Not Coming Prepared To Class Brought To A New Level

I think every mother dreads those scary phone calls from the school secretary. Imagine my horror when an hour after I got to work this morning, I got a phone call. I picked up the phone and heard, "Mrs. Murphy, I'm sorry to bother you at work but I have your son with me in the office." My mind went into overdrive, "Oh my God, he has been injured, he fell and chipped a tooth, he is running a fever, he was disruptive in class, he passed out and is on his way to the hospital in an ambulance....... I was thinking so many things in the small pause before she told me WHY my perfect son was in the office. She said, "Ryan forgot to wear a shirt to school today." "WHAT????? Who does that?" Apparently my son put his hoodie on when he got out of the shower and completely forgot to put his uniform shirt on. He has a bad habit of getting ready as fast as he can so he can fall back asleep on the couch while he is waiting for his ride.

I had to leave work to go home and pick up a shirt to bring to the boy wonder. I seriously considered bringing his toothbrush and toothpaste as well. I could wager a pretty safe bet if he didn't bother with a shirt, his teeth didn't get too much attention this morning either. I called Dave at work to share with him how brilliant our only son truly is. I can't remember a time where I was more proud other than the time he was so excited that he was able to fit a mitten on his head at recess. Sometimes I feel guilty that God has blessed me with such incredibly talented and gifted children!

Report cards came out yesterday. I asked my co worker to say a little prayer for Ryan because I was going to kill him. I knew that when the crowned prince started school it would be tough to get the teachers to truly see how perfect my only son actually was. Now that he is in fifth grade I have come to the realization that only his mother adores him and even that is a bit questionable lately. I called Dave and told him that his perfect son got his report card and the teacher comments didn't exactly say, "Ryan is an absolute joy to have in class."

When Ryan got home from school I said "Ry, did you see the comments on your report card from your teachers?" He said "yes, one of them was good." I explained that a comment that says "Ryan is showing improvement in music class" is actually a nice way of saying, "your son normally acts like a complete idiot but lately I have been able to tolerate him." The other two teachers were letting me know that he talks too much and likes to clown around, and comes to class unprepared. I knew I should have went with my gut an got him that shock collar for Christmas last year. I am thinking his teachers may take up a collection so we can get him one this year. Maybe I can bungee cord him to his desk like I used to bungee the dog in his crate.

Is there really that much of a difference between angel hair and spaghetti?? Apparently in my house there is. Erin came home from school with a bad headache, translation; watch out for Sybil!!! I made a pot of spaghetti for dinner. Erin got off the couch put Parmesan cheese on her spaghetti, stirred it, salted it took a bite and then her head began to spin around. You see, sweet little Erin prefers angel hair and Kelsy can't eat it because it makes her gag. She says it makes her feel like she is eating hair. Which by the way happens allot considering most of the people in our house shed worse than a dog. When we vacuum it smells like burning hair because the round spinning thing is full of hair. We have to literally cut the hair off the bottom of the vacuum at least once a month, one of the many hazards of a house full of girls. Erin slammed her bowl on the counter, professed her love to Kelsey for ruining her dinner and for being so selfish. "How could you talk mom into making spaghetti vs angel hair, there is no difference." OK, if that were the case why are you spewing green vomit all over the kitchen over the situation. She slammed a few pots around and started some water so she could make angel hair. I can't wait until Thanksgiving. I think I am making spaghetti instead of turkey!!!

"MOM, I NEED A CHECK" I sure wish I had a nickel for every time my kids woke me up in the morning to that question. If I did, I probably wouldn't mind giving them the check. Someone has a field trip, someone has a book order, someone needs graduation announcements, someone needs lunch money, someone just likes to ask for money!!! Our mornings are normally pretty crazy. Packing backpacks, packing lunches, finding missing shoes, finding a ponytail holder, (where do they go?), prying Ryan off the heat vent, etc etc. Yesterday was no exception. Shannon was cheering for a volleyball game after school and needed all her cheerleading stuff. She walked into my bathroom with her skirt and said, "does this smell like dog pee to you? I think Seamus peed on my cheerleading bag." I had to think about my answer carefully, if I said yes, I may have to wash the skirt and drive it to her school 45 minutes away. If I said no, I could be guaranteeing a reputation for my daughter as the smelly kid. No one wants that kind of reputation for their child do they?? Being the mother who is always quick on my feet I said, "Oh honey, he peed on the bag, not the skirt, it is fine. Why do you think they make Fabreeze???" Problem solved, God I'm good!!!

