Dave and I had to go to the funeral home last night and Maggie informed us that she has a big project due on Wednesday on Chameleons. She needs to write a report, site two websites and use three books on chameleons and then make a chameleon habitat. Oh is that all??? I was waiting for her to tell me she needed 7 dozen cupcakes and a chameleon costume as well. Unfortunately for Maggie, we weren't going to be able to take her to the library so she was stuck with Shannon. Now sweet little Shannon was not too keen on going to the library, her direct quote was "I am not taking her, I HATE the library." Hate is such a strong word.

We of course said, "too bad, you are our only option. She made Kelsey go with her so she could do all the talking and ask the librarian where one might find books on Chameleons. After all if Shannon had to ask her, it could be mortifying. We got home a little after 8, Maggie was proudly displaying all of her Chameleon books....she is now an expert and wants to get a Chameleon for a pet. Do I need to remind her that we just murdered 12 innocent little goldfish in less than 10 days??? I will swing by Michael's on my way home from work to grab some stuff to make an awesome Chameleon habitat. It's a good thing I work well under pressure.

Dave and I decided to go to lunch today. We are both trying to eat healthier and I am getting tired of Subway. I suggested Bread Company because I like their whole grain bread. Now my dear sweet husband has a hard time going outside his comfort zone. I knew Bread Co would be tough on him but thought we could try and give it a go. When he picked me up he went the wrong way and was less than patient trying to figure out the best route he should now go. I explained to him that if we were on a first date that I would go home and call all my girlfriends to tell them what a jerk he was and how there was no way that I would ever go out with him again!! He said "Oh yeah if this was our first date I would probably kick you out of the car on this off ramp and push you down the snowy hill and leave you for dead." It's a good thing it wasn't our first date or I wouldn't get the chance to make such an awesome Chameleon habitat on a moments notice.

We got to Bread Co and I ordered my food without any problems, Smoked Turkey on Whole Grain Bread, light mayo with salt and pepper....pretty simple. Then came Dave's turn, I said "Do you need help with your order?" Now I know from experience that choices turn crazy quirky Dave Murphy in to a total tail spin. He said, "No, I'll take the Asiago Roast Beef sandwich that he saw on the menu board. We both got water, he about had a heart attack when he saw the size of the cup. He compared it to the spit cup at the dentist. Our food was ready and he was not too happy when he saw his sandwich. He said, "My bread is hard as a rock and this sandwich is too small." I asked him why he didn't order what he liked, a ham sandwich on Whole grain? His response was somewhat of a 30 minute rant on how the people at Bread Co are all part of a secret society that are privy to menu items that aren't listed on the menu boards. The rest of the people are forced to eat hard bread and drink out of dentist office spit cups. I thought Shannon was weird because the library stressed her out but now I'm thinking that the little red head is a chip off the old block of Asiago Cheese!! Is it too late for an annulment????

Erin and Shannon are speaking again....not so sure about Erin and Lauren, I am sure they will make up before Sunday so Erin can borrow all her clothes to take back to Alabama.

Ryan's 12th birthday was Monday. Maggie won $93 at our family Christmas party playing the game Right, Left, Center. She used her own money to buy Ryan a little fish tank with 12 goldfish. She bought the fish Sunday night, by Monday after school 2 were dead, Tuesday we lost 3 more. Wednesday was a good day and Thursday night 3 more went to their final resting place. So now we have four fish. I have a feeling that soon Ryan will be looking at a big tank of water.....t is the thought that counts. The good news is she has enough money to restock the fish all year.

I got an email today from my I Tunes account that was a receipt for my order "Top Shelf Drinks" age 17 +. I called Lauren to see if she ever heard of the song "Top Shelf Drinks", I figured Shannon downloaded some dumb rap song with offensive language. Lauren said, "Oh no, that is a new App I got for my I Phone, it tells you what the ingredients are, and calorie content for mixed drinks. I figured it would come in handy at the bar. Again.......they have wine at church. Where did I go wrong????

I am back on my diet again for the new year, so far so good. I am down 6 pounds, I am however ready to eat my own arm. I may even eat one of Erin's special saliva pinini's. Dave called me yesterday at work and wanted to take me to dinner, he said, "Punkin, I have a few restaurant gift cards, do you want to go to dinner?" Does he not remember the Dorito incident?? Last time I was dieting he brought a bowl of Doritos to bed to snack on while watching TV. I think he is trying to sabotage me. I do not want to go to dinner, nor do I want to be around delicious snack foods. Last night he came to bed chewing. I explained that all scrumptious food needed to be consumed, chewed AND swallowed before coming to bed.

We were talking to Shannon about colleges last night. She wants to go away and doesn't like any of the schools that we suggest. What do we know?? One school we suggested (the neighborhood isn't the greatest) she said, "Like I want to get shot every day for four years." Dave said, "Shannon, if you got shot every day for four years, you would be famous. That is like over 1200 gunshot wounds. You would be on the news all bandaged up." Erin said, "yeah, hopefully they use suntan colored band aids, that would look great on you." Shannon is my fair skinned baby, suntan band aids are quite the color contrast. It is tough growing up in the Murphy house. We are trying to find some type of service opportunity for Shannon so she could serve the community........or to fluff up her sparse college resume, WHATEVER. She is not real keen on serving the community. She is looking for something where she can lay on the couch ant text. Hopefully an opportunity lands in her lap soon.

