Road Trip With My Mother

I am in the lobby of the hotel in Indiana Colorado I couldn't get the laptop to work so I am using the hotel's computer. I have learned many valuable driving trips while riding with my mother. For instance; Did you know it is illegal to drive with your dome light on in the car at night? Kelsey wanted to read her Harry Potter book in the car on the way here. Grandma told her it was against the law because it was distracting to the other drivers. I let her keep the light on, I felt kind of bad when we caused a ten car pile up on the interstate because of the distraction of the dome light.

We won all of our games today. That means we may get to stay for the final at 5:30 if we win in the morning. I am so excited about the possibility of getting home tomorrow after midnight. I hope Shannon and Kelsey have all of their homework finished, I would hate to cause another accident on the way home if we have to turn the dome light on. My mother will be a huge help though, without her I would never know when to change lanes, speed up, slow down or when to stop at a red light. I suggested to her that maybe she could start following me to work in the morning with a walkee talkee so she could let me know when to stop and go to ensure that I arrive safely.

My sister who lives in Chicago, drove up to spend the evening with us. My mom wanted to go to dinner at this place that advertised "home cooked meals." I told her it would probably be a dive and the waitresses most likely would have no teeth. We went anyway, our waitress was pleasant and even had a full set of teeth. My mother ordered shrimp scampi and didn't like it. The waitress asked her what was wrong and she told her the shrimp was overcooked and the flavor was bad. She went on to tell her how you can't overcook fish or it gets tough. After she walked away my sister and I were laughing and my sister said "maybe you can go back to the kitchen and give the chef a few cooking tips." I told her after she coached him on the proper way to prepare shrimp she could give him some driving tips to help him get home tonight!!!

I leave town tomorrow for a soccer trip to Indiana, Indiana is in the state of Colorado.(just ask Kelsey.) It is now 10:30 and I am finally printing my mapquest and soccer schedules. Some of the moms were talking at practice on what type of weather we were going to have this weekend. They had looked it up on the Internet. I didn't have the heart to tell them that I still hadn't figured out what city we were in, what hotel we were in or what time we were leaving. I work so much better under pressure. I have it all figured out, If I drive straight through to Indiana and stay up all night all weekend I may get all of my homework finished by Tuesday. Dave is in charge of Ryan, Maggie and Erin. Yikes!!!!!!!!!! Ryan asked me tonight how he was going to eat all weekend. Considering the only thing the kid eats is crackers I suspect Dave can handle it. Erin and Maggie may not fare as well.

Today in my math class I got alot of tips from my classmates on piercing and tattoo issues. The girl who sits across from me just turned 18 and she is sooooooo excited about getting her tattoo this weekend!! I heard how nose rings sometimes ooze and eyebrow piercings leave a bump behind if you let them close up. I am learning so much at college!!! I still can't add b+c but I know the best place to go to get a tattoo.

I probably won't be able to post again until Monday. Dave has a laptop that I could bring on the trip, but the mouse only works sometimes. The left click button doesn't work so we changed the setting for a left handed person, that worked for a little while. Now it works sometimes. The computer is still under warranty but we have yet to find time to bring it in to get it fixed. We like to wait until things are completely kaput before replacing them. Dave used to have a cell phone that he had to take the cover off and use a paper clip to dial. It was great when it would ring while he was driving, he would flip the cover off and search for something metal in his car to try and answer the call. He also had a stereo in his car where the station would change every time he would hit a bump. He also had to turn the heat on with needle nose pliers and roll down the window to get out of the car and open it from the outside handle. That is most likely why my kids plug in Christmas lights in their bathroom so they can see while they take a shower. They know dad won't change their light bulb until all of the surrounding lights are burned out too.

Today was typical, getting everyone off to school and me off to work. We had the normal arguments that we do every morning. I gave the same morning lecture that I give every day, "when you get home from school, do your homework, check your team websites for practice times and location and pick up your mess!!" The picture above is of Kelsey and Maggie's room, I think they quit listening by the time I told them to pick up their mess, They thought I said make more mess!! I thought if I posted it on the Internet it might shame them into cleaning it. (I hope they don't figure out how to take a picture of my room)

My teenagers informed me tonight of how much they hate my blog. Shannon loved the fact that I told the world that she had an F in algebra and Erin wasn't exactly thrilled that I shared the fact that she has multiple personalities. I told them to consider themselves lucky because I make fun of their father daily, not just occasionally like I do them. The subject came up while driving home tonight when Erin asked "Is dad ever going to replace the light bulb in our bathroom?" Apparently, last night she plugged in a strand of Christmas lights just so she could see to take a shower. I told her, that would probably end up on the blog.

