Big Families

My sister sent me this in an email a while back. I just came across it and thought it was worthy to post. I wish I knew who the author was so I could give them props.....Big families are often criticized and raked through the coals by the media. Funny though how children of big families are normally the best behaved and most well rounded in the room, this article helps explain why. It's kind of long but very well written....Enjoy!


A woman said to me recently that my five children were very well behaved.It’s one of the best things I can hear so I thanked her. Then she asked me“how do you do it with so many?” I told her that I don’t think I’d be a very good parent of one child or two. She didn’t believe my answer but honest to goodness, I sometimes think that having many children is easier than just one. Why big families are easier: Patience. I never have toteach patience. My children know that I can’t drop everything for them ifI have a baby in my arms. Work Ethic. My children have learned to workbecause there are always chores to do in a small house packed with littlemessy lunatics. And they all learn quickly that sometimes they have to cleanup a mess even though they didn’t make it. Humility. My children havelearned it’s not always their turn. They’ve accepted they can’t alwaysget their way because other people have to get their way sometimes.They’ve learned that some children are better at certain things than theyare. Foreign language skills. You can learn a lot of Spanish by watching tenyears of Dora the Explorer that you just can’t pick up in two. And nowwith the Diego spin off I’m practically fluent. Laughter. The childrenhave learned to laugh at the insane non sequiturs of younger siblings.They’ve learned that laughing just feels better when seven people aredoing it along with you. Competition. Do I really need to go into this?Everything is a competition in big families. The children compete over whoreads faster, who drinks their milk faster, who gets to the bathroomfirst…etc. Everything is a competition and they’re all keeping score.Balance. The floor of the front room of my home is a minefield of toys andchildhood paraphernalia. Just walking through the room requires great skilland balance. I’m absolutely convinced my two year old will be a favoritefor Gold on the balance beam in the 2016 Olympics. (She might have to layoff the cookies a little but I’ll deal with that later.) Life isn’tfair. Sometimes you just give it to the baby because you want a littlequiet. Not all the time. But sometimes. Just say “No.” Being able to say“no” may be the most undervalued skill in this world. The need to beliked is pervasive. The need to be cool even more so. Having brothers andsisters teaches children to say “no” about 143 times a day. It’s agood skill. Praying. They learn that nothing beats praying together as afamily. Nature/Nurture. Having many children has taught me that nature has alot more to do with who my kids are than nurture. This is helpful,especially when your children misbehave you don’t have to feel bad aboutit. Just say “Stupid nature!!!” and blame your spouse’s genes.Namecalling. You can occasionally call your child by the wrong name andstill not be considered a terrible parent. They know who you mean just fromyour tone. Sometimes if you need something done you can call the wrong nameand someone will still show up. That helps. Spying. My children have learnedthat they can’t get away with anything. I have spies who look a lot likethem who are willing to drop the dime on them for anything. Even at schoolI’ve got a child in just about every grade. If they do something I’llhear. That keeps them nervous. And I like keeping my kids a little nervous.Friendship. The children have many friends. They’ve got girly friends,crying friends, fun loving friends, consoling friends, and crazy friends.And they all have the same last name. And they’ll be there forever foreach other. No matter what. Love. I think my children have learned to lovebecause there are others around them to love and who love them. I honestlycan think of no better way to teach children to love than siblings.

I woke up yesterday to the sound of Shannon's pleasant voice screaming. "Pick up my lunch." From what I gathered in the few seconds that I had to process the situation....Shannon must have dropped her lunch and she was demanding that Kelsey pick it up for her. I accessed the situation and decided that it would be best for me to stay in bed, pretend that I was still asleep and just say a quick prayer for Kelsey.

I took Erin and Lauren to lunch to celebrate Erin's birthday. They both heard the "Pick up my lunch" outburst this morning as well. I love how the whole family jumped to Kelsey's rescue. Lauren told me that Shannon had tried to wake her up to move her car and she wasn't budging. That may have been the first thing to light my little red heads fuse. We have all learned it is best to let crazy Shannon vent and just stay out of her way.

When she got home from school I asked her why she was such a raging lunatic this morning. Her story went kind of like this; "We were running late and I asked Kelsey to see who's car was parked behind me and she said, "Lauren's." I asked Lauren to move it and it and she wouldn't. Turns out, Kelsey is so stupid it wasn't even Lauren's car it was yours." Then she was wasting time looking in the mirror instead of helping me find my keys. I dropped my lunch and asked her to pick it up because she was wasting time looking in the mirror obviously because she is so stupid. It's not my fault that she is so stupid"


Kelsey's version, "I heard Dad leave this morning and when I heard his car start I thought that maybe he went outside to start our car so it would be warm. Shanon asked me to help find her keys....I started to walk towards the front door to see if her car was running. She accused me of wasting time and looking in the mirror when I was just headed to look outside to see if her keys were in the ignition. Then she made me pick up her lunch. She is psycho, I hate her."

It looks like everyone in the Murphy house has the Christmas spirit. Fa, La, La La La La La LA La.



Speaking of lunch, Maggie forgot her lunch that morning. I got a note from the cafeteria manager that stated that my child showed up without a lunch or money. She was given a cheese sandwich and white milk. I owe them $1.75 for the stale bread with cheese. The letter also stated that if my family was having financial hardships that I should please contact the church and they will refer me to the proper agencies to help. It also stated that they post lunch card balances every Thursday. Oh I'm sorry...I didn't check my lunch card balance first thing this morning? What was I thinking, that IS the most important thing that a working mother of seven has to do less than two weeks before Christmas.



I responded with, "Thank you for the compassion, shove your cheese sandwich up your ass, she didn't eat it anyway." (Or I quietly sent in a check) Are you kidding me, one forgotten lunch and they are ready to refer me to outside agencies?? Did they not realize that the whole house spent their morning on lock down with a crazy red headed lunatic on the rampage? No wonder Maggie forgot her lunch....she was afraid to get out of bed. If you want to refer me to an outside agency....How about Homeland Security? I am living with a terrorist.

Girls Weekend 2011

Some of my favorite people!

This weekend was a highly anticipated girls weekend with three of my oldest friends. We were headed to Kansas City to see Rick Springfield. We checked in to our hotel around 4:00 pm and started getting ready. My three friends all shared an apartment together in 1990. I spent a ton of time over there on the weekends. It was so much fun getting ready together, just like the old days. We used to wear tight Jordache jeans and stilettos. Sebastion spritz hairspray was used to cement our big hair into place.

We have replaced the hairspray with smoothing serum and flat irons. Gone are the Jordache jeans and stilettos. Now we wear mom jeans with spanks underneath and slippers that look like shoes...well not all of us, just one of us wore slippers (sorry Rhonda). I do have to admit that I did offer her $100 for her slippers at one point during the evening. I wore spiky heels to try to make myself look thinner. Once I saw the pictures I decided that they didn't make me look any thinner, but they did make me feel ancient when 5 minutes into the evening I was super jealous of Rhonda's slipper boots.

We had great seats at the concert, 3rd row center. The warm up band was called Drew6, the lead singer's name was Drew and they had 5 people in the band. They were pretty good but not too good at math. Rick was amazing as usual, he did not seek me out and ask me to run away with him. He is so shy, I know he was thinking it. I guess he will just have to wait to ask me until the next time he sees me.

We headed over to the KC Light District to have a few more cocktails. The evening became a little fuzzy from then on. I do know that a mechanical bull was involved and Rhonda aka slipper lady landed on me and snapped my neck a bit. The video clearly shows me holding her waist so tight that I actually pulled her off the bull right on top of me. We did sign a waiver first on an IPad. We typed our own names, we were a little unsteady at this point and I believe our waivers may have been under volkern and Rghoma instead of Colleen and Rhonda. I think I found a loophole for my neck injury lawsuit.

I learned who my real friends were this weekend. I got a little sick this morning. I never was a very good drinker and very rarely drink. My friends were all sleeping when I began dry heaving in the bathroom. Carrie jumped out of bed, found a clip to pull my hair back and got me a bottled water. Rhonda and Katie jumped out of bed as quick as they could to find the camera and the video setting on their phones.

We shared a ton of laughs and some of us, not mentioning who, but some of us got our money's worth out of our poise pads this weekend. I am so lucky to have such great friends. They don't have the same obsession with Rick Springfield as I do. They set time aside just for me. I am truly blessed. We have added a million more inside jokes to our high school vault of inside jokes. I can't remember a time that I have laughed so hard in a long time. Between the four of us we have 20 kids and 1 grandchild. Getting away for a weekend isn't easy. Without our wonderful husbands at home taking care of all our kids schedules and sporting events it would not have been possible.

