The Murphy house is still as insane as ever. I am still on my liquid diet and ready to eat the next small child that passes me slow enough for me to get my hands on. My kids are starting to revolt because I put Dave in charge of grocery shopping as well as meals while I am on this diet. Dave and Maggie went grocery shopping this weekend. I have yet to see a meal prepared by anyone other than myself. They have however already polished off the 5 jumbo boxes of pop tarts and the jumbo box of Ego waffles that dad bought. Dave headed out of town on Sunday afternoon. I was catching up on the ER episode that I had recorded on Thursday. Dave was getting ready to leave and said “Is anyone going to miss their Pops?” We looked at him and said Shhhhh, ER is on, hasn’t he learned anything yet. I only watch a few shows and I demand silence when they are on. Doesn’t he know how to wave goodbye. Some people, I swear!!! I hate having the bed all to myself and I’m having trouble sleeping with out the sound of the soccer channel playing like a lullaby in my ear. Just kidding, I’m sleeping like a baby and the remote is mine, all mine.

Last week at school Ryan came home from school and said “My teacher called me out in the hall and had me go to the lost in found to get some new pants.” He has a bad habit of always sliding in to base at recess and his pants have seen better days. His whole knee is ripped out. I have looked at Target and Walmart for his size several times. April 1st they can wear shorts to school so I wasn’t that concerned. Now that his teacher feels like he looks homeless I decided to step up my search for a size 8 slim pair of school pants. I went to Wal Mart at 10:30 at night and found a pair of 7 slim on clearance. I decided to buy them as well as a seam ripper so I could let the hem out. I stayed up until 11:30 ripping out the hem, when Ryan woke up the next morning I said “There is a pair of pants for you on my dresser.” He said “Thanks anyway mom, I have a free dress pass, I’m wearing jeans today." I give up!!!

Last night Erin had a game that went to two overtimes and penalty kicks. (they lost) She was in a horrible mood and we didn’t get home until after 8:30, she decided to make herself some pasta as well as a frozen pizza. Ryan was starving and Erin decided she wasn’t going to share because she just really doesn’t like Ryan. I forced her to share with her brother and instructed Ryan not to look or talk to her for the rest of the night and she would share her food. Problem solved!!! Erin had a revelation at 9:30 and said “You are going to kill me, please don’t be mad at me.” That is never good when our conversations start out that way. She said “I am supposed to sell $100 worth of pizza’s by tomorrow morning for soccer, don’t worry I’ll buy some.” Are you kidding me, who can we call at 9:30, I suggested she start with Aunt Theresa, she could say, “Hello Aunt Theresa, this is your favorite niece Erin, I am selling pizza’s to keep my mother from strangling me, would you like to buy some, I will be happy to deliver them to you as well as the cookie dough that you ordered from Shannon’s cheer leading squad last June that has been sitting in the freezer downstairs for almost a year.

Saturday I cleared my schedule to spend the day with Sybil prom dress shopping. I had mapped out my whole day on Friday night. I was pretty proud of myself, I found six boutiques in the St Charles County region for the little princess to shop. Ryan had a 9:00 AM basketball game, I knew better than to even consider going unless I wanted to see Erin change in to Sybil early on, I had to devote the ENTIRE day to the perfect prom dress. I did however; have to make a quick dash to Target to get Maggie a gift to bring to a birthday party. Why is it that I get these invitations two weeks before the party and buy the gift an hour before??? You would think with seven kids that I may have this down to a science by now. Maybe in a perfect world.

We pulled out of the driveway at 9:30, Erin was in a great mood, I think I even heard a little WOO HOO. The first place we went to was closed until eleven, the second place was out of business and was now an interior design shop, Erin was starting to get a little agitated. I said “It will be fine, we have several other places to go, there is another one just a mile up the road, relax.” The third place was also out of business, it was now an Indian Grocery store. Sybil was out in full force at this point, I said “How about some beans and curry???” She doesn’t think I’m funny. At this point I did the only thing that I could do to make her happy. I went through McDonald’s drive Thru so my 96 lb daughter could shovel in two double cheeseburgers, a large fry and a coke while I ate my soy based diet bar. YUMMMMM.

We went back to the first place that was closed and she didn’t see anything that she liked and they didn’t have any size 0 or 2 dresses. The owner recommended another store a few blocks away. When we got there,e the store had boy scout uniforms and I quote “old lady clothes” hanging in the window. I was beginning to think I would have to go back to McDonald's to keep her personality in check.

Lauren called and told us to try a place in West County that she knew of. We found it and found a dress that she loved except that it was pink and she had her heart set on blue. I looked at the price and was thrilled; it was originally 400 on sale for 150. Of course if Sybil realized it was on sale she would lose interest quickly. I tried to hide the price tag.

We decided not to buy the first one we liked so we tried 4 more stores. She did find a pair of shoes that she fell in love with. If she decides to skip college, and buy herself a large pair of boobs, the shoes will be absolutely perfect if she becomes a stripper.

Finally at the end of the day I dropped her off at work and went back for the pink dress. It looked darling on her. She is happy for now. Now we need to work on finding a date for prom, according to her, that is the easy part.