I called my sister tonight for help with my algebra. She was helping me with a word problem and the answer didn't come out right. She said "lets plug in the numbers to figure out where we went wrong." I said ummm let me think, where did I go wrong??? Um maybe signing up for algebra at 38 years old when I have a family of nine and barely enough time to pee much less figure out if you have two types of candy and you want to sell the combination of the two at one price to equal another price. How much of each type do you have??? What??? Are you kidding me. Who gives a crap!!!

After Shannon's practice we went to the library. I tried to help her with her algebra homework and she wouldn't let me. She called one of her friends but she was at volleyball practice. I explained to her how to do it and she still didn't believe me. Finally I called my sister and had her explain it to her. It turns out, her old mom was right after all. On the way home I said "see aren't you glad you listened to me, you would have gotten all those wrong if you would have done them your way." She said "no, I was planning on asking dad anyway."

I got home with just enough time to let the dog out,(Once the sun goes down the dog won't go out alone, he is to scared.) Then Maggie and I worked on her spelling words and her reading flashcards. I gave her a bath in my bathroom, (I didn't feel like looking for Christmas lights) and sent her off to bed.


When I am done here I have to read a few chapters of David Hume. Yuck!!! That is the next book I have to read for my ethics class. I am sure there are plenty of ethical situations in Nora Roberts and Danielle Steele novels. Why can't I read one of those. I think I still have one in my beach bag from the last two summers, someday I may have time to finish it.

Today has been one of those days where I couldn't wait for it to end. My teapot in my drawing class looked nothing like a teapot, my argumentative presentation for ethics is coming up, considering I don't understand a word of Machiavelli or Plato it makes it hard to come up with a good thesis statement. My algebra class is well, its algebra, enough said. I am doing great in my design class which is why I am going to school in the first place so I guess it will all be worth it. Does it really matter if I can't draw a teapot??? I like coffee better anyway.

The kids were in twenty different directions tonight as usual. I dropped Kelsey at practice and headed to the library with Ryan and Maggie. I helped them pick a few books and then started on my algebra homework. I saw lightning through the window so we headed back to practice to get Kelsey. I still had to pick up Erin at our carpool meeting place so I went back to the library instead of going home. Ryan beat Maggie at tic tac toe 21 to 1. He couldn't understand why she quit playing. Erin called and said they were about 10 minutes from Walgreens where we meet. I rounded up the kids and headed to Walgreens. While we were waiting, Kelsey got poked in the eye and world war three almost broke out. We had one cookie and a box of cheezits in the van. Ryan was ready to eat his own arm, he was so hungry. When Erin got there we headed for McDonalds for a quick dinner at 9:00.

I am getting kicked off of the computer by Erin, she has to make a CD and check facebook. I guess she is all finished with sending her text messages for the evening. I still have to do some research on Maggie's saint project before I whip up an awesome costume for her to wear to school next week. Thank God I don't have to make a teapot costume!!!

The kids' school has an online grade book. I love it because I can always see how they are doing without waiting until progress report time. Shannon is struggling with Algebra a bit this year and Kelsey has a couple of low grades in two classes. Since it is still early in the year, just a couple of bad grades can really bring down their average. Progress reports came home today, I told Shannon that she really needed to bring her math grade up and in no way shape or form was that grade acceptable. She then informed me with her 13 year old words of wisdom that she had read my blog and that my 73% that was a low C in my algebra class would be a low D at her school so technically she really had a D instead of an F if she was going on my grading scale. I told her nice try, make sure it is a B by report card time. She said OK but for some reason didn't ask me for help with her math.

Ryan had a baseball game tonight. He couldn't find his jersey before the game (how shocking!!) Shannon found it for him in the pile of clean clothes on his bed that he slept with last night instead of putting away. I am sure by tomorrow they will be on the floor for the dog to pee on.

