son does so well in math. (NOT)

2009-11-07T08:33:00.002-06:00

This is what I found when I got home from work. The trash men took the bag out of my recycling bin and set it in the driveway close to where I struggled with it in the morning to get it into the recycling bin. So I guess pumpkins aren't recyclable. Who Knew??? I decided to leave the ripped bag of pumpkins in the driveway for my husband to take care of when he got home. I wanted him to experience the joy of pumpkin goo like I did. I guess the Murphy Pumpkins are going in a landfill after all. Way to go Environmentalist Eddie!!! Maybe we should stick with using our recycling bin to hide Christmas presents like we usually do.

2009-11-06T10:19:00.002-06:00

Call me crazy but if I was a husband and it was my job to take the trash out, I would probably set it close to the curb far away from my beautiful wife's car. I'm just saying...... Tuesday is trash day, I gently, ok not so gently reminded Dave to put the pumpkins in the trash. He had just heard someone saying how bad they were at the landfill so he thought it would be better to put them out Friday with the recyclables. OK, I don't know when my husband became an environmentalist but who am I to argue for the good of our planet. Today was recycle day, most people would put the recycle bin close to the street. Not my husband, he is afraid the trash company may scrape his precious grass when they pick up the bags so he put it behind my car off to the right a bit, just out of range of my rear camera on the car. Do I need to remind him of my track record? I hit the drive thru at the bank three times!!(in my van, not the mommy madness car)

I was running late as usual and heard a crunching sound as I was backing out, I pulled in front of my house and got out of the car. Boy Wonder Senior had put our old pumpkins in lawn and leaf bags. Not exactly durable containers for my driving. I scooped up as much of the pumpkin goo off the driveway as I could. When I tried to move the bag it kept splitting. I thought to myself, Oh, I am so lucky, I really love Dave, I'm so glad he didn't listen to me and put these pumpkins in the trash on Tuesday. Had he done that I would have never experienced the feel of ice cold pumpkin goo on my hands and clothes on a crisp fall November morning. I pulled our big recycling bin out of the garage and transferred the tattered pumpkin filled lawn and leaf bag in the bin. I went inside to change and went on my merry way. Good Times!!!

2009-11-03T21:30:00.002-06:00

Most mornings are pretty hectic at my house. I try to spend as much time in my bathroom as I can to make sure Erin/Sybil has left the building before I come out to face my day. Little Maggie came in my bathroom while I was getting ready and said, "Mommy, you have a phone call." What she failed to tell me was that it was Erin/Sybil on the other end of the phone. I walked in the kitchen half dressed and picked up the phone. The hostile voice on the other end said, "You and dad need to talk to Shannon and tell her to stop being such a psychopath in the morning. I asked her VERY nicely to please hurry up and pack her lunch so we could leave." I could wager a pretty safe bet that if her own mother hides from her in the bathroom, she wasn't asking as nicely as she perceived. I responded with, "Thank you so so much for the parenting tip, I will take it under consideration and schedule your, I mean her shock treatments as soon as possible." I hung up the phone and told Dave why she called, I didn't realize that Shannon the psychopath was still in the house in earshot, as she was walking out the door to join Erin/Sybil in the driveway she said, "yeah right, I'm the psycho, I'm not the one on my period this week, she is."

Twenty minutes later I was driving my younger kids to school when my phone rang. I answered and heard a cheery voice on the other end. It couldn't possibly be Erin/Sybil could it. She wanted to know if she could take the car to Kansas City on Friday to watch her high school compete for the volleyball state championship. If she can work it around her shock therapy I'm sure she can go!!

2009-11-02T18:23:00.005-06:00

Maggie ready to go!
Notice the Chevy Pumpkin!!

Ryan with his loot!

I hope this costume doesn't get replaced by an orange jumpsuit someday!

