Raising teenage girls is oh so much fun. Kelsey and I are kind of like oil and water. We went on a 5 hour road trip a couple of weekends ago for her soccer team. I used that time to try and calmly explain a few issues since I had her strapped in the car and she was unable to roll her eyes and walk away. Ok so she COULD roll her eyes but she could not walk away.

Kelsey has a bad habit of involving herself in as many activities as she can. Don't get me wrong I am glad that she is a kid that likes to be involved but she still needs to be a functioning member of the family. By this I mean; It is not acceptable to use the front room of the house as a dumping ground for all of her stuff. She packs bags for Cross Country, bags for soccer practice, bags for sleep overs, bags for snacks and bags for the sake of bags. She is kind of like a bag lady.

Problem being, she loses her bags week after week. I bought her new expensive Cross Country shoes and she lost them three days later. They were eventually found in a "Bag" in someones trunk. She lost her bag with her deodorant and just grabbed mine off my dresser, stuck it in a bag and lost that too. When she packs her lunch, she is in such a hurry that she drops half the pretzels on the floor and leaves the lid off the huge 5lb jar of pretzels that I buy at Costco. The dog loves it when Kelsey packs her lunch!!

Her asthma has been bad all week, she can't find her inhaler. (I think it may be in a bag somewhere)

Yesterday morning I was trying to get ready for work, Kelsey was in a hurry and had packed her lunch real quick and was waiting for Shannon so she could leave for school. I walked in the pantry and stepped on three pretzels. I noticed the lid was laying on the floor next to the huge jar of pretzels. It looks as if our five hour chat on the way to Rockford IL fell on deaf ears. I asked her, OK yelled at her to get her butt off the couch and pick up the pretzel crumbs and put the lid back on the pretzels.

Dave cornered me and gave me a few suggestions on a better way to deal with teenagers. He said, "You shouldn't yell at her." No one wants to start their day with their mom mad at them." Oh I see, I should have said, "Good morning Kelsey, how was your slumber?? I just stepped on some pretzels, I will think of you fondly all day when I feel the tiny little crumbs between my toes, and when I smell myself while sitting at my desk because I had to use Old Spice again because you keep taking my deodorant." "You may consider joining a few more clubs at school, I would love to rearrange my day to pick you up when you have after school activities and please, please make sure you order at least one T-shirt for each activity and club that you belong to. After all we do have a golden check book."

Kelsey is my 5th teenage daughter, I am still practicing. I figure by the time Maggie is a teenager I may just hide in my room in the fetal position and let Dave handle things. After all he is an expert!!!

Yesterday was my birthday it was pretty uneventful. Ryan's tournament was rained out and Maggie had 2 games. Saturday was teepee night and once again we got hit just before the rain. We have 10 thousand little balls of toilet paper entwined in between Dave's beloved grass. It is best if he just looks the other direction when he gets out of his car. The girls were off school for selling their quota of tickets for the homecoming raffle. What is wrong with this picture?? Kelsey went door to door selling tickets, I bought whatever was left and Shannon watched. I am at work and they are at home enjoying a day off. Dave went to the grocery store in the morning and picked up a dozen roses for my birthday. After 20 years of marriage, he still doesn't get it. CAKE!!! I LOVE CAKE!!!! I don't even like roses??? Next year I will hit him in the head with a brick that says CAKE!!!! It is so hard loving the village idiot but someone has to do it.

We are heading to Chicago this weekend to watch the Cardinals vs Cubs. Grandma is in charge. We only have umpteen games so it should be a piece of cake.....I sure wish I had some cake!!!

Erin has been going to the beach every week. I am not to sure how her grades are but her tan is amazing. She is my facebook friend now but I am teetering on the line of being defriended. I am not allowed to comment on her pictures or status changes anymore. I have to stick to her facebook friend rules or I will be defriended!!

I really hate to brag when my kids do things to showcase their unbelievable intelligence but some days I am just bursting with pride. For instance last night, it was an unusual evening because Ryan is the only one who had soccer practice. The rest of us were home. Intelligent comment number one came from my brilliant daughter Shannon, "Was World War II like the Germans?" Like yeah!!!!

