Dave called me yesterday afternoon and said, "how is your day going?" I said "fine" he asked "what have you done all day?" I said, "do you really want to know." He said "yes." I thought to myself, "you asked for it." I said, "well sweetheart, I removed my moustache, plucked my stray neck hairs, plucked my eyebrows and trimmed my nose hairs, how's your day going?" He replied, "God you are a sexy beast!!!" That's why he loves me. I don't know how I ever found time to be beautiful when I worked.

I got my ipod back today, it has been broken for a couple months. I finally sent it back but it got lost in the mail. Just my luck, anyway to make a long story short after hours of waiting on hold with apple they finally agreed to send me a new one. That was at around 4:00 yesterday afternoon. Imagine my surprise when I heard my dog going crazy at the front door this morning while I was taking a bath. I looked out the window and saw the DHL man on my front porch, he new someone was home because the door was open and my diapered dog was jumping on the storm door trying to appear vicious in a diaper. He got his thrill for the day when I ran out in a towel and said "hold on." I found Dave's robe and signed for the package. Now that I have my ipod I have no excuse not to get my fat butt outside to exercise. Next time the DHL man sees me naked I will be half my size!!!

What a crazy weekend I had!!! Friday was my birthday, I won concert tickets on the radio in the morning. I had been trying all week. The love of my life, Rick Springfield is coming to town on Oct 3rd. I already have tickets (eighth row) but the radio station has added a private concert at a bar and the only way to get tickets is to win them. Well for anyone who knows me they know that I would do just about anything to get close to my teenage idol. To make a long story short, I won tickets by guessing the next line of one of his songs. They even made me sing it after I said it. I wouldn't sing on the radio for anyone other than Rick. I also get two more tickets to the concert, I hope the seats are closer than eighth row!!! Now anyone that heard me on the radio knows what a complete freak I am when it comes to Rick. My family and friends already know that I have lost my mind, thank God they only use first names on the radio.

Shannon had homecoming on Friday, she looked very pretty. I wish her disposition matched her appearance. I told her to wash and blow dry her hair so I could start working on styling it. Lauren told me she was sitting on my bed blow drying her legs instead of her hair because she was cold. She finally went out on the deck and fell asleep in the sun trying to let her hair dry . When I woke her up her hair looked as if she had spent six months living in a cave. Erin pointed out that this years homecoming theme was "Welcome To The Jungle." I guess she would fit in great then. She told all of us how much she hated us and finally settled down enough for me to start the two hour process of straightening her hair. Lucky for her I was still in a good mood from winning my concert tickets so I didn't kill her.

Erin decorated her car for homecoming, she had different color window paint on all of the windows including the back window and windshield. One of the things she wrote was BAMF, apparently it is initials that stand for Bad Ass Mother..... well you know the rest. Lauren is the one who snitched on her and told me what it meant. Thank God for older siblings, I was clueless. I explained to little Sybil how that was totally unacceptable not to mention trashy and by no means was that any way for a lady to act.

Dave and I were at two different soccer games on Sunday, he had his company car at home which he isn't supposed to drive for personal use so he took Lauren's. Erin took grandma's car to work because she left her keys at her friends house and I had her extra set with me at church when she left. Shannon called and needed a ride home. Dave and I were too far away. I called grandma and asked her if she could take Erin's car to pick up Shannon, I left the keys on the table after church. I wish I could have seen my 70 year old mother driving a car that said Bad Ass Mother..... on the window. I bet she looked so cute the kids might be getting a new grandpa soon!!!

Seamus's diaper is doing great, I think he actually likes it. I went to Wal Mart to buy Poise pads to put inside his diaper garment the other day and of course ran into one of Maggie's classmate's mom . I wonder how long it will take for the whole school to think that I have a bladder problem. I didn't have the heart to tell her that I was buying them for my dog. I should have just said I was picking them up for my mother. (sorry mom, I had to throw someone under the bus) We are averaging two accidents a day. I steam cleaned the carpet today and I am starting to like my dog again.

Yesterday I was running late as usual to get Maggie to her 5:00 practice. I pulled out of the driveway and as soon as I got to the top of my hill I saw a motorcycle cop with a radar gun pointed on me. Woops, he pointed at me to pull over. He approached my window and very sternly said "Do you realize that I clocked you at 34mph in a 25mph residential zone?" I said "wow, I just pulled out of my driveway, this van sure has some get up and go doesn't it." But it kind of came out like "no, I sure didn't." He took my license and came back a few minutes later and said, I'm giving you an early birthday present (my birthday is Friday) I am going to give you a warning. He probably felt sorry for me because I am obviously delusional because my license still says that I weigh 95 lbs.

