Lauren's accident was 11 months ago....11 months, that is absolutely crazy. So much has changed in 11 months.  Some have been good while others not so good. I would love to say I am past being sad but honestly that is my biggest stumbling block to date. Even when I'm happy....I'm still incredibly sad. It is as if there is a constant veil of sadness even through laughter and good times. But there is laughter and good times, that is saying something. 11 months ago, heck 10, 9 and even 8 months ago there was no laughter and good times, none, zero!!

My family survived 4 months without me, I thought I was irreplaceable?? Well now that enough time has passed I'm learning their survival skills are a bit lacking. For instance Shannon shared with me that Kelsey basically did what she wanted all summer and dad had absolutely no clue where she went or what time she came home. Why did Shannon share this information? Well not because she was a concerned big sister but she felt slighted that this was her summer to fly free, not Kelsey's she was still in high school. After completing your first year of college it is the right of passage in the Murphy Mansion that you get to stay out later and not have your parents breathing down your neck.

I have preached from day one that Lauren needs normalcy in order to return to an independent life. What exactly is normalcy? Well the Murphy definition is not exactly textbook "Normal." Is it normal to pluck ones eyebrows and apply lip gloss while someone is in a coma? Is it normal to apply fresh lipstick before every PT session to help with balance?  We may not be a conventional bunch but it works for us. We have learned so much about the power of prayer, family and love and devotion over this journey.

As a mother I often stand back in awe at the way my kids have carried themselves throughout this family crisis.Each and every one of them is so amazingly strong and unique. In the first 6-8 weeks after Lauren's accident I was not emotionally strong enough to be present for my other 6 kids or even my husband for that matter. Never in million years would I have thought I was the type to go A wall on my family...but I did. I'm not proud of that fact but its true.

Things are much easier now but still tough at the same time. My physical exhaustion is now gone. Lauren is capable of bathing, dressing and feeding herself these days but she is still far from total independence.  Most days I am amazed at her determination and spirit. Some days I am quite frankly just sad. These sad days normally follow some of the best days. Days where she makes great progress I am flying high, why can't I just be thankful for those days vs analyzing the parts of those days that still showed that my precious daughter still has a very injured brain. Why can't I focus on the fact that she still has her incredible fashion sense when we go shopping vs the fact that at the end of the trip she calls me "Jason."  They removed the portion of her brain that controls the ability to understand as well as speak language. The fact that she can say anything that makes sense is a miracle!  The right side of her brain is slowly making up for what she lost. God is good. My faith is in tact and I have no other choice but to believe things will continue to improve.

As much as I love the fact that she loves to cuddle and I get so many great hugs I long for the day I can take her to the airport with her two suitcases just like I did a few years back when she spread her wings for a life in NYC. Its funny that my goal is to kick her out of the nest but as much as I want to smother her and keep her safe, I know she will never truly be happy here.

Dave and I had all these kids on blind faith. We really couldn't afford having babies every other year but we had faith in God that things would work out. We lived on buttered noodles and when we splurged and got McDonald's, the kids always had to share a soda and one large fry. The positive in that is that they learned to share or an even better lesson was they learned how to outsmart each other on who got the most fries. Survival skills at their finest.

I remember once when Shannon was around 8, one of her soccer friends was with us and we were ordering food at McDonald's. Her friend ordered a happy meal with a vanilla shake, I could tell by the look on Shannon's face she was petrified I would tell her friend that Murphy's don't order shakes. Instead I turned to Shannon and asked her if she would like a shake too? Chocolate or Vanilla? I'll never forget the look of relief on that cute little freckled face. I never wanted my kids to feel embarrassed that we couldn't afford things their friends had. That was one of the few moments as a parent where I felt I really got it right. (She probably doesn't even remember that stellar parenting move)

Now my new struggle is my younger kids trying to keeping a sense of normalcy. I can't go to a soccer game when its cold because Lauren wont do well. Having sleep overs isn't the best idea because Lauren wakes up so early an I don't want to listen to giggling girls all night.

I guess what I'm trying to say is that in life there are always roadblocks, learning to navigate around them is the key to success. Life is what you make it. Some days I would love to spend the day in my bed crying for what used to be. Who does that help? Every person on this planet is fighting some type of battle. The biggest lesson I have learned is that things are not always what they appear. People tend to reveal only what they want you to see. Sometimes the happiest people are fighting the biggest battles. I choose to be one of those happy people...OK I just wrote a whole post on how unhappy I am....SO IRONIC!  OK so starting today that is me! HA!

And no worries Kelsey, I will be home all summer this year. I will be on you like flies on sh&%!