I can't believe it is the end of 2009 already. It has been a great year, my biggest accomplishment was my weight loss. I worked my butt off literally. I have to say my weight is up a bit (10 awful lbs) I decided to go crazy and start fresh on Jan 1st. I have enjoyed this last week of french fries and cupcakes.

Some friends and I are starting a 12 week training program for a half marathon in April. 2010 will be the year I exercise and tone this 40 year old body. I am excited to see what the year will bring, little Erin/Sybil will graduate and go off to college. We sill haven't decided where, but we know it will be somewhere not in the state of MO. One of my friends asked, what will you do with your blog without daily Erin/Sybil material. With that her husband quickly responded, "poor Dave." Yup poor Dave is right, he always supplies me with plenty of material.

2010 will also be the year of our twentieth wedding anniversary. I know I make fun of Dave frequently but can't imagine my life with a man that could go to the grocery store without help, could go through a drive thru, could order a pizza by himself or match his own clothes. I am glad I picked the village idiot before someone else grabbed him. He is quite the catch. I hope our next twenty years are slightly less, OK extremely less "fruitful" and just as entertaining as the first twenty.

It is crazy to imagine that in 2020 we will almost be empty nesters. Maggie will be a senior in high school picking out a college just like Erin/Sybil. Sam will be a successful accountant still trying to figure out the meaning of life, Lauren and Mike will be married and Mike will be wondering why he didn't heed our warnings, Erin will be in a mental institution getting help for her personality disorder that her mother caused by calling her Sybil, Kelsey will be playing soccer somewhere pretending like she is an only child, Shannon will be laying on a couch somewhere in a trailer park watching TV, and Ryan will be incarcerated. Or maybe they will all be happy successful well rounded members of society. Yeah Right!!!

Christmas Eve I worked until 2:00 while Dave was in charge at home. I had two new DVR's installed the week before and the one in my bedroom wasn't working. They sent out a technician to fix the problem on Christmas Eve. Erin decided to give the guy an early Christmas present when she came downstairs wearing nothing but leggings a bra and a Christmas smile. She ran up the stairs and asked why no one bothered telling her that the cable guy was still there. Great Erin, now I will never get my DVR fixed, I guess I will be setting an extra plate for Christmas dinner.

Lauren got home from work right before we left for Christmas mass. She was planning on going to mass in the morning and was exhausted after working eight hours. We talked her into just going with us. She said " fine but don't expect me to stay awake." She went downstairs to change and came up in a form fighting blue dress and go go boots." I think she was bringing baby Jesus the gift of cleavage. I decided to pick my battles and take a deep breath and sit all the way at the other end of the pew so no one thought the kid with her boobs hanging out belonged to me. I suggested she sit on the other side of the cable guy who was next to Erin.

The kids had a nice Christmas despite Dave AKA village idiot Santa wrapping his only son's gifts in pastel pink and green paper. Smart Santa AKA me used dark green and red paper for the gifts that I wrapped. Despite the pink paper, everyone had a nice Christmas. Kelsey got a cell phone so all is finally right with the world. She can finish her eighth grade year no longer in shame as she was the only kid in the world without a phone.

Christmas Eve and Christmas day our land line phone was out. Erin's friend the cable guy hooked something up wrong and our phone was dead. I called the cable company and they sent someone else out. He came early Sunday morning. I am sure the technicians were fighting over who got to come to the house of ill repute. This time it was grandma who came out of the bathroom half dressed, bra less and toothless. I'm sure when the technicians compare notes, no one will believe the first guy!!

Saturday we had Christmas at our house with Dave's family. I made a "special " drink with Citrus Vodka and Squirt soda. My sister in law and I drank a few too many. The problem was that after everyone left, we went to a party for Lauren's boyfriend Mike's parents. It was a surprise 25th anniversary party. I am not much of a drinker and I don't think I have EVER shown up to a party already "happy." All I know is this morning my back hurt so bad I was walking like I was 90. I think it may have been the dancing combined with a little air guitar. It really wasn't my fault, they played Jessie's girl. Lauren said, "way to go mom, way to impress my future in laws." I guess if Mike's family doesn't like us anymore, she can always give the cable guy a call.

Tis the season to be ready to ram my head against a wall over and over again. No matter how hard I try, there is never enough time. A girl I work with just brought her son's Christmas Pictures in. He is about six months old and absolutely adorable. She has three pictures sitting on her desk. He is wearing a Santa Suit and in each picture and is sitting in front of a big white letter, the pictures spell out JOY. I thought of a great idea. This Christmas I will pose each one of my little blessings in front of a letter of my choosing. I have just enough kids to display on my desk ANARCHY.


Before I left for work last night Kelsey informed me that she needed a rob your neighbor gift for her Christmas party at school in the morning. I had Erin run by the grocery store for me to get ingredients so I could make cookies for the teachers when I got off work at midnight. I asked Erin if she wanted to make the cookies for me while I was at work. She said, "Umm no I don't really want to."

I had 4 cookie tins and 6 teachers to bake for. Before I left, I asked Kelsey to have her dad buy two more tins and her rob your neighbor gift. I received a message on my cell phone from little Sybil a while later that said, "Mom I am going to a hockey game so I definitely won't be able to buy the tins or make your cookies, I guess dad can do it, bye." I got home around 12:30 and Dave was in bed reading. I asked if he bought the tins and the rob your neighbor gift. He said, "no I figured I could go to QT in the morning." I said, "I'm sure every eighth grader would love a $5 gas card." I sent him to Wal Mart!!

Erin was sitting at the counter when I was mixing the cookie batter. I asked her to take two steps behind her and get the eggs out of the fridge for me. She looked at me like I was crazy and said. "I'm really tired, I don't feel like getting up." My poor baby, she was just exhausted from getting all dolled up in her new $98 dollar jeans and flirting with CBC hockey players all night. She really needs to get some rest, I was starting to worry about her. I was being so selfish to ask her to hand me the eggs. I will try to not be so hard on her in the future.

I was just about finished with my second batch of cookies when the phone rang. Who else would be calling at 1:30 in the morning other than my one and only. Of all the boys in the village, why oh why did I have to marry the village idiot. I answered the phone to hear, "Punkin, where would one find cookie tins??" I directed him through Wal Mart over the phone and wondered when a trip to the store wouldn't require a phone call. I finished the cookies at 2:00 AM and called it a day. FA LA, LA, LA, LA.

I have been working at Macy's for extra money for Christmas. Why is it that I don't have any extra money???? Tuesday I had to work until midnight. When I came out of work my van was parked in front of the building and the engine was running. I thought "Why is my van here? I didn't park here." I saw Dave's car parked behind it. He can still WOW me after all these years. He told me when he picked up Kelsey from basketball practice it was 20 degrees and he knew that I hate to be cold and he didn't want me walking across the cold parking lot. Yesterday however, I was barking out orders as usual on the phone before I left for work. He said "Don't be surprised if you come out of work tonight and I am standing there with a bucket of water to throw on you." Luckily for him, he can still Wow me and make me laugh.

I am working every day between now and Christmas, it is actually a blessing in disguise, not only am I making extra money, it is keeping me from excessive shopping and spending money on stupid stuff that my kids who have everything don't need. On the downside, I have to bake cookies for the kids teachers and Dave doesn't even know how to turn the oven on much less mix ingredients and bake. I guess I will find time somehow so no one breaks a tooth on a cookie.

My kids draw names on Thanksgiving and get each other gifts that they exchange on Christmas Eve. This year my genius son forgot who he has, but does remembers that it is a sister. That really narrows it down. Hopefully we figure it out so World War III doesn't break out on Christmas Eve.

Ryan asked if he could just stay home from school next week, they only have two days of school. He said on the last day it is just their Christmas party and he is tired of playing two hours of Christmas bingo like he does every other year. I told him for $500 a month tuition he will go and play Christmas bingo with a good attitude and a great big grateful smile on his face. Maybe I am a little testy because I am working two jobs. Last night he kept walking around with his pants too low. I warned him at least three times to pull them up. Finally I just said, "take off your pants and give them to me, you have lost your pants privilege for the day." He may be playing Christmas bingo in boxers if he doesn't watch it.