I did get a lecture from Lauren the professional drinker on how it is not necessary to drink to have a good time and that there is absolutely no excuse to get myself in that kind of shape. I think she has my mom lecture quoted verbatim. At least she has heard me all these years, even if she hasn't always listened.

Lauren has moved back home, she is moving to New Your at the end of December and didn't want to waste her money on rent and food when she could eat all of my food and stay at my house for free. I honestly don't know how I ever survived without all of her parenting advice. She knows so much about raising kids, she should think about being a child psychologist. She is a natural. I can't wait until she has kids, I just know in my heart that they will be "perfect."

She worked on her paper for her last MBA class all day yesterday. She called me every hour to let me know what page she was on. When I got home from work she was sitting in my bed under the covers all snugly warm with her laptop on her lap. I think she thinks it is her room, I know she thinks it is her bathroom. Is it January yet???

Shannon read my last post and was a little upset that I didn't mention that she brought me coffee at work that day. She had called me after school and I had asked her if she wanted to swing by my office on her way home and bring me a large coffee. She said, "I will, if you buy me dinner." I decided I didn't need coffee that bad. An hour later her and Kelsey showed up on my office doorstep with a large coffee. They even called Dave to find out how much cream to put in the coffee. It really was a nice gesture but Shannon felt that I should have shared it with my blog readers. She said, "That has to be the nicest thing that anyone did for you all day, that cost me $2.00" Please forgive me, Shannon is without a doubt, the best daughter in the world!!

I leave for Kansas City on Saturday morning for a Rick Springfield concert with three of my high school friends. We have third row center, (one of the fan club perks) I am such a dork! I have been trying to figure out the best way to drop 20lbs before Saturday. I have been waiting my whole life for Rick to spot me in a crowd and ask me to run away with him. That happens in real life, doesn't it??? I wonder if he likes kids? I'm thinking that I may have to amputate a couple of limbs real quick if I want to lose 20 pounds. I plan on being the best looking torso in the audience.

Everyone was home for Thanksgiving, we actually had less fights than I anticipated. Primarily because Erin slept the whole time she was here. I am so glad she came to town for the holiday, I really enjoyed watching her sleep. When I asked her why she sleeps for 22 hours a day, she responded with, "I can't help it, this house just sucks the life out of me. I actually have a hard time breathing when I am home." Always quick on my feet I let her know that I always have a hard time breathing too,when I click the transfer button on her bank account.

I stayed up talking to my sisters until 4:30 AM the night before Thanksgiving. They didn't get to my house until after midnight. I got up early to get the turkey in the oven. I am used to doing most of the cooking but you would think that one of the perks of having 6 daughters would be having a little help in the kitchen. I made twice baked potatoes and asked Lauren if she could spoon the potatoe mixture in the shells for me? She looked at me like I was crazy and said, "Why can't you do it? You already have the spoon in your hand." Its a good thing it wasn't a knife in my hand.

They did do the dishes for me so at least the day wasn't a total wash.

I received an email from Kenzie from Nordstrom letting me know that Lauren was in the store and was eyeballing some animal print boot liners that go with her new boots. She even attached a link to the boot liners so I could check them out and purchase them. I replied; Dear Kenzie, Lauren was born with a plastic spoon in her mouth......not silver. We have plenty of boot liners here at home. They are called socks. Thanks for the email!

Happy Birthday Shannon

Shannon turned 18 on Saturday. She had the choice of a gift around the $50 range or a shopping trip. She chose to go shopping and pick her own clothes. She went out on Friday and spent the night at her friends house. She got home around 10ish Saturday morning ready for her birthday shopping spree. She made sure to point out that now that she was 18 she could buy cigarettes, porn and lottery tickets....in no particular order. I let her know that she could also go to jail and if she did....I would leave her there.

Lauren showed up at the house to help Shannon celebrate her birthday......or she knew that she could tag along for a free lunch. We went to O Charley's so I could completely blow my diet, but hey ....it was for Shannon, I am the type of mother that will do anything for my child. If that entails eating a large bowl of potato cheese soup with four or five rolls then that is just a sacrifice that I am willing to make. Of course princess Lauren had a plate of leaves with some balsamic dressing on the side. (she always was a strange child)

After lunch Shannon and I headed to the mall and Lauren headed home. Shannon found a few cute things and in typical Murphy fashion went way above the allotted $50. I think she figured I wouldn't notice. She wasn't feeling well so we headed home.

In the car on the way home Shannon asked me to quit talking, she felt like she was going to throw up. Umm excuse me, how does the sound of my voice make someone ill ? (Dave if you are reading this, don't answer) We stopped to pick up her cake and she threw up in a trash can as soon as she got out of the car.

It suddenly came to me in a déjà vu type vision. Hey isn't this familiar, I remembered when Erin had to have grandma pick her up at church on her birthday weekend because she had bad "cramps." Come to find out those bad cramps turned out to actually be a bad hangover. I think she finally owned up to having just one birthday shot. "one birthday shot?" Now that is hilarious, did she think that sounded like something a mother would number 1, believe and number 2, find acceptable?

I decided to deal with Shannon and her "flu" tomorrow. I woke her up Sunday morning for church. She was burning up and had been throwing up all night. Apparently her flu was not the brown bag flu but an actual body aches, sore throat, high fever kind. Whoops, sorry Shannon!

Emergency Credit Card

Does anyone really understand the true meaning of the term "emergency" credit card? Apparently my little Erin does. When we dropped her off in Alabama I left her with my credit card to use in case of an emergency. It really wasn't a grand gesture, it actually was to help keep me from using it too often myself. My definition of emergency was; my precious baby stuck on the side of the highway with a flat tire, at a party and her designated driver is drunk and She needs cab fare, a text book needed for a class etc.

Erin's definition of emergency; "Mom, Sam sent me these visa coupon things in the mail an I tried to buy these really cute boots with them. The lady at the store said they didn't accept them so I bought the adorable $100 boots with the emergency credit card." Of course you did, "Did you consider putting them back? "oh heavens no, that would have been embarrassing."

Emergency number 2, Mom, Emily invited me to a formal dance an I have NOTHING to wear. Do you think I can use the emergency credit card? "how about the 40 dresses in your closet? No, how about we mail you one of the 400 dresses we have here at home." I explained that the emergency credit card would be used for emergency Christmas presents under the tree and she would have to pass on the new dress. Besides she would be more of a show stopper if she showed up in nothing but her new emergency credit card go go boots!

My Memories Suite Give Away

I was asked if I would like to be part of My Memories Suite give away. My first reaction was to say no. I don't normally use my blog for giveaways and advertising products. Maybe because I only have two or three people who actually read my blog. One of which is my mother. : )
I have got to tell you that once I checked out their product on their website. I was hooked, I love taking pictures and making videos to preserve family memories.
Maybe because I am a tad bit scarred from only having a handful of childhood pictures. I don't really understand my mother's logic....clearly I was the most beautiful baby that she had. Judging from the few pictures that I do I do have, there is really no comparison to the countless pictures of my two older less attractive siblings.
My Memories Suite is awesome software that you can download to your Mac or PC to begin creating family memories with your photo's. For example the page that I made of my family looks as if all the kids get along splendidly.
Twenty years from now the scrapbook page that I made with my new photo software (that was given to me so graciously from the people at My Memories software) will be a reminder to my children of a happy smiling family. Gone will be the memories of the hot sweaty photo shoot that just wouldn't end. My scrapbook page of the "happy" family will live on forever.

The best part of this software is that I get to share it with one lucky reader. I have spent a few hours playing with all the different features and let me tell you, It has it all. You can even create a photo book, or a family calendar.
It would be the perfect software to make a special Christmas gift for grandma. I know what my mom is getting this year. Anyhoo....here are the details to enter this exciting contest. Drum roll please.............

Visit the site http://www.mymemories.com/digital_scrapbooking_software in order to enter the giveaway you need to go to their site and choose your favorite digital paper pack or layout, then comment on my blog telling me which ones you chose.
It's that simple.....I guess that means I may get a few comments. Mom, are you out there???
The winner will be announced by Nov 18th. That gives you plenty of time to create a scrapbook or photo gift for Grandma.
Here is the link again http://www.mymemories.com/digital_scrapbooking_software


My Memories Suite 2.0 is currently the #1 rated digital scrapbooking software on the market (according to Top Ten Reviews). Disclosure: I received the My Memories Digital Scrapbooking software in order to evaluate the product and conduct this review. No monetary compensation was received and a positive review was not required.

