Why I Love Organized Religion!

I know its not trendy to say those five words in an age where spirituality is perceived as good and religion seems to always gets a bad rap. This blog post is not meant to offend anyone it is merely a way for me to explain a beautiful moment I felt this weekend visiting my childhood church.


I  went back to my childhood church for a funeral. Walking through those familiar heavy doors brought back a flood of memories. This is the same church where I made all of my sacraments. I was baptized on that altar, I made my first confession as part of the very first class to have face to face confession (how scary) (and I actually lived to tell about it. )I made my first communion there.

I had so many memories walking down that 90 foot aisle in one of the most beautiful churches in St. Louis.

The funeral procession of my father down that aisle was sad and beautiful at the same time. I remember walking up that long aisle huddled with my family looking at a packed church full of crying onlookers and I could feel the love and support through my grief. Two weeks later I walked down that same aisle to marry the love of my life.

In my twenties I never thought too much about religion. Actually, if anyone would have asked me my beliefs at the time I would have probably said that I had my first couple of kids baptized mainly because its just what you are supposed to do. I didn't attend mass on a regular basis and honestly I was pretty pissed at God for letting my dad die of a massive heart attack two weeks before my wedding.

I guess the foundation was always there due to the years of "brainwashing" otherwise known as Catholic education. I was more spiritual and didn't really think too much of organized religion. Besides, I had little kids and who wants to get up early on a Sunday?

I'm not really sure when the change occurred but I am so thankful it did. Sitting in that old church that was such a big part of my life I felt overwhelmed. Sitting next to my daughter who had just cheated death, (who was also baptized on that altar) made me feel like I truly had come home. I know its just a building but to me it is so much more. Had it not been for that "foundation" also known as "brainwashing" I received as a child I don't know that I could have had the strength as an adult to endure the pain of this last year.

That big beautiful church is one of the main forces that got me to where I am today. With that said, my parents are the ones that brought me through those double doors of that church and made the financial commitment and sacrifice, for that I am forever grateful. Something can be said about traditions and religion. Sure you can sit, kneel, stand, and recite prayers on autopilot and feel nothing. As easy as you can do that, you can also sit, kneel, stand and recite prayers from the heart. It's your choice.

My darkest days are those early days sitting in that blue vinyl recliner in Lauren's ICU room. I listened to the beeping machines and the sounds of the ventilator pushing air though my precious daughters fragile lungs artificially keeping her alive. In those days I am most thankful for my faith going into autopilot and those prayers that I recited so many times with no emotion or feeling when I was a kid, were now recited with such desperation and love and meaning.

In second grade at Catholic school, you learn of Jesus performing his first Miracle by turning water into wine. The concept of miracles was always there but I never realized the importance of miracles until I needed one so desperately in those dark days in April of 2013. Not everyone receives their miracle and that is a fact that I don't take lightly.

Lauren's prognosis was not good, the staff at the hospital all looked at me with kindness in their eyes but many of them also looked at me as if our situation was hopeless. So many little miracles occurred at that time that are too many to list, before Lauren's critical status changed, the change also slowly occurred in many of the medical professionals. At one point doctors had told me that they could keep her alive artificially long enough to fly her siblings out to say goodbye. Eventually what originally seemed so hopeless to the professionals was beginning to look like a glimmer of hope.

I can not even begin to explain the feeling of Gods presence that I felt but I know in my heart that it was real. My best friend was with me in those early days and she recently confided in me that she had told her husband on the phone that she had no idea how I was even able to hold my head up and stand upright due to Lauren's grave condition. The answer to that is simple...It was not me who was holding my head up, it was God. For the first time in my life I knew what I had always questioned was indeed REAL. I am so thankful that "organized religion" gave me such a gift. Without that foundation I may not have noticed that beautiful moment.

Going back to my old church was a full circle moment for me. After the funeral there was a luncheon in the church basement. Before I left I snuck upstairs so I could have a quiet moment in that big empty beautiful church and walk up that long aisle just one more time.  I needed to say a big Thank You. Without the gift of organized religion I may have not had the courage to ask for that miracle and plead with the medical staff to not give up on my girl. For that I am truly grateful.

I would love to say that my faith is always that strong but even now I still struggle. Its easy to get caught up in the "Why did this happen to my daughter?" For now I am thankful for my Aha moment at All Souls Church. Tomorrow is a new day and I will continue to hold my head high (with help) and put one foot in front of the other.




"PERHAPS OUR EYES NEED TO BE WASHED BY OUR TEARS ONCE IN A WHILE, SO THAT WE CAN SEE LIFE WITH A CLEARER VIEW AGAIN"