It has been a crazy week. Sam's college soccer team was in the final 4 NCAA soccer tournament in San Antonio. We couldn't afford to go so Sam arranged for Dave to be a chaperone so he could go on the bus with the students. The athletes flew down to the tournament and Wash U paid for any of their students that wanted to go, to ride a big bus down and they paid for their hotel rooms. Dave got to ride a 16 hour bus ride with a bunch of college kids that he has never met:(

I was starting a new job at Macy's for Christmas so I couldn't go with him. Grandma is out of town visiting her favorite grandchildren, I have a feeling that if I went, Sybil would have thrown quite the party in our absence. Dave had a good time and was thrilled for the chance to see our daughter get the chance to play in the final four. We make ourselves crazy driving to soccer practices and games for years and years, making it to the final four is a chance in a lifetime opportunity for a soccer family like ours. I am glad Dave was able to go. We won the first game in penalty kicks, but lost the championship game 1-0. Not too shabby to be 2ND in the nation for Division III women's soccer. A picture of Sam holding the trophy was in the paper the next morning. Pretty cool.

I woke up early Saturday morning and thought that I had the flu, I was dizzy and throwing up. I took it easy all day Saturday and felt a little better. I called in sick for my second day at Macy's. I'm sure I made a great impression. The next night I woke up feeling like I was violently spinning, I ended up in the ER all night. Poor Dave after getting home from a 16 hour bus ride with a bunch of kids that he didn't know, he got to sit in the ER for five hours with me. They were going to do a cat scan and the Dr. asked if there was any chance that I could be pregnant. I said, "Well I don't think so, but we don't use birth control so I guess it could be a possibility." She decided to do a pregnancy test to be on the safe side. When she left the room my loving devoted husband muttered, "God help you if you are pregnant, I will leave you here, I swear" He was kidding, I THINK!! Everything came back fine, no baby, no tumor just a bad case of vertigo. I saw a specialist on Monday and had a balance test on Tuesday, I follow up with him on Thursday. I feel a little better aside from leaning slightly to the left and running into a few walls.

Lauren called me on Monday to see if St. Nick had put anything in her shoe over the weekend. The Feast of St. Nick is one of those traditions that is a hit or miss depending on whether or not I remember or pay attention to the date. Considering St. Nick is spinning around feeling like he is on a bad acid trip, he skipped right over the Murphy house this year, come to think of it, Santa may skip us over as well.

I had about five minutes before I left for work at Macy's tonight so I cuddled up with Maggie on the couch while she was watching Tarzan. My favorite thing in the whole wide world is cuddling with my kids under a blanket watching a movie. Ryan is my best cuddlier only he never watches a movie with me without farting on my leg and fanning the blanket. Why can't he just be normal?? Before I left for work Maggie said, "Thanks for spending time with me mom!" I felt so bad, I am always so crazy busy, she was happy to have just those five minutes of cuddle time. Not only that, she was happy to be able to watch a cartoon instead of one of the 50 episodes of Criminal Minds that Erin is always making her watch on the DVR. She is now an expert on serial killers thanks to Erin. No visions of sugar plums are dancing inside little Maggie's head at night, she is learning how to kidnap, rape and kill.

Nothing brings out the Murphy dysfunction more than a holiday, nothing that is other than a holiday combined with the annual Christmas card photo shoot. I put the turkey in the oven around 10:30, I asked the girls to be ready for pictures at 11:00, that gave me plety of time to get back to the house before the turkey needed to be basted. Lauren rolled in the house at 10:45 with a hang over and offered anyone that was willing $300 to do her hair and makeup . Sam showed up at 11:00 ready and a little aggrivated that she is the only one who was ready. Erin/Sybil didn't even roll out of bed until 11:15. We were finally ready at 12:30.

We went to a nearby park, the ride was actually kind of fun, Maggie started a game in the van. My name is Anna, my husband's name is Aaron, I live in Alabama and I sell Apples and so on. The kids, especially the older ones had fun playing a dumb little car game just like when they were little. For a moment I though, wow, what great kids I have, I think they really love eachother. When we got to the park everyone was complaining because it was freezing cold. I took a few shots and Lauren stepped in dog poop in her Ugg boots. She was less than pleased. I always take 50 to 100 shots trying to get one where everyone has their eyes open and looks happy. The cold temperature coupled with Lauren smelling like dog poop shortened the photo shoot. We did our last couple of shots in a tree. We have done that before on a Christmas card but the kids were smaller. Erin got mad at Ryan (surprisingly) and Shannon got mad at EVERYONE. She announced "I hate Thanksgiving" and stormed out of the tree crying, Ryan's water works followed shortly after. The picture above is the last picture from our family field trip. Normally we have at least one kid crying during the family Christmas card. This year we had two, I 'm sure we can go for three our four next year. The ride home was silent other than a few complaints about Lauren's dog poop smell. I thought about starting a new game, My name is Colleen, I wish I was in Colorado selling coconuts and my husbands name was Carl!!

Today Ryan told me he got in trouble AGAIN in gym class. I was wondering why he snitched on himself until I got the email from his gym teacher. She must have warned him that it was coming. It said, "Dear Mr and Mrs Murphy, Ryan was disruptive in class and doesn't listen to me." I thought about responding, "welcome to my world". Instead I emailed back "I would love to help you out with this matter but Carl and I are in Colorado selling coconuts!!"

Ryan is excited because the school is having a spelling bee. The Murphy kids are all competitive whether it is a meatball eating contest or a spelling bee. They hear the word contest and start to foam at the mouth. Ryan has never been a good speller but insists that he will win the spelling bee. He has been walking around all week with his spelling book asking everyone in the house to quiz him. He was getting desperate so he asked Erin/Sybil, she responded with, "I would rather do ANYTHING else, other than help you study." He responded with, "OK, will you lick my belly button please?"He even got a little giggle out of her before she gave him a love pat/smack.

Shannon is officially 16, she is not going to try to get her license until she can drive a car without running a stop sign. She really struggles with that. She thinks they shouldn't be off to the side, she says it is confusing. She will be the first Murphy to pass on the first try if she can master the whole stop sign. She won't drive with Dave anymore so it is all me, I have never been one to take Prozac but I'm starting to re-consider. Her birthday was yesterday, I just took a seasonal job at Macy's for Christmas. I had training last night. I made Shannon's favorite dinner at 4:00 before I left, (fettuccine) I scarfed down around 1600 calories before I walked out the door to go to work. When I got home at 10, the dinner was still on the stove and everyone's plates were still on the table. That made me really happy:)

My Shannon turns 16 on Thursday, it seems like just yesterday I brought my little 5 lb baby home from the hospital. She was the perfect baby for the first three days of her life, she just laid there all bundled up as quiet as a mouse. When I brought her home, things started to take a nasty turn. Maybe it is because Erin almost bit her pointer finger off her first day home, I don't know if that caused the start of her crabbiness but it has been down hill ever since.

Sunday Shannon decided to make pancakes for her, Maggie and Ryan. She announced to everyone that she got first pick of the stack of pancakes that she was going to eat. Apparently Ryan missed that part of the conversation. He saw a stack of delicious golden pancakes on a plate and started ripping them apart with his hands like a barbarian. It would be way to difficult to use a knife and fork. Shannon happened to notice her perfect stack of pancakes that were now shredded and touched by her brother's less than sterile hands. At about this time she borrowed a psychotic personality from Erin. She was dangerously close to beating him with the spatula, he offered to give the pancakes back but for some reason she didn't want them any more. He got up from the table and ran as fast as he could. One of the perks of having six sisters is the ability to know when to run. She even turned to me and screamed, "You never discipline him, he gets away with murder." I said, "Shannon, what type of discipline do you suggest I give him for picking up the wrong stack of pancakes?, I'm thinking I may have to discuss this serious matter with your father before I punish him." He may have to miss Christmas this year.

When I told Erin the story her face lit up like a Christmas tree. She said, "That sounds like something I would do." I think Erin can go off to college now knowing that the torch has been passed. Shannon is starting to show promise when it comes to abusing Ryan.