I logged on to my kid's school online website to check their grades. There was a message that Ryan's teacher had her baby on Sunday. It looks like she won't be able to make it to parent teacher conferences. It looks like Ryan dodged that bullet, ah the luck of the Irish. He doesn't have the best track record with substitute teachers, hopefully his last little stint in detention taught him a lesson that subs aren't as easy to walk all over as one may think.

Speaking of detention, little Shannon has detention this week. In high school when you get a certain amount of tardies in one quarter you have detention after school. The girl that they ride with also has detention. What I don't understand is how little Sybil/Erin who is the driver, didn't get detention??? I guess she showed up with her I'm on time personality or maybe she brought her don't give me a detention, I'm crazy and may hurt you personality. Either way, she escaped the punishment. Shannon is thrilled!!!

The picture I posted is me and Lauren at the wedding she was in. I loved the dresses, the center pieces, the food, the hall and the whole day. It was one of the nicest weddings I have been to. With six daughters, I take mental notes at every wedding. Dave stresses out while I think of fun ideas that cost way to much money.

I am having a blast with the Chevy promotion. I have spent more hours than I care to count, reviewing and editing videos. Lucky for me, my seven wonders have given me lots of material to work with. I think the best part of this promotion will be all the family time, no matter how dysfunctional it is. Each week I am sent on a "mommy mission." Normally I go places with a few of my kids but now thanks to the promotion, everyone wants to come along. I think Dave secretly has a crush on my car. He acts like he would be embarrassed to drive it with the Mommy Madness stickers all over it. It's funny, every time he runs an errand, my car is nowhere to be found. I'm wondering if the other five moms have put as many miles on their cars as we have this weekend, running back and forth from soccer game to soccer game. I bet Chevy will be sorry they ever met the Murphy's!!

Here is a picture of my new car for the promotion. I am easy to spot to say the least. Last night Dave and I went to White Castle. I mentioned to Dave how happy I was that Lauren came to the kick off for the promotion. I said "That was so nice of Lauren to drive all the way out to show her support." Dave laughed and said, "That's funny as soon as she saw me she said, "Where are Sam and Erin? I thought this thing was mandatory."

I was worried today now that my blog is going to get more exposure that my kids would be on good behavior and I wouldn't have any material. I should never have doubted the "Seven Little Wonders."

Lauren is in a wedding on Saturday. I have had the date on my mental calender for weeks. "Mental" being the key word here. Dave planned an evening at the Slu mens soccer game for his boys soccer team. Ryan and the rest of the team are pretty excited and already bought tickets. I already RSVP'd for the wedding and can't very well back out now. Lauren will be at the head table because she is a brides maid. It looks like I will be sitting with her boyfriend Mike and will look like the neighborhood cougar for the evening! Can't Wait!!

Erin called me today from work, she was driving back from a college visit at Millikin University in Decatur IL. She said, "Mom, can uncle Jim fix tickets in Illinois?" I said, "why do you ask sugar plum?" OK, I really said, "Are you kidding me? I'm going to kill you, how fast were you going?" There was a bit of a pause, "I was passing a truck, he clocked me at 86." What I wanted to say was, "Fabulous, you were driving 86 on the highway on a rainy day. That is just brilliant, if that college was smart, they won't let you in because you are a complete IDIOT!!!!" Instead, I gave her the lecture as to how lucky she was that she wasn't in an accident and that life is precious and you should make better choices etc, etc. I think I really got through to her this time. (Ha, Ha) Soon after I arrived home, Erin left to go get some fabric for her Halloween costume. I thought isn't that special, she is so domestic. She is going to sew her own costume, just like a little Betsy Ross. I soon realized that Betsy Ross would most likely roll over in her grave if she saw little Erin\Sybil's Halloween costume. She wants to be skankajawea instead of Sacajawea for Halloween. My girls and their friends think Halloween is the one day a year that they can go out dressed scantily clad. Unfortunately for little Sybil, I have a large white sheet ready to throw over her skankajawea costume so she can be a friendly ghost!!

