When you become an adult you feel as if you have complete control of your destiny. Make good choices and life will be full of love and laughter. Ya da, yada, yada.
As a person of faith you have no other choice but to trust in God. But what happens if your faith is being tested in ways that are not fair?
Faith teaches you that you have received a miracle and your precious daughter is slowly recovering from injuries that were so severe that no one including the medical professionals believed it could happen.
Logically one can look behind as well as ahead and see the bright light of hope and healing. But unfortunately a mothers heart isn't always full of logic.
The world of TBI'S is strange one. Each new day brings a whole new set of emotions. Finding humor has been a godsend but not always so simple.
Being able to laugh when your daughter gets a manicure in the morning and still thinks her nails are wet at 8pm and refuses to touch anything in fear of messing up her polish is funny.
Wrestling with your 26 year old daughter to take a shower and then comforting her in her confusion as she sobs in such a vulnerable state is far from funny.
Why did this happen to us? As a believer it's hard to understand. Some days I feel beyond blessed. I get to fall in love with my baby twice as her new self emerges. Other times I grieve for what was lost. I see her friends engagement announcements on Facebook and wonder if she will ever be engaged? I feel as if I continue to grieve for what could have been. Why can't I just be thankful??
The support my family has received is too much to even comprehend. I will never be able to repay the kindness and generosity from family, friends and strangers.
So many people have told me what an inspiration I am. That makes me laugh. I am the furthest thing from inspirational. I am just a mom trying my best to hold it together. I am far from an inspiration. The true inspiration is the family and friends that always get my other kids to and from school and soccer and social events so I can continue to put one foot in front of the other.
The families that cheer extra loud at Kelsey's cross country meets as she crosses the finish line without her parents on the side line or the families that delivered meals every week or the mom that put money on my kids lunch cards after Lauren's accident or the movie, food or ice cream gift cards that make life easier and still seem to show up out of thin air. The family who had the connection at Loyola that so graciously gave me a place to stay in Chicago. The supporters that haven't given up and continue to pray for us daily. That is inspirational!
The inspiration is the unbelievably huge safety net that surrounds this huge crazy Murphy clan that always seems to catch us when we fall. And we do fall....we fall often....but we always get back up. Murphy's don't quit!
As my faith is shaken it is still in tact and am thankful to my loving parents for giving me the gift of faith and church. I may not have always appreciated the sacrifice they made in sending me to catholic schools but am truly blessed to have had the opportunity that laid the foundation for a deeper faith that has saved me thus far.
So here's to you Murphy safety net....you know who you are. Thank You, Thank You. The true inspiration.
1 comment:
We have been through a similar experience, a loved one with a TBI. My baby brother. You so beautifully put into words so many things that I have felt but could never express. And you really are an inspiration. Anyone who goes through this and can still put one foot in front of the other, day after day, should be admired. You have been through a severe trauma yourself. And your strength truly is inspiring. Thank you so much for sharing. It helps more than you know.
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