The dog got hold of a pill bottle and ate through the cap. Shannon found the empty bottle with the pills on the floor next to it. Luckily he only ate a few or he would be going to live on the farm a little sooner than I had expected. I am not sure if it was a failed suicide attempt as a result of his long stint in solitary confinement on Saturday.

Ryan got to play his game today so I guess Dave forgot that he told him that Saturday would be his last game EVER. They won their 7:15 AM game (I was at home in bed) but didn't have enough points to advance to the semi finals. Shannon lost her early game too so it cleared our afternoon schedule a little. Kelsey's team advanced to the semi final so I left her with a teammate and headed to Sam's first college home game. Lauren and her boyfriend came too, Lauren went to a get a spray on tan before the game. She has a presentation coming up in one of her classes so of course she has to look her best!! She got pooped on by birds twice while we were sitting on the bleachers. The second time she asked if it was in her hair because she couldn't shower for at least eight hours until her tan soaked in all the way. By half time she was tired of being target practice for the birds and went home. I left shortly after her, the mom on the bleachers next to me with the piercing voice screaming GO BEARS every 7 seconds was starting to get on my nerves.

I headed back to the soccer park where Kelsey was, to watch her final. They won 5-0 not the most nail biter of a game but still a nice result. After the trophy presentation we headed for home. I stopped at the grocery store to pick up a few things for lunches for the week. When we walked passed the floral dept, Kelsey said "I thought a Florist was someone who fixed your floors." This is the same kid who wanted to know what state Indiana was in.

Dave and I split the kids today to go to two different soccer parks. We met at the park that I was at with Kelsey around mid-day. Shannon and Maggie came to the field where I was watching Kelsey and said Dad was really crabby. He was stuck in two traffic jams on the highway due to construction and when he got to our house after Shannon's game, Ryan couldn't find his uniform. (what a surprise) He had to wear blue shorts instead of red and Dad said this was his last game, he was never playing again after today. I am so sorry I missed this special father and son bonding moment. When Kelsey's game finished I had 28 minutes to get her red shorts off of her run them up to Ryan's field and get Maggie across town to her game. Kelsey's coach had an unusually long after game speech. I told Shannon I would give her a dollar to run over and pull Kelsey's shorts down really quick and run them up to Ryan's field. She wouldn't do it, I think she knew I didn't really have a dollar!!

I got home around 3:00, the dog had been locked up most of the day. I told Kelsey to go let him out. She came downstairs and said "you might want to see what Seamus has done to his crate, I can't really find words to describe it, I think you have to see it and I think he may need a new one. Our little obedient pooch tried to eat his way to freedom today. His plan actually backfired, now we have a hard time opening the door to get him out because he bent the frame. If he keeps this up he may be taking a little trip to the "farm" like our first two dogs.

I kept the kids out of school to attend my brother- in- law's funeral. It is never easy getting everyone out of the house on time when we are all in good clothes. Grandma went too so we took two cars. On the way there I realized my armpits were a little fuzzy, I was wearing a sleeveless blouse. I was afraid the relatives would say, "Did you see Dave's wife? He married a gorilla." We had a few minutes to spare so we stopped at a gas station and Dave ran in to buy me a razor. He came out with the razor, a soda and one chocolate long john. Did he forget he had a car full of hungry kids?? They watched mommy shave her armpits in the car while daddy ate a delicious donut. Ryan commented that he thought it was bad when he saw me with the white stuff on my upper lip taking off my mustache. He said this was worse. I think he may need therapy at some point in his life.

After we left the church we went to the cemetery, I asked Lauren if she had any deodorant in her purse or car that I could use before the luncheon. I shaved all of mine off, I didn't want to be a smelly gorilla instead of just a gorilla. I should have never doubted my well prepared daughter, she had deodorant, perfume, 3 different shades of pumps and a couple of spare outfits . You never know when you will need an extra 12 pair of shoes!! When she was a senior in high school she came to school in casual clothes not realizing it was not a dress out day. She was able to completely outfit her self in a full uniform, jumper,shirt, socks and shoes just by opening the trunk of her car.