Halloween weekend was the typical soccer craziness. Adding Trick Or Treating in the typical Saturday mayhem was quite the challenge. Maggie and Erin were in a tournament in Illinois and Shannon had to cheer at volleyball districts. Dave was working at the tournament selling T-shirts until 5:00. I left with one of Maggie's teammates and had them drop me off at home so I could start getting her ready for Halloween. I dropped Ryan off at his friends at 5:30 and got a call from Dave around 5:45. Apparently my genius husband took his coat off and put it in the back of the mommy madness car. When he closed the latch it popped back open and he didn't notice until he was on the road. He closed the hatch and went on his merry way. I guess I shouldn't wonder why my son shows up to school naked when his father drives with the hatch open. What Boy Wonder Senior didn't realize was that his wallet fell out of the back of the car. He insisted on driving back to Edwardsville against my protests to look for his wallet. I suggested he call someone who was actually still there and ask them to look for it. Did Boy Wonder Senior think to maybe take the Halloween candy that I had in my car to give to Trick-or Treaters and bring it inside before he left? No why would he do that??

I had some candy at home but it was going quick. Kelsey had 7 friends over to go trick or treating and spend the night. I was running out of candy as the girls were getting ready. I am resourceful if nothing else so I yelled upstairs for them to hurry up and hit eight or nine houses and sprint back with with the goods so the Murphy's don't look like losers on Halloween. My only hope is that the girls don't go home and tell their parents what a complete mooch I am. Dave finally arrived home with the candy at around 8:00. Now I am stuck with all the candy I hid in the car because I knew if I brought it in the house I would eat it. We got a phone call around 9:00, someone found Dave's wallet and everything was intact. My faith in humanity is restored.

Erin left for a Halloween party in sweatpants, rest assured the bag she was carrying held her Skankajawea costume. I think I am glad I didn't see it, I 'm sure I wouldn't have approved!! Her and Shannon were off school today, Shannon had an early cheerleading practice and Erin was picking her up. I checked Shannon's online grades only to find that she is once again bringing laziness to a new level. I called Erin and told her that when she picks Shannon up from practice to bring her home to do homework. She is going nowhere until she has a B average. I talked to Erin a few hours later and I asked her where she was. She replied, "We are at O' Charleys." I said, "Didn't I tell you to bring Shannon home." She said, "It's not my fault she is lazy, I'm not about to pass up a free lunch with grandma just because Shannon doesn't study."

Sam called tonight to see if we were still on for our massage tomorrow for the mommy madness promotion. She asked, "are you excited?" I said not really, "I have to shave my legs tonight." She said, "not me, I don't care what they think, that's their job." Ok, now that I have that insight, I may sign in using a different last name so they don't realize the human gorilla belongs to me.

Not Coming Prepared To Class Brought To A New Level

2009-10-28T10:50:00.003-05:00

I think every mother dreads those scary phone calls from the school secretary. Imagine my horror when an hour after I got to work this morning, I got a phone call. I picked up the phone and heard, "Mrs. Murphy, I'm sorry to bother you at work but I have your son with me in the office." My mind went into overdrive, "Oh my God, he has been injured, he fell and chipped a tooth, he is running a fever, he was disruptive in class, he passed out and is on his way to the hospital in an ambulance....... I was thinking so many things in the small pause before she told me WHY my perfect son was in the office. She said, "Ryan forgot to wear a shirt to school today." "WHAT????? Who does that?" Apparently my son put his hoodie on when he got out of the shower and completely forgot to put his uniform shirt on. He has a bad habit of getting ready as fast as he can so he can fall back asleep on the couch while he is waiting for his ride.

I had to leave work to go home and pick up a shirt to bring to the boy wonder. I seriously considered bringing his toothbrush and toothpaste as well. I could wager a pretty safe bet if he didn't bother with a shirt, his teeth didn't get too much attention this morning either. I called Dave at work to share with him how brilliant our only son truly is. I can't remember a time where I was more proud other than the time he was so excited that he was able to fit a mitten on his head at recess. Sometimes I feel guilty that God has blessed me with such incredibly talented and gifted children!

2009-10-27T13:15:00.003-05:00

Report cards came out yesterday. I asked my co worker to say a little prayer for Ryan because I was going to kill him. I knew that when the crowned prince started school it would be tough to get the teachers to truly see how perfect my only son actually was. Now that he is in fifth grade I have come to the realization that only his mother adores him and even that is a bit questionable lately. I called Dave and told him that his perfect son got his report card and the teacher comments didn't exactly say, "Ryan is an absolute joy to have in class."