This is my last week with the car, I can't believe how fast this month has flown by. I want to thank Chevy for helping me realize what a complete piece of crap I normally drive. If not for this promotion I never would have realized what a hunk a junk my van is. All kidding aside, this month has been a ton of fun and I know what my next car will be. Without a doubt, the Traverse will be at the top of my list!! As soon as that money drops from the sky!!

I am going to be on Great Day St Louis tomorrow morning, I should be upstairs getting my beauty rest but instead I am down here writing on my blog. I have never been on TV before, much less live TV, yikes!! I went shopping to find a new outfit for my two minutes of fame. I ended up with a purple argyle sweater and black pants. When I got home I re-read my email from the consulting firm that gave me tips on what to wear. Right there in black and white it said, "try to avoid geometric shapes." I think I must have took that to mean, run to the mall, try on 50 things that make you look like a complete cow, buy a sweater in a color that you never wear with diamonds all over it. Are diamonds geometric shapes??? I think I dropped geometry and took practical math. No wonder my son does so well in math. (NOT)

This is what I found when I got home from work. The trash men took the bag out of my recycling bin and set it in the driveway close to where I struggled with it in the morning to get it into the recycling bin. So I guess pumpkins aren't recyclable. Who Knew??? I decided to leave the ripped bag of pumpkins in the driveway for my husband to take care of when he got home. I wanted him to experience the joy of pumpkin goo like I did. I guess the Murphy Pumpkins are going in a landfill after all. Way to go Environmentalist Eddie!!! Maybe we should stick with using our recycling bin to hide Christmas presents like we usually do.

Call me crazy but if I was a husband and it was my job to take the trash out, I would probably set it close to the curb far away from my beautiful wife's car. I'm just saying...... Tuesday is trash day, I gently, ok not so gently reminded Dave to put the pumpkins in the trash. He had just heard someone saying how bad they were at the landfill so he thought it would be better to put them out Friday with the recyclables. OK, I don't know when my husband became an environmentalist but who am I to argue for the good of our planet. Today was recycle day, most people would put the recycle bin close to the street. Not my husband, he is afraid the trash company may scrape his precious grass when they pick up the bags so he put it behind my car off to the right a bit, just out of range of my rear camera on the car. Do I need to remind him of my track record? I hit the drive thru at the bank three times!!(in my van, not the mommy madness car)

I was running late as usual and heard a crunching sound as I was backing out, I pulled in front of my house and got out of the car. Boy Wonder Senior had put our old pumpkins in lawn and leaf bags. Not exactly durable containers for my driving. I scooped up as much of the pumpkin goo off the driveway as I could. When I tried to move the bag it kept splitting. I thought to myself, Oh, I am so lucky, I really love Dave, I'm so glad he didn't listen to me and put these pumpkins in the trash on Tuesday. Had he done that I would have never experienced the feel of ice cold pumpkin goo on my hands and clothes on a crisp fall November morning. I pulled our big recycling bin out of the garage and transferred the tattered pumpkin filled lawn and leaf bag in the bin. I went inside to change and went on my merry way. Good Times!!!

Most mornings are pretty hectic at my house. I try to spend as much time in my bathroom as I can to make sure Erin/Sybil has left the building before I come out to face my day. Little Maggie came in my bathroom while I was getting ready and said, "Mommy, you have a phone call." What she failed to tell me was that it was Erin/Sybil on the other end of the phone. I walked in the kitchen half dressed and picked up the phone. The hostile voice on the other end said, "You and dad need to talk to Shannon and tell her to stop being such a psychopath in the morning. I asked her VERY nicely to please hurry up and pack her lunch so we could leave." I could wager a pretty safe bet that if her own mother hides from her in the bathroom, she wasn't asking as nicely as she perceived. I responded with, "Thank you so so much for the parenting tip, I will take it under consideration and schedule your, I mean her shock treatments as soon as possible." I hung up the phone and told Dave why she called, I didn't realize that Shannon the psychopath was still in the house in earshot, as she was walking out the door to join Erin/Sybil in the driveway she said, "yeah right, I'm the psycho, I'm not the one on my period this week, she is."


Twenty minutes later I was driving my younger kids to school when my phone rang. I answered and heard a cheery voice on the other end. It couldn't possibly be Erin/Sybil could it. She wanted to know if she could take the car to Kansas City on Friday to watch her high school compete for the volleyball state championship. If she can work it around her shock therapy I'm sure she can go!!

Maggie ready to go!
Notice the Chevy Pumpkin!!



Ryan with his loot!

I hope this costume doesn't get replaced by an orange jumpsuit someday!






Halloween weekend was the typical soccer craziness. Adding Trick Or Treating in the typical Saturday mayhem was quite the challenge. Maggie and Erin were in a tournament in Illinois and Shannon had to cheer at volleyball districts. Dave was working at the tournament selling T-shirts until 5:00. I left with one of Maggie's teammates and had them drop me off at home so I could start getting her ready for Halloween. I dropped Ryan off at his friends at 5:30 and got a call from Dave around 5:45. Apparently my genius husband took his coat off and put it in the back of the mommy madness car. When he closed the latch it popped back open and he didn't notice until he was on the road. He closed the hatch and went on his merry way. I guess I shouldn't wonder why my son shows up to school naked when his father drives with the hatch open. What Boy Wonder Senior didn't realize was that his wallet fell out of the back of the car. He insisted on driving back to Edwardsville against my protests to look for his wallet. I suggested he call someone who was actually still there and ask them to look for it. Did Boy Wonder Senior think to maybe take the Halloween candy that I had in my car to give to Trick-or Treaters and bring it inside before he left? No why would he do that??







I had some candy at home but it was going quick. Kelsey had 7 friends over to go trick or treating and spend the night. I was running out of candy as the girls were getting ready. I am resourceful if nothing else so I yelled upstairs for them to hurry up and hit eight or nine houses and sprint back with with the goods so the Murphy's don't look like losers on Halloween. My only hope is that the girls don't go home and tell their parents what a complete mooch I am. Dave finally arrived home with the candy at around 8:00. Now I am stuck with all the candy I hid in the car because I knew if I brought it in the house I would eat it. We got a phone call around 9:00, someone found Dave's wallet and everything was intact. My faith in humanity is restored.







Erin left for a Halloween party in sweatpants, rest assured the bag she was carrying held her Skankajawea costume. I think I am glad I didn't see it, I 'm sure I wouldn't have approved!! Her and Shannon were off school today, Shannon had an early cheerleading practice and Erin was picking her up. I checked Shannon's online grades only to find that she is once again bringing laziness to a new level. I called Erin and told her that when she picks Shannon up from practice to bring her home to do homework. She is going nowhere until she has a B average. I talked to Erin a few hours later and I asked her where she was. She replied, "We are at O' Charleys." I said, "Didn't I tell you to bring Shannon home." She said, "It's not my fault she is lazy, I'm not about to pass up a free lunch with grandma just because Shannon doesn't study."







Sam called tonight to see if we were still on for our massage tomorrow for the mommy madness promotion. She asked, "are you excited?" I said not really, "I have to shave my legs tonight." She said, "not me, I don't care what they think, that's their job." Ok, now that I have that insight, I may sign in using a different last name so they don't realize the human gorilla belongs to me.

Not Coming Prepared To Class Brought To A New Level

I think every mother dreads those scary phone calls from the school secretary. Imagine my horror when an hour after I got to work this morning, I got a phone call. I picked up the phone and heard, "Mrs. Murphy, I'm sorry to bother you at work but I have your son with me in the office." My mind went into overdrive, "Oh my God, he has been injured, he fell and chipped a tooth, he is running a fever, he was disruptive in class, he passed out and is on his way to the hospital in an ambulance....... I was thinking so many things in the small pause before she told me WHY my perfect son was in the office. She said, "Ryan forgot to wear a shirt to school today." "WHAT????? Who does that?" Apparently my son put his hoodie on when he got out of the shower and completely forgot to put his uniform shirt on. He has a bad habit of getting ready as fast as he can so he can fall back asleep on the couch while he is waiting for his ride.