I am still trudging along on my diet. The house is walking on pins and needles. Any wrong move and I could snap. The other night Shannon and Kelsey almost lost their heads for coming in my room with a bottle of Propel each. It is no secret that no one and I mean no one is allowed to touch my Propel. My diet consists of 5 Medifast meals aka meals fit for a small premature baby bird and one regular meal with lean meat and a vegetable. Flavored water has become my guilty pleasure. It is the closest thing to food I can have. They both laughed and then apologized and promised they would never drink my Propel again. I bought 16 jumbo size bottles on Sunday. I have drank 2. They are all gone, it is obvious that these kids really fear me.

Maggie needed help with her math homework last night. I reminded her that Dad was the smart parent, I am just a trophy wife. She reminded me that last time dad helped her with math, she cried......good point. Ryan is still in therapy for his lesson from his father on telling time in second grade. He will never be the same again. We somehow muddled through and I am awesome at dividing with decimals. Next homework project we have to make some type of spirit doll using a toilet paper roll. Can't wait.

The most exciting part of my weekend is attending driver improvement school in the morning. I got a ticket in Illinois on my way to Kelsey's soccer game in September. To avoid points on my license and higher insurance rates I opted for driving school. The class is from 8:30 to 4:30, should be a fun day. Kelsey is in a tournament and Shannon has to work. I could have someone drop me at school but I am afraid that my new friends at school will think I am there for a DUI. I am not sure what to expect from the class. My family all feel as if I could have used a driver improvement class years ago. Some of my children even claim that they get a queasy feeling after a car ride with mommy. I may ask my teacher for some tips to try and curb that.

I am now on day 3 of my diet. Halloween was tough, I handed out $60 dollars worth of candy and did not eat one piece. Normally it is one for you, two for me, 2 for you 3 for me...anyway that is the kind of attitude that got me in this mess. Instead, I ate a Medifast Brownie with a teaspoon of peanut butter on top. Not exactly a Reese's but it got me through the night.

I have lost .4, yes that is point 4 not 4 lbs. Hmm. is it worth it?? Baby steps, baby steps.

Today as I was coming off the elevator at work I encountered a hospital volunteer with a cart full of scrumptious fresh baked cookies. She smiled at me and offered me a cookie. They smelled soooo good, I recognized this sweet old lady as SATAN, I knocked her to the ground, stepped on her face, doused her with holy water and dumped over her cookie cart.....or I politely said, "No Thank You." I can't remember which way it actually happened???


We got Shannon's senior portraits back yesterday. They are beautiful. The photographer is a friend of ours and did a fabulous job. She made crabby Shannon look pleasant. I am going to have a hard time choosing my favorite. Shannon's first few years of first day of school pictures are of the back of her head. She has never liked to have her picture taken....not a good trait when your mother always has a camera in her hand.

Erin's checking account was negative today. Her automatic 27 monthly tanning payment was drafted from her account yesterday. I texted her to see if she really felt that tanning was a necessity in college? I'm afraid to hear the answer.

Hey doesn't fat look better tan?? Maybe I should have went ahead and ate the Reese's and went tanning. My daughter is a genius!!!!

I was having my own little pity party today. Not sure why but aggravated with myself for not still being a size 4. The Steak n Shake I had for lunch didn't help. We had a party to go to tonight but I didn't feel like going. Instead I went to the mall. Note to self, when you feel fat.......Don't under any circumstances go try on clothes. I bought a few new tops and a couple new pairs of pants. I am back in a size 8. I'm hanging on to single digits by a thread. I thought about coming home and running on the treadmill......then I thought about having some ice cream.......then I thought"why would I try and sabotage myself?" it would be so much more sensible to drink a box of wine!!!

As I was leaving the mall, I passed a mom in the parking lot telling her young son, "I had to tell you at least 10 times not to touch anything." I smiled to myself and thought back to the days when I would shop with my little ones. Then I thought, "Great, now I am not only fat but that just reminded me that I am old too."

Kelsey had sectionals for Cross Country today. The top 30 runners move on to state. In addition the top 4 teams also qualify. Kelsey ran her little heart out, she came in 37th and her team came in 5th. She was pretty disappointed. She had a great run and finished with a really good time . Now that Cross Country is over she can focus on the 47 other activities that she has going on.

Shannon even came out to cheer Kelsey on.......or she came so she could get a free lunch, I'm not sure which reason she came. Or it could be because I wouldn't let her stay over at her friends house last night until she promised to show up bright and early at the Cross Country meet.

We survived another parent teacher conference. Ryan's teacher told us that one time last year, several teachers were discussing my son in the teachers lounge and one of them commented. "Ryan Murphy is driving me crazy today." He told us that he responded with, "He was perfectly fine in my class, I haven't had any problems with him." I wonder what would make his teacher think that was a story that I would enjoy hearing. Translation;.........Most of the teachers here think your baby boy is a real pain in the ass but I tolerate him just fine!! I knew early on that I would have a hard time convincing all these teachers that my son is as perfect as his mother thinks he is.


Maggie was another story, her grades were good but her standardized test scores look as if she may have been playing a dot to dot game instead of reading the questions. Good thing she is pretty.

Is it too late to decide to have just 2 children? If so, can I pick which two and do they have to be ones that I have given birth to or can I pick someone elses kids???



Shannon went to get her spray tan last night, she was really torn with making the decision to go during the Cardinal game. She went ahead and went, Skanky Little Mermaid will look so much better with a little golden glow. Who will notice anything other than her half naked body anyway?

Erin called me to see how much money she had in her account, she was headed out for some hair spray paint for her Halloween costume. I didn't even ask what she is going to be, I really don't think I want to know.

We have trunk or treat tonight at school. Game 7 of the World Series is also on. I was perfectly fine with skipping Trunk Or Treat to stay home and watch the game. Game 6 was one for the record books. Apparently school will have the game projected outside for everyone to watch and they will dismiss an hour early. I guess there is no getting out of going now. I will be stopping on my way home from work to unload my paycheck on candy.

Kelsey has sectionals for Cross Country tomorrow morning, I hope the Cardinals win early so I am not a zombie tomorrow at her Cross Country meet. I have had fast food almost every day this week in celebration for completing the half marathon. If I keep this up by the next half marathon in April I can just roll down the whole course instead of running.

We survived another half marathon. I wasn't sure that I would actually run because I hadn't had much time to train. I had started training early this summer but had to take over a month off in September when I had problems with my intestine. The weather was nice so I decided to go for it. My time was less than stellar but I completed the race and ran the majority of it...at a slow pace but I was at least able to run. The picture above is of the family. Maggie was in Memphis for a soccer tournament and Erin was in Alabama borrowing other peoples parents for parent weekend at her college but they were with us in spirit.

Lauren completed her first full Marathon, she looked pretty strong at the finish. When I completed the half I threw up in a trashcan...not one of my better moments. Grandma brought Kelsey and Ryan to watch Lauren finish her race.

When we got home I had 5lbs of dog poop to pick up. When Kelsey and Ryan got home I asked if they even bothered to let the dog out this morning before they left. (Dave and I stayed at a hotel close to the start of the race) They both said, "No we weren't home." Oh, so you woke up in the front lawn?? They said, "No , but grandma rushed us when we woke up.

We got home that day at 4:00 after stopping for something to eat. Grandma never lets the dog out, she has the "It's not my dog attitude." She claims that he won't go outside for her. I'm thinking little effort by all three of them was given to let the dog out...like NONE. I told Kelsey and Ryan that their punishment on Monday was that they are not allowed to use the restroom until 4:00 pm so they can see how the dog felt. (I think they really fear me)

I got an email on our school website from Ryan's religion teacher. It said "Andrew did not use his time wisely in Religion class, he spent his time talking and got nothing done on his project." I responded back, "That's great but who in the hell is Andrew?"

I called Ryan and asked if he got in trouble last week in Religion class, he fessed up. I guess Andrew's mother got the email that Ryan did not use his time wisely. Parent teacher conferences are Friday, I can't wait.

Erin called me upset yesterday because she is having a hard time in school. She is used to getting all A's. Her nursing classes are really tough. She is trying to juggle, sorority life, college soccer and some pretty tough classes. I tried talking her down from the ledge. She kept crying and saying "I don't think I can do this? It is just too hard." The whole time I was talking to her my other line was beeping and my office phone kept ringing. She has a C in anatomy, I told her that she was not flunking and she would be fine. She had just taken a test in Nutrition and felt as if she flunked it and she was completely distraught. I felt really bad for her but needed to end the call because I could tell from the caller ID that it was Shannon who had been calling me frantically. I was ready to put another fire out.