When Ryan got home from school I said "Ry, did you see the comments on your report card from your teachers?" He said "yes, one of them was good." I explained that a comment that says "Ryan is showing improvement in music class" is actually a nice way of saying, "your son normally acts like a complete idiot but lately I have been able to tolerate him." The other two teachers were letting me know that he talks too much and likes to clown around, and comes to class unprepared. I knew I should have went with my gut an got him that shock collar for Christmas last year. I am thinking his teachers may take up a collection so we can get him one this year. Maybe I can bungee cord him to his desk like I used to bungee the dog in his crate.

2009-10-23T09:29:00.002-05:00

Is there really that much of a difference between angel hair and spaghetti?? Apparently in my house there is. Erin came home from school with a bad headache, translation; watch out for Sybil!!! I made a pot of spaghetti for dinner. Erin got off the couch put Parmesan cheese on her spaghetti, stirred it, salted it took a bite and then her head began to spin around. You see, sweet little Erin prefers angel hair and Kelsy can't eat it because it makes her gag. She says it makes her feel like she is eating hair. Which by the way happens allot considering most of the people in our house shed worse than a dog. When we vacuum it smells like burning hair because the round spinning thing is full of hair. We have to literally cut the hair off the bottom of the vacuum at least once a month, one of the many hazards of a house full of girls. Erin slammed her bowl on the counter, professed her love to Kelsey for ruining her dinner and for being so selfish. "How could you talk mom into making spaghetti vs angel hair, there is no difference." OK, if that were the case why are you spewing green vomit all over the kitchen over the situation. She slammed a few pots around and started some water so she could make angel hair. I can't wait until Thanksgiving. I think I am making spaghetti instead of turkey!!!

2009-10-22T13:02:00.002-05:00

"MOM, I NEED A CHECK" I sure wish I had a nickel for every time my kids woke me up in the morning to that question. If I did, I probably wouldn't mind giving them the check. Someone has a field trip, someone has a book order, someone needs graduation announcements, someone needs lunch money, someone just likes to ask for money!!! Our mornings are normally pretty crazy. Packing backpacks, packing lunches, finding missing shoes, finding a ponytail holder, (where do they go?), prying Ryan off the heat vent, etc etc. Yesterday was no exception. Shannon was cheering for a volleyball game after school and needed all her cheerleading stuff. She walked into my bathroom with her skirt and said, "does this smell like dog pee to you? I think Seamus peed on my cheerleading bag." I had to think about my answer carefully, if I said yes, I may have to wash the skirt and drive it to her school 45 minutes away. If I said no, I could be guaranteeing a reputation for my daughter as the smelly kid. No one wants that kind of reputation for their child do they?? Being the mother who is always quick on my feet I said, "Oh honey, he peed on the bag, not the skirt, it is fine. Why do you think they make Fabreeze???" Problem solved, God I'm good!!!

2009-10-20T14:08:00.002-05:00

I logged on to my kid's school online website to check their grades. There was a message that Ryan's teacher had her baby on Sunday. It looks like she won't be able to make it to parent teacher conferences. It looks like Ryan dodged that bullet, ah the luck of the Irish. He doesn't have the best track record with substitute teachers, hopefully his last little stint in detention taught him a lesson that subs aren't as easy to walk all over as one may think.

Speaking of detention, little Shannon has detention this week. In high school when you get a certain amount of tardies in one quarter you have detention after school. The girl that they ride with also has detention. What I don't understand is how little Sybil/Erin who is the driver, didn't get detention??? I guess she showed up with her I'm on time personality or maybe she brought her don't give me a detention, I'm crazy and may hurt you personality. Either way, she escaped the punishment. Shannon is thrilled!!!

2009-10-18T19:25:00.003-05:00

The picture I posted is me and Lauren at the wedding she was in. I loved the dresses, the center pieces, the food, the hall and the whole day. It was one of the nicest weddings I have been to. With six daughters, I take mental notes at every wedding. Dave stresses out while I think of fun ideas that cost way to much money.