Yesterday started off as a good family night. Incarnate had an alumni night for the basketball game. Maggie had basketball practice so she couldn't go so I had Grandma bring her to practice and Ry decided to stay home as well. Sam met us at Incarnate after work and the rest of the girls were all in attendance. I brought my camera so I could finally catch Shannon doing her Scorpion in the air when they announced the players. (she is a cheerleader) First problem, my memory card was missing....Shannon downloaded some pictures and never returned it, surprise surprise. I deleted the photos that I had on my camera,I believe it holds like 8 photos on it's internal memory. By the time I finished deleting the old photos the battery died. Apparently Shannon left my camera on after she downloaded my photos. By this time I was so mad I considered knocking her "base" over when she was holding "smiley" Shannon in the air doing her perfect Scorpion. Now that would have been a Kodak moment.

The game was great, it was packed and we won by a ton, just like they always do. When we got home, Lauren conned Erin into making her a grilled Pinini sandwich. She made one for herself and one for Lauren. Everything was fine and everyone was talking and laughing and all of a sudden Satan showed up in the kitchen. We were talking about Erin having her hairy birthmark removed on her back and she was showingMaggie her scar when Lauren discovered that she was wearing her leggings from Nordstrom. She screamed "Those are mine!" Erin screamed back, no they aren't, I bought them." Apparently one of them was talking about black leggins and another one was talking about lacy dental floss from Victoria Secret. Lauren slapped Erin on her hip and called her a liar then and I quote, she "Just put my foot up to defend myself." Erin's side, "She kicked me in the stomach." Not sure what happened next, it was all so fast, all I know is that the "F" word and the "B" word were flying freely and Erin opened the lid to the George Foreman and spit on one of the Pinini's twice. I decided it was my cue to go take a bath and pretend that I was an old spinster sitting at home with no children bored with my life. When I got out of the tub I told Dave, "I bet Kelsey will eat the Pinini when she gets home." (Her and Shannon were at Target) He said, "Too late, Erin already ate it, she was still hungry after she ate her sandwich and decided it was her spit, so it was fine. Once Shannon and Kelsey arrived home, Shannon and Erin got in a screaming match about the car, somehow I ended up the loser and I had to take Erin to work in the morning and Shannon, "hates Erin", Well that seems to be the consensus today girls!!


I took Erin to work and we had to stop at QT for a donut, remember this is the kid who gave up QT food for lent last year. When she got back in the car she said that the QT guy asked her where she had been? She explained to him that she lives in Alabama now. I wonder if the QT guy could let her sleep on a cot in the storage room until she heads back to Alabama on Sunday??

Christmas was good, the usual chaotic holiday. Everyone gets along well playing with their new stuff. Sam brought over the game Catch Phrase to play on Christmas Eve. I learned several things about my family. Number 1, you can't teach an old dog new tricks. Grandma couldn't get it through her thick skull that the game was not password and you could use more than one word clues. For example, the word she had was "shrimp." Kelsey and Maggie were on her team, she could have said, "It's a food that is orange, it lives in the ocean, we sometimes have it at parties, you peel it, you can dip it in cocktail sauce, another word for short, etc etc. Instead the clue she gave was simply "Crustation." Now I have no idea why my 9 ear old couldn't get shrimp from that??? By about the 20th round we were finally get her to give better clues.
number 2 lesson was that I wasted all my money on private education for my kids. Erin was on my team and the word I had was Killer Whale, the fabulous clue that I gave was, a large murderous fish that lives in the ocean, Erin was so proud when she just knew she had it figured out and yelled at the top of her lungs with all the confidence in the world, "lobster." Yeah Erin a lobster is a huge murderous fish. It wasn't much better when Lauren had the word "Beauty Pageant." Her clue was.... Something that I should be in!I can't imagine why her partner couldn't get that based on her clue.

All joking aside, it was nice having everyone home, even if our dysfunction comes out full force. We have a lot to be thankful for this year. The week before Christmas, Sam went to the Taco Bell by her apartment to grab some food on her way home. It was about 10:00 at night, she was in the drive Thru and had just ordered her meal when some idiot held a gun to her head from outside her car and demanded that she get out of her $%&#*@B car, she immediately started screaming, the louder she screamed, the louder he demanded she get out of the car, the whole time holding the gun against her temple and violently trying to open her car door with his other hand. She continued to scream and hit the gas, luckily there was enough space in the drive thru for her to go forward. He kind of fell backwards and ran away. I can't tell you how thankful I am that I can write this blog entry and joke how she is still waiting for her Crunch Wrap Supreme. She had a guardian Angel that night. A few days later a policeman on a stake out had the same thing happen to him with an attempted carjacking, only he was shot in the face, Sam was much luckier.

My kids draw names at Thanksgiving and buy each other gifts. Ryan had Sam's name and he bought her a $10 Taco Bell gift card, a rape whistle, mace and finally her real gift, new headphones for her I-pod. I told her to make sure she brought the mace home, God knows if she left it laying around our house, someone would be going down.