I called her back and Shannon said, "Mom, do you think I should get a spray tan before Halloween?" Seriously....that is why you called 12 times to get my opinion on whether or not your skanky Little Mermaid costume would look better if you had a spray tan?" If you want my opinion, go as a ghost, no need for a spray tan and cover up all your exposed skin with a white sheet!!!

A few hours later Dave called me and said, Erin is trying to get a hold of you. She told me she had a melt down earlier and just got her Nutrition test score back. She thought she flunked it but was actually 1 point away from a B.

WHATEVER!!!

My husband completed a 340 mile race in a kayak down the Missouri river from Kansas City to St. Charles. He started on Tuesday morning the 11th and finished on Thursday the 13th. There was a storm that came through on Wednesday so he had to wait it out and it pushed him behind schedule. he was hoping to finish during daylight hours on Thursday. He finished at 3:30 Am Friday morning.

I woke up the kids and brought them down to the riverfront so they could see him finish. It is a pretty impressive accomplishment. There is no way you would catch me out on that river in a kayak...much less in the black of night with a little battery operated light.


With that said...ok he is is impressive yada, yada, yada. What I can't for the life of me understand is how he can complete a near impossible kayak race and he still can't master ordering his own food???

We went to White Castle Saturday night after our last soccer game. It was just Dave and I, Ryan and Maggie. Of course we went inside...the drive thru stresses Dave out. I had to use the restroom really bad after sitting in the cold at a soccer game.

I ordered our food and the lady was still figuring it out on the register when I said to Dave, "I am going to run to the bathroom before I pee in my pants, order drinks for Ryan and Maggie." He looked at me with sheer panic in his eyes and said, "Please don't leave, I can't do that." I said, "Are you flipping kidding me? You can kayak down a river but ordering two drinks is too difficult?" I left him standing at the counter with a deer in headlights look and went to the bathroom. He did just fine, just like I predicted.


Baby steps....baby steps. I will fix him someday if it's the last thing I do.



Kelsey called me today after school to let me know how mean Shannon is....(I think I already know) Anyway, Kelsey has cross country practice after school and she forgot to bring a sweatshirt. It is really cold out today. She asked Shannon if she could borrow her sweatshirt? Of course Shannon told her no, she has a volleyball game to cheer at tonight. It sometimes gets chilly in the foyer with people coming in and out. She didn't want to get cold. Never mind her little sister running seven or eight miles with the wind in her face.

They make me so proud!!!!

Lauren's 24th birthday was last week. A few days before, I stopped at the mall on my way home from work to pick up a few little extras for her gift. It is unusual for me not to rush home with a million places to be so I naturally enjoyed my leisure time and shopped for a while. I stopped off at the grocery store on my way home to pick up something for dinner.


When I got home, Ryan was asleep in the chair. I woke him up and asked him to help me carry in the groceries. He groggily walked towards me and said, "I can't, I'm stuck in handcuffs." He was in his boxers and nothing else.....other than the handcuffs. I asked him how long he had been like that? He never did give me an answer so I am assuming it had been a while.


Ryan received those handcuffs a while back and was always able to get himself out of them using a bobby pin. When he first got them he entertained himself for weeks, handcuffing himself to poles, treadmills, rungs of chairs etc, anything difficult so he could come away looking like Houdini. Apparently, he lost his touch. Eventually Maggie found the missing key and life was good again. I was thankful that I didn't have to go to my local police station with my naked boy in handcuffs.


Ryan let me know Wednesday morning that he had dress rehearsal for the school play (that I knew nothing about) I asked him what part he was playing and his response is, "I am a "cameo."

I am hoping he meant that he had a small non speaking part and that I didn't need to whip up a costume that resembled a woman's broach?? Why are my perfect children never the star of the play? I have seen more plays where Murphy kids are; towns people, chorus, sheep, trees, wood cutters, umpa loompas, shepherds, dancers and tech support. Cameo is a new one!!


Sam and Lauren are the same age until the 24th. It took Sam years to wrap her brain around the concept of being older...yet having a later birthday. The first 7 or so years of her life, she though I was scamming her. "How could Lauren's birthday possible be before mine, when I am older?" Now that she is a Wash U grad and a Certified Public Accountant...I think she's got it. I think????


The birthday seasons are beginning, Shannon will be 18 in November, Erin will be 20 in Dec, Ryan will be 13 in Jan and Kelsey will be 16 in Jan. Three big birthday's 13, 16 and 18...well according to Erin's ID....I think she may have already celebrated her 21st??????







Dave is currently on the Mo River completing a 340 mile race in a kayak...why do you ask??? Well, I'm not real sure. I talked to him this morning, he didn't sound too good. He should finish around 4 AM . I guess it would be rude if I asked him to take a cab home so I could sleep in??



Kelsey has a Cross Country Meet after school, Shannon is cheering at a volleyball game, Maggie has practice and Ryan is starring in the school play. I need to start a rent a parent program. I wonder if Dave could possibly pick up the pace a bit and paddle a tad bit faster...I could really use his help tonight.











I was greeted again this morning by a special surprise from Seamus in my bathroom. He loves to leave me little piles of love. Since I had my intestinal illness I insist that he is taunting me. He is purposely rubbing it in that his GI tract is A..OK. I was just not cut out to be the mother of a puppy mill animal. Children handcuffed to furniture...I can deal with that...Children wearing tight leopard print dresses...well OK that wasn't fun....but stepping in dog poop every morning?? that could make a girl crazy.

September came and went pretty quickly. Soccer season is always the busiest time for us. Throw in a little bout of diverticulitis along with a few homecomings along with a few soccer road trips and I am ready for a vacation. Oh wait...I had that in July. I actually get more rest when I go to work anyway.

Kelsey and Shannon still do not get along. Lauren gave Kelsey her old laptop and it is password protected. I know the password so I can use it, but she won't share it with her siblings especially Shannon.

They have figured it out a few times so she has had to change it. Her new password is ihateshannon. For those of you who aren't so quick, that is "I hate Shannon." I really enjoy the luxury of not having to go downstairs to use our home computer but....I feel like the worst mother in the world every time I type ihateshannon. What kind of mother does that?? The sad part is sometimes I am not too happy with Shannon when I type in the password. I'm thinking of talking to Kelsey to see if we can modify the password a bit. Shannonisoftentimescrabby, "Shannon is often times crabby" that would make me feel so much better as a parent.

Speaking of bad parenting, I kind of hit my breaking point last Thursday night. I have been burning the candle at both ends lately trying to catch up with work and fit in everything else in my schedule. I have been getting to work early every day to try and make up for all the follow up doctor visits that I have had since my illness. When I get home, I normally have about 7 minutes before I jump back in the car to drive the kids to whatever practice or game they have that evening. Thursday I had a little time to run 30 minutes on the treadmill before I had to pick Maggie up from soccer and then sit outside and freeze at her softball game. Dave took Ryan to practice then dropped him at home and went back to his office to catch up on some work. I was almost home around 9:30 when Kelsey called to let me know that I had to meet her at a gas station close to our house. She had a ride home from the "volunteer" activity that would take her to a gas station a few miles from our house. I already had my bathwater ran in my mind before the phone rang. I was so close to my evening ending.....


That is about the time that I lost it and poor little Maggie got the brunt of it. I went into my rant on how no one bothers to let the dog out and he just pees all over the house. The house was a wreck and I was exhausted. Everyone claims that the dog will not go outside for them. The dog is weird, I will give them that, but if they can't outsmart a puppy mill dog....we have bigger problems.

The dog is a little quirky like my husband. He can only go outside via the path between the recliner and the couch. God forbid we ever rearrange the furniture. If he is in the kitchen and you open the door...forget about it...you need to start in the living room. I have told them a million times, if he won't go out, put him on a leash. (the dog that is...not Dave)


Anyway...In the short car ride home to drop Maggie off, I let her know how I was fed up with their mess and the dog was going to the pound....or did I say I was going to "stab" the dog?? Tomato . Tomoto....

I also let Kelsey know by phone while I was waiting for her that she needed to pick some favorite activities because, come next week half of them would be going away. I think she was a little frightened to get in the car!!

When I got home the house was sparkling...little Maggie worked her little butt of during Operation Saving Seamus...I think she may have hid all the knives. Very rarely do I yell at Maggie, she has always been my easiest kid....boy was I missing the boat. I should probably write a parenting book!!!!!