I had to leave work to go home and pick up a shirt to bring to the boy wonder. I seriously considered bringing his toothbrush and toothpaste as well. I could wager a pretty safe bet if he didn't bother with a shirt, his teeth didn't get too much attention this morning either. I called Dave at work to share with him how brilliant our only son truly is. I can't remember a time where I was more proud other than the time he was so excited that he was able to fit a mitten on his head at recess. Sometimes I feel guilty that God has blessed me with such incredibly talented and gifted children!

Report cards came out yesterday. I asked my co worker to say a little prayer for Ryan because I was going to kill him. I knew that when the crowned prince started school it would be tough to get the teachers to truly see how perfect my only son actually was. Now that he is in fifth grade I have come to the realization that only his mother adores him and even that is a bit questionable lately. I called Dave and told him that his perfect son got his report card and the teacher comments didn't exactly say, "Ryan is an absolute joy to have in class."

When Ryan got home from school I said "Ry, did you see the comments on your report card from your teachers?" He said "yes, one of them was good." I explained that a comment that says "Ryan is showing improvement in music class" is actually a nice way of saying, "your son normally acts like a complete idiot but lately I have been able to tolerate him." The other two teachers were letting me know that he talks too much and likes to clown around, and comes to class unprepared. I knew I should have went with my gut an got him that shock collar for Christmas last year. I am thinking his teachers may take up a collection so we can get him one this year. Maybe I can bungee cord him to his desk like I used to bungee the dog in his crate.

Is there really that much of a difference between angel hair and spaghetti?? Apparently in my house there is. Erin came home from school with a bad headache, translation; watch out for Sybil!!! I made a pot of spaghetti for dinner. Erin got off the couch put Parmesan cheese on her spaghetti, stirred it, salted it took a bite and then her head began to spin around. You see, sweet little Erin prefers angel hair and Kelsy can't eat it because it makes her gag. She says it makes her feel like she is eating hair. Which by the way happens allot considering most of the people in our house shed worse than a dog. When we vacuum it smells like burning hair because the round spinning thing is full of hair. We have to literally cut the hair off the bottom of the vacuum at least once a month, one of the many hazards of a house full of girls. Erin slammed her bowl on the counter, professed her love to Kelsey for ruining her dinner and for being so selfish. "How could you talk mom into making spaghetti vs angel hair, there is no difference." OK, if that were the case why are you spewing green vomit all over the kitchen over the situation. She slammed a few pots around and started some water so she could make angel hair. I can't wait until Thanksgiving. I think I am making spaghetti instead of turkey!!!

"MOM, I NEED A CHECK" I sure wish I had a nickel for every time my kids woke me up in the morning to that question. If I did, I probably wouldn't mind giving them the check. Someone has a field trip, someone has a book order, someone needs graduation announcements, someone needs lunch money, someone just likes to ask for money!!! Our mornings are normally pretty crazy. Packing backpacks, packing lunches, finding missing shoes, finding a ponytail holder, (where do they go?), prying Ryan off the heat vent, etc etc. Yesterday was no exception. Shannon was cheering for a volleyball game after school and needed all her cheerleading stuff. She walked into my bathroom with her skirt and said, "does this smell like dog pee to you? I think Seamus peed on my cheerleading bag." I had to think about my answer carefully, if I said yes, I may have to wash the skirt and drive it to her school 45 minutes away. If I said no, I could be guaranteeing a reputation for my daughter as the smelly kid. No one wants that kind of reputation for their child do they?? Being the mother who is always quick on my feet I said, "Oh honey, he peed on the bag, not the skirt, it is fine. Why do you think they make Fabreeze???" Problem solved, God I'm good!!!

I logged on to my kid's school online website to check their grades. There was a message that Ryan's teacher had her baby on Sunday. It looks like she won't be able to make it to parent teacher conferences. It looks like Ryan dodged that bullet, ah the luck of the Irish. He doesn't have the best track record with substitute teachers, hopefully his last little stint in detention taught him a lesson that subs aren't as easy to walk all over as one may think.

Speaking of detention, little Shannon has detention this week. In high school when you get a certain amount of tardies in one quarter you have detention after school. The girl that they ride with also has detention. What I don't understand is how little Sybil/Erin who is the driver, didn't get detention??? I guess she showed up with her I'm on time personality or maybe she brought her don't give me a detention, I'm crazy and may hurt you personality. Either way, she escaped the punishment. Shannon is thrilled!!!

The picture I posted is me and Lauren at the wedding she was in. I loved the dresses, the center pieces, the food, the hall and the whole day. It was one of the nicest weddings I have been to. With six daughters, I take mental notes at every wedding. Dave stresses out while I think of fun ideas that cost way to much money.

I am having a blast with the Chevy promotion. I have spent more hours than I care to count, reviewing and editing videos. Lucky for me, my seven wonders have given me lots of material to work with. I think the best part of this promotion will be all the family time, no matter how dysfunctional it is. Each week I am sent on a "mommy mission." Normally I go places with a few of my kids but now thanks to the promotion, everyone wants to come along. I think Dave secretly has a crush on my car. He acts like he would be embarrassed to drive it with the Mommy Madness stickers all over it. It's funny, every time he runs an errand, my car is nowhere to be found. I'm wondering if the other five moms have put as many miles on their cars as we have this weekend, running back and forth from soccer game to soccer game. I bet Chevy will be sorry they ever met the Murphy's!!

Here is a picture of my new car for the promotion. I am easy to spot to say the least. Last night Dave and I went to White Castle. I mentioned to Dave how happy I was that Lauren came to the kick off for the promotion. I said "That was so nice of Lauren to drive all the way out to show her support." Dave laughed and said, "That's funny as soon as she saw me she said, "Where are Sam and Erin? I thought this thing was mandatory."

I was worried today now that my blog is going to get more exposure that my kids would be on good behavior and I wouldn't have any material. I should never have doubted the "Seven Little Wonders."

Lauren is in a wedding on Saturday. I have had the date on my mental calender for weeks. "Mental" being the key word here. Dave planned an evening at the Slu mens soccer game for his boys soccer team. Ryan and the rest of the team are pretty excited and already bought tickets. I already RSVP'd for the wedding and can't very well back out now. Lauren will be at the head table because she is a brides maid. It looks like I will be sitting with her boyfriend Mike and will look like the neighborhood cougar for the evening! Can't Wait!!

Erin called me today from work, she was driving back from a college visit at Millikin University in Decatur IL. She said, "Mom, can uncle Jim fix tickets in Illinois?" I said, "why do you ask sugar plum?" OK, I really said, "Are you kidding me? I'm going to kill you, how fast were you going?" There was a bit of a pause, "I was passing a truck, he clocked me at 86." What I wanted to say was, "Fabulous, you were driving 86 on the highway on a rainy day. That is just brilliant, if that college was smart, they won't let you in because you are a complete IDIOT!!!!" Instead, I gave her the lecture as to how lucky she was that she wasn't in an accident and that life is precious and you should make better choices etc, etc. I think I really got through to her this time. (Ha, Ha) Soon after I arrived home, Erin left to go get some fabric for her Halloween costume. I thought isn't that special, she is so domestic. She is going to sew her own costume, just like a little Betsy Ross. I soon realized that Betsy Ross would most likely roll over in her grave if she saw little Erin\Sybil's Halloween costume. She wants to be skankajawea instead of Sacajawea for Halloween. My girls and their friends think Halloween is the one day a year that they can go out dressed scantily clad. Unfortunately for little Sybil, I have a large white sheet ready to throw over her skankajawea costume so she can be a friendly ghost!!