When we got home today our dog Seamus (technically Maggie's dog) left us a little present. I have learned an expensive lesson today. Never put your decorative pillow to your bedding in front of the dog crate to help keep him in there. I might have to bind and gag him before we leave everyday. I can just picture him with ropes tied around his little paws and a bandanna down his little throat. Something tells me he would be able to get out of that too. Then Maggie would probably need therapy too.

Thursday

A small battle was fought this morning in the Murphy kitchen. Ryan was the first to eat and used the last of the milk. Apparently not only did he use the last of the milk he spilled half of it out of his bowl on the way to the counter. Erin aka Sybil yelled at him to clean it up, he grabbed a towel and smeared the drops into a bigger mess. That resulted in him getting smacked upside his head by his big sister. The battle raged on after school when Ryan smacked Kelsey in the mouth on the way home from school. Grandma picks them up from school in her little Corolla and they have a hard time getting along for that 3 minute ride home sitting so close to each other. Shannon could solve the problem by switching seats with Kelsey but she feels that it is her place as an eighth grader to have the front seat.

The picture above is of Maggie's school shirt. I was told that they don't have straws for the chocolate milk at school. So instead, Maggie just opened it and poured it down the front of her. Ryan told me it is because they want to discourage kids from using them as a weapons, Kelsey said it was a result of a budget crunch. I think somewhere in between lies the truth. In the mean time I may just spray Maggie with scotch guard every morning before she leaves for school.

Wednesday

Today is my birthday. My husband woke up crabby , he tends to get extremely stressed when he senses that he may have a stress filled day at work. I didn't mention to him in the morning that he forgot my birthday. I got everyone ready and headed off to school and work. (Hey, shouldn't I be the one stressed, he just has to get dressed in the morning and gel his hair!! )Of course my best friend Katie called me on my cell first thing. (Someone still loves me.) I called Dave early to tell him to get money out of savings to put into checking. My withdrawal for my ticket the day before pretty much cleaned us out. Not to mention that my $200 check for sixth grade camp is due tomorrow. That put him an even better mood.

The girls at work got me a cake and everyone signed a card. After I read it, I put it in the envelope and told the girl who sits next to me that I was going to bring the card home so Dave can sign it too. Dave finally noticed the date on some reports around 10:30 and called to wish me a Happy Birthday. Around 3:00 a delivery man brought me a bouquet of flowers wrapped in paper. I told him that they must be from my boyfriend because my husband doesn't have any money. As a matter of fact, his checking account is overdrawn because his wife drives too fast. I unwrapped the bouquet and saw the arrangement. They were beautiful, then I began to count, 1...2...3...4...5...6... WHAT!!! six, I am only worth six roses, who and the hell sends six roses, do I get White Castles later? I guess we will have to share a soda.

I worked a little bit late because Erin was going to a 4:00 high school boys soccer game and needed me to pick her up after the game. I decided to make a little extra money instead of sitting in my hot van. I picked her up around 5:40 and headed for home. When I got home, Kelsey asked if I saw my birthday present from Ryan. She took me in the garage where I saw the neighborhood kids were all gathering. Apparently my little boy took an adventure in the creek after school instead of writing his spelling words. I got a brand new shiny turtle. The neighbor kids played with the turtle for a while and then returned him back to his home in the creek.

At dusk we all came inside for the night. I gave Maggie a practice spelling test. I knew it was going to be a long night when the first word was is. She asked me how to make a z. I heard Gwen Stefanni's song Bananas on the radio today and remembered when that song first came out, Maggie could spell banana's and she was only four. I am thinking about bleaching my hair platinum blond, getting a skimpy sequined outfit and Mr. Microphone (do they still make those?) and maybe put the words in a song . This week I have pick, big, tack, big, play and want. Not much to work with here in creative song form. Hey anything is worth a shot.

Tuesday

Tuesday morning started out with some sad news. Dave's brother-in-law pased away. Dave received the news on his way to work and called his boss and took the day off to be with his sister. I had school today but my mind was on my in-laws all day. Dave has five siblings and they all banned together to offer support. There is nothing more powerful than the love of your family. I don't particularly feel like being funny tonight because I am writing with a heavy heart.