Yesterday was my birthday. I decided to go back to my blog last year to see what I wrote;

Dave went to the grocery store in the morning and picked up a dozen roses for my birthday. After 20 years of marriage, he still doesn't get it. CAKE!!! I LOVE CAKE!!!! I don't even like roses??? Next year I will hit him in the head with a brick that says CAKE!!!! It is so hard loving the village idiot but someone has to do it.


Oh yeah that's right......I forgot to buy the brick. How silly of me, next year I will get a cake!!!

I have been off work all week due to an intestinal illness. Not exactly the best way to spend a few days but I am happy to be back amongst the living and feeling much better. While I was in the hospital Dave proved that he is not as incompetent that he has pretended to be all these years and took Ryan to the eye doctor...well maybe he is still just a LITTLE incompetent but my boy can see again.

When I got home from the hospital our sewer backed up in the basement. Dave called a plumber friend of his. He told me the plumber would be out the next day in the afternoon, I asked if if we should have the toilet in the powder room looked at as well? The water will click on out of the blue, several times an hour. When I was up all night sick, every time that toilet would fill up with water I could feel my hard earned money going down the drain along with the water. Dave said, "No, I can fix that, I already fixed it once." I said, "Great, can you maybe fix it correctly then?" Needless to say, my toilet still runs. I guess I will just pick my battles....there are just so many to choose from, I could fill up a history book.

Kelsey has started a new thing, she comes home from school every day and asks for at least 100 dollars. She needed money for her athletic fee, money for her student council fee and money for the gazillion people that she owes for all the rides home. One of her teachers sent home a note at the beginning of the year asking each parent to write a paragraph about their child to help get to know them a little better. I, being the good mom decided to just sign the paper and forgo the paragraph. If I wrote one, it may go something like this;

Dear Mrs. Whatserface,

You would like me to write a paragraph about Kelsey? Well for starters I am spending 10,000 to send her to this school, for that price get to know her yourself. However, I would have time to write a paragraph if it wasn't for the fact that she has signed up for the maximum amount of clubs, programs, sport teams and extra curricular activities. You see I spend most of my free time driving Kelsey all over the state of Missouri. Therefore I don't have time to write a paragraph. Please forgive me.

Sincerely,

Colleen Murphy

PS, If you need a volunteer for anything, pick Kelsey, she would love to do it!!


Now if Shannon's teacher needed a paragraph....that is another story.

Dear Mrs. Whatserface,

I would like to tell you about Shannon.....hold on a minute, I need to tell her to roll over on the couch, I don't want her to get bed sores.


Colleen Murphy


I am sure we will have a great school year!!!

Oh how I love the sounds of back to school. Not the pitter patter of little feet or the hustle and bustle of a house full of energy. No, in my house it is waking up to the sound of Shannon's shrill voice screaming at Kelsey. Kelsey is president of her class this year and has to be at school early several days. Shannon is less than thrilled about getting to school at 6:30 on her first day of Senior year.

When Kelsey told her about all the days that required getting to school early this year for student council, Shannon's head almost exploded. I think the conversation kind of went like; "Are you kidding me, I have to be at school at 6:00 AM for St. Nicks day? I don't even like freaking candy canes. I am not driving you." We are in for a long school year.

Our refrigerator broke a few weeks ago. It has been broken for a while actually. For the past few months everything in the fridge would freeze no matter how low we had the temperature control. Our milk and lemonade would be a block of ice. Making a fried egg was tough when the egg was an ice cube. Then suddenly our ice maker motor decided to go out as well. We decided it wasn't worth the investment to fix both problems. We have already paid $300 to repair this fridge once. I would get home from work to a house full of dehydrated kids. They would look at me as if I left them on a deserted island. They would have to thaw out the pitcher of lemonade for a half hour in order to get two drops of liquid. Their survival skills are less than stellar.

Dave and I bought a new fridge this week. It was being delivered yesterday. I left work a little earlier than usual so I could rush home to see my new fridge. I thought to myself, "What does that say about my parenting, when I rush home to see my new fridge but not my children?" Then I remembered my children are all crazy and I deserve a little excitement in life, even if it is just a new refrigerator. I will soon clutter it up with all the wonderful school papers that my perfect kids will bring home. We put the old fridge in the garage. We have lots of room for frozen foods, the refrigerator side as well as the freezer. Heck I may even put Shannon in there to help cool her off in the morning. (is that against the law?)

We survived our Staycation. I think it cost me more than an actual Vacation would have but it was still fun...I think???

We went to the zoo on our first day and then to the Boat House at Forest Park to rent two paddle boats and a Kayak. Dave and I started in the Kayak and then traded with the kids after awhile. It was worth all the money in the world to watch Kelsey and Shannon working together paddeling a Kayak. I was waiting for Shannon to lose it and throw Kelsey overboard but it never happened. I'm guessing because she is on good behavior due to her little leopard dress incident.

The next day we went to the horse races. Day two was not quite as easy to get the kids out of bed, they are used to sleeping until noon. We had some crabby attitudes. Erin sat with a scowl on her face for most of the day, her excuse was that she couldn't breathe. It was really hot and the air quality was really bad....but, Kelsey who HAS asthma could breathe just fine. The only time Erin was happy was when I was feeding her. I bet on one horse named "Soup Man" it reminded me of Dave, with the exception of oatmeal, soup is the only meal that Dave can cook. Soup Man started in last place and then pulled ahead to win the race. I was so excited, I was looking to win about $12 for my $5 bet. Unfortunately Soup Man was disqualified for nudging two other horses and sent two jockeys flying and one to the hospital. Shannon was the big winner of the day, she won $27. She can buy herself another leopard dress or maybe some furry stilettos to match.

We went by Jilly's cupcakes on the way home...what an awesome place. Ryan could not get over how amazing his cupcake was. He got a pink velvet with caramel filling. The boy acted as if he never had quality baked goods before? The owner stopped and started a conversation with him and ended up giving us a gift card for a future visit. She was awesome, Ryan is already asking to go back. The horse races was a bust but Jilly's cupcakes was a high point and Erin was able to breathe and eat!!

Wednesday we went to The Chase to see Captain America. Lauren gave us free movie passes. The movie was dumb and Ryan was freezing, so he hung on me through the whole movie. We went to Crown Candy for lunch after the movie. The place is small and always has a line to get in the building. I had never been there before. We had to cram the six of us in a booth and we were elbow to elbow. This may have worked better on the first day of our Staycation. We had a little problem in the car after the movie. Shannon was singing a Miley Cyrus song and her siblings all told her to shut up. She pouted like a 2 year old, Shannon loves to sing, and does not recognize the fact that she is tone deaf. We did have fun at lunch even though we were crammed in like sardines and we had a line of people giving us the stink eye to hurry up so they could be seated.

Thursday we went back to school shoe shopping and then a trip to the pool. Ryan picked some shoes that look like clown shoes, it's a shame that Dave ran over his unicycle because they would match perfectly. Maggie was trying to decide which shoes she liked better. She had 2 pair that she liked. She ended up going with the darker ones and I quote, "They made my ankles look thinner." I called Lauren and thanked her for ruining my 10 year old. Her response of course was, "Oh I love her, she is perfect."

All in all we had a successful week, a few tense moments with Erin being hungry, Erin not being able to breathe, Ryan being cold in the movies, Shannon not being allowed to sing, Ryan picking clown shoes, Erin still being hungry and not having room to sneeze at lunch.

We left early Friday morning to drop Erin back off in Alabama. It was much easier this time. She has a great group of friends and is looking forward to the coming year. Her campus is beautiful and makes me wish that I was 19 all over again.

I filled up my new car for the first time this week. If anyone saw a crazy lady doing the happy dance at QT that would have been me. It was less than $50 to fill up....Life is good!!

I think this is the longest that I have ever gone without updating my blog. I would like to say it is because my life has been so boring that their is nothing to write about. No such luck!! I took on more responsibilities at work and have struggled a bit with trying to juggle it all.

The good news in my life is I am a proud new owner of a Honda Accord. This is the first time I have owned a car verses a big van since Dave and I first got married. Old Blue had 167000 miles and was on her last leg, it was time to move on. Kelsey is learning to drive and almost gave me a heart attack pulling out of the driveway so it is safe to say that she will not be driving my new car anytime soon.

This summer has flown by, Erin goes back to Alabama on Friday to start her second year of college. I am on vacation all week and we have a fun week planned. We are going to the Zoo tomorrow. It is supposed to be 98 degrees, should be a great time...I am sure that everyone will be happy and get along splendidly.