Kelsey had me "help" her with her newspaper article on Wednesday after school. I was in a hurry so I basically wrote the whole thing for her, I don't know why she keeps signing up for all this extra stuff. She is on Student Council, Newspaper, she plays select soccer all year and she plays basketball. It would be different if she was an only child but she isn't, every time I am home I am running off to pick her up or take her somewhere. For some reason, Dave is never home when it is time to drive the kids somewhere. Yesterday I picked her up at 4:15 at school after her newspaper meeting. I had to rush home , have Kelsey change and get Maggie and Kelsey to soccer practice. Kelsey got in the car and said "My teacher said my article was the best and that she thinks that I have RAW talent. My article will be the featured article in the school newspaper and she is going to appoint me as head writer." Great that has always been my life ambition to be the head ghost writer for an elementary school paper!!! When I got home Maggie was having a major meltdown, she couldn't find her red practice jersey. I grabbed a red shirt and said here, that's close enough, get in the car. Then we couldn't find our soccer spikes, does this ever end?? I still remember running late for Sam and Lauren's practice with one shinguard and 1 shoe.

I made the mistake of mentioning to Erin that we could go up to Chicago and stay with my sister to go prom dress shopping. She expects me to work around her social and soccer schedule to make the road trip convenient for her. I convinced her to just try and find one here is St. Louis and I could spend a little more. That seemed to convince her, she always likes the $300 and up range. She still doesn't have a date, she insists that is the easy part. She may be bringing Ryan if she waits too long.

The pictures above are of my little runners and Dave's agony as he crossed the finish line. They posted the race times and results from the St. Patrick's Day run. Mike finished 32nd, Kelsey 39th and the love of my life finished 220th. He went running last night. I think he is trying to finish 219th next year. Dream big honey, dream big!!!!

Another St Patrick's Day came and went. My kids really get in to the spirit dressing up for school with all of their green. One of the perks of being a Murphy is being able to treat St Pat's like Christmas. Kelsey had a soccer game so we didn't go out, I think Lauren did enough celebrating for the whole family. I'm sure Sam did as well but she chooses to do her binge drinking away from her family, Lauren on the other hand, doesn't mind showcases her stupidity for all to see. When I got home from Kelsey's game, Erin was sitting in my bed on my laptop with enough food to feed China on my night stand. I said, "comfortable??" I looked over at Lauren laying next to her, all glassy eyed in her drunken stupor and said "I hope you don't think you are sleeping in here tonight?" I couldn't get her to move so I decided, if you can't beat em, join em. I scooted her over and she asked me to scratch her head, just like the old days, except in the old days she smelled like milk and cookies not a brewery. Maggie soon joined us and had me scratching her head as well. "What is with these kids??" Lauren looked over at Erin and said "see how nice mom can be when you drink when you are over 21. " Erin wasn't amused.

I started my new diet today. It consists of a few horrible tasting shakes, bars, puddings and one meal. The food was pretty expensive. As I was loading my one month supply in the pantry I noticed that it only filled two shoe boxes. "Are they kidding me." I have never had scrambled eggs that were packaged like FunDip before. I'm sure it wouldn't hurt to substitute them for Fun Dip. Ryan asked, "Mom are you ever going to cook for us again?" Probably not, dad is in charge while I am on this diet, I hope they like cereal. I started the program this morning by preparing my delicious powdered oatmeal. I soon learned why so many people have success on this diet. I got about half way through and started gagging. It should be easy getting my required water in washing down all the poison they call food. I had to drink a shake mid morning and a chocolate bar mid afternoon, luckily they were much better than the oatmeal. I had Kelsey take my before picture this morning, it was recommended in the welcome packet for the diet. She picked up the camera and said, "Do you only want your face?" I laughed and said "no , this time you can get the whole fat body.' She has been well trained as my personal photographer to always hide her mother's many flaws.

Lauren is back in New York for a job interview, Mike surprised her with flowers at the front desk of her hotel and gave her money to buy something frivolous for herself. Ahh young love, I'm happy if Dave remembers just to take the trash out.

Dave got six free hockey tickets last week. Four of the seats were together and two of them were a row over. Dave brought his friend Bryan and his son and Ryan. He gave the other two tickets to Lauren and Mike. Lauren called me the next day to report that every time she saw Ryan, he had something new in his hand, Dippin Dots, nachos, soda. She said "Dad acted like Ryan was an only child, he didn't even ask me if I wanted anything." Last time I checked she has a job and so does her boyfriend. I say, if she wants cotton candy she should buy it herself!!!! Dave asked her, "Did you ask for anything?" She of course said, "I don't think I should have to, you should know. " I'm so proud, she will make an excellent wife someday, my little prodigy.

Shannon came home from school excited. She said "Mom, I don't have an F in Health. I have a 68% that is a D, A 65% and under is an F. I was so relieved, I said "Shannon that is fabulous, your father and I are going to get on the phone first thing in the morning to see if there is still room for you in the gifted program.