Shannon has her first formal dance on Friday. I talked her into having the after party at our house after the dance. Why did I do this?????? I thought it would be a good way to meet her new high school friends. What was I thinking??? She came home from school with a guest list of 40 of her closest friends. I said "40???" She said "one girl can't come," I said "great 39 kids plus dates." She said "well actually, 40, I did have 41 on the list. I instructed her to majorly shave that list down. I'm hoping that many of the kids won't be able to come because we live 40 minutes from school.

I kept Shannon home from school yesterday, she has had a really bad cough for almost two weeks. We went out to lunch afterwards. As soon as we sat down to eat Erin called me frantic. She wanted to know where we were, she had called the house phone, Shannon's phone and mine a few times before I finally answered. School let out at noon and she was afraid that we would go out to lunch without her. I don't know why she would think that. I told her to relax that I would give her money to go get something when she got home. I gave her $34 to pick up Shannon's prescription and some over the counter mucinex and lunch. Of course I had to ask for my change hours later. She gave me a ten dollar bill. I said "what a coincidence, the change was $10 exactly." Her prescription was less than $2 with our insurance and the mucinex was $10. Through further questioning I learned that the money I got out of the bank to use all week went to further little Sybil's golden tan. Lunch OK but tanning, was that really necessary???

Tonight was a bit crazy, Ryan had practice at 6:00, Maggie had a game at 5:30, Kelsey had practice at 6:00, Shannon was cheering at 6:30 and Erin had practice at 5:45. We also had a mandatory parent meeting for parents of second graders for Reconciliation at 7:00. Grandma is out of town visiting her favorite grand kids so I had to figure out how I was going to juggle everything. I got a ride for Ryan, Erin can drive herself, I was going to take Maggie to her game and head to Shannon's cheering after her game(I would be about 40 minutes late) Dave was going to drop Kelsey at practice and I arranged for her to get a ride home and then he would head over to the reconciliation meeting. If all went as planned Ryan would get dropped off around the same time as Kelsey. I brought Maggie's spelling words along with us so we could go over them at the volleyball game that Shannon was cheering. Good thing we did, she got 9 of the fifteen wrong. A couple of them she just confused d'd with b's but the rest were way off. I had her re write them five times each and quizzed her the whole way home. It will be a miracle if we pull off a C- this week. I was stuck in bumper to bumper traffic on the way home, Erin called me crying that she couldn't find a gas station and her gas light was on and her brakes don't work and she hates dad. I asked "where are you?" She said "at a gas station." I thought to myself, I thought you couldn't find a gas station but your at a gas station????? I told her that I was stuck in traffic that I would send dad to come and get her. She said "don't send him, I hate him." I called home and Ryan and Kelsey both answered. It is always a treat to talk to both of them, I said "put dad on the phone." They both argued for five minutes about which one would go get him. He was in the dark cutting the grass. He finally got on the phone and I told him to call Erin. He said "she called me earlier asking me to help her find a gas station and she was screaming at me." I said "well now she said her brakes don't work, you need to go get her and drive her car back and she can take yours." Of course he finished cutting that last strip of grass before he went for his stranded daughter. He didn't want to let the grass down. They finally returned and Dave said that the car was fine and that the brakes were not bad. Erin said "I am not driving that car, I don't care what you say." She is taking a few honors courses and they are starting to take their toll. Between work, school and soccer she is a bit stressed.

On a good note, I bought Seamus his doggie diaper. He actually left it on. I think I like him better now that he can't pee on my vacuum cleaner every time he walks past it. His diaper is in the washing machine because it is wet. Tomorrow I am going to go back for the liners, I didn't want to spend the extra money before I knew whether or not he would keep it on. I am a mother of seven children, I changed diapers for over twelve years without a break. Now I am changing diapers for my dog. Fabulous!!!

Kelsey got to see her all time sports idol, Lori Chalupny tonight. She was so sweet, she even let Kelsey hold her gold medal and pose for a picture. Kelsey brought along her smelly soccer shoe for her to sign and she did it with a laugh and probably sanitized her hands shortly after. It is great to see a professional athlete represent not only her country but her city so well. What a fabulous role model she is for young girls everywhere. I know one young girl in particular who is truly inspired!!

I am still searching for a job, I alternate between boredom, frustration and pure joy at being able to wait until 10:00 before I brush my teeth or put a bra on. My goal is to keep my dumb dog from peeing in the house now that I am home all day. I swear he waits until I'm not looking and hurries up and pees. There is a product out called a belly band that is like a male diaper for dogs. I am going to break down and buy it. I am sure he will soon learn to eat his way out of it but it is worth a shot. Otherwise we may be taking a trip to the "farm" sooner rather than later.