After school, I had a few minutes to scarf down a sandwich and go over spelling words with Maggie before I had to drive my kids all over the county.I had to get Shannon to her coaches house by 5:00 swing back by the house for Kelsey, (find Ryan who decided to explore the neighborhood without permission) and delegate a few driving duties to grandma. I asked grandma to take Maggie to her practice at 6:30 and drop Ryan at his baseball game at 7:45.

After I dropped Kelsey at practice I went to the library to work on my Algebra homework. I love it that I can work at a table without sticking to anything like I do at home. I got my first Algebra test back, I got a 73% a low C woo hoo!!!!!! I think I might be a genius!! I called my sister the math whiz and told her she was fired, I was finding a new tutor. She reminded me that she only helped me with a couple of problems. While at the library grandma called me to tell me she took Maggie to practice and no one was up there. I guess I screwed up yet another practice time and date. Luckily she is only 6. Kelsey got benched for the start of her practice game for arriving late. I guess her coach didn't care that I was roaming the neighborhood looking for a lost boy!

I met up with Ryan at his baseball game. He walked once and struck out once. He insists on using this long bat every time, against his father's advice. Dave always tells him to use the short bat that the team has. Ryan doesn't think it is manly enough. Dave always says fine then, I hope you don't mind carrying that big bat back to the bench after you strike out.

My birthday is tomorrow , this year I am getting a money order for $158 made payable to the Kentucky circuit court. I got a little speeding ticket on my way to Florida for our family vacation this August. Dave was behind me trucking along at the speed limit. He passed me while I was pulled over, he said to Lauren's boyfriend, "There goes my snorkeling safari." The cop was really nice, I was going 91 mph, I normally don't drive that fast but I was in Dave's little car, I am used to driving a big conversion van. Lauren was laying down in the back seat, (she had a head cold.) The officer asked me why I was going so fast, I explained that I was trying to get Lauren to a rest stop because she wasn't feeling well. He saw how bad she looked and I could tell he believed me, (she looked really bad.) He asked if I needed an ambulance, I wanted to say, if it gets me out of this ticket I'll take one!!! I should have said "no she is just really car sick because I have been weaving in and out of traffic at 95mph for the last hour, she's just a little queasy." He showed mercy on me and wrote the ticket for 10 miles over so I wouldn't have to take a trip back to Kentucky for court. Maybe I shouldn't pay the ticket and choose a relaxing vacation to Kentucky jail. I hear they serve bologna sandwiches. I like bologna, after all we never even have bread at our house.

Mondays are always hard especially after a long weekend of soccer. I woke up to the doorbell. The little girl down the street was returning Maggie's jacket that she left in their front yard the night before. She was already dressed and ready to face her day. I on the other hand still had to wake up five kids, sign permission slips, write checks for lunch money and fix breakfast for five little darlings who were not exactly thrilled with the menu in the Murphy kitchen. Ryan asked me to clean his glasses, I was happy to oblige since he rarely wears them. (Probably because the bite mark scratches on the lenses from the dog are a little distracting. )I quickly cleaned them with soap and water, God only knows where I left the windex after my super charged cleaning day the day before. As we were heading out the door Shannon noticed that Ryan had a hunk of toilet paper hanging off of his glasses. Lucky for him, his big sister is observant so I didn't humiliate my son at school by sending him there with toilet paper on his glasses.

I called home around 3:30 to make sure everyone started on their homework and picked up after themselves. I am trying to turn over a new leaf and keep the house straightened up so I no longer have to box my company in, in the foyer so they can't see the rest of the house. I like to keep up the facade that I am one of those mothers that does it all. Works part time, is a full time student, drives carpools attends church every Sunday keeps an immaculate house and has wonderfully well behaved children. Of course if anyone would spend any length of time here they would see the real me. I always wake up late, I run around like a chicken with my head cut off and I send my kids to school with a breakfast of cold cereal every morning. Pancakes and waffles are only served in restaurants.

At dinner I reminded Kelsey that her soccer trip to Indiana was coming up next weekend. The kids always look forward to travelling with their teams. Kelsey who is an A student asked me what state Indiana was in. I explained to her that it was in Colorado so she would need to pack her warm clothes.