I got to pick up my new car tonight!! My kids were not exactly thrilled at the way the car was wrapped with advertisement. I was thrilled because they gave me the Navy blue car. I have a weird quirk about car colors. My last two cars were navy blue. It's the little things that make me happy. We picked up the cars at an indoor play place, they had laser tag, miniature golf and rock climbing. While I was in a meeting with the radio personalities and car people, Dave was with the kids. By the time I came out of the meeting, Ryan was wearing his red slushy all over his face and down the front of his Beckham jersey. (some things never change)

Kelsey had soccer practice at 8:00 so I left with her in the new Traverse and Dave took the rest of the kids home. I didn't play with too many of the features in the car because it was raining. Kelsey was messing with the radio, I couldn't figure out how to turn the satellite radio off. Kelsey found a kid station that was singing about rattle snakes and bears. OK, my rattlesnake and bear days are over. I think I have paid my dues, my left shoulder smelled like spit up for 12 years. Now it's time for mommy music!! I had an hour and a half to kill while Kelsey practiced. I was able to figure out how to find good old FM radio. The Traverse was awesome to drive. My van has over 130,000 miles on it so the new car seemed super smooth. I will post a picture of the car tomorrow, it is pretty cool. I am really excited about the promotion.

The Murphy's had an awesome weekend. Friday started with a surprise 40th birthday party for my favorite 40 year old. (ME!!) Dave and my girls, OK mainly my girls planned it along with my awesome sisters. Both of my sisters came to town to surprise me. I thought I was going to a boring Chamber of Commerce function. Instead I got to dance all night with my high school friends. The highlight of my evening was Dave coming up on stage and singing Jessie's girl with me.

Erin's friend's parents entered her in a meatball eating contest on Sunday. Erin can eat anyone under the table. When she is hungry, all sorts of personalities emerge. We try to keep her fed and watered every two hours. She ended up coming in fourth place of about 25. The guy who won, I'm told weighed around 300 lbs and ate 24 meatballs. My 95 lb daughter managed to scarf down 19. Had I not made her an omelet before she left, she may have won!! The guy running the contest was so impressed with her, he gave her four blues tickets. She said she was definitely the crowd favorite.

I received a phone call last week telling me that I won a contest. My friend Carrie heard about it on the radio and told me to enter. I really didn't even know what I was entering but I went ahead and entered. I was pleasantly surprised to find out I actually won. I was chosen along with five other St. Louis mom's to drive a Chevy Equinox or Chevy Traverse for a month and blog about it. Pretty cool, I am thrilled to drive a car that actually has a window that rolls down. I have been unable to go through a drive thru for the past year. I have to admit that I am a bit nervous about all the exposure that my blog will receive. I have a problem with giving away all the family dysfunction. As of now, my teenagers think it is pretty cool. Lets see if they are still speaking to me by the end of the promotion. I guess I could always make something up and say that they all have straight A's, they never get in trouble, they never argue, and they are the best kids on the planet. (Ok maybe to me, they are the best kids on the planet)

Maggie has always had a hard time with spelling. We start on Monday by writing out the words at least five times each. Although she has a hard time, she has an even harder time with remembering to bring her word list home. Last night she pulled her list out of the trash can from Tuesday night. Sometimes her word lists have words that aren't even words and we have to call someone to find out what the actual word is. Last night was no exception, Ryan was sitting at the table with her doing his homework. She said, "Ryan, what does, R-A-P-E spell? He said, "Umm, you better ask mom, she said "Mommy what does R-A-P-E spell?" I said "Maggie, that spells Rape." She looked at me with a confused look and said, "OH, I think I may have written my word down wrong." You Think!!!! We figure it out by the sentence. It said something about tying a knot in the rape or rope, Whatever! Tomato, Tamoto.


Ryan brought home a test that he got a 95 on. HE was mad because his teacher took 5 point off for not putting his last name or the date. I said to Dave, "did you see his test?, that's a tough break, he'll probably never do that again." Dave laughed and said, "Have you met Ryan? It won't matter, he will probably forget his first and last name next time." Good point, I stand corrected. Maybe if she starts hitting him over the head with a brick, he might remember.



A couple of weeks ago, I had just gotten out of the shower and I was standing in the kitchen in a towel. Dave walked in the room ready to go for a run. None of his clothes matched. Of course I couldn't let him go out like that without gently telling him. (OK not so gently) I said, "Did you get dressed in the dark Murphy?" Me and Erin were laughing at him. He responded with, you guys think your so funny. He pushed me out on the deck, stole my towel and closed and locked the door. Erin's jaw dropped to the floor and Dave said "Oh, who's laughing now?" He wasn't brave enough to leave me out there in all my glory for long." When I came back inside he said, Punkin, we are still playful isn't that great?" Yeah great, my neighbors will never look at me the same way again. Playful?? He is lucky I didn't kill him.

We had a tragedy at our house this weekend. It was our semi annual garage sale, Maggie spent the night with a friend the night before so I didn't have my little helper. Grandma brought a storage bin of toys upstairs for the garage sale. I didn't even look at them, I assumed Maggie gave them to grandma. Her best friend down the street came to our garage sale with her little coin purse. She was standing at the end of the driveway with two barbies in her hand, I said "Oh honey just take those, I don't want any money." Again, I didn't look at them.


Maggie got home later in the afternoon, the garage sale was over, she went down the street to play. She came home and went upstairs, I thought I heard sobbing coming from upstairs. I called to her and asked what was wrong. She said, "grandma gave Alaina, Sharpay and Gabrielle and I think someone else must have gotten Troy!!" My heart sank, it was me that gave away her high school musical barbies, the same barbies I spent $30 on. I asked her if she wanted me to try and call her friend's mother and explain the mistake. She said, she didn't want her friend to be mad at her. I offered to buy her a new toy instead. I only made 60 dollars at the garage sale due to cold weather and small crowds. I spent $18 on a new toy at Walmart to replace the high school musical barbies. It looks like I made a whopping $42 to stand in the garage freezing at the crack of dawn and give away $3000 worth of Abercrombie clothes for $42.

Shannon was gone all weekend, I spent two hours on Friday night driving all over St. Charles County dropping one kid here and another kid there. I checked the online grading system on Sunday night. Had I checked it Friday, little Miss Shannon would have stayed home with her mother all weekend. She has a C in every subject except Art and Dance. Dave thinks she may have a future as a dancing artist. I think I will spend the remainder of the week, deleting The OC and One Tree Hill from the DVR. I guarantee if she was given a test on those shows, she would pass with flying colors.


Dave and Ryan were in Kansas for a soccer tournament. I had a 40th birthday party for an old high school friend. The limo was picking us up and taking us to a spa for facials and massages. We were supposed to end our evening at a wine bar next door to the spa. The problem was I wouldn't have a ride home since the limo dropped us off. Dave was in Kansas so I asked my darling daughters if they could pick me up. I felt like the little Red Hen, Not I said Lauren, Not I said Erin, then I will do it myself!! I bummed a ride with a group at the party that lived fairly close to home. Erin did call me that night and asked if I needed a ride home, of course I was already en route. I guess that Catholic mother guilt trip I gave her the night before actually worked. I will have to work a little harder next time with Lauren.

I woke up to one of my favorite sounds of fall. Little Sybil on the rampage!! I believe the direct quote was "Shannon, I hate you, you are lazy and worthless and you need to start finding your own ride to school because you are not riding with me." Dave was in the bathroom shaving with the water running and didn't get to hear this lovely exchange of words transpiring in the next room. I rubbed my eyes stumbled in to the next room and said, "What is going on." Erin/ Sybil responded with, "she is not riding with me." I said, "I'm not taking her, so I guess she is." I looked at Shannon and said, "I suggest you sit in the back seat for your own safety as well as the safety of the rest of the drivers on the road today." We want to make sure little Sybil doesn't have a bad case or road rage. After I put out that fire, on to the next one.

We only had one little Debbie Snack cake left, there were three empty little Debbie boxes in the pantry but only one snack cake to split three ways between, Ryan, Maggie and Kelsey. I said "forget it, I will give you a check for lunch money." Last time I gave Maggie the check, she left it in the back seat and I had to leave work to bring it up to school. We normally wait until their balance is zero before we send in more money. If your lunch card has a zero balance they give you a cheese sandwich and a white milk. My kids would rather starve than eat that. When I got home from work Ryan was complaining that Maggie turned the check in and put all the money towards her own lunch card, she had a $60 balance and Ryan and Kelsey had 32 cents. Maggie then said, "no, I lost the check in my backpack and found it later in reading class, it got stuck in my reading book. Needless to say, Maggie has been stripped of her lunch money check responsibilities. It probably would have been easier had I let them fight it out over the snack cake!!

