Lauren has settled in to her new job and her new place. Our house is still just crazy which leads me to believe she may be normal....nah I don't think any of the Murphy's are normal.

Tuesday when I got to work I realized that the lovely smell I smelled all the way to work was dog pee. Seamus had peed on my coat and I didn't realize it until I got to work. Unfortunately for me Tuesday is the day I go to the big hospital downtown. My van is too tall to fit in the parking garage so I park in a lot and take a shuttle over to the hospital. It was cold Tuesday so my choices were freeze to death waiting for the shuttle or smell like dog pee. I decided to smell. By the end of the day I was so stressed out I thought about serving Seamus on a platter for dinner. I thought it might scar Maggie emotionally so I didn't do it but the idea is still in the back of my mind.

Erin was trying to get a Resident Assistant position at school next year so her room and board were paid for. She was chosen as an alternate so unless someone drops out of the program she needs to come up with around 9,000. "piece of cake" She was pretty upset when I talked to her, I tried to tell her everything would be fine, she just needs to save all the money that she makes this summer and we may need to borrow more money next year. When I talked to Dave I told him that Erin was crying on the phone. He said "Hmm that's funny she was in a great mood when I talked to her." Hence the name "Sybil." It seems that Erin's alter egos have followed her all the way to Mobile Alabama.

Today I talked to her and mentioned that I saw in her account that she spent $35 at Victoria's Secret. I asked if she really though new bras and underwear were a necessity when she needed to save 9,000. She told me it was actually a new swimming suit and it was on sale so she just had to get it. I just transferred money in her account so I told her that we would have to share the swim suit considering I basically paid for it. I said "What color is my new swim suit? " She said, "Pink and sparkly and it's an extra small, the official name is Watermelon Sparkle." Won't she be surprised if I actually put on the extra small "Watermelon Sparkle" itty bitty bikini. I will be the talk of the water park!!

This morning as Maggie was getting ready for school I noticed some writing on her ankle. I asked what it was. She tried to hide her legs and said, "Umm they are hearts, I drew them yesterday." Great, my nine year old is giving herself tattoos. What next???

Shannon's grades are again on the slippery slope of the low C high D range. I feel like I have had this conversation before?? I have not seen her back pack all quarter. She just leaves it in the back of the car. It is much too heavy to carry in the house everyday. Besides, if she set it down on the couch, she would have no room to lay down and watch TV.

Yesterday I received a text from Kelsey that said; "Have I mentioned how much I HATE Shannon?" Umm yeah I think she may have mentioned that before, like as soon as she could form a sentence!! Apparently they had a little too much bonding time. Shannon was cheering at a basketball game and then she was going to the school play afterwards for extra credit in her Drama Class. I transferred some money in her account to pick up dinner and pay for her ticket as well as Kelsey's to the play. They went to Bread Co and Shannon bought herself a big cookie. She refused to give Kelsey one piece of it. Kelsey got frustrated and got up and sat at a table by herself. When they got back to school Shannon told her that she only had enough money for one ticket and Kelsey would have to figure something out on her own. Luckily Kelsey had some money with her. I am really glad that Shannon is taking this Catholic school thing so seriously. Do unto others as you would want others to do unto you. I think tonight the family may all go out to dinner and make her watch us eat, then maybe will will swing by the movies and make her sit in the lobby. It's a shame my new bikini is in Alabama, I would wear it to dinner.

Lauren moved out last weekend, I am officially down to 4 kids. How cool is that?? We now have enough seats at the dinner table.....of course I am never home to cook, but if I was, there are enough seats.

Dave and I had a busy weekend, Friday we had a dinner party in Jeff City and Sat we had another one closer to home. Lauren should have spent her Saturday packing for her move on Sunday but instead she decided to sleep most of the day due to her drinking binge the night before. When we left Saturday for our dinner, Dave asked Lauren to carry her stuff out to the van so it was all loaded up and ready to go in the morning. That didn't sit well with the little princess, she thought her father should do all the lifting. Maggie told me in the morning that she had her and Ryan help her carry everything. I should have known that my little con artist would find someone to do her work for her.

Sunday morning I have to admit I was a tad bit on the crabby side.....just a tad. Dave left with my brother-in-law to go pick up some of Lauren's furniture and I was going to take the rest of the kids to 10:00 mass then head to Kelsey's game. At around 9:30 I told Ryan to go up and brush his teeth. Of course my only son is incapable of walking up the stairs like a normal person. He was swinging his leg back and forth while he was going up the stairs. Maggie was behind him and he didn't know it. He kicked his leg behind him and Maggie got kicked right in the eye. She started screaming right away, I could tell by the scream it was bad. I of course remained perfectly calm, cool and collected....just kidding, I started screaming at Ryan, "What in the hell were you thinking? Can't you walk up the stairs like a normal person?? You have to understand that there are consequences for your stupid actions?? Look how bad you hurt your sister." I am sure I said more Mother of the year statements but I can't remember all of them. Shannon who is always the crusader for fairness started yelling, "Leave him alone, it was an accident." I of course said, "I know it was an accident but does he always have to be jumping around?" Everyone was yelling at everyone and Ryan was crying so I made the executive decision that we would not be making it to mass that morning. There was just too much dysfunction in the house.