After dinner I went to my room to read Machiavelli for my ethics class. Talk about a real page turner. I was asleep in 5 minutes. It only took another 5 minutes for one of the kids to find me and wake me up. I moved out to the deck to read in the fresh air, 20 minutes later I still wasn't getting anywhere with the book. I decided to come downstairs and kick Erin (aka Sybil) off of the computer and check the spark notes. They were as boring as the book. I decided I needed a break and Dave and I went out for another date.

Tonight we went to Dierbergs and Walgreens, he really is a big spender. I picked up pictures at Walgreens that I had taken of things with texture for my design class. Dave looked at the pictures and asked why I took pictures of a bush, tree and hay. I told him about the project and he asked me why I didn't take a picture of my unshaven legs. I told him that was a good idea, maybe I will keep all those new razors we bought tonight in the package and shave when I get back from Kelseys trip to Indiana, Colorado to keep me nice and warm while I am there!!

After our crazy day of soccer we had 30 minutes to clean ourselves up to get to a dinner party. Before the party I got to play veterinarian when I had to pull a long piece of paper out of my dogs butt. Not everything that he ate out of the trashcan on Friday was completely digested. My choices were to leave it hang out until it fell out on it's own (most likely somewhere in the house) or to play doctor.

The party was hosted by one of Shannon's friends parents. She has a really nice group of friends and it was nice getting to know all of the parents of her friends. It was funny how adulthood often imitates grade school. Girls on one side, boys on the other. All the mom's were talking about cleaning their houses and whether or not their kids pitch in. Some of the women have cleaning ladies. I wondered when was the last time that I actually cleaned my toilets. I normally wait until I have the black hard water stains in the bowl before I break down and clean them. Clean toilets are nice but I am happy if my son doesn't have a dirt ring around his neck, let alone the toilet ring. I think Ryan has the same bar of soap in his bathroom that he had when we moved in.
I was feeling a little guilty that I have neglected my house so badly, so I woke up gung ho to clean my toilets. After mass I went to pets mart to get more enzyme solution for dog urine stains. If they gave me a punch card for that stuff, I would be getting a gallon free a week!! I asked Dave to go with me, we grab every date opportunity without kids that we can. Unbenownst to me Ryan's game that he coached earlier at a 3-0 loss bothered him a little more than I had expected. We drove to Pets Mart in silence and he waited in the car when I went in. Wow what great company he is!!! Some days he really make me feel like such a princess.

We got home and Dave started vacuuming down stairs. I decided to go in the woods behind my house to pick some wild flowers for an art project due on Tuesday for my drawing class. I normally would have asked Dave to go on my little adventure with me but after our exciting date to PetsMart I decided to go it alone. I walked about five yards and decided it was a little too buggy for me. On my way back I spotted some pretty orange wild flowers. I wasn't watching where I was going and I sunk in the mud up to my knee in sludgy muddy water that drains into the back of my yard. As my foot sunk under the earth a huge lizard or snake jumped out of where I was sinking. After I got over the initial shock of becoming the next swamp thing I crawled back to dry land. I was just hoping and praying that my neighbors and or family were not watching me through the windows. I went inside,cleaned myself up and started tackling all the urine spots on the carpet. I asked Ryan to vacuum his room so I could spot clean it. He responded with "I don't know how to vacuum." I told him to plug it in and push it. I waxed my hardwood floors and then we all left for Kelsey's soccer game. Another loss for the Murphy's this weekend. I went to go pick up Erin at a friends house and headed home. I went upstairs to check out Ryan's room. He did vacuum and even put the vacuum away when he was done. He put it back in his closet right next to the petrified pile of dog poop, stuck to the carpet that has probably been there at least week.