Now that I am eating food again, I thought I should post my before and after pictures before I look like the Before picture again!!!!

Little Erin made it safely to Alabama. She did have a problem with her transfer ticket. Luckily she noticed that the ticket the lady gave her was for someone named Sarah who was not going to Alabama. So much for Dad's trick!! Luckily Erin is a pretty confidant kid and was able to take care of it. I haven't heard from her much which I guess is a good sign. She called last night and talked to me for a minute and two seconds. I think I got 32 seconds of her time this morning. I feel like a teenage girl sitting by the phone all day waiting for that special boy to call. I keep looking at my phone just to make sure it is working properly. Maybe Erin doesn't need her mother as much as her mother needs her. I still give her trouble about when she went in for surgery this May, Dave and I both said, "I love you Erin." She was already doped up and she mumbled, "I love you dad." WHAT???? Aren't I the one who went through hours of labor and sat up with you at night when you were sick??? WHATEVER!!! She's lucky I still like her dad, if we were divorced I might be a little jealous, OK, maybe a little MORE jealous.

Ryan seems to be singing a happy tune since little Sybil left the state. I noticed this morning he had a little more pep in his step. I'm sure one of his other sisters will step up to the plate and continue the torture and abuse now that the head bully has left the building. Shannon's friends are all starting to get their drivers licenses, Shannon turns 16 in November. She has only driven twice and the last time she drove(which was 9 months ago) she quit in the middle of a parking lot. She said that dad doesn't give her enough time to process direction before he yells at her. I'm not sure how much time was actually needed to process the word STOP but apparently she was a little slow on following his command. They both say they are never riding in a car with each other ever again and Shannon says that she and I quote "hates dad." I am thinking of putting an ad in the paper for a driving instructor position. Wanted: Driver instructor who possesses the ability to give direction with ample time for a stubborn red head to process the information before she can either, turn accelerate, use turn signals or stop. Would prefer someone who can change the radio station 53 times per minute and not yell at her when she drives erratic. I would be willing to pay top dollar for this position. When Erin leaves for college she loses her ride to school. She is looking at a 27 mile bike ride on the highway, her book bag may get a tad heavy.

Homecoming Friday night turned out fine. When I got home from work, Erin and Shannon were screaming at each other and the house was still a mess. I said "Shannon, what have you been doing all day?" She looked at me like I was incredibly stupid and said, "my hair." Oh I'm sorry, I thought you invited half the class to our house for pictures, I must have been mistaken. She decided now would be a good time to start vacuuming. Around this time the rest of the kids were coming home from school, Kelsey had to leave right away to meet her coach to go out of town on her soccer trip and Ryan decided to not clean his room and stand directly on my last nerve the whole time I was working on Erin's hair and make up. We were able to throw the house together pretty quickly and get everyone ready. I swear I have this whole hair and makeup thing down to a science. By the time Maggie is in high school, I can do it in my sleep.

We had the Powder Puff football game the next day. I think it is fairly safe to say that Erin/Sybil is the worst Powder Puff football player in the history of the school. Two Juniors blazed right past her and scored touchdowns. She did look awfully cute in her pink tights though. That evening it is a tradition for the Juniors to tee pee the Seniors and vise versa. We don't have trees in our front yard so I figured that we were OK. Well maybe not...... Unfortunately for us it rained. We have six daughters, toilet paper is like gold in our house. Had it not rained, I considered re-rolling it and stocking up!!

Erin left today to go visit Spring Hill College in Alabama. She has never been on a plane before so this is quite the adventure for her. Dave took her to the airport. She doesn't have her ticket yet, I bought it through Priceline and they just gave me her itinerary, she has to get the electronic ticket when she gets there. It was kind of like the blind leading the blind, sending her with Dave. He called me to tell me that she made it to her gate and they didn't have any problems. He said that she will have to do it on her own on the return flight. He said "Don't worry, I gave her my trick." I said, "Oh God, what is that." He said, "I went up to the counter, acted really stupid and let the lady do it for me."

Lauren called me yesterday, she is on like her fourth week of medically induced menopause. She said that her hot flashes were so bad last night that she took off all of her clothes and laid against the brick wall in her dorm room to try to cool down. I am so thankful that she doesn't have a room mate.

I turn 40 tomorrow, why, why, why. So much for losing 40 lbs by 40. I came close, I lost 38 lbs. I could either go buy a box of EX lax and reach my goal, or spare myself the time in the bathroom and say 38 lbs is close enough. With the kids back in school, soccer season is in full swing. I haven't had time to breathe, much less cheat on my diet. Tonight is the homecoming dance for Erin and Shannon. They had spirit week all week. One of the days was raid your mothers closet day. What a fun idea. I don't hold on to things so my closet doesn't have too many out of style items. Erin and Shannon both wore Rick Springfield concert T shirts to school. It almost brought a tear to my eye. Last weekend Rick Springfield was in town. Of course I had front row seats. I spent the week prior, tanning and shopping for that perfect outfit and new push up bra. Some kids never grow up. I have added a picture above of my favorrite 60 year old. Dave asked me before the concert if his outfit looked OK. I laughed and said, "do you really think I will be looking at you? I could care less what you wear."

Kelsey is leaving to go out of town today at 3:30, she is in a midwest regional league for soccer and they travel all over. She is an orphan on most of her soccer trips, we aren't going. I think I will stay home and relax. If not, I might rush home from work at 3:00, clean the house real quick. Pick all the poop off the deck because the dog is too lazy to walk down steps. Do Erin and Shannon's hair and make up for the dance, and put on a happy face when the 30 kids and their parents get to my house for homecoming pictures. I then may drive a group of kids to the restaurant and then rush to Ryan's soccer game. Then I will pick up the kids from the dance at 11:00 because my kid that can drive can't possibly drive a group of sophmores home, she is a senior after all.Tomorrow starts with 4 soccer games before 10, a powder puff football game and a barbeque for a friend. It looks to me I don't have time to turn 40, I guess I will just stay 39.

I am working full time now while a co-worker is out on maternity leave. That means Dave is in charge of getting the kids ready for school and driving carpool. That just makes me laugh, I'm not sure Dave knows how to get anyone ready for school. His normal morning routine consists of taking a shower, shaving and putting gel in his ever receding hair. This should be interesting, I have a feeling he will be delegating everything to Kelsey which in turn will just cause her to torture Ryan when her father is not around because he is completely helpless. He can never find his school shorts, his shoes, his homework or his backpack. Of course his father can never find his wallet, his cell phone or his car keys. The good news is I will be long gone in the morning while the scavenger hunts are going on. Good times, good times!!!

Dave is installing our new hot water heater. It was supposed to be a quick installation, I believe we are on the fifth hour of installation. I wonder how much a plumber costs on a Sunday night??? Our hot water heater has been leaking for over a year, we have tried to put off buying a new one for as long as we could. It got to the point to where the pilot light went out several times a day. Last weekend Dave was out of town, I spent half the weekend laying on the basement floor in a pool of water trying to light the pilot light. The nice part was while I was bent over trying to light it, my hair rested in the water and the other side of my head caught all the drips. I know everyone is jealous of the glamorous life that I lead. Not everyone can be as lucky as me. I feel like such a princess!!!

This lovely contraption to the left is my genius son's idea of summertime fun. Erin said that she helped his friend Jack find a band aid because his arm was bleeding from playing outside. She didn't think much of it until she went outside a while later to see Ryan riding his bike with a rope tied to this laundry basket contraption with little Maggie sitting in the basket. Luckily Erin/Sybil took care of it before anyone was seriously injured. his response to her was "Jack only got a little bit hurt, it was fun." I wonder if my neighbors have called DFS yet??? Last year about this time, the kids created a miniature golf course in the garage using household items. It was extremely creative and fun. This year they graduated to a death trap for summer fun. Maybe I should go back to being a full time stay at home mom. Erin , Shannon and Kelsey are supposed to be watching their younger siblings. It seems that the level of care is consistent with the level of pay they receive. NONE!!!