I got to pick up my new car tonight!! My kids were not exactly thrilled at the way the car was wrapped with advertisement. I was thrilled because they gave me the Navy blue car. I have a weird quirk about car colors. My last two cars were navy blue. It's the little things that make me happy. We picked up the cars at an indoor play place, they had laser tag, miniature golf and rock climbing. While I was in a meeting with the radio personalities and car people, Dave was with the kids. By the time I came out of the meeting, Ryan was wearing his red slushy all over his face and down the front of his Beckham jersey. (some things never change)

Kelsey had soccer practice at 8:00 so I left with her in the new Traverse and Dave took the rest of the kids home. I didn't play with too many of the features in the car because it was raining. Kelsey was messing with the radio, I couldn't figure out how to turn the satellite radio off. Kelsey found a kid station that was singing about rattle snakes and bears. OK, my rattlesnake and bear days are over. I think I have paid my dues, my left shoulder smelled like spit up for 12 years. Now it's time for mommy music!! I had an hour and a half to kill while Kelsey practiced. I was able to figure out how to find good old FM radio. The Traverse was awesome to drive. My van has over 130,000 miles on it so the new car seemed super smooth. I will post a picture of the car tomorrow, it is pretty cool. I am really excited about the promotion.

The Murphy's had an awesome weekend. Friday started with a surprise 40th birthday party for my favorite 40 year old. (ME!!) Dave and my girls, OK mainly my girls planned it along with my awesome sisters. Both of my sisters came to town to surprise me. I thought I was going to a boring Chamber of Commerce function. Instead I got to dance all night with my high school friends. The highlight of my evening was Dave coming up on stage and singing Jessie's girl with me.

Erin's friend's parents entered her in a meatball eating contest on Sunday. Erin can eat anyone under the table. When she is hungry, all sorts of personalities emerge. We try to keep her fed and watered every two hours. She ended up coming in fourth place of about 25. The guy who won, I'm told weighed around 300 lbs and ate 24 meatballs. My 95 lb daughter managed to scarf down 19. Had I not made her an omelet before she left, she may have won!! The guy running the contest was so impressed with her, he gave her four blues tickets. She said she was definitely the crowd favorite.

I received a phone call last week telling me that I won a contest. My friend Carrie heard about it on the radio and told me to enter. I really didn't even know what I was entering but I went ahead and entered. I was pleasantly surprised to find out I actually won. I was chosen along with five other St. Louis mom's to drive a Chevy Equinox or Chevy Traverse for a month and blog about it. Pretty cool, I am thrilled to drive a car that actually has a window that rolls down. I have been unable to go through a drive thru for the past year. I have to admit that I am a bit nervous about all the exposure that my blog will receive. I have a problem with giving away all the family dysfunction. As of now, my teenagers think it is pretty cool. Lets see if they are still speaking to me by the end of the promotion. I guess I could always make something up and say that they all have straight A's, they never get in trouble, they never argue, and they are the best kids on the planet. (Ok maybe to me, they are the best kids on the planet)

Maggie has always had a hard time with spelling. We start on Monday by writing out the words at least five times each. Although she has a hard time, she has an even harder time with remembering to bring her word list home. Last night she pulled her list out of the trash can from Tuesday night. Sometimes her word lists have words that aren't even words and we have to call someone to find out what the actual word is. Last night was no exception, Ryan was sitting at the table with her doing his homework. She said, "Ryan, what does, R-A-P-E spell? He said, "Umm, you better ask mom, she said "Mommy what does R-A-P-E spell?" I said "Maggie, that spells Rape." She looked at me with a confused look and said, "OH, I think I may have written my word down wrong." You Think!!!! We figure it out by the sentence. It said something about tying a knot in the rape or rope, Whatever! Tomato, Tamoto.


Ryan brought home a test that he got a 95 on. HE was mad because his teacher took 5 point off for not putting his last name or the date. I said to Dave, "did you see his test?, that's a tough break, he'll probably never do that again." Dave laughed and said, "Have you met Ryan? It won't matter, he will probably forget his first and last name next time." Good point, I stand corrected. Maybe if she starts hitting him over the head with a brick, he might remember.