Homecoming

My day started as crazy as ever, waking up late and racing around the house getting everyone off to school. I got off work a little early and met Lauren for some quick shopping and lunch. I had about an hour to straighten up the house before I had to pick the rest of the kids up. When I got home I noticed the dog greeted us at the door and he must have escaped from his crate. I asked Lauren if she locked him up before she left the house? She said she did. I asked her if she turned the crate to face towards the treadmill with a pillow in front of the latch and if she layed the vacuum on it's side behind the crate?? Obviously she didn't realize our darling dog that everyone begged me to get is now an escape artist as well as an indoor urine sprinkler system. That hour I had to pick up the house has now become a trash collection expedition since the dog has spread the contents of our overflowing trashcan (that must have been in my husband's blind spot this morning) all over the house. I picked up the rest of the kids and found out Maggie got a 90% on her spelling test. There is a God!! I went on and on about how proud of her I was. Of course that was met with "I got a good behavior certificate this week, you didn't say anything to me." and I got 100%on my spelling tests the last two weeks and no one said a word. Luckily we live just five minutes from school so my "mom likes you best" conversation didn't last too long.

Erin was sitting in the chair waiting for me to start styling her hair as soon as I walked in the door. Here we go again, another school dance with a two hour hairstyle and make up application. Luckily she is wearing her dress from eighth grade graduation so I saved a little money there. We picked up her date, picked up another couple and headed to a park for group pictures. I took a few pictures, kissed Erin goodbye and headed to Maggie's soccer game. I had my camera with me when I got to the game, I asked Dave if he wanted to see what Erin's date looked like on my camera. He responded with a grunt. He still doesn't do well with the whole dating thing.

After the game we decided to go to dinner at O Charlies with Grandma, Shannon, Kelsey, Ryan and Maggie. Dave was starving, apparently his wife doesn't take good enough care of him. While we were waiting for our food I got out my palm pilot to try and coordinate who would take what kid where in the morning. I think we have 5 games and two practices, and three team picture times before 2:00 tomorrow. Dave said not to fool with it tonight that he was to tired. I explained that our first practice was at 8:00 a.m ., did he want to wake up at 5:00 to figure out who was taking who where and where is that kids uniform not to mention water bottle or pre-wrap or car keys for that matter. He said "I will take Ryan to practice and then I will call when I am free." We finally decided together that we will just sleep in tomorrow and forget we ever had kids!!!

The pre school bear

This is one of my earlier writings from a few years back. I figured some of the pre-school age mom's may appreciate it.

My week started with Lauren being grounded for lying to me about where she went after a school dance and Dave going to get her and a girlfriend at 1:00 in the morning. Of course she is grounded and has shared with me her wonderful words of sixteen year old wisdom that it was pointless to ground her because it wasn't like she would use the quiet time to do homework. She told me that she hates me and if she had a gun she would shoot me.


Ryan came home from school with Tommy the bear. Tommy is the school bear that gets to visit once a year maybe twice if your last name is at the front of the alphabet. He travels with a backpack,blanket,story book, pajamas and a notebook to write about all of his adventures with the family. Tommy got to go to the dentist and watch Ryan get a filling that I can't afford. Later that evening Dave took Tommy along to go ice skating with Ryan. I told Dave just to stick Tommy in Ryan's hockey bag so he wouldn't forget him. He said that he was going to keep him on the ledge by the bench so Tommy could watch them skate. I was beginning to get a little worried. Does my husband realize that Tommy can't really see???My boys arrived home around 9:30 pm. Dave was frantically rooting through Ryan's hockey bag. I asked what was wrong??He responded with "I forgot the stupid blankety blank bear. I giggled as he stormed out the door heading back to the ice rink. Luckily a security guard showed mercy on this poor pathetic grown man who forgot his Teddy Bear and unlocked the facility so he could bring Tommy home. I was asleep when they returned. When I woke up I saw the blankety blank bear on the dining room table. I had a few hours to write about Tommy's big adventure before Ryan's pre-school started, He was in the afternoon class. I decided not to share with the class that Daddy called Tommy a filthy name or that Lauren threatened to kill mommy. I started to gather his things to put back in the backpack for the return trip to school. I soon realized that Tommy's special blanket was missing. I frantically searched my mountains of clean as well as dirty laundry looking for the blankety blank blanket. I kept asking Ryan to re trace his steps and to think back to where he had it last. I might as well have been talking to a wall. After numerous prayers to St Anthony (the patron saint of lost things)I had given up. I started weighing my options. Do I lie to the teacher and say oops we left Tommy at home to buy a little more time to locate the blanket, do I replace the blanket and hope she doesn't notice that it is different, or do I simply come clean and tell her the shameful truth that I am so irresponsible that I can't even keep track of a stuffed bear and it's supplies and I am wondering why in the world has God entrusted me with seven children when I am struggling with a stuffed animal. My only hope is that the teacher runs out of dates before she gets back to our last name. Thank God our last name is not Adams. I don't want Tommy to sleep over anymore!!!