I was asking Maggie about a little boy who was crying in religion class when the priest told the class that animals don't have souls and dogs don't go to heaven. This is when intelligent comment # 2 came into play. Lauren said, "What, dogs don't go to heaven?? What about that movie?? I said "What movie." She sounded really confident that she was right and said, "All Dogs Go To Heaven." Wow Lauren did you think they lived in cars in the sewer system and talked as well??

Erin called and told me that she was studying with a boy at college and she was helping him proofread his English paper. Oh that frightens me, Erin can not spell to save her life. Intelligent comment # 3, "I am really good at English and proofreading." Need I remind anyone of the wonderfully proofread email that she sent me. iam filling out thi sthing for a worrk stud job ... local mailing adress would that be liek my dorm and then permanent woul dbe like river city ... ?? It kind of scares me if this boy thinks that she is better at English than him. I sure hope they don't have children together.






Intelligent act #1
The piece de Resistance was when my only son came home from soccer practice and super glued four of his fingers together.

I took on more hours at work and I am officially full time. My mental status is officially the equivalent of a chicken with it's head cut off. I start my day off every morning by banging the coffee filter basket on the side of the trash can, this serves two purposes, number 1 it gets rid of the bulk of the old coffee grounds so I no longer stop up the garbage disposal at my husbands request and number 2, it wakes princess Lauren up when she is trying to sleep in. I then go in my room to try and find something that will fit my fat body now that I gained 20 lbs of my 40lb weight loss back. Apparently when I do this, I bang the dresser handles so hard that they wiggle back and forth making a horrible noise that wakes my "I never get "good" sleep husband." You would think that considering Lauren and Dave are now awake due to my stomping, coffee filter banging and dresser handle jiggling that they may just get up and help with a kid or two. No such luck, they normally just go back to sleep. How they sleep through the always hostile environment of Shannon and Kelsey is beyond me. It is best if Kelsey avoids all eye contact with Shannon much less any words. I sometimes work as the hostage negotiater if Kelsey has a question.

Kelsey went with me to Ryan's game earlier in the week. After the game she told Ryan that he played really good. She hasn't seen him play in a few years. He said "Kelsey that just made you move up about four notches in the favorite sister scale." It won't last, she will be right back down to number 5 or 6 in no time.

Kelsey is going to her first homecoming dance soon. She was trying on dresses last night. My friend Kelly came over with her daughter who is the same age and she wanted my opinion on a couple dresses that she had bought. Kelsey looked really cute in one of Shannon's old ones but of course she wants a new one. She tried on one of the dresses that Kelly brought over and when she came in the room with it on Maggie blurted out, "Oh my God you look like a skinny freak!" I'm glad that Maggie is finally coming around to the dark side like the rest of the Murphy's. I knew her sweetness would be short lived. Nothing like making your big sister feel bad about herself when she already feels like a gawky awkward teenager.

One day this week when I was at work. I was up on the psych ward and I got stuck between a set of locked double doors. There was a Dr. coming in as I was leaving and I guess he thought I looked normal because he didn't stop me. The next set of doors wouldn't open and my badge wouldn't work. I was stuck,I thought about just asking for a pillow and a blanket and staying for a while. The psych ward is much more sane than the Murphy house!!!

Dave has an eye infection and thinks that he may be dying. I am surprised that he didn't call 911 when he woke up with blood shot eyes. He went to the Dr and is already better, I think it was a Miracle!!! Erin is loving college, she has been to the beach twice. I have no idea what her grades are like but she is maintaining her tan. I reminded her to wear a hat at the beach, she is supposed to keep her scars on her scalp covered from the sun at all times. She told me she didn't wear one because she wanted her hair to get blonder. Yeah that's a smart move. Speaking of smart moves, grandma cleaned out her closet after she left and found beer stuffed inside of soccer socks. Of course grandma didn't say a word, she would never throw the golden child with the awesome tan under the bus. One of her sisters was more than happy to throw her under the bus. I love being a mom, I wish I would have had a few more!!!!