Hamburger buns, how hard could it possibly be to buy them in a timely fashion??? I was grilling burgers and making mac and cheese for dinner. I called Dave and asked him to swing by the store and pick them up on his way home. I asked him when he was leaving the office so I knew when to start dinner. Of course I always have to add at least 15 minutes to whatever time that he tells me. Today I actually gave him an extra half hour so I would have a little cushion. Erin and Shannon came home and I had a piping hot dinner ready for them when they walked in the door except for the buns. Where in the hell were the buns?? I called the love of my life but he didn't answer. He finally got home after we finished eating with several bags of groceries. Considering the only thing that was on his list was hamburger buns I didn't see a need for so many bags. He could tell that I was aggravated and if my body language wasn't a big enough clue my son said "mom was ready to lock you out." His response was, "don't be mad pumpkin, you have no idea how stressful that was for me at the store, I couldn't find the chips. Every aisle was marked except the chip aisle, Why wouldn't they mark the chip aisle? Every end cap had chips , that was very misleading, what are they trying to do? Trick me?" I said, "Yeah Dave along with KFC, everyone is out to trick you. Maybe you are just a bumbling idiot, did you ever think of that?" Considering that hamburger buns were the only thing on the list, you could have avoided all the "stress" of the chip hunt.

Erin called me this afternoon to see if she could go to her friends house tonight because she got an ear piercing gun. She said don't worry mom, it's a good one and it's sterile. I asked what she was planning on piercing. She said that she wanted to double pierce her ears. I thought if it is so sterile that she might as well go ahead and pierce her nose, eyebrow, tongue and belly button while she was at it. NOT She stayed home and worked on homework instead.

Today was the day that we were supposed to get to school early so Ryan could finish his homework. Dave woke me up at 5:15 , I normally go up to the track by my house with Kelsey at 5:30 so she can run sprints. I don't want her going by herself so I drag my fat butt out of bed to go with her, it's a good day when I only get lapped twice. Anyway, this morning when Dave woke me up I mumbled something along the lines of "shut up and leave me alone, today is picture day, Kelsey isn't running today." The next thing I knew it was 7:30, school starts at 7:50 and I drive two other kids to school. I quickly woke everyone up and decided to take my carpool and come back for my kids. I threw on some shorts and hopped in the car braless and without brushing my teeth. I said a quick prayer that no one would talk or look at me. I came back for the kids and decided that they were already going to be late that they might as well be pretty and late. I worked on Maggie's hair, packed a few lunches, brushed my teeth and even put on a bra. We made it to school by 8:15 looking spiffy. Not too shabby!!! Of course Ryan had to stay inside for recess to finish his homework.

Ryan had a game tonight at 6:30. Shannon needed a ride home from cheerleading practice at 5:00 and I had to cook the steaks that have been in in the fridge since Sunday. I asked grandma if she wanted to pick up Shannon or cook dinner. She chose to sit in a car for an hour and twenty minutes verses cooking for my crew. When dinner was ready my darling son was nowhere to be found. We had to leave for his game in 20 minutes and his uniform was sitting on the kitchen table and he was nowhere in sight. I called grandma and asked her to swing by Ryan's buddies house on her way home to look for my lost boy. She found him, he had just enough time to scarf down some dinner and get dressed. We were running so late that I didn't even have enough time to yell at him. Oh well tomorrow is another day.

I was hanging out with my good buddies John and Sarah this weekend. They came to the ballpark by my house. I decided to skip Kelsey's game and head up to the rally. I am glad that I went. I am even more glad that I decided to leave my kids at home. Three hours of whiny kids would have been a little more than I could take.

Things are getting back to normal at home. I am out of the fetal position, that's a plus. Another one of my co workers called me today, she got laid off this morning. She only works Mon-Wed so she wasn't there to share in the joy on Thursday with me. I have a few job leads already and I have decided to use this time to get some things done. For example; I cleaned my toilets and got rid of all my skinny clothes that will never fit me again. It was tough staying out of the fetal position when I filled up a large trash bag full of size 2's and 4's.

Kelsey had a game tonight so I had grandma bring Maggie to her soccer practice. Grandma stayed in her car reading a book, Maggie decided to stay after practice and work out with the next group. (the same coach) Grandma got out of the car looking for her and finally found her when she noticed two little girls with a number 10 on their back. Grandma asked "Maggie, why didn't you come to the car?" Her response was "please don't tell mom grandma, she will put it on the blog." Aw come on Maggie, give me a little credit, I would never do that to you sweetheart!!!

When I got home tonight Ryan had the buzz book out calling his buddies looking for an English book that he could borrow so he could do his homework, he left his at school. He had to do 12 questions. One by one his friends told him "sorry Ryan, I finished mine at school." By the fifth phone call I was beginning to wonder why my son didn't finish his at school. Of course he had a perfectly logical explanation "I couldn't find a pencil and it took me half of the class to find one." I said "well then you probably only have a few questions to finish up right?" "Umm, I think I finished one or two." We called a few more responsible, focused little boys and decided to call it a night and get to school early. I put 6 sharpened pencils in his backpack and threatened him within an inch of his life, gave him a good night kiss and sent him off to bed. My mothering skills never cease to amaze me.