We had a dinner dance in Mexico MO last night. Dave decided to drink a whole bottle of wine. He decided that having a hangover would be a good excuse to not finish the St Patricks Day race he was in today. Somewhere in his warped brain that actually sounded logical. We stayed the night in Mexico and got up at 6:00 to make it back home in time for the race and parade. When we got home, the kids were all still asleep and Maggie was running a fever. I pumped her full of Advil and had grandma take care of her while we were at the race. I told grandma to bring her up to the parade if she perked up. Dave was able to finish the race, hangover and all. What a stallion, (Not) he finished in 42 minutes(4 miles), not too shabby for an almost 40 year old. Mike finished in 32 minutes and Kelsey in 35 minutes. Maggie felt better and was able to make it to the parade. Dave entered a float for his company and everyone had fun throwing out candy and trinkets. Ryan got to ride his unicycle and was hamming it up the whole way. I did learn a valuable lesson today. Never use fabric paint on your children's face. Unless of course you don't mind having your child go through life looking like an Irish flag.

Why is it that I feel like I need to sleep four extra hours when we lose one during daylight savings time?? We have been going to 5:00 mass on Saturday's so we can sleep in on Sunday's. I slept until 10:00 today which was actually 11:00. I can't remember the last time that I slept so late. Ryan had a 1:30 basketball game, Shannon had to be picked up at a friends house, Maggie had a 3:00 soccer game, Shannon had tumbling lessons at 3:00 and Erin had a dire emergency. She desperately needed her phone charger because she had to work all day and her phone was ready to die. How will she get through her shift without texting?? The plan was for Dave to pick up Shannon and bring Erin her charger, (Erin works close to Shannon's friend's house) I was going to take Ryan to his basketball game. Dave would drop Maggie off at the soccer fields and have Kelsey stay with her in case her coach didn't get there that early and then head to tumbling with Shannon. Of course every well orchestrated plan has some type of glitch. Kelsey gave Dave Shannon's phone charger instead of Erin's so he had to get the right one when he picked up Kelsey and Maggie. It is always best for everyone to keep Erin/Sybil happy. Ryan and I got to the game in time for kick off. It was really windy today. Ryan was cold so I told him to go get the sheet out of the back of the van. Kelsey and Ryan spent the whole second half playing with the sheet behind the fields like it was a parachute. Kelsey said that was the most fun she has had in 10 years. Who needs a kite on a windy day, all you need is a bed sheet. Wow my kids are weird.

Speaking of weird, Lauren called me from the bathroom stall at IHOP. She said Mike was aggravate with her because she made him stop at IHOP on the way home so she could go to the bathroom. She had been in there over 15 minutes and he was sending her text messages from the parking lot that said "IHOP called, they said to get your girlfriend out of the bathroom, she was smelling it up." I asked her why she was sharing this with me? She had no good response. I heard a toilet flush, I said, "you are making me gag, I am going to hang up now." She said, That wasn't me." What would motivate anyone to call their mother and tell them that they are pooping at IHOP when other people can hear and smell them? She called me back 20 minutes later to tell me that she made Mike stop at another restaurant on the way home, her stomach hurt again. She then explained that she thinks it could be because she drank too much last night. What could make a mother more proud than her daughter pooping all over St. Louis County other than knowing that it is because she drank too much. My kids are amazing.

I got an email from Shannon's Health teacher today. It wasn't telling me what a joy it was to have my perfect child in her class. It actually said something along the lines of "Shannon has a 68% in my class, I have talked to her and she has agreed that she needs to put much more effort in to my class." HEALTH are you kidding me, of all the classes to be flunking and my kid is flunking health. Don't you get a C just for showing up? I talked to Shannon when she got home and of course it is because the teacher is stupid. I figure there had to be a good excuse, I do have to admit that my poor precious baby has had an unfair amount of stupid teachers. I sure hope the teachers get smarter the older she gets, it is so unfair. I have a feeling the next three and a half years are going to be like pulling teeth trying to get Shannon to graduate despite all the "stupid " teachers.

The weather was finally a little warmer today. The kids were able to play outside for a change. Ryan and his neighborhood buddy like to play in the woods behind our house. He had batting cage practice tonight so I just made grilled cheese and chicken noodle soup for dinner. Ryan eats next to nothing and doesn't like grilled cheese so he was only going to eat soup. I called him in for dinner and grandma who always likes to interject parenting tips (just in case I haven't figured out how to parent yet ) said to Ryan "make sure you wash your hands." He looked at her like she was crazy and said "Grandma I'm eating with a spoon, I don't need to wash my hands." Although logical, I have a feeling that he might flunk health someday too.

Erin has had soccer try outs all week. She has come home so crabby, her whole body is sore. Shannon has been riding home with another carpool. I informed her that next week she will be staying after school to work on homework while she is waiting for her sister at soccer practice. I am not paying a carpool for her to come home and check facebook. She can stay at school with all the stupid teachers and work on bringing all of her grades up, especially health.

Sam called me today, she is leaving for Miami tomorrow for Spring break. I sure hope I don't see her on a girls gone wild video commercial in a few weeks.