Ryan, Maggie, Kelsey and I headed out to go to Kelsey's game. Shannon wasn't speaking to me so she didn't go with us. When I got on the highway my service engine soon light came on. I didn't have time to go home or we would be late to Kelsey's game that was 45 minutes away. I was afraid we would break down and look like a homeless family. I had all of Lauren's boxes in the van and the kids had to move everything just to find a place to sit. We made it to the game OK and Maggie and Ryan played on the bleachers and with the exception of a little light sensitivity Maggie's eye seemed fine. After the game we headed over to Lauren's apartment. Lauren told me that earlier Kelsey had sent out a mass text that said "Mom is Sico." Well if you are going to send a mass text to all of your siblings you should at least hit spell check. I am "Psycho" not "Sico"

We left Lauren's apartment late afternoon and decided to grab some dinner at Taco Bell for dinner. Maggie had a 7:00 championship basketball game and I didn't feel like cooking. We called Shannon to see if she wanted to meet us for dinner. We got to Taco Bell around 4:00, Maggie had been sleeping in the car. When we walked inside we were getting ready to order when Maggie said "Mommy I can't see out of my left eye." I said, "Sure you can." Then I looked at her eye and her whole Iris was dark brown instead of the pretty green it is supposed to be. Dave said, "You can see, how many fingers do I have up? She couldn't see his fingers at all. I started to panic and Ryan starting crying. I told Dave that we needed to go to the ER. Dave said, "We should eat first." What???? Our kid is blind and bleeding in her Iris and we should have tacos???

We had two cars there so I took Maggie and Dave and the kids met us after they ate. We were still in the waiting room when they got there. Ryan was so upset, I was trying to reassure him that it wasn't his fault and that it was an accident. I am sure I was real convincing considering I berated him for 15 minutes 7 hours earlier how there were consequences for his actions. Whoops, Can I have a Do Over????

We were finally able to see the Doctor and her vision was slowing coming back while we were waiting. When she fell asleep in the car earlier, her head fell forward, that is what caused her Iris to fill up with blood. She had a small tear that we didn't know about.While we were waiting, Kelsey was texting us from the waiting room asking for updates. Dave texted back that they had just brough in the eyeball stretcher and they were going to take her eyeball out so they could take a better look at it. She texted back, "are you serious??" She isn't the sharpest tool in the shed!! The kids got tired of waiting and came to wait in the tiny exam room with us, I think just to stress out a bit more. Sam called to let us know that she had parked in the overflow parking on the grass at her soccer game and her car was stuck in the mud. She ended up having to call a tow truck. Sorry we can't help you on this one, your little sister is blind and your little brother now needs years of therapy due to the emotional scars his mother gave him this morning.

The doctor came in and told me that she would have to wear an eye patch and we should put drops in every four hours. The village idiot aka Dave piped in with; "How do we put the drops in if she is wearing an eye patch?" Shannon said, "Oh my God Dad, is everyone in this house stupid?? Do you think that they are going to sew the eye patch to her face??

We followed up with a specialist on Monday and the bleeding has stopped and her vision is back to normal. Sam's car is no longer stuck, Lauren is all settled in to her new home, Erin spent Sunday at the beach and Kelsey still thinks I'm SICO. Things are back to normal....well Murphy normal, however normal that can be!!

Dave and I had to go to the funeral home last night and Maggie informed us that she has a big project due on Wednesday on Chameleons. She needs to write a report, site two websites and use three books on chameleons and then make a chameleon habitat. Oh is that all??? I was waiting for her to tell me she needed 7 dozen cupcakes and a chameleon costume as well. Unfortunately for Maggie, we weren't going to be able to take her to the library so she was stuck with Shannon. Now sweet little Shannon was not too keen on going to the library, her direct quote was "I am not taking her, I HATE the library." Hate is such a strong word.

We of course said, "too bad, you are our only option. She made Kelsey go with her so she could do all the talking and ask the librarian where one might find books on Chameleons. After all if Shannon had to ask her, it could be mortifying. We got home a little after 8, Maggie was proudly displaying all of her Chameleon books....she is now an expert and wants to get a Chameleon for a pet. Do I need to remind her that we just murdered 12 innocent little goldfish in less than 10 days??? I will swing by Michael's on my way home from work to grab some stuff to make an awesome Chameleon habitat. It's a good thing I work well under pressure.

Dave and I decided to go to lunch today. We are both trying to eat healthier and I am getting tired of Subway. I suggested Bread Company because I like their whole grain bread. Now my dear sweet husband has a hard time going outside his comfort zone. I knew Bread Co would be tough on him but thought we could try and give it a go. When he picked me up he went the wrong way and was less than patient trying to figure out the best route he should now go. I explained to him that if we were on a first date that I would go home and call all my girlfriends to tell them what a jerk he was and how there was no way that I would ever go out with him again!! He said "Oh yeah if this was our first date I would probably kick you out of the car on this off ramp and push you down the snowy hill and leave you for dead." It's a good thing it wasn't our first date or I wouldn't get the chance to make such an awesome Chameleon habitat on a moments notice.

We got to Bread Co and I ordered my food without any problems, Smoked Turkey on Whole Grain Bread, light mayo with salt and pepper....pretty simple. Then came Dave's turn, I said "Do you need help with your order?" Now I know from experience that choices turn crazy quirky Dave Murphy in to a total tail spin. He said, "No, I'll take the Asiago Roast Beef sandwich that he saw on the menu board. We both got water, he about had a heart attack when he saw the size of the cup. He compared it to the spit cup at the dentist. Our food was ready and he was not too happy when he saw his sandwich. He said, "My bread is hard as a rock and this sandwich is too small." I asked him why he didn't order what he liked, a ham sandwich on Whole grain? His response was somewhat of a 30 minute rant on how the people at Bread Co are all part of a secret society that are privy to menu items that aren't listed on the menu boards. The rest of the people are forced to eat hard bread and drink out of dentist office spit cups. I thought Shannon was weird because the library stressed her out but now I'm thinking that the little red head is a chip off the old block of Asiago Cheese!! Is it too late for an annulment????