I am having a blast with the Chevy promotion. I have spent more hours than I care to count, reviewing and editing videos. Lucky for me, my seven wonders have given me lots of material to work with. I think the best part of this promotion will be all the family time, no matter how dysfunctional it is. Each week I am sent on a "mommy mission." Normally I go places with a few of my kids but now thanks to the promotion, everyone wants to come along. I think Dave secretly has a crush on my car. He acts like he would be embarrassed to drive it with the Mommy Madness stickers all over it. It's funny, every time he runs an errand, my car is nowhere to be found. I'm wondering if the other five moms have put as many miles on their cars as we have this weekend, running back and forth from soccer game to soccer game. I bet Chevy will be sorry they ever met the Murphy's!!

2009-10-15T20:41:00.003-05:00

Here is a picture of my new car for the promotion. I am easy to spot to say the least. Last night Dave and I went to White Castle. I mentioned to Dave how happy I was that Lauren came to the kick off for the promotion. I said "That was so nice of Lauren to drive all the way out to show her support." Dave laughed and said, "That's funny as soon as she saw me she said, "Where are Sam and Erin? I thought this thing was mandatory."

I was worried today now that my blog is going to get more exposure that my kids would be on good behavior and I wouldn't have any material. I should never have doubted the "Seven Little Wonders."

Lauren is in a wedding on Saturday. I have had the date on my mental calender for weeks. "Mental" being the key word here. Dave planned an evening at the Slu mens soccer game for his boys soccer team. Ryan and the rest of the team are pretty excited and already bought tickets. I already RSVP'd for the wedding and can't very well back out now. Lauren will be at the head table because she is a brides maid. It looks like I will be sitting with her boyfriend Mike and will look like the neighborhood cougar for the evening! Can't Wait!!

Erin called me today from work, she was driving back from a college visit at Millikin University in Decatur IL. She said, "Mom, can uncle Jim fix tickets in Illinois?" I said, "why do you ask sugar plum?" OK, I really said, "Are you kidding me? I'm going to kill you, how fast were you going?" There was a bit of a pause, "I was passing a truck, he clocked me at 86." What I wanted to say was, "Fabulous, you were driving 86 on the highway on a rainy day. That is just brilliant, if that college was smart, they won't let you in because you are a complete IDIOT!!!!" Instead, I gave her the lecture as to how lucky she was that she wasn't in an accident and that life is precious and you should make better choices etc, etc. I think I really got through to her this time. (Ha, Ha) Soon after I arrived home, Erin left to go get some fabric for her Halloween costume. I thought isn't that special, she is so domestic. She is going to sew her own costume, just like a little Betsy Ross. I soon realized that Betsy Ross would most likely roll over in her grave if she saw little Erin\Sybil's Halloween costume. She wants to be skankajawea instead of Sacajawea for Halloween. My girls and their friends think Halloween is the one day a year that they can go out dressed scantily clad. Unfortunately for little Sybil, I have a large white sheet ready to throw over her skankajawea costume so she can be a friendly ghost!!

2009-10-14T22:37:00.004-05:00

I got to pick up my new car tonight!! My kids were not exactly thrilled at the way the car was wrapped with advertisement. I was thrilled because they gave me the Navy blue car. I have a weird quirk about car colors. My last two cars were navy blue. It's the little things that make me happy. We picked up the cars at an indoor play place, they had laser tag, miniature golf and rock climbing. While I was in a meeting with the radio personalities and car people, Dave was with the kids. By the time I came out of the meeting, Ryan was wearing his red slushy all over his face and down the front of his Beckham jersey. (some things never change)

Kelsey had soccer practice at 8:00 so I left with her in the new Traverse and Dave took the rest of the kids home. I didn't play with too many of the features in the car because it was raining. Kelsey was messing with the radio, I couldn't figure out how to turn the satellite radio off. Kelsey found a kid station that was singing about rattle snakes and bears. OK, my rattlesnake and bear days are over. I think I have paid my dues, my left shoulder smelled like spit up for 12 years. Now it's time for mommy music!! I had an hour and a half to kill while Kelsey practiced. I was able to figure out how to find good old FM radio. The Traverse was awesome to drive. My van has over 130,000 miles on it so the new car seemed super smooth. I will post a picture of the car tomorrow, it is pretty cool. I am really excited about the promotion.