A couple of weeks ago, I had just gotten out of the shower and I was standing in the kitchen in a towel. Dave walked in the room ready to go for a run. None of his clothes matched. Of course I couldn't let him go out like that without gently telling him. (OK not so gently) I said, "Did you get dressed in the dark Murphy?" Me and Erin were laughing at him. He responded with, you guys think your so funny. He pushed me out on the deck, stole my towel and closed and locked the door. Erin's jaw dropped to the floor and Dave said "Oh, who's laughing now?" He wasn't brave enough to leave me out there in all my glory for long." When I came back inside he said, Punkin, we are still playful isn't that great?" Yeah great, my neighbors will never look at me the same way again. Playful?? He is lucky I didn't kill him.

We had a tragedy at our house this weekend. It was our semi annual garage sale, Maggie spent the night with a friend the night before so I didn't have my little helper. Grandma brought a storage bin of toys upstairs for the garage sale. I didn't even look at them, I assumed Maggie gave them to grandma. Her best friend down the street came to our garage sale with her little coin purse. She was standing at the end of the driveway with two barbies in her hand, I said "Oh honey just take those, I don't want any money." Again, I didn't look at them.


Maggie got home later in the afternoon, the garage sale was over, she went down the street to play. She came home and went upstairs, I thought I heard sobbing coming from upstairs. I called to her and asked what was wrong. She said, "grandma gave Alaina, Sharpay and Gabrielle and I think someone else must have gotten Troy!!" My heart sank, it was me that gave away her high school musical barbies, the same barbies I spent $30 on. I asked her if she wanted me to try and call her friend's mother and explain the mistake. She said, she didn't want her friend to be mad at her. I offered to buy her a new toy instead. I only made 60 dollars at the garage sale due to cold weather and small crowds. I spent $18 on a new toy at Walmart to replace the high school musical barbies. It looks like I made a whopping $42 to stand in the garage freezing at the crack of dawn and give away $3000 worth of Abercrombie clothes for $42.

Shannon was gone all weekend, I spent two hours on Friday night driving all over St. Charles County dropping one kid here and another kid there. I checked the online grading system on Sunday night. Had I checked it Friday, little Miss Shannon would have stayed home with her mother all weekend. She has a C in every subject except Art and Dance. Dave thinks she may have a future as a dancing artist. I think I will spend the remainder of the week, deleting The OC and One Tree Hill from the DVR. I guarantee if she was given a test on those shows, she would pass with flying colors.


Dave and Ryan were in Kansas for a soccer tournament. I had a 40th birthday party for an old high school friend. The limo was picking us up and taking us to a spa for facials and massages. We were supposed to end our evening at a wine bar next door to the spa. The problem was I wouldn't have a ride home since the limo dropped us off. Dave was in Kansas so I asked my darling daughters if they could pick me up. I felt like the little Red Hen, Not I said Lauren, Not I said Erin, then I will do it myself!! I bummed a ride with a group at the party that lived fairly close to home. Erin did call me that night and asked if I needed a ride home, of course I was already en route. I guess that Catholic mother guilt trip I gave her the night before actually worked. I will have to work a little harder next time with Lauren.

I woke up to one of my favorite sounds of fall. Little Sybil on the rampage!! I believe the direct quote was "Shannon, I hate you, you are lazy and worthless and you need to start finding your own ride to school because you are not riding with me." Dave was in the bathroom shaving with the water running and didn't get to hear this lovely exchange of words transpiring in the next room. I rubbed my eyes stumbled in to the next room and said, "What is going on." Erin/ Sybil responded with, "she is not riding with me." I said, "I'm not taking her, so I guess she is." I looked at Shannon and said, "I suggest you sit in the back seat for your own safety as well as the safety of the rest of the drivers on the road today." We want to make sure little Sybil doesn't have a bad case or road rage. After I put out that fire, on to the next one.

We only had one little Debbie Snack cake left, there were three empty little Debbie boxes in the pantry but only one snack cake to split three ways between, Ryan, Maggie and Kelsey. I said "forget it, I will give you a check for lunch money." Last time I gave Maggie the check, she left it in the back seat and I had to leave work to bring it up to school. We normally wait until their balance is zero before we send in more money. If your lunch card has a zero balance they give you a cheese sandwich and a white milk. My kids would rather starve than eat that. When I got home from work Ryan was complaining that Maggie turned the check in and put all the money towards her own lunch card, she had a $60 balance and Ryan and Kelsey had 32 cents. Maggie then said, "no, I lost the check in my backpack and found it later in reading class, it got stuck in my reading book. Needless to say, Maggie has been stripped of her lunch money check responsibilities. It probably would have been easier had I let them fight it out over the snack cake!!