Shannon has her Regional competition for cheer leading on Tuesday. She has had practice 6 days a week, some days she has had practice twice a day. Shannon is the only kid on the squad who lives in St. Charles County. Erin has had the lucky task of bringing her to all her morning practices. The 7 AM practices have been especially pleasant for little Sybil to get up at 6:45 to bring her favorite sister. She sleeps in the parking lot for two hours and then they joyfully ride home together. Oh I can feel the love!!

My washing machine broke this week. Do we really need a washing machine??? We have a creek right in our back yard. Instead of making death traps with laundry baskets, I could have Ryan wheel the laundry down to the creek and wash the clothes with rocks. I'm sure my perfect children would love to pitch in and pretend that they were pioneers. OK maybe not, I went to Home Depot and got a new one instead.

Erin finally found a summer job, she got hired at Baskin Robbins, just the kind of place to help me put all that weight back on that I worked so hard on. I leave for Muscatine Iowa on Thursday. Erin is playing in a college showcase tournament. Hopefully she will get some offers for college. She has had three coaches show some interest but it stresses her out to think about college. I suggested that she keep her job at Baskin Robbins when she graduates and live in my basement forever. I can't believe that she is a Senior already, it seems just like yesterday I was meeting some of her personalities, on second thought I think it was just yesterday when a new one emerged. Right around the same time that I told her Shannon had cheer leading practice at 7 AM again tomorrow.

Ryan went to Branson for a week with his friend Jack. Sybil is running around singing a happy tune. One full week without Ryan. Who on earth will she terrorize? Rest assured, Shannon is feeling the wrath.

I helped Ryan pack his clothes, why are boys so helpless?? I bought him two new pair of boxers when I stopped at old Navy to pick up a couple pair of flip flops\chew toys for the dog. He only had four pair of underwear for a seven day trip. I said “Ryan do you see a problem with this?? He said, "that is all I have clean, when you made me clean my room, they were all on my floor." Looks like grandma will be on laundry overtime tonight. We got everything ready to go for the morning. I told him not to pack his tooth brush until he used it in the morning. My fear is that it hasn’t gotten much use all summer. When I woke up, I saw his tube of toothpaste sitting on the floor next to his suitcase along with his toothbrush, another item the dog uses as a chew toy. The toothpaste was missing a lid. Thank God I woke up before my genius son packed a full tube of toothpaste without a lid!!!!

I spent all day Saturday cleaning out the closet that he cleaned on Friday. I found all sorts of interesting things. The contents of Lauren’s dorm room when she moved back from Chicago three years ago, his game boy that has been missing since last year. His bag of school supplies that he lost before the first week of school last fall and the best was the frog foot that I found. Shannon cut off the frog that she dissected foot in eighth grade and kept it. I never claimed to have normal children. That was quite the surprise finding that on the floor of the closet.

Dave and I have a retirement party to go to tonight. I went shopping yesterday looking for shoes to wear with my dress. I bought Dave a new shirt and tie that will make my blue eyes look great. He only likes white shirts but they just don’t do a thing for me in pictures. Why doesn’t he get that??? I had Maggie and Kelsey with me last night at the mall. I was trying on clearance shoes. One little pair of sandals was on sale for $130; I tried them on and said “Don’t these look cute on me? See girls, if daddy was a doctor, mommy could buy these shoes.” When you grow up, you need to decide what you love more, your husband or shoes.” I was actually kidding, imagine my horror when my sweet little eight year old said “your right mom, shoes are what makes your outfit special.” Note to self, keep Lauren away from Maggie.

I went to my favorite store and was trying on clothes for work. I have lost so much weight that nothing fits me. When we went in the dressing room I remarked to Kelsey and Maggie, “please don’t make gag noises when I get undressed like your sisters do, Kelsey said” I prefer not to look.” Maggie said “Why would I make gag noises mommy?” She always was my favorite!!!

Ryan had a 6:00 baseball game tonight. He had spent the night at his friends house last night. He called me around 4:00 and asked me if I would get his baseball uniform together and find his contacts under the sink. I told him I would come pick him up so he could find his own stuff. He has a tendency to be a tad bit helpless. (The males in my family share that special trait. ) Thank God there are only two of them. He found everything but his contacts, the box was empty. I knew we had bought a year supply and he has only been in contacts a few months. He has had a couple of eye infections so it was possible he had went through a few extra pair but no way could he have went through the whole years supply. After questioning him and searching under my bathroom vanity, I found a full box of contacts on Dave's side of the sink. My genius son had been taking Kelsey's contacts and wearing them. That would have worked out great if they had the same prescription. The good new is that he has a whole years worth of contacts left. The bad news is Kelsey will have to be blind for a while until the money gods, throw some extra cash our way.

I am still trudging along on my diet, I have lost 30 pounds and I have 13 more to go. I'm thinking it would be so much easier to cut off one of my legs to lose that last thirteen pounds. I just want a piece of cake, is that too much to ask??? I could use a little comfort food. Two of my kids have had surgery this summer, one kid is a contact thief and my dog filled up my favorite pair of flats with urine. If I cut off my leg, I could still wear the shoe that didn't have pee in it as I hopped up to the table for some cake. Ok so maybe that isn't such a bright idea. I will continue to do my Jillian workouts and run on the tread mill. I think it is obvious that little Miss Jillian from the Biggest Loser has never given birth to any eight pound children. Her workouts are filled with jumping jacks and jump rope exercises. When I do these workouts, I have two choices, workout with a bucket strategically placed underneath me or borrow a poise pad from my diaper wearing dog. I am such a sexy beast!!!!

We had a crazy weekend. Lauren's best friend Diane got married on Saturday. I got up early and went to the Bride's house to help the girls get ready. I did Lauren's hair and make up and put individual false eyelashes on all the bridesmaids and did eye makeup on four girls. The bridesmaids got dressed in the balcony of church, as they were changing and I watched their skinny little bodies with next to nothing dental floss as underwear, I decided it would be best for me to take my girdle and get dressed downstairs in the bathroom away from all the skinny girls. I sat down for the first time all day in my pew just in time to watch the beautiful bride (and beautiful maid of honor) walk down the aisle. The wedding was beautiful and the reception was very nice. Dave and I were discussing how quickly the tide has turned, it seems like we have just finished wedding season with our friends and now suddenly it is our daughter's friends getting married. How in the hell did that happen. We can't be that old, Can we???

Lauren had surgery this morning, it has been a rough summer for the Murphy girls. She has been having horrible cramps for years and the doctor suspected that she had endometriosis. They did laproscopic surgery and that is what they found. The doctor said our next step is to put her in a temporary state of menopause for six months. I never thought my daughter would go through menopause before me. She told Mike, "Sorry Mike, you get to go through menopause with me twice." Poor Mike, he is definitely a keeper. When she woke up from surgery she was really groggy and kept asking me if her stomach was big. I kept assuring her that she was the same size that she was an hour ago, she would wait five minutes and say, "mom, is my stomach big?" Again, NO!! She would wait two minutes and say, "Did you put my belly button ring back in." Ummm, no, they went in through your belly button, putting a ring back in wouldn't be such a good idea. Two minutes later, "Mom, is my stomach big." "No, Lauren." A minute later, "Do I have stretch marks?" I then apologized to the nurse and explained that she is a tad vain. She still had her fake eyelashes on left over from the wedding. The nurse said they taped her eyes shut when she was under anesthesia and they were careful taking the tape off so she wouldn't lose her eyelashes. She must have thought we were really weird. Who wears fake eyelashes to surgery? I helped her get dressed and decided the dental floss she had as underwear would not be much protection for Erin's shorts. They gave me a pair of sexy, one size fits all disposable underwear for her. They kind of reminded me of the sexy girdle I wore to Diane's wedding. When we got in the car she was looking at the pictures that they gave her of the inside of her uterus. She looked at me as serious as she could and said, "Mom, you are not putting these on facebook." "Oh, honey, I wouldn't do that, I was saving them to send out as our family Christmas card next year.