We had our family pictures taken for the church directory on Saturday. We decided to do our Christmas card photo when we were finished with pictures at church. We did a combination of Navy Blue, Powder Blue and White. Shannon had a hard time finding a powder blue dress. She finally found one and showed it to me. It kind of looked like a nun dress with a belt...not that I am complaining but I was a little surprised. She tried it on and it looked really cute on her. We went to dinner and out for ice cream after our photo shoot. It was a whole day of family fun....No tears this year for the Christmas card. I think that is a first!!!

After we had ice cream Shannon had Sam drop her off at her friends house, she was spending the night. Erin stayed home because her friends were all at the lake. My phone woke me up around 2 in the morning. I answered the phone to Shannon's voice, "Mom, I'm in trouble." My first thought was that she was hurt or in a car accident. A few seconds later which seemed like an eternity a gruff police woman was on the line, "Mrs. Murphy...I am with your daughter she was at a party and has been drinking. The parents are out of town and this house looks like a frat party was here." I let her know that I would be there in 15 minutes and woke up Dave.

I was less than pleased, relieved that she was OK, but still pissed, (excuse my language.) When I got to the house I saw three kids sitting in the foyer with their hands handcuffed behind their backs. Luckily my daughter was not sitting in handcuffs, not that she was not in trouble but at least she wasn't taking a trip to the slammer.

Imagine my surprise when Shannon came around the corner glassy eyed in a tight leopard print dress. "Hey wait a minute, Didn't I drop her off in a nun dress." That made me happy. The police woman thanked me for coming to get her and let me know that Shannon tried to call her sister to try and pass her off as me but her sister didn't answer the phone. That made me even happier.

The ride home was a little tense. I brought a plastic bag along just in case she felt the need to throw up in my new car. Lucky for her, she was not drunk. As if it really matters if she just drank a little or a lot.

I was up early this morning, I had a hard time sleeping. For the life of me I can't figure out why I had all these kids????

I made a big breakfast and when Shannon came down to eat I said, "So Shannon how was your night?" Big sister Erin immediately came to her defense and let me know that during her senior year she had a similar situation. She was at a party that got busted and the kids were in a line waiting for their turn to call their parents with the police officer. Erin was smart enough to call Lauren and give her the heads up on the phone call and change Lauren's name to Mom in her contact list. Apparently Lauren laid it on pretty thick to the policeman on how she WILL be speaking to Erin in the morning and she was in a whole heap of trouble. Could it be, am I really as naive as my mother was???

Dave and I have decided to tie the kids to their beds and only let them out for church and an occasional soccer game if they are good. Even though I am a little disappointed in my little Shannon, I guess her mistakes are just growing pains that teenagers are going to have to muddle through. Hopefully she stays out of trouble and this scared her enough to behave herself. Her leash has gotten a little tighter...OK a LOT tighter. I would much prefer she stayed at home on weekends and read the Bible like I used to do.

We had a nice Easter, we missed our little beach bum Erin but we had a nice day. Kelsey had an epiphany in the car on the way to church. She said "Did you ever notice that our grades in school all reflect our bra cup size?" We all busted out laughing, Sam A, Lauren B or C, Erin A, Shannon D, Kelsey A and Maggie doesn't count but looks like she may be a C cup if Kelsey's theory holds true.

We got to church 40 minutes early and Sam and Lauren both rolled in 5 minutes before mass began and had a seat thanks to us for getting there so early to save them seats. After communion I gave Sam and Shannon the "look" they were chatting away as if they were anywhere. Sam said "Sorry mom, we were talking about Jesus." Yeah right!!

Erin called to say hi and we told her about Kelsey's bra cup theory. She let us know that she intends to let all of her grades slip away next year. She would prefer bigger boobs!!

Monday the kids were off school. Kelsey got pulled up to practice with Varsity. Shannon had to pick her up after practice. I was at work when I got a text from Kelsey that said. "I hate Shannon, she won't bring me home, she is making me shop with her and I feel like I am going to throw up." I texted her back to go sit in the car. She responded with, "She won't let me she said she needs my opinion when she tries on swim suits." I thought Erin was my only bully...looks like she has a little prodigy. Kelsey asked her if they could go to McDonalds she was hungry and she had a dollar. Shannon of course said "NO"

Shannon later changed her mind because she was now hungry and they went to McDonalds. Let me preface this story with the fact that Dave had just filled up Shannon's gas tank and we transfer money in to her checking account all the time. Kelsey ordered 2 double cheeseburgers off the dollar menu, Shannon said "2, do you have any money?? I can't believe you have the nerve to order 2 Double Cheeseburgers? Did you expect me to pay for your food? You can have one and give me your dollar." I can't help but be reminded of the comment on the back of Shannon's report card from her first grade teacher. I still remember it word for word. "Shannon is the happiest, most well rounded student that I have ever taught." Dave and I have been laughing about that comment for 11 years. What planet was that teacher from??? Was she part of the Taliban???

I posted some of our Easter pictures on Facebook. Lauren called me and said, I was just looking at our family pictures and "We are gorgeous." Well now, someone I know does not have self esteem issues. Maybe she can bring back the Don't hate me because I am beautiful shampoo ad campaign???

My husband has finally learned how to cook. He asked me to show him how to make oatmeal (not instant) now that he is on a health kick. All week he has been making his own breakfast. Every day he tells me how he cuts strawberries, sprinkles some craisins and walnuts and how he may try a little brown sugar next time. We went out to dinner on Saturday and I had to finally tell him, "Dave can we please quit discussing oatmeal?" "I am so tired of discussing oatmeal it isn't funny." He gets quirkier and quirkier every day. On Easter while I was making brunch,his sister grabbed the strawberries out of the fridge and he nearly had a heart attack worrying that he wouldn't have enough for his oatmeal in the morning. Sometimes I really think I may be in purgatory!!

I survived the half marathon!!!! Yeah hooray, 2 miles into the race I thought to myself, "What in the hell am I doing?" I hate running, I barely trained and I have 11 more miles to go. I had problems with my shoes early on and got huge blisters on the balls of my feet. I normally run the first 7 or 8 miles and run/walk the rest. This time I had to walk most of it. It took my 3 hours but I finished. I was just happy to be done. I was really looking forward to taking off my shoes and pampering my feet for the rest of the day. I went to go meet the rest of the family after the race. Sam, Kelsey, and Lauren looked happy to finally see me. My one and only was sitting on a curb looking a little.....ok a lot pale!! He just sat there with his head down, I asked him if he was OK and he said no. I asked if he had chest pain and he said NO. Thank God it was just light headedness and heat exhaustion.... that I can deal with. We took a few pictures and then Dave said, I got to go, I'm really sick. We got to the metro link station and Dave was sitting down on the ground. I asked Kelsey to please sprint to a seat once the train arrived so her father could sit down. We were just one stop from our train stop when Dave emptied the contents of his stomach into his half marathon goody bag which doubles as a barf bag. The train was really quiet when he puked so it was a little embarrassing, Dave said the worst part was having to carry his bag of puke out of the train. He looked so sad!!! When we got home he got on the scale, he had lost 7 lbs during the race, I of course lost .05 and I think the .05 I lost was all skin from the bottom of my feet. The next day I could barely walk my legs were so tired. All i wanted to do was soak in my big garden tub. Shannon decided to shave a years worth of hair off her legs with conditioner in my bathtub. It was so slippery I almost drowned three times. I could not hold myself up with my blistered feet so I decided to give up and crawl out so I no longer had to tread water with my sore muscles. Kelsey had a great week, she won class president and finished her race in under 2 hours again. To top it all off on Monday the Varsity coach asked her to come practice with the Varsity squad and play with them this weekend in a tournament. She is on cloud nine. Shannon decided to try out for cheerleading after all for her Senior year. I am on cloud nine...that is until I need to write out the check for next year. I talked to Erin yesterday, she was having trouble registering for her summer classes. She said, "I'll figure it out later mom, I'm on my way to the beach." I have a feeling she may not "figure it out" but her tan will be amazing.