Never leave your husband in charge

I left to go on an out of town soccer tournament with our 15 year old Erin. Dave was in charge of the other kids. something I don't do often. The other girls can pretty much take care of themselves but the males in my family are a little challenged when it comes to responsibility. Ryan's team was in a tournament in town. Some time last year Ryan lost his soccer bag. He can't remember where he left it because he is completely oblivious to the fact that it was even missing. Ryan shows up to most games in the wrong color uniform or the wrong color socks 9 times out of ten. Dave is his coach so it is kind of like the blind leading the blind. Since Ryan couldn't find his soccer bag he wore his red uniform to the game and just brought his blue jersey and set it on the bench in case he needed it. Of course after the game neither one of the men in my life thought to pick up the blue jersey. The next day the team was wearing blue. Lucky for Ryan two of his sisters play for the same soccer club. He wore his big sister Kelsey's. I made it back to town early Sunday and immediately noticed Ryan was wearing the wrong numbered jersey. Dave saw my frustration and said "sorry punkin, you know how we are, this is all we got left," as he held up a plastic grocery bag with his dirty red uniform inside. After the game I asked where the grocery bag aka soccer bag was. They looked around and realized that they lost that as well. After so many years of marriage I can't even get mad any more. I searched the lost in found several times. By the end of the evening the blue jersey finally showed up, the red one is still among the missing. Ryan had an out of town tournament this weekend and he brought a big hockey bag instead of the plastic grocery bag. I assumed it would be harder to lose. He had a game last night and realized he never got his bag out of his Dad's trunk. Once again we outfitted him with his sisters uniform. He wasn't happy because he had to wear Erin's and it was really big. In the process of him trying to tighten the drawstring on Erin's shorts, he pulled the string completely out. Ryan has about an 11 inch waist(mainly from a diet that only consists of crackers). Obviously those shorts wouldn't work even if we rolled them 34 times. I thought about duct taping them to his body. On that thought maybe I could duct tape his soccer bag to his body as well. Never mind, we no longer have a soccer bag. Scratch that idea. We came up with an alternate pair of red shorts, dried our tears and headed to the game. After the game we got home and got into the homework mode. I asked to see his assignment notebook. I saw that he had a religion test the next day. I told him to get out his book and study. Can you believe it?? He left his book at school. Great, now I get to wake up an hour early,to get everyone going just so we can get to school early so he can study. I'm sure by the time he walked into school he forgot why he was there so early.

Why I Am Doing This

Why I Started This
I am starting this blog as a result of my husband reading about a Chicago mom who did this and is now working on a book deal. Of course that is one of those "that should have been me moments." I wrote a book 6 years ago entitled "Honey We Don't Stand On The Microwave." That was when I had six kids, so I was much more a lady of leisure then, than I am now. That seventh one has pushed me over the edge of insanity and loss of free time. I am now working part time and am also a full time student at the local community college. My full time job is driving my children all over St. Charles and St. Louis Counties. Every once in a while if I am lucky I can spare 42.3 seconds in my day to pee alone. I am so spoiled I really don't deserve such luxuries. Right now I am writing in a blog trying to fulfill some missed oppurtunity instead of helping my little darlings with homework. My son flunked a religion test last week (so maybe the priesthood is not for him) and my 1st grade daughter is struggling with sounding out words. If you asked her what the offsides rule in soccer is, she could tell you, just don't ask her to spell "it" or "an".
My son came home from school with a strange diamond pattern all over on his white uniform polo. I asked "Ryan did someone step on your shirt? He responded with "no, at recess my friends put me in the ball bag and drug me around the black top parking lot. I am so glad my son finds creative ways to ruin his clothes, I was getting tired of the typical blowing out of the knees at recess during kickball. I am glad he is becoming an equal oppurtunity clothes destroyer.