I have been seriously neglecting my blog lately. I do have a very valid explanation however; My beloved pooch Seamus lifted his leg and peed on my laptop. Apparently dog urine completely shuts down a computer system. WHO KNEW?? We have two other computers, one has a virus and the other has a bad keyboard. As long as you don't need a space bar an e or a t, it works fine. It kind of reminds me of the old days when I started my washing machine with pliers and the bottom part of my dishwasher was held up with some well placed Lego's. Good Times, Good Times.

Lauren's best friend is getting married this month. They started the bachelorette party at our house with drinks and appetizers. The party bus picked them up and drove them around bar hopping all night. They ended up back at our house at 2:00 AM. I woke up to my bedroom door ratelling. Dave got up and used the bathroom, while he was gone, the bride to be climbed in bed with me. Dave came out of the bathroom to 10 drunk 21-24 year old girls sitting or standing around our bed. I'm sure somewhere deep down it could have been some sick fantasy of his, but I'm sure whatever vision he may have had would not have included his wife and or daughter. He stood over by his closet with a look on his face that said, please help me, get these drunk girls out of our room. Luckily they all settled in to beds upstairs shortly after that and we were able to get some sleep.

Erin's soccer team won the high school state championship this weekend. It was without a doubt the best game we have ever watched. They were tied 1 to 1 after regulation. They had two 15 minute overtimes and went to penalty kicks. Lucky for us the good guys came out on top. Erin is still not able to play because of her surgery. It was hard for her to sit on the bench and watch but she was a trooper. Her head is healing nicely, she has one spot that is a little questionable but we are watching it closely and keeping our fingers crossed that it will be OK. She goes back to the doctor at the end of June.

My kids are already bored this summer. I'm afraid that Shannon's body imprint will be permanently embedded in my recliner. Maggie is the only one that ever answers the phone when I call home to see what everyone is doing. She usually responds with "Nothing." Dave was off work today, he slept until after noon. Do I really have another lazy teenager in the house. I gave him one task; to get to the bank by 2:00 to make a deposit. He was finally up and showered by 1:30 plenty of time to get to the bank. I might kill him in our golden retirement years, hasn't he realized yet that when I give him a task that I want it done in a timely fashion, not as close to the deadline as possible. He is soooo lucky that he is cute!!

Maggie's birthday fell on Mother's Day this year. I can't believe my baby is eight. She was thrilled because she got a bunch of new Summer clothes. Summer is definitely her season, she lives in tank tops, mini skirts and flip flops. I see problems with her just over the horizon. I will worry about that when I reach the horizon, by then I can send her to stay with her older sister's for the summer. Someone is bound to be out on their own by then. Someone. Anyone?? Who am I kidding, they will never leave!!! Ryan was in a tournament on Sunday so we did a lot of running around. By the time he finished his last game it was 4:00. I took Maggie to the store with me so she could pick out her cake and what she wanted for dinner. I am so sick of being around cake, dessert has always been my downfall. It seems like every time I turn around there is cake. Erin's NHS induction, work, Maggie's First Communion, Dave's birthday, Maggie's birthday. Enough Already!!! I caught myself on Monday, I lifted the plastic lid off the cake and felt the edge of the cake just to see how moist it felt. Then I thought to myself, "What in the hell am I doing??? I am fondling cake, how pathetic is that???" I am starting to make a list of foods that I will eat first when I am off my diet. I think cake will be at the top of the list along with McDonald's Fish Fillet, Steak N Shake cheese fries, Taco Bell bean Burrito, KFC with mashed potatoes and gravy and Baskin Robbins peanut butter and chocolate hot fudge sundae. Hmmmm, I wonder how many weeks it will take to put my weight back on??


Erin goes in for her surgery tomorrow. She seems to be in pretty good spirits, I'm sure she is pretty scared. She has already had eight reconstructive surgeries on her scalp. So unfortunately this is nothing new for her. This is the kid who ate garlic bread and chicken a few hours after she had her wisdom teeth cut out. She has a very high tolerance to pain. She is not happy about having to take her belly button ring out. I won't lose any sleep over it. Lauren has found a way to try to use Erin's surgery in her favor. Grandma wants to take Erin to Atlanta with her this summer to visit my sister. Lauren decided that she will be getting pretty much anything she wants this summer, (just because she grew four extra bones on her skull.) She decided it would be a good idea if Erin suggested to dad that a built in pool would make her upcoming surgeries much more bearable. Let me know how that works out for you Lauren!! We will just go to the money tree and put in a pool. All kidding aside, it is nice to see all the love and concern from all my kids for their sister. They are however, enjoying the pre-surgery treats and gifts that she has already received. I sure as hell hope no one brings over cake!!!

Prom was great, Erin’s date was cute and had no piercings or tattoo’s that I could see. Here is the picture of prom as promised and a picture of me and Dave at his party. Dave’s party was a lot of fun. He was worried that no one would show up, and the place was packed. Sometimes I think I am married to a third grader. “No one is coming to my birthday party!” I wish my mother in law was still alive so I can ask her if he ever had a party where no one showed up. My darling husband is a psychologist’s dream, they would spend years trying to evaluate all of his strange quirks. Lucky for me, I still find a few of them quite adorable. The fact that he still can’t order his food first when he is with a group because he is afraid someone might copy his order is beyond annoying. If I am with him, I try to copy his order just to prove a point.Our house has been pretty calm lately, the only little glitch is that Erin discovered that Lauren switched her brand new mascara with Lauren’s clumpy mascara that she let sit in her hot car for days. I’m sure there will be a little cat fight next time Lauren comes home. Shannon has brought her Health grade up to a C. I knew my little over achiever could do it!! Maggie has asked if she can wear a bra. Some of the bigger kids in her class are wearing sports bra’s and she would like to follow suit. I explained to her that she is too young and didn’t need a bra. A few days later she lifted her shirt and said, “look what I have on, see it fits me.” I explained that I can fit in to a thong bikini, but unless she would like me to wear that to the school picnic at Six Flags later this month she should probably take the bra off. I thought she would see it my way.

First Communion turned out great, we had a beautiful day. My friend Kelly came over and got all the food ready for me and her dad barbecued while we were at church. The weather was perfect and we actually ran out of food. I really didn't care because I can't eat food anyway. I am officially 23 lbs down. Who needs food anyway?? I have been busy planning a surprise 40th birthday party for Dave. Dave's sister, no not Theresa(I did that for you Therese) decided to let him know that their other sister wouldn't be making it to his party on Friday. Dave said, "party?" and she said, "Oh was it a surprise??" Well it was!!! Dave said the look on Erin's face was priceless, her jaw was on the table. They all collectively decided not to tell me that he knew. I think it took about ten minutes for someone to spill the beans to me. I was so mad, I think they saw steam coming from my ears. Dave hates attention so he is dreading tonight. He is like a little kid, he is afraid people won't show up. I haven't told him anything about the guest list or agenda so at least that part will be a surprise.

He was acting like a complete jerk last night because he was stressed out about some class he is taking for work. He finally went to the library to study. "What is your family to loud and distracting??" I'm thinking about sending him to a different location tonight so he thinks no one showed up for his 40th birthday party. He wanted a hair cut this morning, I told him after the way he acted last night, a haircut may not be such a good idea unless he was prepared to make a trip to the ER to get my haircutting scissors surgically removed from his neck.

I took today off of work because Erin has prom and I have a not so surprise birthday party for Dave tonight. Of course the weather forecast is calling for thunderstorms all night for my outside patio surprise party for the (not so much) love of my life!! Erin's prom dress finally fits her. It has been altered four times. I hope it doesn't fall apart tonight. It was so tight that she couldn't get it zipped without the help of three people. I thought, not necessarily a bad deal. If she can't get it zipped she may be more likely to stay fully clothed on prom night. My friend Kelly pointed out that she could always lift it up from the bottom. Thanks Kelly, that makes me feel so much better. I have never met this kid that she is going with, I hear that he is cute but short. I will post pictures if he is cute, if not, I will post a picture of just Erin, I know she is cute!! I am off to run errands and get my creative prom hairstyle juices flowing.