Kelsey is running for Sophomore class president. She was searching for campaign slogans last night on the Internet. some of the cuter ones she found were; Free Drinks On Me, Vote for Kelsey (hung up above all the water fountains) Vote for me and win a free trip to Disney. (Free trip to Disney not included.) etc etc, Shannon isn't exactly positive Polly, every time Kelsey asks if she likes a slogan, she looks at her as if she just killed someone. If Kelsey can still be positive after running her ideas by her negative sister with her self esteem in tact she should do great!!! The girls had to sell raffle tickets as a fund raiser for their school auction. Normally I will buy whatever they have left, provided that they make an effort. Apparently they felt that laying on the couch watching TV, willing the tickets to be sold constituted real effort. If they don't sell their quota of tickets, they have to go to school and do a packet of work while the rest of the kids that sold their tickets get a day off. Shannon is a little upset that I will not call school that morning and tell them that she and Kelsey are sick. She can not understand what the problem is, she will still do the packet of work that is required but she doesn't feel the need to show up on that day. I believe her direct quote was "All the good mom's would call school and say their kid was sick." Yeah well, I never was a "good" mom. Erin called me today and asked if I would check her bank account and see if she is negative. She picked up her dry cleaning and it cost a little more than she expected. She borrowed a dress from a friend to wear to a fraternity dance a t a yacht club on Saturday. She wasn't quite sure what to wear to a Yacht club. She called me for advice, I just laughed. VFW dance, I can help you out with but Yacht club is a bit out of reach. Anywhoo, she spilled a drink on the dress and had to have it dry cleaned. I'm sure it was soda or punch, knowing my sweet little Erin. I checked her account and told her she was negative .36. She said, Ohhh can I please borrow 36 cents??? I transferred $20 in her account. She said, "I am starting to freak out, how will I survive the rest of the month??" She has an unlimited meal plan and no car so she really doesn't need any money. She said, "Mom I don't even have any eyeliner, that is a necessity." I told her that she now has $19.64 in her account to go ahead and buy 2 eyeliners and she will still have a little change in her pocket.

Maggie has been talking about going to Kansas City Kansas since August....the weekend finally arrived. Normally out of town tournaments are Dave's job but he had to work auction set up at the girls high school so I got the short stick this weekend. We have been travelling for soccer for 14 years it is not quite as exciting as it used to be. For Maggie however, it seemed to be the highlight of the last 9 years of her life. I was barely out of the driveway when Lauren showed up on our doorstep conning Dave into taking her to dinner. Lauren has survival skills like no other. I took Shannon's car which she wasn't exactly thrilled about but she will get over it. I am getting tired of spending 100 to fill the tank on my big van and getting 2 miles per gallon, ok 12 but that still stinks!!! I spent my weekend watching TLC in my hotel room. Poor Maggie had to sleep in her underwear because she was so hot. If Dave was with us he would have had the air on in our room full blast. I was in heaven, I didn't touch the air conditioner all weekend, unfortunately Maggie melted a bit but I was comfy. The girls played well all weekend and more importantly had a blast. Dave, Sam, Lauren, Kelsey and I are running the half marathon next weekend. My training has been well.....pretty much nonexistent. I ran, or I should say attempted to run 3 miles yesterday. In my defense it was like running in a wind tunnel. I am the type of runner that if given any type of excuse I will take it and run with it....actually I take it and crawl with it. I have considered not showing up but decided that instead I will just crawl across the finish line. I am almost 42 years old and I have nothing to prove. Shannon's best friend is also running and she is planning on making a t shirt to support her and go downtown to cheer her on.....Hello, I was in labor for three days with her, not even a GO MOM sign???? Whatever, my kids love me. Dave started on my diet, he lost 11 pounds the first week. He lost 3 more the second week. I guess a good wife would be happy for him and supportive. Maybe he should have married someone else???

Lauren has settled in to her new job and her new place. Our house is still just crazy which leads me to believe she may be normal....nah I don't think any of the Murphy's are normal.

Tuesday when I got to work I realized that the lovely smell I smelled all the way to work was dog pee. Seamus had peed on my coat and I didn't realize it until I got to work. Unfortunately for me Tuesday is the day I go to the big hospital downtown. My van is too tall to fit in the parking garage so I park in a lot and take a shuttle over to the hospital. It was cold Tuesday so my choices were freeze to death waiting for the shuttle or smell like dog pee. I decided to smell. By the end of the day I was so stressed out I thought about serving Seamus on a platter for dinner. I thought it might scar Maggie emotionally so I didn't do it but the idea is still in the back of my mind.

Erin was trying to get a Resident Assistant position at school next year so her room and board were paid for. She was chosen as an alternate so unless someone drops out of the program she needs to come up with around 9,000. "piece of cake" She was pretty upset when I talked to her, I tried to tell her everything would be fine, she just needs to save all the money that she makes this summer and we may need to borrow more money next year. When I talked to Dave I told him that Erin was crying on the phone. He said "Hmm that's funny she was in a great mood when I talked to her." Hence the name "Sybil." It seems that Erin's alter egos have followed her all the way to Mobile Alabama.

Today I talked to her and mentioned that I saw in her account that she spent $35 at Victoria's Secret. I asked if she really though new bras and underwear were a necessity when she needed to save 9,000. She told me it was actually a new swimming suit and it was on sale so she just had to get it. I just transferred money in her account so I told her that we would have to share the swim suit considering I basically paid for it. I said "What color is my new swim suit? " She said, "Pink and sparkly and it's an extra small, the official name is Watermelon Sparkle." Won't she be surprised if I actually put on the extra small "Watermelon Sparkle" itty bitty bikini. I will be the talk of the water park!!

This morning as Maggie was getting ready for school I noticed some writing on her ankle. I asked what it was. She tried to hide her legs and said, "Umm they are hearts, I drew them yesterday." Great, my nine year old is giving herself tattoos. What next???

Shannon's grades are again on the slippery slope of the low C high D range. I feel like I have had this conversation before?? I have not seen her back pack all quarter. She just leaves it in the back of the car. It is much too heavy to carry in the house everyday. Besides, if she set it down on the couch, she would have no room to lay down and watch TV.

Yesterday I received a text from Kelsey that said; "Have I mentioned how much I HATE Shannon?" Umm yeah I think she may have mentioned that before, like as soon as she could form a sentence!! Apparently they had a little too much bonding time. Shannon was cheering at a basketball game and then she was going to the school play afterwards for extra credit in her Drama Class. I transferred some money in her account to pick up dinner and pay for her ticket as well as Kelsey's to the play. They went to Bread Co and Shannon bought herself a big cookie. She refused to give Kelsey one piece of it. Kelsey got frustrated and got up and sat at a table by herself. When they got back to school Shannon told her that she only had enough money for one ticket and Kelsey would have to figure something out on her own. Luckily Kelsey had some money with her. I am really glad that Shannon is taking this Catholic school thing so seriously. Do unto others as you would want others to do unto you. I think tonight the family may all go out to dinner and make her watch us eat, then maybe will will swing by the movies and make her sit in the lobby. It's a shame my new bikini is in Alabama, I would wear it to dinner.

Lauren moved out last weekend, I am officially down to 4 kids. How cool is that?? We now have enough seats at the dinner table.....of course I am never home to cook, but if I was, there are enough seats.

Dave and I had a busy weekend, Friday we had a dinner party in Jeff City and Sat we had another one closer to home. Lauren should have spent her Saturday packing for her move on Sunday but instead she decided to sleep most of the day due to her drinking binge the night before. When we left Saturday for our dinner, Dave asked Lauren to carry her stuff out to the van so it was all loaded up and ready to go in the morning. That didn't sit well with the little princess, she thought her father should do all the lifting. Maggie told me in the morning that she had her and Ryan help her carry everything. I should have known that my little con artist would find someone to do her work for her.

Sunday morning I have to admit I was a tad bit on the crabby side.....just a tad. Dave left with my brother-in-law to go pick up some of Lauren's furniture and I was going to take the rest of the kids to 10:00 mass then head to Kelsey's game. At around 9:30 I told Ryan to go up and brush his teeth. Of course my only son is incapable of walking up the stairs like a normal person. He was swinging his leg back and forth while he was going up the stairs. Maggie was behind him and he didn't know it. He kicked his leg behind him and Maggie got kicked right in the eye. She started screaming right away, I could tell by the scream it was bad. I of course remained perfectly calm, cool and collected....just kidding, I started screaming at Ryan, "What in the hell were you thinking? Can't you walk up the stairs like a normal person?? You have to understand that there are consequences for your stupid actions?? Look how bad you hurt your sister." I am sure I said more Mother of the year statements but I can't remember all of them. Shannon who is always the crusader for fairness started yelling, "Leave him alone, it was an accident." I of course said, "I know it was an accident but does he always have to be jumping around?" Everyone was yelling at everyone and Ryan was crying so I made the executive decision that we would not be making it to mass that morning. There was just too much dysfunction in the house.

