Erin's graduation party is Friday so we are trying to get the house ready this weekend and get our Spring cleaning in so everything is in tip top shape by Friday. Oh that makes me laugh, the pigs I live with will have everything a collasel mess by Tuesday. Dave came in from cutting the grass with a funny look on his face. He said "Look what I almost ran over with the lawn mower." Our house backs up to woods so it is not unusual for him to run over a frog or a snake or even a small toy but today was different. Dave was holding two silicone flesh colored breasts. Erin said, "Oh God, my boobs, I must have dropped them when I got out of the car.

I bought them for her to wear with her prom dress. She couldn't wear a bra with her dress and these were at Target and seemed to do the trick. They are sticky on one ,they sometimes fall out when she sweats. Erin isn't exactly blessed in the chest region and often wears two padded bras to look a little more well endowed. She calls her stick on boobs her "pasties" This isn't the first mishap she has had with her "girls" One time they kept falling out because she was sweaty and she just took them out and put them in her wristlet. Her friend accidentally got them caught in the zipper when she was getting her phone . There is a little chunk missing on the side, luckily for Erin the "pasties" escaped harm at the hands of the lawn mower. She can continue her circuit this summer at the graduation parties looking like a B cup.

Oil in Gulf Shores : (

Alabama was quite the little adventure. We had to find a restaurant to order food considering we had no car. We decided on pizza, I took a shower so I could try and scrub all the remaining oil off my old dry cracked feet from the tar balls on the beach. I assumed that by the time I was finished the food would be ordered. I of course forgot that the two family members left in charge of ordering food are not capable of doing anything for themselves. They would starve if they had to actually do something for themselves. I ordered, pizza, salad, breadsticks and a big chocolate chip cookie. I figured the best way to forget about the fact that I was stranded in Alabama was to eat like a pig.

Erin made herself a makeshift plate out of the top of the styrofoam salad container. Erin is a bit of a pig so her plate was full, she took one step and dropped the whole contents on the floor, right on top of my dirty clothes. Problem being I only packed one bra for my trip and now it was full of marinara sauce. I decided to worry about that later.

The next morning we had to check out by 11 or we had to pay for an extra night. The tow truck didn't show up until 10 so we were essentially homeless until the van was fixed. Erin needed a tampon and apparently Alabama doesn't have tampon dispensers in public bathrooms. I had packed my running shoes as well as my poise pads (hazard of running after giving birth 400 times) in case I decided to exercise on our trip (I didn't) I figured a poise pad would have to hold her over for a while. She hung out at the pool for a while while we were waiting on the van to get fixed. Finally she decided that she really needed a tampon. We asked at the front desk where the nearest convenience store was and we decided to walk. What else did we have to do? Erin used the outside shower to rinse the sand off the back of her legs. Unfortunately for her the water from the shower all absorbed into her old lady diaper.

So here we are, Dave in his swim trunks and a t shirt, me in my one piece and a pair of shorts and Erin in her itty bitty black bikini with an adult diaper that makes her look like she has a penis waking down an Alabama street in search of a tampon. We walked almost 2 miles before we finally found a Walgreens. Dave didn't want to go in because he was carrying two hotel towels and he thought he looked weird. Hello, your daughter is wearing a tiny bikini and she kind of looks like a cross dresser right now, no one will think you look weird because you are carrying towels. Erin did get several honks on the way back, we were wondering what made us think it was a good idea to head out without more clothes? Our luggage was all behind the front desk and we didn't want to bother anyone. That was smart!!

We hung out at the pool until we got the call that our van was done. Yeah hurray!! We were on our way home by 4:00, I was still in my swimsuit and a pair of shorts and changed in a gas station on the road. I didn't have a bra considering it was full of marinara sauce so I just went without. We stopped somewhere in Mississippi and got a hotel and went looking for a place to eat. Dave was ready to have a cow, we decided to eat at a place called The Huddle House and Dave was dying that I wasn't wearing a bra, I thought, "are you kidding me, I am the only one in here with all my teeth, a bra would make me overdressed." We finally made it home on Thursday around 5:00 pm, Maggie was waiting for us in the driveway and couldn't wait to show us the new string bikini underwear that her big sister bought her : (

We are in Gulf Shores Alabama right now. Dave and I brought Erin to Mobile for her college orientation. We finished up yesterday early afternoon and headed out to check out the sights. Dave was in heaven when we visited the USS Alabama Navy ship. Erin and I pretended to be interested for the first hour then it just became too much to bare. After we toured the ship we got to look at fighter planes and a submarine. We finally left and grabbed a quick bite to eat at Taco Bell. Dave was still basking in the glory of all his new Navy knowledge and asked us, How many men do you think they had on that submarine? I was really trying to act like I cared and said, Oh I don't know, 20,000. Erin thought my answer sounded about right, he rolled his eyes and said, 77. Oh I was so close.

We left Taco Bell and headed for Gulf Shores beach to check out the oil spill. I will post pictures of the oil when I get back home. (If I ever get home) We walked up and down the beach for a while and decided we should head back to our hotel in Mobile then maybe hit a movie. Right before we hit the highway our car starting making a horrible sound every time we turned the wheel to the left. We called a couple mechanics and they all close at 5. We had no other choice but to find a hotel nearby and stay for the night. Dave and I were a little more stressed than little Miss Erin. We have a beach front hotel overlooking the beach. I called Priceline to see what my options were, I had prepaid my room in Mobile. The man in India said, "sorry we have a no cancellation policy." Great I love throwing money away, I can't wait to see how much it costs to fix the van. I checked out my GPS to see if it had more options. It has, fastest route, scenic route, no highways but I couldn't find, "Only right turns." We could probably make it home only making right turns but it may take 17 days.

Lauren called me to let me know that she took Maggie to the mall and bought her a new sundress and she told her it would look better if she wore a bra with it. Not only that she bought her some string bikini underwear. Right now I can't deal with the fact that my nine year old is heading for a stripper pole, I just need my van fixed. Oh yeah and Erin needs a tampon and we don't have a car and this crappy hotel doesn't have a dispenser in the bathroom. Good Times, Good Times!!