Ryan, Maggie, Kelsey and I headed out to go to Kelsey's game. Shannon wasn't speaking to me so she didn't go with us. When I got on the highway my service engine soon light came on. I didn't have time to go home or we would be late to Kelsey's game that was 45 minutes away. I was afraid we would break down and look like a homeless family. I had all of Lauren's boxes in the van and the kids had to move everything just to find a place to sit. We made it to the game OK and Maggie and Ryan played on the bleachers and with the exception of a little light sensitivity Maggie's eye seemed fine. After the game we headed over to Lauren's apartment. Lauren told me that earlier Kelsey had sent out a mass text that said "Mom is Sico." Well if you are going to send a mass text to all of your siblings you should at least hit spell check. I am "Psycho" not "Sico"

We left Lauren's apartment late afternoon and decided to grab some dinner at Taco Bell for dinner. Maggie had a 7:00 championship basketball game and I didn't feel like cooking. We called Shannon to see if she wanted to meet us for dinner. We got to Taco Bell around 4:00, Maggie had been sleeping in the car. When we walked inside we were getting ready to order when Maggie said "Mommy I can't see out of my left eye." I said, "Sure you can." Then I looked at her eye and her whole Iris was dark brown instead of the pretty green it is supposed to be. Dave said, "You can see, how many fingers do I have up? She couldn't see his fingers at all. I started to panic and Ryan starting crying. I told Dave that we needed to go to the ER. Dave said, "We should eat first." What???? Our kid is blind and bleeding in her Iris and we should have tacos???

We had two cars there so I took Maggie and Dave and the kids met us after they ate. We were still in the waiting room when they got there. Ryan was so upset, I was trying to reassure him that it wasn't his fault and that it was an accident. I am sure I was real convincing considering I berated him for 15 minutes 7 hours earlier how there were consequences for his actions. Whoops, Can I have a Do Over????

We were finally able to see the Doctor and her vision was slowing coming back while we were waiting. When she fell asleep in the car earlier, her head fell forward, that is what caused her Iris to fill up with blood. She had a small tear that we didn't know about.While we were waiting, Kelsey was texting us from the waiting room asking for updates. Dave texted back that they had just brough in the eyeball stretcher and they were going to take her eyeball out so they could take a better look at it. She texted back, "are you serious??" She isn't the sharpest tool in the shed!! The kids got tired of waiting and came to wait in the tiny exam room with us, I think just to stress out a bit more. Sam called to let us know that she had parked in the overflow parking on the grass at her soccer game and her car was stuck in the mud. She ended up having to call a tow truck. Sorry we can't help you on this one, your little sister is blind and your little brother now needs years of therapy due to the emotional scars his mother gave him this morning.

The doctor came in and told me that she would have to wear an eye patch and we should put drops in every four hours. The village idiot aka Dave piped in with; "How do we put the drops in if she is wearing an eye patch?" Shannon said, "Oh my God Dad, is everyone in this house stupid?? Do you think that they are going to sew the eye patch to her face??

We followed up with a specialist on Monday and the bleeding has stopped and her vision is back to normal. Sam's car is no longer stuck, Lauren is all settled in to her new home, Erin spent Sunday at the beach and Kelsey still thinks I'm SICO. Things are back to normal....well Murphy normal, however normal that can be!!

Dave and I had to go to the funeral home last night and Maggie informed us that she has a big project due on Wednesday on Chameleons. She needs to write a report, site two websites and use three books on chameleons and then make a chameleon habitat. Oh is that all??? I was waiting for her to tell me she needed 7 dozen cupcakes and a chameleon costume as well. Unfortunately for Maggie, we weren't going to be able to take her to the library so she was stuck with Shannon. Now sweet little Shannon was not too keen on going to the library, her direct quote was "I am not taking her, I HATE the library." Hate is such a strong word.

We of course said, "too bad, you are our only option. She made Kelsey go with her so she could do all the talking and ask the librarian where one might find books on Chameleons. After all if Shannon had to ask her, it could be mortifying. We got home a little after 8, Maggie was proudly displaying all of her Chameleon books....she is now an expert and wants to get a Chameleon for a pet. Do I need to remind her that we just murdered 12 innocent little goldfish in less than 10 days??? I will swing by Michael's on my way home from work to grab some stuff to make an awesome Chameleon habitat. It's a good thing I work well under pressure.

Dave and I decided to go to lunch today. We are both trying to eat healthier and I am getting tired of Subway. I suggested Bread Company because I like their whole grain bread. Now my dear sweet husband has a hard time going outside his comfort zone. I knew Bread Co would be tough on him but thought we could try and give it a go. When he picked me up he went the wrong way and was less than patient trying to figure out the best route he should now go. I explained to him that if we were on a first date that I would go home and call all my girlfriends to tell them what a jerk he was and how there was no way that I would ever go out with him again!! He said "Oh yeah if this was our first date I would probably kick you out of the car on this off ramp and push you down the snowy hill and leave you for dead." It's a good thing it wasn't our first date or I wouldn't get the chance to make such an awesome Chameleon habitat on a moments notice.

We got to Bread Co and I ordered my food without any problems, Smoked Turkey on Whole Grain Bread, light mayo with salt and pepper....pretty simple. Then came Dave's turn, I said "Do you need help with your order?" Now I know from experience that choices turn crazy quirky Dave Murphy in to a total tail spin. He said, "No, I'll take the Asiago Roast Beef sandwich that he saw on the menu board. We both got water, he about had a heart attack when he saw the size of the cup. He compared it to the spit cup at the dentist. Our food was ready and he was not too happy when he saw his sandwich. He said, "My bread is hard as a rock and this sandwich is too small." I asked him why he didn't order what he liked, a ham sandwich on Whole grain? His response was somewhat of a 30 minute rant on how the people at Bread Co are all part of a secret society that are privy to menu items that aren't listed on the menu boards. The rest of the people are forced to eat hard bread and drink out of dentist office spit cups. I thought Shannon was weird because the library stressed her out but now I'm thinking that the little red head is a chip off the old block of Asiago Cheese!! Is it too late for an annulment????

Erin and Shannon are speaking again....not so sure about Erin and Lauren, I am sure they will make up before Sunday so Erin can borrow all her clothes to take back to Alabama.

Ryan's 12th birthday was Monday. Maggie won $93 at our family Christmas party playing the game Right, Left, Center. She used her own money to buy Ryan a little fish tank with 12 goldfish. She bought the fish Sunday night, by Monday after school 2 were dead, Tuesday we lost 3 more. Wednesday was a good day and Thursday night 3 more went to their final resting place. So now we have four fish. I have a feeling that soon Ryan will be looking at a big tank of water.....t is the thought that counts. The good news is she has enough money to restock the fish all year.

I got an email today from my I Tunes account that was a receipt for my order "Top Shelf Drinks" age 17 +. I called Lauren to see if she ever heard of the song "Top Shelf Drinks", I figured Shannon downloaded some dumb rap song with offensive language. Lauren said, "Oh no, that is a new App I got for my I Phone, it tells you what the ingredients are, and calorie content for mixed drinks. I figured it would come in handy at the bar. Again.......they have wine at church. Where did I go wrong????

I am back on my diet again for the new year, so far so good. I am down 6 pounds, I am however ready to eat my own arm. I may even eat one of Erin's special saliva pinini's. Dave called me yesterday at work and wanted to take me to dinner, he said, "Punkin, I have a few restaurant gift cards, do you want to go to dinner?" Does he not remember the Dorito incident?? Last time I was dieting he brought a bowl of Doritos to bed to snack on while watching TV. I think he is trying to sabotage me. I do not want to go to dinner, nor do I want to be around delicious snack foods. Last night he came to bed chewing. I explained that all scrumptious food needed to be consumed, chewed AND swallowed before coming to bed.

We were talking to Shannon about colleges last night. She wants to go away and doesn't like any of the schools that we suggest. What do we know?? One school we suggested (the neighborhood isn't the greatest) she said, "Like I want to get shot every day for four years." Dave said, "Shannon, if you got shot every day for four years, you would be famous. That is like over 1200 gunshot wounds. You would be on the news all bandaged up." Erin said, "yeah, hopefully they use suntan colored band aids, that would look great on you." Shannon is my fair skinned baby, suntan band aids are quite the color contrast. It is tough growing up in the Murphy house. We are trying to find some type of service opportunity for Shannon so she could serve the community........or to fluff up her sparse college resume, WHATEVER. She is not real keen on serving the community. She is looking for something where she can lay on the couch ant text. Hopefully an opportunity lands in her lap soon.